"I want to tell you the truth about what happened the night he died."
Alan took a big swig of whiskey, glanced quickly at Diane, who was now looking thoughtfully into her gla.s.s, and said, a little irritably, "But we already know that, Ben. I don"t know about your mother, but I"d rather not go over all that again."
Diane shot him a stony look. "Alan"s right. It was all in your statement to the police."
"What I told the police was only partly true."
Alan"s face went red as if he might explode while Diane"s went as pale as the white marble fire surround.
"What are you saying?" Diane uncrossed her legs and leaned forward. "You lied to the police?"
"I didn"t think of it as a lie. It was more of a ... an omission."
She moved her head a fraction and waited.
Ben cleared his throat. "You remember how Ricky was always getting into sc.r.a.pes? Like the time he let the pet snake out of its cage and you found it in your bed, Mum?"
Alan laughed. "I remember that one. Your mother nearly died."
His laughter stopped abruptly and Ben said, "Well, I used to cover for him a lot."
"What do you mean?" said Diane.
"I used to take the flak so that he wouldn"t get into trouble," said Ben, talking to his mother. "Like that time Scout camp was coming up and he was on his last warning and you said if he did anything, anything at all, he wouldn"t get to go."
"Yes ..."
"Well, he put that frog in the laundry basket for Rosemarie to find. You remember, don"t you?"
"But that was you!" said Diane.
Ben shook his head. "No, it wasn"t. It was Ricky. I covered for him because I knew I"d just get a warning whereas he"d get grounded. And we both got to go to Scout camp. I used to do it a lot. Sometimes Ricky asked me to and sometimes I did it because I didn"t want him to get into trouble."
"What"s this got to do with the night he died, Ben?" said Diane.
"That night at the party, well, he was drinking too much," said Ben, looking at the floor. "And taking drugs. I know he took at least one line of c.o.ke and shortly before he left he took a blue tablet. I remember it clearly. It had the impression of a four-leaved clover on it. Someone said it was ecstasy."
Diane made a little choking sound and said quietly, "Why didn"t you tell us, Ben?"
Ben could not bring himself to look at her, so he continued staring at the carpet and said, "Ricky was your golden boy, Mum. How could I tell you when you were suffering so much already? And what was the point? I thought it would only make things worse."
"And you think that"s why he crashed the car? Apart from driving too fast, like the police said."
"It must"ve had something to do with it, Mum," said Ben, looking at her ashen face again. "The drugs must have impaired his judgement. But the reason I"m telling you, is that I didn"t stop him. I didn"t stop him taking the drugs and I didn"t stop him driving home. And I could have done both. I thought about it."
"But why didn"t you?" cried Diane. "If you"d taken the car keys off him, he couldn"t have driven. And he would never have died." She sobbed then and put a hand to her mouth.
"I tried to stop him taking the first line of c.o.ke. He told me that I wasn"t his effing babysitter and to just eff off and leave him alone. And I was so angry, Ricky never knew when to stop. And when we got outside at the end of the night and I asked him for the car keys he just laughed and told me it was his car and just to get in the effing pa.s.senger seat or I was walking home."
Diane turned to Alan who had been largely quiet throughout this entire exchange and said, "Why aren"t you saying anything?" Alan hung his head and she said, "You knew, didn"t you?"
Alan nodded and looked at his ex-wife. "The inspector came to see me. You remember Ronnie Mair? We go way back." Diane shook her head slowly but Alan went on regardless, with a quick, guilty glance at Ben. "He showed me the autopsy report. They"d found traces of cocaine and ecstasy as well as speed and ketamine. It"s a hallucinogen."
So Alan had known all along. Ben had a.s.sumed the traces hadn"t shown up. That someone had made a mistake somewhere. "Oh my G.o.d," said Diane and she put her hand to her mouth. "Why didn"t you tell me, Alan? Why didn"t you show me the report?"
"I was trying to protect you, Diane." His chin started to wobble and the muscles in his jaw twitched. "And I didn"t want Ricky"s name besmirched. I didn"t want his memory tarnished by drugs and for people to say that it was his own fault that he died. I asked Ronnie to suppress the report and he did." He nodded as if to confirm to himself that he had done the right thing.
"You shouldn"t have made that judgement call, Alan. I am his mother. I have the right to know the truth about how my son died."
"I"m sorry, Diane."
They all fell silent then, lost in their own thoughts, and Ben said, "There"s something else."
"Oh my G.o.d," said Diane. "What?"
Ben swallowed and he could barely hear his own voice above the pounding of his heart. "When the car crashed into the tree and I came to, I thought I was okay. I didn"t feel the bruises or the broken rib. I remembered that there were drugs in the car. I"d seen Ricky slip a little brown paper envelope into the glove compartment. I knew the car was a write-off and the police were going to be involved. I knew I had to do something. Drink driving was one thing, but drugs ... I knew that was serious."
Diane gasped and Alan inched up the sofa and took her hand. She never took her eyes off Ben.
Tears filled his eyes, but Ben pressed on, knowing that if he didn"t finish this story now he would never be able to retell it. "His head was resting on the airbag, facing me and his eyes were closed. I reached out and I gave him a little shake. I remember the lights inside the car were still on and the headlights were shining out over the countryside and there was steam rising out the bonnet of the car."
He paused. Both Diane and Alan were staring at him, rigid with horror. Neither spoke.
"Eventually Ricky came to and he smiled at me and his eyes were all gla.s.sy but I thought he was okay. He said something I didn"t understand but I wasn"t listening. But I knew the police would be along soon so I reached in under the airbag and got the envelope and I held it up and said, "I"ve got to get rid of this, Ricky." I opened the door and the cold air rushed in and I remember thinking that I hoped he didn"t get too cold, sitting there waiting for the police to arrive. And then he reached out his left hand and clamped it on to my arm and said something again." Ben gasped with emotion, but he forced himself to go on. "And I said, "I"ll just be a minute, Ricky. You"ll be all right, mate." I didn"t know that he had a metal post in his stomach. I didn"t know that he was dying. I got out of the car for some stupid reason I left the door open. And when I came back his eyes were closed and the smile had gone. He"d gone all limp and I shook him and shook him but I couldn"t wake him up."
The room was utterly silent, save for the sound of the birds in the garden. Ben closed his eyes and wished he could go back, wished he could relive those last few moments in the car park, when, if he had wrestled Ricky to his knees and got the keys off him, he would be alive today. But his judgement had been impaired by the beer he"d drunk. And he"d stood back and for once, not intervened, and thought to himself, "Let"s see how he manages without me."
"What did you do with the drugs?" said Alan.
"Huh?" said Ben and thought for a moment. "There was a river. You remember the crash happened just over the bridge?"
Diane and Alan both nodded.
"I could hear the river as soon as I got out of the car. I ran to the bridge and threw the contents into the water; a tablet and a tiny sachet of powder I couldn"t see them too clearly but I could feel them with my fingers. And then I ripped the envelope into tiny little pieces and threw it in too." He paused, remembering how the little bits of paper had fluttered in the breeze like ticker-tape and then disappeared into the black swirling water below. "I"ll never forgive myself for what I did."
"But you were only trying to protect your brother," said Alan, displaying more understanding than Ben had expected of him. "Keeping him out of trouble. I"d have expected no less."
"But don"t you see, Dad? I left him there to die all alone. In the freezing cold on that wretched stretch of road. I think he was asking me to stay with him. I think he knew he was dying. And I ... I left him."
Then Ben put his face in his hands and wept tears of relief that he had finally shared what he"d stored in his heart for seven long years. He felt Diane"s weight beside him on the sofa, then her arms around his shoulder and her voice in his ear. "But how were you to know, son? You thought you were doing the right thing. n.o.body can hold what happened against you. I certainly don"t. And I don"t blame you either for Ricky taking the drugs or driving. He was an adult. He was responsible for his own actions."
Ben wiped the tears away and looked across at his father who nodded and said, "Your mother"s right. You mustn"t blame yourself."
"That"s why I agreed to go into the business, Dad. I felt so guilty; I felt I had to repay you somehow. I tried to fill Ricky"s shoes but I just couldn"t do it."
Alan stood up, his arms hanging woodenly by his sides, and said in a strangely detached voice, "I"m sorry if I pressurised you into the business, Ben. I shouldn"t have done that. And you have nothing to feel guilty about. You"ve been a good son and the best brother. If anyone"s to blame for Ricky"s death, it"s me."
Diane removed her arm from Ben"s shoulder and they both stared up at Alan.
"I knew he was wild," he went on. "I even admired him for it. He reminded me so much of myself as a young man. I gave him too much money and I bought him that car and he wasn"t ready for it. He couldn"t handle it." He looked at Diane then and said, "You blamed me too."
She turned her head to the side as if he"d slapped her across the face. "It"s true. I did. But that," she said, bringing her gaze back to Alan, "well, that was ... wrong of me. Because it wasn"t just the car, was it? And what good does it do to blame each other? It won"t bring Ricky back."
"You"ve never said a truer word," said Alan and he looked at his watch. "Look, I have to go now. I don"t want to keep Ca.s.sie waiting."
Ben got up and went over to his father and they shook hands. "I hope you"re happy in the life you"ve chosen, son."
"You too, Dad," said Ben softly, feeling an affection for his father that he hadn"t felt in years.
Alan let go of Ben"s hand and said, brightly, "Well, I have some good news to share with you both."
Diane, who had regained her normal composure, said, "You"ve not bought another hotel, have you?"
Alan chuckled. "Much better than that, Diane. I"m going to be a father again," he said and he lifted his chin and stood up straight and in that instant he looked ten years younger. "Ca.s.sie"s three months pregnant."
Ben and Diane looked at each other in astonishment and Diane said, "Congratulations! But I thought Ca.s.sie didn"t want children?"
"Oh, you know women," said Alan. "Always changing their minds. I promised her a holiday home in Majorca and a diamond eternity ring. I think that might have done the trick."
"That"s wonderful news, Dad," said Ben, suppressing a smile.
"Well, mustn"t keep her waiting," said Alan, and he turned on his heel and sailed out of the room.
"What are you smiling at?" said Diane, when Alan was gone.
"You"ve gotta hand it to him," said Ben, feeling a peculiar mix of awe and admiration for his father. "He"ll have his dynasty after all." He turned to his mother and took both her hands in his, so painfully aware that she was all alone. "I"m sorry that you"ll never have grandchildren, Mum."
"Oh, that"s all right, Ben," she said, smiling bravely, and quickly changed the subject. "I owe Jennifer an apology, Ben. I was rather unkind to her at Hannah"s wedding. I"m sorry."
"I"m sure Jennifer will forgive you, Mum."
"I hope so. I"ll ring her."
She linked arms with him and they walked to the door. "Perhaps she"ll give me some tips on how to bag myself a younger man. Oh, don"t look at me like that," she laughed, "I"m only joking. Well, actually I"m not. Why not? All the men my age are a complete waste of s.p.a.ce. You only have to look at your father."
Ben kissed her on the cheek. "I worry about you, Mum, being on your own."
Diane laughed lightly, the earlier intimacy between them gone, and said, bravely, "Oh, don"t worry about me, son. Now, I very much hope that you and Jennifer will come to my annual charity ball."
Jennifer sat at the kitchen table, wearing a pretty cotton dress and cardigan. She fingered the necklace at her throat that Ben had given her for Valentine"s Day, and smiled. She kept telling Ben that she didn"t need expensive jewellery, but it was lovely all the same to receive it. And she knew that it wouldn"t last. Once he was living on a teacher"s salary he wouldn"t be able to buy such things.
The back door opened and Lucy came in, wearing a pale blue t-shirt, jeans and trainers, her face pink from the sun. Her slim figure was more toned these days and Jennifer had persuaded her to get some highlights in her hair. But the biggest change was in her demeanour. There was only one way to put it she absolutely glowed. "What"s that?" said Lucy, glancing at the mood board on the table.
"Oh, it"s for Maggie. She asked me to help her redecorate the downstairs. I just put some ideas together for her. I"ll not charge her though."
Lucy laughed. "Looks expensive. Dad"ll not be happy at having to fork out more money, after buying me the car!" She grinned, stood by the open back door and said, impatiently, "Come on outside, Mum. I want to show you something before everyone gets here for the barbecue."
Jennifer followed her up the side of the house and into the sunshine. The estate car that David had bought Lucy (they"d persuaded him it was a much better investment than a wedding to Oren Wilson) was parked out front.
"Oh, Lucy, that"s wonderful!" cried Jennifer, noticing immediately the sign on the side of the doors. "Muddy Mutt Dog Walking" it said along with phone numbers and an email address.
"It"s the same on the other side," enthused Lucy, "and look," she said gesturing for Jennifer to follow her round the car, which they encircled like prowling wolves. "They put paw prints all over the back and on the bonnet. Isn"t it brilliant?"
Jennifer stood up on tip-toes and gave Lucy a peck on the cheek. "It"s absolutely fantastic! Wait till your Grandpa sees this!"
Lucy"s phone bleeped and she pulled it out and quickly read a text. "That"s another potential customer," she said happily, running her hand through her hair. "At this rate I"m going to have to employ someone to help me walk the dogs!"
Ben"s old Rover pulled up in front of the house and Jennifer"s heart leapt. She ran over. "How did it go with your parents?" she asked.
"We cleared the air about a few things and everything"s good." He paused and added, changing the subject, "Ca.s.sie"s going to have a baby."
"Oh, my G.o.d. That means you"ll have a wee brother or a sister."
"Yeah, I hadn"t really thought about it like that but yeah." He grinned and two deep dimples appeared in his cheeks. "I"ll be a brother again. And Mum"s very keen to talk to you. Says she owes you an apology."
Not half, thought Jennifer, but she kept this observation to herself. "Well, maybe we can start all over, your Mum and me." Ben grinned with happiness.
They walked over to Lucy holding hands and Ben exclaimed, "Hey, look at the wheels, Lucy!" She smiled shyly and they stood together, all three, and admired the car.
"I"ve been thinking about expanding," said Lucy. "You know the way I do a midweek dog walking service. Well, I"ve been thinking of extending that to weekends. I could do a big long dog hike on a Sunday you know, three or four hours."
"You"ll be exhausted," cautioned Jennifer.
"No, I won"t. And I"d charge well for it, twenty quid a dog. If I could take six dogs that"s one hundred and twenty pounds. And even if I had to pay someone to do it for me, at say seven pounds an hour and that"s well above the minimum wage I"d still make nearly a hundred quid. If we did that on Sat.u.r.days as well, eight times a month; that"s eight hundred quid a month. Not to be sniffed at."
"Well, it looks to me like you"ve found your niche, Lucy," said Ben. "You"re talking like a real businesswoman."
"But I"ve still to get the business website up and running," she frowned, her brain so active it flitted from one subject to the other like a b.u.t.terfly. It was so good to see her motivated and happy and getting on so well with Ben.
"I might be able to help you with that," said Ben. "I"ve this friend ..."
Just then Donna and Ken pulled up in their car followed shortly by Grandpa and Matt on foot. Everyone admired Lucy"s car then squeezed into Jennifer"s small back garden. Matt took charge of the barbecue while Ben did drinks and the women carried out the rest of the food.
"Do you want me to cut down these old daffodil leaves for you, love?" said Grandpa who could not bear to be still in a garden.
"Yes. If you like, Dad."
When Jennifer finally sat down on a bench, with Brian rooting in the borders and Matt slaving over the hot barbecue, Ben said, mysteriously, "I have a surprise for you."
He got up without another word and disappeared around the side of the house. A few minutes later he came back with a cardboard box in his hands, and a rather concerned look on his face. "Now, he can go back if you don"t want him," said Ben, and Jennifer"s heart leapt.
Ben put the box by her feet and she heard the tell-tale scuffling sound of a new puppy. She put her hand on her heart and tears filled her eyes.
"I know we talked about getting a dog," said Ben, unfolding the flaps. "I just hope the timing"s right. And that you like him."
A little black face popped out of the top of the box and everybody laughed.
"What is he?" said Brian who"d stood up to observe the proceedings, a trowel in his hand.