7. BAD, DISMAL, AND BLUE FEELINGS.--Despondency breathes disease, and those who yield to it can neither work, eat nor sleep; they only suffer. The spell-bound, fascinated, magnetized affections seem to deaden self-control and no {160} doubt many suffering from love-sickness are totally helpless; they are beside themselves, irritational and wild. Men and women of genius, influence and education, all seem to suffer alike, but they do not yield alike to the subduing influence; some pine away and die; others rise above it, and are the stronger and better for having been afflicted.
8. RISE ABOVE IT.--Cheer up! If you cannot think pleasurably over your misfortune, forget it. You must do this or perish. Your power and influence is too much to blight by foolish and melancholicy pining. Your own sense, your self-respect, your self-love, your love for others, command you not to spoil yourself by crying over "spilt milk."
[Ill.u.s.tration: MARRIAGE ON A DEATHBED.]
9. RETRIEVE YOUR PAST LOSS.--Do sun, moon, and stars indeed rise and set in your loved one? Are there not "as good fish in the sea as ever were caught?" and can you not catch them? Are there not other hearts on earth just as loving and lovely, and in every way as congenial? If circ.u.mstances had first turned you upon another, you would have felt about that one as now about this. Love depends far less on the party loved than on the loving one. Or is this the way either to retrieve your past loss, or provide for the future? Is it not both unwise and self-destructive; and in every way calculated to render your case, present and prospective, still more hopeless?
10. FIND SOMETHING TO DO.--Idle hands are Satan"s workshop. Employ your mind; find something to do; something in which you can find self-improvement; something that will fit you better to be admired by someone else, read, and improve your mind; get into society, throw your whole soul into some new enterprise, and you will conquer with glory and come out of the fire purified and made more worthy.
11. LOVE AGAIN.--As love was the cause of your suffering, so love again will restore you, and you will love better and more consistently. Do not allow yourself to become soured and detest and shun a.s.sociation. Rebuild your dilapidated s.e.xuality by cultivating a general appreciation of the excellence, especially of the mental and moral qualities of the opposite s.e.x. Conquer your prejudices, and vow not to allow anyone to annoy or disturb your calmness.
12. LOVE FOR THE DEAD.--A most affectionate woman, who continues to love her affianced though long dead, instead of becoming soured or deadened, manifests all the richness and sweetness of the fully-developed woman thoroughly in love, along with a softened, mellow, twilight sadness which touches every heart, yet throws a peculiar l.u.s.tre and beauty over her manners and entire character. She must mourn, {161} but not forever. It is not her duty to herself or to her Creator.
13. A SURE REMEDY.--Come in contact with the other s.e.x. You are infused with your lover"s magnetism, which must remain till displaced by another"s.
Go to parties and picnics; be free, familiar, offhand, even forward; try your knack at fascinating another, and yield to fascinations yourself. But be honest, command respect, and make yourself attractive and worthy.
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Former Customs and Peculiarities Among Men.
1. POLYGAMY.--There is a wide difference as regards the relations of the s.e.xes in different parts of the world. In some parts polygamy has prevailed from time immemorial.
Most savage people are polygamists, and the Turks, though slowly departing from the practice, still allow themselves a plurality of wives.
2. RULE REVERSED.--In Thibet the rule is reversed, and the females are provided with two or more husbands. It is said that in many instances a whole family of brothers have but one wife. The custom has at least one advantageous feature, viz.: the possibility of leaving an unprotected widow and a number of fatherless children is entirely obviated.
3. THE MORGANATIC MARRIAGE is a modification of polygamy. It sometimes occurs among the royalty of Europe, and is regarded as perfectly legitimate, but the morganatic wife is of lower rank than her royal husband, and her children do not inherit his rank or fortune. The Queen only is the consort of the sovereign, and ent.i.tled to share his rank.
4. DIFFERENT MANNERS OF OBTAINING WIVES.--Among the uncivilized almost any envied possession is taken by brute force or superior strength. The same is true in obtaining a wife. The strong take precedence of the weak. It is said that among the North American Indians it was the custom for men to wrestle for the choice of women. A weak man could seldom retain a wife that a strong man coveted.
The law of contest was not confined to individuals alone. Women were frequently the cause of whole tribes arraying themselves against each other in battle. The effort to excel in physical power was a great incentive to bodily development, and since the best of the men were preferred by the most superior women, the custom was a good one in this, that the race was improved.
5. THE ABORIGINAL AUSTRALIAN employed low cunning and heartless cruelty in obtaining his wife. Laying in ambush, with club in hand, he would watch for the coveted woman, {163} and, unawares, spring upon her. If simply disabled he carried her off as his possession, but if the blow had been hard enough to kill, he abandoned her to watch for another victim. There is here no effort to attract or please, no contest of strength; his courtship, if courtship it can be called, would compare very unfavorably with any among the brute creation.
6. THE KALMUCK TARTAR races for his bride on horseback, she having a certain start previously agreed upon. The _nuptial knot_ consists in catching her, but we are told that the result of the race all depends upon whether the girl wants to be caught or not.
7. SANDWICH ISLANDERS.--Marriage among the early natives of these islands was merely a matter of mutual inclination. There was no ceremony at all, the men and women united and separated as they felt disposed.
8. THE FEUDAL LORD, in various parts of Europe, when any of his dependents or followers married, exercised the right of a.s.suming the bridegroom"s proper place in the marriage couch for the first night. Seldom was there any escape from this abominable practice. Sometimes the husband, if wealthy, succeeded in buying off the petty sovereign from exercising his privilege.
9. THE SPARTANS had the custom of encouraging intercourse between their best men and women for the sake of a superior progeny, without any reference to a marriage ceremony. Records show that the ancient Roman husband has been known to invite a friend, in whom he may have admired some physical or mental trait, to share the favors of his wife, that the peculiar qualities that he admired might be repeated in the offspring.
[Ill.u.s.tration]
{164}
[Ill.u.s.tration: The Peasant Father Blessing His Daughter at Her Engagement.]
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[Ill.u.s.tration]
Hasty marriage seldom proveth well.--_Shakespere, Henry VI._
The reason why so few marriages are happy is, because young ladies spend their time in making nets, not in making cages.--_Swift, Thoughts on Various Subjects._
Sensible Hints in Choosing a Partner.
1. There are many fatal errors and many love-making failures in courtship.
Natural laws govern all nature and reduce all they govern to eternal right; therefore love naturally, not artificially. Don"t love a somebody or a n.o.body simply because they have money.
2. COURT SCIENTIFICALLY.--If you court at all, court scientifically. Bungle whatever else you will, but do not bungle courtship. A failure in this may mean more than a loss of wealth or public honors; it may mean ruin, or a life often worse than death. The world is full of wretched and mismated people.
BEGIN RIGHT and all will be right; begin wrong and all will end wrong. When you court, make a business of it and study your interest the same as you would study any other business proposition.
3. DIVORCES.--There is not a divorce on our court records that is not the result of some fundamental error in courtship. The purity or the power of love may be corrupted the same as any other faculty, and when a man makes up his mind to marry and shuts his eyes and grabs in the dark for a companion, he dishonors the woman he captures and commits a crime against G.o.d and society. In this enlightened age there should be comparatively few mistakes made in the selection of a suitable partner. Sufficient time should be taken to study each other"s character and disposition.
a.s.sociation will soon reveal adaptability.
4. FALSE LOVE.--Many a poor, blind and infatuated novice thinks he is desperately in love, when there is not the least genuine affection in his nature. It is all a momentary {166} pa.s.sion, a sort of puppy love; his vows and pledges are soon violated, and in wedlock he will become indifferent and cold to his wife and children, and he will go through life without ambition, encouragement or success. He will be a failure. True love speaks for itself, and the casual observer can read its proclamations. True love does not speak in a whisper. It always makes itself heard. The follies of flirting develop into many unhappy marriages, and blight many a life. A man happily married has superior advantages both socially and financially.
5. FLIRTING JUST FOR FUN.--Who is the flirt, what is his reputation, motive, or character? Every young man and woman must have a reputation; if it is not good it is bad, there is no middle ground. Young people who are running in the streets after dark, boisterous and noisy in their conversation, gossiping and giggling, flirting with first one and then another, will soon settle their matrimonial prospects among good society.
Modesty is a priceless jewel. No sensible young man with a future will marry a flirt.
6. THE ARCH-DECEIVER.--They who win the affection simply for their own amus.e.m.e.nt are committing a great sin for which there is no adequate punishment. How can you shipwreck the innocent life of that confiding maiden, how can you forget her happy looks as she drank in your expressions of love, how can you forget her melting eyes and glowing cheeks, her tender tone reciprocating your pretended love? Remember that G.o.d is infinitely just, and "the soul that sinneth shall surely die." You may dash into business, seek pleasure in the club room, and visit gambling h.e.l.ls, but "Thou art the man" will ever stare you in the face. Her pale, sad cheeks, her hollow eyes will never cease to haunt you. Men should promote happiness, and not cause misery. Let the savage Indians torture captives to death by the slow flaming f.a.got, but let civilized man respect the tenderness and love of confiding women. Torturing the opposite s.e.x is double-distilled barbarity. Young men agonizing young ladies, is the cold-blooded cruelty of devils, not men.
7. THE RULE TO FOLLOW.--Do not continually pay your attentions to the same lady if you have no desire to win her affections. Occasionally escorting her to church, concert, picnic, party, etc., is perfectly proper; but to give her your special attention, and extend invitations to her for all places of amus.e.m.e.nts where you care to attend, is an implied promise that you prefer her company above all others, and she has a right to believe that your attentions are serious. {167}
[Ill.u.s.tration: THE WEDDING RING.]
8. EVERY GIRL SHOULD SEAL HER HEART against all manifested affections, unless they are accompanied by a proposal. Woman"s love is her all, and her heart should be as flint until she finds one who is worthy of her confidence. Young woman, never bestow your affections until by some word or deed at least you are fully justified in recognizing sincerity and faith in him who is paying you special attention. Better not be engaged until twenty-two. You are {168} then more competent to judge the honesty and falsity of man. Nature has thrown a wall of maidenly modesty around you.
Preserve that and not let your affections be trifled with while too young by any youthful flirt who is in search of hearts to conquer.
9. FEMALE FLIRTATION.--The young man who loves a young woman has paid her the highest compliment in the possession of man. Perpetrate almost any sin, inflict any other torture, but spare him the agony of disappointment. It is a crime that can never be forgiven, and a debt that never can be paid.
10. LOYALTY.--Young persons with serious intentions, or those who are engaged should be thoroughly loyal to each other. If they seek freedom with others the flame of jealousy is likely to be kindled and love is often turned to hatred, and the severest anger of the soul is aroused. Loyalty, faithfulness, confidence, are the three jewels to be cherished in courtship. Don"t be a flirt.
11. KISSING, FONDLING, AND CARESSING BETWEEN LOVERS.--This should never be tolerated under any circ.u.mstances, unless there is an engagement to justify it, and then only in a sensible and limited way. The girl who allows a young man the privilege of kissing her or putting his arms around her waist before engagement will at once fall in the estimation of the man she has thus gratified and desired to please. Privileges always injure, but never benefit.
[Ill.u.s.tration: SAYING "NO" WHEN MEANING "YES."]
12. IMPROPER LIBERTIES DURING COURTSHIP KILL LOVE.--Any improper liberties which are permitted by young ladies, whether engaged or not, will change love into sensuality, and her affections will become obnoxious, if not repellent. Men by nature love virtue, and for a life companion naturally shun an amorous woman. Young folks, as you love moral purity and virtue, never reciprocate love until you have required the right of betrothal.