"This is really good," I told him. "I"ve been meaning to ask, who taught you to cook?"
A distant, almost glacial, look formed in his eyes. "My mom," He whispered. "I had to fend for myself a lot. Most of the time, she was beaten so badly that she couldn"t make me dinner, so she started teaching me when my dad wasn"t around or pa.s.sed out drunk. She wanted me to eat normal meals. When I moved in with Dan and Patsy, it was already ingrained in me to cook for myself. Patsy was amazed that I cooked, especially at such a young age, so she started teaching me her family"s recipes."
"Wow," I said, picturing Jared as a small child, standing at the stove on a stool as he cooked for himself. It was a sad image and my lower lip began to tremble.
"Katy, please don"t cry," he begged. "I"m really ruining tonight, aren"t I? This is twice I"ve made you cry."
"I"m sorry," I grabbed the paper napkin, wiping at my eyes. "You shouldn"t have had to grow up like that. Jared, why are good people always punished? The bad people get away with everything. What did we do to deserve this?"
"Katy," he ran a hand over his face, "we didn"t do anything. This is just the life we"ve been dealt because we"re strong. Other people couldn"t have gone through what we did and come out okay on the other side."
"Are we? Okay, I mean?"
"We"re more than okay, Katy," he brushed my hair back with his fingertips. "We"re better people because of our pasts. We understand the good and the bad of the world. We know that no one and nothing is perfect. Most people strive for perfection their whole lives, only to realize that it doesn"t exist. We"ve been saved the ha.s.sle."
"You"re right," I dried the last of my tears. "No more blubbering. We"re going to enjoy this delicious meal."
He grinned. "You sure?"
"Yes," I nodded. "I"m sure."
He put a piece of garlic bread on my plate and I took a sip of wine.
"Karlie said that since you won, you"d be traveling for your next fight," I put the gla.s.s down and attacked the fettuccine.
"I was going to tell you," he winced.
"Jared, I"m not mad, if that"s what you"re thinking. You don"t need to tell me everything. I was just trying to steer the conversation in a different direction from the oh-so-serious one we were having before."
"Oh," he said, "yeah, since I won, I"ll be out of town next weekend. There will be a fight Sunday afternoon, but I have to be there on Sat.u.r.day. I"ll be back late Sunday night, though. I"ll have to do some interviews and that takes time."
"How far away will you be? Do you have to fly?"
"Only three hours by car," he shrugged. "So, not too bad. I hate to ask this, but would you want to stay here with Karlie, while I"m gone. You certainly don"t have to, but since her stuff is here, she hates having to pack up and go to Dan and Patsy"s. Plus," he grinned crookedly; "I really miss having your scent on my pillow."
"I"d love to," I answered immediately, a blush stealing across my cheeks.
"Good," he chuckled. "I"m happy you"re so enthusiastic."
I looked around, avoiding his eye. "I miss it here."
His fork clattered against the gla.s.s plate as he dropped it.
"What did I say?" Panic began to set in. Had my words scared him away?
"I"m just surprised, is all," he wiped up the Alfredo sauce that had splattered across the table. "I figured after a week, you"d had your fill of us."
"No, never," I shook my head. "I"ve missed being here every day, with you and Karlie. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had a family, that I was a part of something."
Jared looked at me like I was slowly breaking his heart.
"Katy, you could"ve stayed," he said evenly.
"But then one week would have turned into two and then three, then what?" I questioned.
"You"d move in," he answered simply, like it was the most logical thing.
"I have my own place, Jared," I explained, "with my own stuff."
"So, you"d sell it and move your stuff here," he gave me a "duh" look.
"Jared, we"ve been dating... what, a month? And have only known each other for like... three," I held up three fingers for emphasis. "I can"t just pack up my whole life... it wouldn"t be normal," my voice dropped. True, I missed staying here, I missed seeing Jared and Karlie every day, but moving in together screamed commitment, and I was afraid Jared would tire of me after a few months. My heart wouldn"t be able to take a breakup and a move.
"Katy," Jared said, calmly, like he was talking me down from a ledge, "I would love for you to move into tomorrow but clearly, you"re not ready for that. Remember, you"re in control of this, kitten. Okay? No pressure."
I nodded. "No pressure," I repeated.
He grinned and nodded at my wrist. "As soon as you"re healed, do you want to start working out with me again?"
"Oh um- yeah, that would be awesome," I replied.
He chuckled, shaking his head. "You could sound more enthusiastic about it."
"That"d be great!" I tried to put more oomph into it.
"That"s more like it," Jared winked.
We finished our meal, with no more talk about our pasts or moving in.
I helped him wash the plates and clean the kitchen.
I suddenly found myself backed into the corner of the kitchen cabinets. Jared"s arms caged me in, one on each side.
"I guess I better take you home," he said huskily.
"Ye-yeah," I stuttered.
"I really don"t want to," his nose swiped across the contours of my cheek. "I want to kiss you until nothing else exists except you and me."
"Oh, really?" I smiled, my eyes fluttering closed as I prepared myself for the delicate touch of his warm lips.
"Yes... really," his breath gusted against me.
A few seconds pa.s.sed and neither of us moved. "Jared? Why aren"t you kissing me?"
He chuckled. "You didn"t give me permission."
I opened my eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling lightly on his short hair. "You always have permission to kiss me."
He growled before crushing his lips to mine.
His fingers flexed against my hips and I suddenly found myself lifted on top of the counter. He spread my legs and stepped between them. He kept his hands on my knees and I was thankful that he didn"t venture up my thighs. I loved Jared but I didn"t want his hands going any higher. I could only take so much, before I went running and I really didn"t want that to happen.
Jared pulled away. "I should take you home now," he said breathlessly.
I cupped his cheeks. "You"re probably right."
He nodded and backed up. I jumped down from the counter and straightened my clothes.
"We needed tonight," I told him, gathering my purse.
He grinned, sticking his hands in his pockets. "Yeah, we did."
I pulled my coat on and Jared grabbed his keys. I waited by the door but he didn"t move.
"What is it?" I asked.
He looked to his side, his jaw clenched, and a muscle ticking. "I really don"t want you to go, not yet."
"I-"
He held up a hand. "We can watch a movie," Jared pointed at the TV. "And then I can take you home. I just need a little longer, just you and me."
"That"s fine," I said, removing my coat and dropping my purse. I took a seat on the small couch.
Jared sat beside me and wiped his palms on his jeans. "I feel like an awkward teen, again," he chuckled, glancing at me. "I don"t mean to guilt you. I"ll take you home, if that"s what you want."
I smiled. It was nice to see Jared getting all twisted up; normally it was me.
"Jared, you know me well enough by now, to know that if I wanted to leave, I would."
"Yeah," he nodded. "You would." He chuckled, "I"m sure you"d run right out the door, leaving a Katy shaped impression behind."
I traced my finger around the crook of his thumb and index finger. "I said I wouldn"t run anymore and I meant it. Sometimes, I might get the urge, but I"m not going to run from you, not any longer."
He let out a relieved sigh. "I know... but I still worry."
"We"re human, Jared, we worry. Now, about that movie?"
"Oh, right," he stood up and started rummaging through the cabinet the TV sat on. "Is the Fast and the Furious good with you?" He held up a DVD case.
"I don"t care," I shrugged.
He bent and put the DVD in the player and grabbed a different remote.
He sat down and stretched his arm across the back of the couch. I kicked off my shoes and curled up beside him. I felt his lips press against the top of my head and I sighed in contentment.
The movie started and I felt my eyes grow heavy.
I felt a blanket drape across my shoulders and Jared murmured in my ear, "Love you, kitten."
I tried to say something back but it came out sounding like some kind of alien sleep talk.
He chuckled, his chest rumbling against my ear, and that was the last thing I remembered.
Sunlight streamed across my skin, warming me and blinding me in the process.
I cracked my eyes open and startled.
There were very warm, very muscular, arms wrapped around me. Jared had me cuddled against his chest like I was a teddy bear and his face was buried in my neck. His breath gusted against me, making my skin tickle.
I knew my breath had to smell terrible and I should extract myself from his arms before he woke up, but I just couldn"t do it.
This moment, it was too perfect to ruin with insecurities.
Instead, I cuddled up closer to him and drew the blanket over both of us.
I closed my eyes, but I didn"t go back to sleep.
I wanted to enjoy this moment. I wanted to memorize the feel of Jared"s arms around me, and the fact that I loved it. After going so long without touching anyone this way, it felt amazing. It was a sense that everyone took for granted. Touch, was everything.
Jared"s arms squeezed gently around me, "You awake?" he asked quietly, yawning.
"Yeah," I whispered, not wanting to pop the peaceful bubble we had created.
"I didn"t mean to fall asleep," he cradled me to his chest. "I meant to take you home."
"Jared," I said.
"Yeah?"
"I"m right where I want to be," I kissed his stubble covered cheek.
"Good," he smiled.
28.
JARED CARRIED HIS SUITCASE DOWN THE STEPS AND LOOKED BETWEEN KARLIE AND ME.
"Don"t burn the house down," he pointed at his little sister.