Prologue.
Karlie I WATCHED FROM A DARKENED CORNER AS JARED and Katy danced on the beach. The sun had set, the stars twinkling above.
They were so happy, neither of them could stop smiling or playing with their wedding bands.
I smiled as I watched them, even though a part of me was dying inside.
Deep down, I knew I would never have the kind of love they did.
No man would look at me the way Jared looked at Katy.
I kicked my foot, dusting sand up around me.
I hated that I was pouting on my brother"s wedding day. The only emotion I should be feeling is happy. I shouldn"t be sulking.
Jared grinned and leaned down to whisper something in Katy"s ear. I saw her cheeks flame before she buried her face in his shoulder.
I took a deep breath.
I needed to get away from the cuteness.
I walked down the beach, the breeze ruffling the dress around my calves.
I found a spot far enough away from the wedding reception, that I didn"t hear the hoopla, but close enough that I could still see the lights and people moving.
I sat down, watching the water climb up the beach before receding away.
Gooseb.u.mps broke out across my skin from the cool wind blowing off the water.
I knew I needed to go back. If Jared noticed I was gone, he"d come looking for me, and he needed to spend tonight with his wife, not hunting me down.
With a sigh, I stood, wiping sand from dress, and started back.
I didn"t make it far when a dark figure came b.u.mbling towards me.
I moved out of the man"s way so that he wouldn"t crash into me, but before I could make it past him, he fell.
"Oh my G.o.d! Are you okay?" I asked, dropping to my knees.
I got my first good look at the man"s face and gasped, "Holden? Are you okay?"
He groaned, squishing his eyes closed. "G.o.ddammit, even when I"m asleep, I can"t f.u.c.king escape you."
I flinched like he"d slapped me.
Before I could say something, he was speaking again.
"You"re all I f.u.c.king think about, Karlie. It"s so wrong, but I can"t stop. I want you."
I sat there, stunned. I knew he was wasted, that much was obvious, but I never expected any of that.
"Jesus, Holden, even when you"re drunk you"re still full of s.h.i.t," I rolled my eyes.
He turned, throwing up in the sand.
I wrinkled my nose in disgust at the smell.
He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand before meeting my gaze with his gla.s.sy blue eyes.
"f.u.c.k," he scrubbed a hand over his face. "Normally when I"m dreaming you"re naked and actually like me," he smirked.
My jaw dropped open.
"You"re so pretty," he continued. "But I can"t have you," he reached out and grabbed a piece of my long hair between his thumb and index finger. "Jared would f.u.c.king kill me," he chuckled. His eyes dropped to my lips. "Do you have any idea how much I want to f.u.c.k you, right here on the beach?"
I swallowed, scooting back.
"What the f.u.c.k is wrong with me?" he fell onto his back, staring up at the sky. "You"re seventeen, d.a.m.n it, and I"m twenty-f.u.c.king-five. I can"t be having these thoughts about you, but I want you so f.u.c.king bad. I guess I really am just as f.u.c.ked up as my father. He"d be proud if he knew," Holden chuckled, and then started to dry heave.
I sat there a moment longer, long enough to see that he"d pa.s.sed out, and wouldn"t be saying any more.
I stood and looked down at him.
Someone sensible would be completely turned off by the fact that he was pa.s.sed out drunk and by the things he had said.
But I wasn"t sensible.
I looked down at the man, wishing I could crawl inside him and chase away his demons. I wanted to make him understand that he was a good person and worthy of every good thing in life.
But Holden was Holden.
He was stubborn, hot-tempered, and moody.
No one would ever be able to change him, or make him understand that there was goodness inside of him.
Of that, I was sure.
Coming Soon Mari Arden
ONE.
Jules Hendricks has had a string of bad "firsts."
Horrible first kiss. Painful first date. Terrifying first s.e.xual experience. Worst first boyfriend.
It"s taken her years but she"s finally able to leave her controlling, possessive boyfriend for a new life and a fresh start as a freshmen at UW- Madison. For Jules this chance to be independent and rebuild her life is an opportunity she won"t ever let anyone take from her again. She"s determined to make something of herself without a man by her side, in front, behind or anywhere near her.
Reid "Pax" Paxton is the star quarterback for the UW Badgers. His brush with death makes him understand how precious life is, and how important it is to take life by the horns, unafraid.
Jules knows he"s dangerous for her. Dark hair. Smoldering eyes. Killer smile. That dimple. That body. Those arms. Pax is everything she"s trying to run away from, but she can"t help coming back for more. Slowly he begins to show a life together can be more than just a dream.
It can be their reality.
The truth about reality is it"s not always sunshine and b.u.t.terflies.
Sometimes it"s a wasteland.
Sometimes secrets can"t stay buried.
Sometimes your past will find a way to hunt you down.
Excerpt from One by Mari Arden It"s strangely cool outside after being in the house. It had been more packed than a chicken cage in there, and even though the noise from the party follows us, I"m calm. I sneak a peek at Pax, and can"t help drinking in his profile. His dark eyes are looking straight ahead, and little stubbles of black hair poke through his chin and cheeks like a five o"clock shadow. His mouth is moving as he whistles a soft tune, and I want to place my lips there and catch the melody in my throat.
He had been the first to drop my hand when we reached the sidewalk. Disappointment swept through me quick as lightning. I should"ve been glad. For five hours on the Greyhound bus to Madison, I had cursed men, hating them with a deep venom that until that moment I never let myself feel. Every man I had ever been close to had disappointed me. I told myself I didn"t want or need one, and my focus here was to graduate and make something of myself. For once I wanted to make myself proud. I want to be happy with the choices I make, and do things that make me happy.
Men don"t make me happy.
Being with Pax right now I don"t feel sad or alone or trapped. I don"t feel fear.
I feel peaceful.
"Did you ever hear about the guy who died by overdosing on v.i.a.g.r.a?"
I"m startled. "What?"
"They couldn"t close his casket."
I stare at him. What the--?
He stares back. "Wait for it..."
I chew over what he says in my head. v.i.a.g.r.a? They couldn"t close his casket... Oh. "Oh." A picture of it flashes in my head and I blush and laugh at the same time.
He chuckles. "The guys told me that one the other day. Want to hear another one?"
"Um, sure."
"What"s six inches long, two inches wide and drives a woman wild?"
My neck becomes redder than my face. I mumble an incoherent answer.
He looks at me innocently. "A one hundred dollar bill."
I roll my eyes. "So this is what thirty grand a year gets us, huh."
"You betcha." He mocks with a Minnesotan accent I"ve heard too many times already.
"I have a feeling these two blocks are going to feel like twenty."
"No, you won"t regret it," he promises. I look up. His dark eyes are warm and soft. Suddenly I"m afraid if I stare into them too long I might never come out. He saves me when he turns away to face the night breeze.
"The guys are always telling me a new joke everyday."
"Why?"
"Well, I sort of collect them." His hands brush a stray hair across his eyes. "I don"t write them down or anything," he explains. "If I like them I just keep them in my head. For the life of me I can"t remember anything from the books we read in English Lit but for some reason I have a very good memory for jokes," he laughs.
"Are you interested in being a comedian?" I ask curiously.
"h.e.l.l no," he answers with another charming smile. Only Pax can swear and sound s.e.xy and adorable at the same time. "I just figure life"s too short to be sad or mopey all the time. So I try to keep only positive things in my head, you know like dirty s.e.x jokes and ten different ways to cure a hangover- important, life changing things every man should know."
"I"m not sure our professors would agree with that," I comment, amused.
"They can tell me whatever they want, but what I choose to keep in my head and how I choose to live is my own choice."
His words. .h.i.t me hard.
Pax looks down at me. "So now you know a random fact about me. Tell me something about you."
My teeth pull at my lips. What can I tell him that won"t immediately embarra.s.s me? I don"t want to talk about how poor I was or how I had parents but felt more like an orphan. I don"t want to talk about how a man dictated my life for the past half decade, and how incredibly powerless I was to stop him.
"I like grapes," I finally say.
His shoulder nudges me, but he"s so tall it ends up brushing against my head. I"m forced to swerve to the side. "Deep. I feel like I really know you now, Jules."
I shrug. "There"s not much to know. I"m pretty boring."
"Now I find that very hard to believe." His voice drops an octave lower, making the hair on my skin stand up. It"s starting. He"s going to flirt now. Confusion sweeps through me as I struggle between shying away, and meeting him in this mating game head on.
"It"s true," I finally answer lamely.
"I find everything about you fascinating," he continues. I love the rumble in his voice. I hold my breath waiting to hear more of it. We stop in the middle of the sidewalk. He lifts a finger to touch the ends of my hair. "Your hair. Your beautiful grey eyes. Your lips. Your voice. I even like the shape of your knuckles," he confesses with a glint in his eye.
His words repeat in my head like an echo. My heart kicks up another level, and the cool night air from before suddenly turns desert like as heat shoots through my body. He bends his face so close to mine that his nose touches my face. "Another random fact about me? I"m patient. I know the best things in life don"t come right away."
Then his heat is gone.
And I know his words will keep me awake tonight.