ADAPTATION, CONJUGAL AFFECTION, AND FATAL ERRORS.
ADVICE TO THE MARRIED AND UNMARRIED.
1. MARRYING FOR WEALTH.--Those who marry for wealth often get what they marry and nothing else; for rich girls besides being generally dest.i.tute of both industry and economy, are generally extravagant in their expenditures, and require servants enough to dissipate a fortune. They generally have insatiable wants, yet feel that they deserve to be indulged in everything, because they placed their husbands under obligation to them by bringing them a dowry. And then the mere idea of living on the money of a wife, and of being supported by her, is enough to tantalize any man of an independent spirit.
2. SELF-SUPPORT.--What spirited husband would not prefer to support both himself and wife, rather than submit to this perpetual bondage of obligation. To live upon a father, or take a patrimony from him, is quite bad enough; but to run in debt to a wife, and owe her a living, is a little too aggravating for endurance, especially if there be not perfect cordiality between the two, which cannot be the case in money matches. Better live wifeless, or anything else, rather than marry for money.
3. MONEY-SEEKERS.--Shame on sordid wife-seekers, or, rather, money-seekers; for it is not a wife that they seek, but only filthy lucre! They violate all their other faculties simply to gratify miserly desire. Verily such "have their reward"!
4. THE PENITENT HOUR.--And to you, young ladies, let me say with great emphasis, that those who court and marry you because you are rich, will make you rue the day of your pecuniary espousals. They care not for you, but only your money, and when they get that, will be liable to neglect or abuse you, and probably squander it, leaving you dest.i.tute and abandoning you to your fate.
6. INDUSTRY THE SIGN OF n.o.bILITY.--Marry a working, industrious young lady, whose const.i.tution is strong, flesh solid, and health unimpaired by confinement, bad habits, or late hours. Give me a plain, home-spun farmer"s daughter, and you may have all the rich and fashionable belles of our cities and villages.
6. WASP WAISTS.--Marrying small waists is attended with consequences scarcely less disastrous than marrying rich and fashionable girls.
An amply developed chest is a sure indication of a naturally vigorous const.i.tution and a strong hold on life; while small waists indicate small and feeble vital organs, a delicate const.i.tution, sickly offspring, and a short life. Beware of them, therefore, unless you wish your heart broken by the early death of your wife and children.
[Ill.u.s.tration: UNTIL DEATH US DO PART.]
7. MARRYING TALKERS.--In marrying a wit or a talker merely, though the brilliant scintillations of the former, or the garrulity of the latter, may amuse or delight you for the time being, yet you will derive no permanent satisfaction from these qualities, for there will be no common bond of kindred feeling to a.s.similate your souls and hold each spell-bound at the shrine of the other"s intellectual or moral excellence.
8. THE SECOND WIFE.--Many men, especially in choosing a second wife, are governed by her own qualifications as a housekeeper mainly, and marry industry and economy. Though these traits of character are excellent, yet a good housekeeper may be far from being a good wife.
A good housekeeper, but a poor wife, may indeed prepare you a good dinner, and keep her house and children neat and tidy, yet this is but a part of the office of a wife; who, besides all her household duties, has those of a far higher order to perform. She should soothe you with her sympathies, divert your troubled mind, and make the whole family happy by the gentleness of her manners, and the native goodness of her heart. A husband should also likewise do his part.
9. DO NOT MARRY A MAN WITH A LOW, FLAT HEAD; for, however fascinating, genteel, polite, tender, plausible or winning he may be, you will repent the day of your espousal.
10. HEALTHY WIRES AND MOTHERS.--Let girls romp, and let them range hill and dale in search of flowers, berries, or any other object of amus.e.m.e.nt or attraction; let them bathe often, skip the rope, and take a smart ride on horseback; often interspersing these amus.e.m.e.nts with a turn of sweeping or washing, in order thereby to develop their vital organs, and thus lay a substantial physical foundation for becoming good wives and mothers. The wildest romps usually make the best wives, while quiet, still, demure, sedate and sedentary girls are not worth having.
11. SMALL STATURE.--In pa.s.sing, I will just remark, that good size is important in wives and mothers. A small stature is objectionable in a woman, because little women usually have too much activity for their strength, and, consequently, feeble const.i.tutions; hence they die young, and besides, being nervous, suffer extremely as mothers.
12. HARD TIMES AND MATRIMONY.--Many persons, particularly young men, refuse to marry, especially "these hard time," because they cannot support a wife in the style they wish. To this I reply, that a good wife will care less for the style in which she is supported, than for you. She will cheerfully conform to your necessities, and be happy with you in a log-cabin. She will even help you support yourself.
To support a good wife, even if she have children, is really less expensive than to board alone, besides being one of the surest means of acquiring property.
13. MARRYING FOR A HOME.--Do not, however, marry for a home merely, unless you wish to become even more dest.i.tute with one than without one; for, it is on the same footing with "marrying for money." Marry a man for his merit; and you take no chances.
14. MARRY TO PLEASE NO ONE BUT YOURSELF.--Marriage is a matter exclusively your own; because you alone must abide its consequences.
No person, not even a parent, has the least right to interfere or dictate in this matter. I never knew a marriage, made to please another, to turn out any otherwise than most unhappily.
15. DO NOT MARRY TO PLEASE YOUR PARENTS. Parents can not love for their children any more than they can eat or sleep, or breathe, or die and go to heaven for them. They may give wholesome advice merely, but should leave the entire decision to the unbiased judgment of the parties themselves, who mainly are to experience the consequences of their choice. Besides, such is human nature, that to oppose lovers, or to speak against the person beloved, only increases their desire and determination to marry.
16. RUN-AWAY MATCHES.--Many a run-away match would never have taken place but for opposition or interference. Parents are mostly to be blamed for these elopements. Their children marry partly out of sprite and to be contrary. Their very natures tell them that this interference is unjust--as it really is--and this excites combativeness, firmness, and self-esteem, in combination with the social faculties, to powerful and even blind resistance--which turmoil of the faculties hastens the match. Let the affections of a daughter be once slightly enlisted in your favor, and then let the "old folks"
start an opposition, and you may feel sure of your prize. If she did not love you before, she will now, that you are persecuted.
17. DISINHERITANCE.--Never disinherit, or threaten to disinherit, a child for marrying against your will. If you wish a daughter not to marry a certain man, oppose her, and she will be sure to marry him; so also in reference to a son.
18. PROPER TRAINING.--The secret is, however, all in a nutsh.e.l.l. Let the father properly train his daughter, and she will bring her first love-letter to him, and give him an opportunity to cherish a suitable affection, and to nip an improper one in the germ, before it has time to do any harm.
19. THE FATAL MISTAKES OF PARENTS.--_There is, however one way of effectually preventing an improper match, and that is, not to allow your children to a.s.sociate with any whom you are unwilling they should marry. How cruel as well at unjust to allow a daughter to a.s.sociate with a young man till the affections of both are riveted, and then forbid her marrying him. Forbid all a.s.sociation, or consent cheerfully to the marriage._
20. AN INTEMPERATE LOVER.--Do not flatter yourselves young women, that you can wean even an occasional wine drinker from his cups by love and persuasion. Ardent spirit at first, kindles up the fires of love into the fierce flames of burning licentiousness, which burn out every element of love and destroy every vestige of pure affection. It over-excites the pa.s.sions, and thereby finally destroys it,--producing at first, unbridled libertinism, and then an utter barrenness of love; besides reversing the other faculties of the drinker against his own consort, and those of the wife against her drinking husband.
FIRST LOVE, DESERTION AND DIVORCE.
1. FIRST LOVE.--This is the most important direction of all. The first love experiences a tenderness, a purity and unreservedness, an exquisiteness, a devotedness, and a poetry belonging to no subsequent attachment. "Love, like life, has no second spring." Though a second attachment may be accompanied by high moral feeling, and to a devotedness to the object loved; yet, let love be checked or blighted in its first pure emotion, and the beauty of its spring is irrecoverably withered and lost. This does not mean the simple love of children in the first attachment they call love, but rather the mature intelligent love of those of suitable age.
[Ill.u.s.tration: MUSICAL CULTURE LESSON.]
2. FREE FROM TEMPTATIONS.--As long as his heart is bound up in its first bundle of love and devotedness--as long as his affections remain reciprocated and uninterrupted--so long temptations cannot take effect. This heart is callous to the charms of others, and the very idea of bestowing his affections upon another is abhorrent. Much more so is animal indulgence, which is morally impossible.
3. SECOND LOVE NOT CONSTANT.--But let this first love be broken off, and the flood-gates of pa.s.sion are raised. Temptations now flow in upon him. He casts a l.u.s.tful eye upon every pa.s.sing female, and indulges unchaste imaginations and feelings. Although his conscientiousness or intellect may prevent actual indulgence, yet temptations now take effect, and render him liable to err; whereas before they had no power to awaken improper thoughts or feelings. Thus many young men find their ruin.
4. LEGAL MARRIAGE.--What would any woman give for merely a nominal or legal husband, just to live with and provide for her, but who entertained not one spark of love for her, or whose affections were bestowed upon another? How absurd, how preposterous the doctrine that the obligations of marriage derive their sacredness from legal enactments and injunctions! How it literally profanes this holy of holies, and drags down this heaven-born inst.i.tution from its original, divine elevation, to the level of a merely human device. Who will dare to advocate the human inst.i.tution of marriage without the warm heart of a devoted and loving companion!
5. LEGISLATION.--But no human legislation can so guard this inst.i.tution but that it may be broken in spirit, though, perhaps, acceded to in form; for, it is the heart which this inst.i.tution requires. There must be true and devoted affection, or marriage is a farce and a failure.
6. THE MARRIAGE CEREMONY AND THE LAW GOVERNING MARRIAGE are for the protection of the individual, yet a man and woman may be married by law and yet unmarried in spirit. The law may tie together, and no marriage be consummated. Marriage therefore is Divine, and "whom G.o.d hath joined together let no man put asunder." A right marriage means a right state of the heart. A careful study of this work will be a great help to both the unmarried and the married.
7. DESERTION AND DIVORCE.--For a young man to court a young woman, and excite her love till her affections are riveted, and then (from sinister motives, such as, to marry one richer, or more handsome), to leave her, and try elsewhere, is the very same crime as to divorce her from all that she holds dear on earth--to root up and pull out her imbedded affections, and to tear her from her rightful husband. First love is always constant. The second love brings uncertainty--too often desertions before marriage and divorces after marriage.
8. THE COQUET.--The young woman to play the coquet, and sport with the sincere affections of an honest and devoted young man, is one of the highest crimes that human nature can commit. Better murder him in body too, as she does in soul and morals, and it is the result of previous disappointment, never the outcome of a sincere first love.
9. ONE MARRIAGE. One evidence that second marriages are contrary to the laws of our social nature, is the fact that almost all step-parents and step-children disagree. Now, what law has been broken, to induce this penalty? The law of marriage; and this is one of the ways in which the breach punishes itself. It is much more in accordance with our natural feelings, especially those of mothers, that children should be brought up by their own parent.
10. SECOND MARRIAGE.--Another proof of this point is, that second marriage is more a matter of business. "I"ll give you a home, if you"ll take care of my children." "It"s a bargain," is the way most second matches are made. There is little of the poetry of first-love, and little of the coyness and shrinking diffidence which characterize the first attachment. Still these remarks apply almost equally to a second attachment, as to second marriage.
11. THE CONCLUSION OF THE WHOLE MATTER.--Let this portion be read and pondered, and also the one ent.i.tled, "Marry your First Love if possible," which a.s.signs the cause, and points out the only remedy, of licentiousness. As long as the main cause of this vice exists, and is aggravated by purse-proud, high-born, aristocratic parents and friends, and even by the virtuous and religious, just so long, and exactly in the same ratio will this blighting Sirocco blast the fairest flowers of female innocence and lovliness, and blight our n.o.blest specimens of manliness. No sin of our land is greater.
[Ill.u.s.tration]
[Ill.u.s.tration: A CLa.s.sIC FRIEZE.]
[Ill.u.s.tration: HOW MANY YOUNG GIRLS ARE RUINED.]
FLIRTING AND ITS DANGERS.
1. NO EXCUSE.--In this country there is no excuse for the young man who seeks the society of the loose and the dissolute. There is at all times and everywhere open to him a society of persons of the opposite s.e.x of his own age and of pure thoughts and lives, whose conversation will refine him and drive from his bosom ign.o.ble and impure thoughts.
2. THE DANGERS.--The young man who may take pleasure in the fact that he is the hero of half a dozen or more engagements and love episodes, little realizes that such constant excitement often causes not only dangerously frequent and long-continued nocturnal emissions, but most painful affections of the t.e.s.t.i.c.l.es. Those who show too great familiarity with the other s.e.x, who entertain lascivious thoughts, continually exciting the s.e.xual desires, always suffer a weakening of power and sometimes the actual diseases of degeneration, chronic inflammation of the gland, spermatorrhoea, impotence, and the like.--Young man, beware; your punishment for trifling with the affections of others may cost you a life of affliction.