OLIVIA (shocked). Of course not, George! What would the County--I mean Heaven--I mean the Law--I mean, of _course_ not! Besides, it"s so unnecessary. If I decide to accept you, of _course_ I shall marry you.
GEORGE. Quite so. And if you--ah--decide to refuse me? What will you do?
OLIVIA. Nothing.
GEORGE. Meaning by that?
OLIVIA. Just that, George. I shall stay here--just as before. I like this house. It wants a little re-decorating perhaps, but I do like it, George. . . . Yes, I shall be quite happy here.
GEORGE. I see. You will continue to live down here--in spite of what you said just now about the immorality of it.
OLIVIA (surprised). But there"s nothing immoral in a widow living alone in a big country house, with perhaps the niece of a friend of hers staying with her, just to keep her company.
GEORGE (sarcastic). And what shall _I_ be doing, when you"ve so very kindly taken possession of my house for me?
OLIVIA. I don"t know, George. Travelling, I expect. You could come down sometimes with a chaperone. I suppose there would be nothing wrong in that.
GEORGE (indignant). Thank you! And what if I refuse to be turned out of my house?
OLIVIA. Then, seeing that we can"t _both_ be in it, it looks as though you"d have to turn _me_ out. (Casually) I suppose there are legal ways of doing these things. You"d have to consult your solicitor again.
GEORGE (amazed). Legal ways?
OLIVIA. Well, you couldn"t _throw_ me out, could you? You"d have to get an injunction against me--or prosecute me for trespa.s.s--or something. It would make an awfully unusual case, wouldn"t it? The papers would be full of it.
GEORGE. You must be mad!
OLIVIA (dreamily). Widow of well-known ex-convict takes possession of J.P."s house. Popular country gentleman denied entrance to his own home. Doomed to travel.
GEORGE (angrily). I"ve had enough of this. Do you mean all this nonsense?
OLIVIA. I do mean, George, that I am in no hurry to go up to London and get married. I love the country just now, and (with a sigh) after this morning, I"m--rather tired of husbands.
GEORGE (in a rage). I"ve never heard so much--d.a.m.ned nonsense in my life. I will leave you to come to your senses. (He goes out indignantly.)
(OLIVIA, who has forgiven him already, throws a loving kiss after him, and then turns triumphantly to her dear curtains. She takes them, smiling, to the sofa, and has just got to work again, when MR. PIM appears at the open windows.)
PIM (in a whisper). Er, may I come in, Mrs. Marden?
OLIVIA (turning round in surprise). Mr. Pim!
PIM (anxiously). Mr. Marden is--er--not here?
OLIVIA (getting up). Do you want to see him? I will tell him.
PIM. No, no, no! Not for the world! (He comes in and looks anxiously at the door) There is no immediate danger of his returning, Mrs.
Marden?
OLIVIA (surprised). No, I don"t think so. What is it? You--
PIM. I took the liberty of returning by the window in the hope of--er--coming upon you alone, Mrs. Marden.
OLIVIA. Yes?
PIM (still rather nervous). I--er--Mr. Marden will be very angry with me. Quite rightly. I blame myself entirely. I do not know how I can have been so stupid.
OLIVIA. What is it, Mr. Pim? Has my husband come to life again?
PIM. Mrs. Marden, I throw myself on your mercy entirely. The fact is--his name was Polwittle.
OLIVIA (at a loss). Whose? My husband"s?
PIM. Yes, yes. The name came back to me suddenly, just as I reached the gate. Polwittle, poor fellow.
OLIVIA. But, Mr. Pim, my husband"s name was Telworthy.
PIM. No, no, Polwittle.
OLIVIA. But, really I ought to. . . .
PIM (firmly). Polwittle. It came back to me suddenly just as I reached the gate. For the moment, I had thoughts of conveying the news by letter. I was naturally disinclined to return in person, and--Polwittle. (Proudly) If you remember, I always said it was a curious name.
OLIVIA. But who _is_ Polwittle?
PIM (in surprise at her stupidity). The man I have been telling you about, who met with the sad fatality at Ma.r.s.eilles. Henry Polwittle--or was it Ernest? No, Henry, I think. Poor fellow.
OLIVIA (indignantly). But you said his name was Telworthy! How _could_ you?
PIM. Yes, yes, I blame myself entirely.
OLIVIA. But how could you _think_ of a name like Telworthy, if it wasn"t Telworthy?
PIM (eagerly). Ah, that is the really interesting thing about the whole matter.
OLIVIA. Mr. Pim, all your visits here to-day have been interesting.
PIM. Yes, but you see, on my first appearance here this morning, I was received by--er--Miss Diana.
OLIVIA. Dinah.
PIM. Miss Dinah, yes. She was in--er--rather a communicative mood, and she happened to mention, by way of pa.s.sing the time, that before your marriage to Mr. Marden you had been a Mrs.--er--
OLIVIA. Telworthy.
PIM. Yes, yes, Telworthy, of course. She mentioned also Australia. By some process of the brain--which strikes me as decidedly curious--when I was trying to recollect the name of the poor fellow on the boat, whom you remember I had also met in Australia, the fact that this other name was also stored in my memory, a name equally peculiar--this fact I say . . .
OLIVIA (seeing that the sentence is rapidly going to pieces). Yes, I understand.
PIM. I blame myself, I blame myself entirely.