Karlie looked at me, expecting me to be offended.
"She is," I shrugged out of my cardigan. I wanted to burn it, along with my dress. I was convinced there were traces of Preston on it, although I couldn"t find anything. I tossed it in the trash, anyway. It was already ruined in a different way. Anytime I looked at it, I"d think of today.
I stripped out of my dress too and put it in the trash. I didn"t even care that I was practically naked in front of Karlie. I had to get it off. The ride home had been unbearable. I just kept staring at the dark round dots on the bottom of my dress.
"What happened to your clothes?" she asked.
"Karlie," I said, rougher than I meant to. "Can you please stop asking questions?"
She nodded, startled at my tone.
"I"m sorry, I shouldn"t have snapped," I gave her a sad smile.
"It happens," she said.
"I"m going to uh- borrow a shirt of Jared"s," I looked at my bra and panty clad self.
"Okay," she said, picking up her book.
I dashed up the steps, rifling through Jared"s shirt drawer.
I didn"t have a change of clothes with me, because I hadn"t planned on staying the night here, but things were different now. After what happened today, I didn"t think the pills would keep my nightmares away, I wasn"t even sure Jared could, but I"d try.
I found one that looked like an old high school shirt. I knew I"d never seen him wear it, so I slipped it on. It fell down to my knees.
I heard the shower turn off and a moment later Jared padded into his room only wearing a pair of low-slung boxers.
My heart raced in my chest at the sight.
I was beyond surprised by my reaction, especially after seeing Preston today.
"You okay?" Jared asked, pulling on a pair of mesh shorts.
"I guess," I said.
"Looks good on you," Jared said.
"Huh?" I questioned.
"My shirt," he flicked the collar of the shirt I was wearing. "It looks good on you," he grinned.
"Th-thanks," I said. "I"m going to shower, now."
"Take your time," he said. "I"m going to order pizza. I don"t feel like cooking dinner. You staying the night?"
"If you don"t mind," I glanced at him sheepishly.
"Of course I don"t mind," he pulled me against his chest, kissing my forehead. "I want you here, always."
I pulled away before I could cry. I needed to hear those words, that someone wanted me.
I took the longest shower I"d ever taken, scrubbing my legs over and over, trying to wipe the memory of Preston away.
If only we really could erase our memories. Life would be so much easier if we never had to remember the bad things.
I leaned against the shower wall, breathing heavily as the water streamed down my body.
I wanted to cry, but I refused. I was stronger than that.
I turned the shower off, the nozzle squeaking.
I dried off and pulled my wet hair back into a bun, pulling on Jared"s shirt.
The pizza had already arrived since I took such a long shower. Karlie and Jared sat at the kitchen table chatting.
I sat next to Karlie and began nibbling on a piece of pizza. I wasn"t hungry but I knew I needed to eat.
I tore at the pizza crust, wondering what would have happened today, if Jared hadn"t been there. Would Preston have tried something, again? Would I have remembered my self-defense moves or stood frozen? So many questions swirled through my mind, and sadly I didn"t have any answers for them.
"You okay?" Jared asked and I jumped.
I nodded, my voice fleeing me.
"He"ll never hurt you again, Katy," he said, his brown eyes boring into me, straight down to my soul.
I looked around for Karlie, wondering why Jared would be saying this in front of her, and found that she was gone. I had been so lost in my own little world I hadn"t noticed.
"He hurts me every day, Jared," I drew random designs on the tabletop.
Jared"s breath hissed between his teeth and he put his hand on mine, stopping my mindless drawing.
"Katy, I thought you were better," his words were a plea.
"I was... until I saw him again. It opened up all those old wounds again."
Jared shook his head hard enough that I was surprised he didn"t get whiplash. "No, stop it. Just stop," he said, sternly. "He didn"t hurt you again, you"re fine. Don"t think about the past."
"He didn"t hurt me because you were there. If you hadn"t been-" I shook my head. "Who knows what may have happened."
"But I was there, Katy. Stop thinking about the alternatives. You"re tearing yourself apart thinking about what ifs."
"I know," I bit my lip. "You"re right. I have to stop doing this to myself."
Jared let out a relieved sigh at my words. I hated to have worried him.
"I hate to ask this," I looked at him nervously, "but can you go to my condo and pick up Mable?"
He chuckled. "I already planned on it."
"Mable!" I cried as Jared put the fluffy gray cat down on the ground. She scampered to me, hopping up on the couch and rubbing against me. She had grown a lot since Christmas but she was still small and light as a feather.
"She was sitting in front of the door, when I opened it," Jared said. "She looked mad that she"d been by herself for so long."
"I"m sure she was," I scratched the cat behind her ears. "I never leave her alone for that long and I always bring her with me, when I"m over here. She"s spoiled."
"She"s definitely that," Jared said, tidying up the kitchen. I"d already cleaned it but I was discovering that Jared had a small case of OCD. He liked to have things a certain way.
"Ready for bed?" he asked, turning the light off in the kitchen.
It was kind of early to go to bed, but I was exhausted from the day I had experienced. "Yeah, I am," I stood, picking up Mable and following him up to bed.
As I was drifting off to sleep, I felt Jared"s mouth against my ear. "I"ll always protect you, no matter what," he whispered.
36.
"THIS IS ONE c.r.a.pPY a.s.s SPRING BREAK," ROLLO GRUMBLED.
"Why do you say that?" I asked, picking up my water and taking a drink.
He pointed to the TV. "All we"re doing is watching Criminal Minds in your condo and your stupid cat keeps biting me. She must know I don"t like p.u.s.s.y."
I snorted and spewed water across the coffee table. "Rollo!"
"What?" He asked, innocently.
"You know what," I laughed, getting up, and returning with a paper towel to clean the mess I had made.
I tossed the paper towel in the trash and sat back down.
"Everyone else is off at the beach," Rollo grumbled. "Even Piper left. I hate feeling like the most boring person ever."
"You"re far from boring, Rollo," I ruffled his blonde fro affectionately. He smiled at the touch. It had been a long time since I had touched my best friend so casually.
"Thanks baby cakes. I needed to hear that," he said. "Ow!" he cried. "Tell your cat to stop biting me."
"No, Mable! That"s not nice!" I scolded the cat, picking her up, and putting her on my lap.
"That cat is the devil"s sp.a.w.n," Rollo glared at her.
I held her close my chest, kissing the top of her head. "No, she"s not. She"s a sweetie. She just senses that you don"t like cats and she takes offense."
"Ugh, enough talk about that crazy p.u.s.s.y." Rollo pinched the bridge of his nose. "Promise me that the next time, we have a break, we"ll actually do something fun."
"Jared mentioned going to the beach for Memorial Day. He said his friends always have a bonfire on the beach and there"s fireworks," I said while playing with Mable"s paws. They were so little and cute.
"That sounds fabulous," Rollo said. "I need to get away. I can"t wait for summer. I need a break."
"But won"t you have to go to your parent"s for the summer?" I asked, puzzled.
"No," a grin spread across his face. "They"re buying me an apartment."
"What?" I gasped. "That"s awesome!"
"They said that two years was long enough for me to have to suffer at the dorms aaaannnnndddd," he drew the word out dramatically, "they"re getting me a car too."
"Yay!" I squealed, hugging him.
"I am so happy I won"t have to spend another year in that dorm. I might die," he joked.
"When are you going to start apartment hunting?" I asked.
"I already have," Rollo shrugged. "I"m hoping to convince them to let me move in before the semester is over."
I laughed. "Good luck with that."
Rollo"s parents were by far better and more supportive than my mom, but they were still weird.
"Eh," Rollo shrugged his shoulders, "you never know. I might as well try."
"If you want me to go look with you, let me know."
"Actually," Rollo"s blue eyes lit up, "there"s one I really love. We"re not doing anything, so let"s swing by and take a look. You know I value you"re opinion, baby cakes. Plus, if my parents know you like it, it"ll go a long way, in convincing them to buy it. You know, they"re convinced we"re gonna get married one day, despite the fact that I"ve told them I"m gay."
I laughed at that. "I guess they"re hoping that if you hang out with me long enough, you"ll become straight."
"I don"t know what they think... at least they"re not hostile about it, you know?"
I nodded, patting his arm.
Rollo had come out to his parents just before we graduated high school. They"d been shocked, his mother had cried for days, but they never said anything rude or condescending to him.
"Let me go get changed," I motioned to my sweats and tank, "and then we"ll go take a look."
"Thank you, baby cakes." When I stood up to leave, he said, "Take your p.u.s.s.y with you."
"Rollo!" I shrieked again, but picked up Mable and disappeared into my room.
I changed into a pair of jeans and a loose pale pink sweater before pulling my hair back into a ponytail.
"I"m ready," I called out to Rollo.