He who sedulously attends, pointedly asks, calmly speaks, coolly answers, and ceases when he has no more to say, is in possession of some of the best requisites of man.--LAVATER.
Beauty is never so lovely as when adorned with the smile, and conversation never sits easier upon us than when we know and then discharge ourselves in a symphony of Laughter, which may not improperly be called the Chorus of Conversation.--STEELE.
The first ingredient in Conversation is Truth, the next Good Sense, the third Good Humor, and the fourth Wit.--SIR WILLIAM TEMPLE.
HOME LESSONS IN CONVERSATION.
Say nothing unpleasant when it can be avoided.
Avoid satire and sarcasm.
Never repeat a word that was not intended for repet.i.tion.
Cultivate the supreme wisdom, which consists less in saying what ought to be said than in not saying what ought not to be said.
Often cultivate "flashes of silence."
It is the larger half of the conversation to listen well.
Listen to others patiently, especially the poor.
Sharp sayings are an evidence of low breeding.
Shun faultfindings and faultfinders.
Never utter an uncomplimentary word against anyone.
Compliments delicately hinted and sincerely intended are a grace in conversation.
Commendation of gifts and cleverness properly put are in good taste, but praise of beauty is offensive.
Repeating kind expressions is proper.
Compliments given in a joke may be gratefully received in earnest.
The manner and tone are important parts of a compliment.
Avoid egotism.
Don"t talk of yourself, or of your friends or your deeds.
Give no sign that you appreciate your own merits.
Do not become a distributer of the small talk of a community. The smiles of your auditors do not mean respect.
Avoid giving the impression of one filled with "suppressed egotism."
Never mention your own peculiarities; for culture destroys vanity.
Avoid exaggeration.
Do not be too positive.
Do not talk of display oratory.
Do not try to lead in conversation looking around to enforce silence.
Lay aside affected, silly etiquette for the natural dictates of the heart.
Direct the conversation where others can join with you and impart to you useful information.
Avoid oddity. Eccentricity is shallow vanity.
Be modest.
Be what you wish to seem.
Avoid repeating a brilliant or clever saying.
[Ill.u.s.tration: THINKING ONLY OF DRESS.]
If you find bashfulness or embarra.s.sment coming upon you, do or say something at once. The commonest matter gently stated is better than an embarra.s.sing silence. Sometimes changing your position, or looking into a book for a moment may relieve your embarra.s.sment, and dispel any settling stiffness.
Avoid telling many stories, or repeating a story more than once in the same company.
Never treat any one as if you simply wanted him to tell stories.
People laugh and despise such a one.
Never tell a coa.r.s.e story. No wit or preface can make it excusable.
Tell a story, if at all, only as an ill.u.s.tration, and not for itself.
Tell it accurately.
Be careful in asking questions for the purpose of starting conversation or drawing out a person, not to be rude or intrusive.
Never take liberties by staring, or by any rudeness.
Never infringe upon any established regulations among strangers.
Do not always prove yourself to be the one in the right. The right will appear. You need only give it a chance.
Avoid argument in conversation. It is discourteous to your host.
Cultivate paradoxes in conversation with your peers. They add interest to common-place matters. To strike the harmless faith of ordinary people in any public idol is waste, but such a movement with those able to reply is better.
Never discourse upon your ailments.
Never use words of the meaning or p.r.o.nunciation of which you are uncertain.