I took a deep breath and told myself that everything would be okay.
In no time, Jared was back and kneeling down beside me.
"Here," he handed the gray sweatshirt to me. "It"ll be huge on you but it"ll do the job."
"Thank you, Jared," I said, slipping the material over my head. It was large enough to fit three of me, but I didn"t mind. It smelled like him, slightly citrusy.
I inhaled the scent, soaking it in and trying to memorize it. I blanched when I heard Jared chuckle.
With reddened cheeks, I peeked at him, but thankfully he wasn"t looking at me. His eyes were glued to the movie as he munched on his Doritos.
I silently thanked G.o.d that Jared hadn"t noticed. That would have been beyond embarra.s.sing and I would"ve had no reasonable explanation for sniffing his shirt.
I finished the sandwich and started on the popcorn.
I found myself sucked into the movie, absolutely riveted.
When it ended, I wiped away a tear.
"Are you crying?" Jared asked.
"No," I sniffled.
"You"re totally crying. Why?" he asked, there was no laugh to his voice. He wasn"t mocking me.
"It was just so... beautiful. They don"t make movies like that anymore," I answered.
Jared leaned back on his elbows and turned to me. "I agree completely. I"m not too macho to admit that. Movies like this..." he paused. "They"re timeless."
"Exactly," I whispered.
Everyone around us started packing up the leave.
I was getting ready to stand, when Jared said, "Not yet."
"Why?" I settled back on the blanket.
Jared stretched out, his shirt riding up a bit, showing off his perfect stomach.
"I want to look at the stars," he whispered. "Just for a little while. Please?" he begged.
"Okay," I laid back and looked up at the sky.
"When I was little... my mom... she used to tell me to always look at the sky. She said that the stars held a million wishes. That each one was a promise, a promise of something good," Jared whispered. "I used to think she was lying. There was too much bad in my life for me to believe in something good. But she was right. No matter how bad things get, you can always find the good, Katy. It"s taken me a long time to realize that, too long, but it"s the truth."
I turned away from the stars and looked over at Jared. "What happened to you?" I knew from bits and pieces that Jared dropped here and there, that his past wasn"t all rainbows and sunshine.
Jared twisted his head, meeting my gaze. His brown eyes were full of pain.
"I want you to know me, Katy. The real me, not the guy everyone else sees, but the person I am underneath it all. I want to bare myself to you but I"m afraid the truth will make you run from me."
My breath came out all raspy; once again, Jared had left me completely speechless.
"Why... why would I run?" I finally croaked.
"Because the truth isn"t pretty," his eyes never wavered from mine.
"It never is," I whispered.
"I want to make you a deal," Jared breathed.
"Okay," I said, hesitantly. "What kind of deal?"
"I"ll tell you about my past, when you tell me about yours. I won"t push you to open up to me, Katy. I"m not like that. I"ll give you time, all the time in the world. But in the meantime, I want you to give me a chance, because I think we could turn out to be something great."
I swallowed. Finally, I said, "You really like making deals, don"t you?"
He chuckled. "Only with you."
I took a deep breath and turned away from his thoughtful gaze. I looked up at the thousands of blinking stars.
Minutes past, maybe longer, and neither one of us said a thing. The silence was comfortable and I reveled in it. I was seldom comfortable with the quiet. It let my mind wander to places it shouldn"t. But with Jared... it was peaceful. I felt peaceful, for the first time in two years. I owed it to him, to see if there was such a thing as fate.
"I won"t run from you," I said, still looking up at the night sky. "I know you think I will, but I won"t. Whenever I"m around you, I don"t want to run, and I think that"s the reason I do tend to run from you. I"m scared of the unknown; I"m scared of losing my heart to you because I"m afraid it will shatter just like my life has."
I heard Jared take a shuddering breath from beside me. "Katy, if you give me your heart, I promise to do nothing but protect it."
I could feel his hand creeping towards me and instead of scooting away, I wrapped my pinky around his.
"I hope so," I whispered.
12.
JARED PULLED INTO THE DARKENED FIGHT FOR IT PARKING LOT. I grabbed my car keys from my purse, and was about to get out, when he said, "Wait!"
I let go of the car door handle and turned to him. My hair fell forward and I hastily brushed it back.
"What is it?" I asked.
"I don"t like the idea of you driving home alone so late-"
"I"m not going home without my car," I interrupted.
"I figured as much," he snorted. "I"d just appreciate it if you"d call me."
"I don"t have your number," I stated.
"Exactly," he grinned.
I sighed and pulled my phone out of my purse. "What"s your number?" I asked. He rattled it off and I entered it in. A second later his phone beeped with a text. With a smile, I said, "And now you have my number."
He chuckled as I climbed out of the ma.s.sive vehicle. I closed the door and he rolled the window down.
"Next time, I"ll bring you a step stool," he chortled.
"Next time?" I put my hands on my hips.
"Oh, there will definitely be a next time, kitten. You already agreed when you said you wouldn"t run," he winked.
My legs turned to jelly.
"Don"t forget to call me. I"ll worry," he looked at me, seriously.
"I"ll call," I whispered and turned to unlock my car. I whipped back around and he froze in the process of raising the window. He pushed the automatic b.u.t.ton and it went back down. "Thank you for tonight," I looked him straight in the eye. "Thank you for making me feel normal."
"You"re welcome, Katy," he smiled. "I hope you"ll give me many more opportunities to make you feel normal."
"Bye," I waved, awkwardly, before opening my car door.
His laugh filled the air as I closed the door and started the engine. He waited patiently for me to leave first.
He honked his horn lightly, and waved, when we headed in separate directions.
My heart stuttered in my chest and I wondered if it was possible to feel something for Jared so soon, and if I would ever fully be able to let go of my past.
"Jesus Christ! You scared the c.r.a.p out of me!" I exclaimed, putting my hand over my heart. "What are you guys still doing here?"
Piper and Rollo stared back at me.
"We wanted to hear how your date went!" Piper exclaimed.
"It wasn"t a date," I answered automatically.
"Who cares," Rollo grabbed my hand and pulled me into the small living room and down onto the couch. "Tell us about it!"
I told them about the park, the food Jared had brought, the movie, and about the stars. I left out our serious talk.
Rollo"s blue eyes grew wide. "It was definitely a date!" his voice went high-pitched with excitement. "Stop trying to fool us!"
"It-" My phone started ringing. "s.h.i.t! I forgot to call Jared and tell him I was home!"
I grabbed my phone and answered. "I"m so, so, so, sorry! I got home and discovered a few unexpected guests."
Jared chuckled. "It"s okay. I was just worried. I"m a worrier. I think it comes from having to deal with my off-the-wall sister."
I laughed. "Well, I"m home and I"m sorry for worrying you."
"No need to call the cops? Are you sure I don"t need to come over and take care of these unexpected guests? You know I will," said Jared, a small chuckle in his voice.
I giggled. "It"s just Rollo and Piper. I"m fine."
"Good..." He paused. In a low voice, he said, "Goodnight, kitten."
"Night," I whispered and hung up the phone.
Jared had turned my stomach to knots.
Rollo whistled. "Jare-bear is calling to make sure you"re home safe? Phew," he fanned himself. "I really hope he has a s.e.xy gay brother because I think I"m in love."
"Rollo!" I laughed.
Quietly, Rollo said, "You really like him, don"t you?"
I sighed, and looked out the back window. "I think I do. There"s something different about him. He doesn"t expect anything from me. I don"t feel pressured when I"m around him. I feel... free."
"Baby cakes," Rollo said, "It"s about d.a.m.n time."
I smiled. "Yeah, it is."
I settled into the chair in Sharon"s office, as she looked me up and down.
"How have you been since our last session?" she asked, crossing her legs.
"Better, a lot better," I smiled.
A smile spread across her face. "I"m so happy to hear that. I take it, there haven"t been any more... breakdowns, for lack of a better word?"
"No, no breakdowns. For the first time in two years, I"m finally starting to feel like my old self. Don"t get me wrong, there"s a long way to go, but I"m finally starting to feel normal again."
"You have no idea how happy I am to hear that, Katy," she scribbled something down on her notepad. "You"re making progress."
"I"m trying," I mumbled.
"I can see that," she said. "You look... alive. For so long, you"ve just been this vacant sh.e.l.l, now you have color in your cheeks and you smile more. This is great progress for someone that has been in the emotional state you"ve been in."
"Yeah," I rubbed my hands together. "I just wish the nightmares would go away."
"Nightmares?" Sharon questioned. "You"ve never mentioned having nightmares to me."