"What do you want?" she said crossly. "Do you realise what time it is?" she demanded, though she"d no idea herself. The street was deserted and every house in the cul-de-sac bar the Richmonds" directly opposite was shrouded in darkness, cars nestling neatly in well-kept driveways, side by side.
"You left without saying goodbye." His speech was slurred. "I"d no idea where you were. I spent ages looking for you."
"You"re drunk."
He shrugged his shoulders.
"I had a headache. I had to come home."
"But you"re all right now, darling?"
"Yes," she said tersely and folding her arms, realised that she was wearing an unflattering pair of pink and grey leopard print flannel pyjamas that were too big for her. She"d bought them for Lucy last Christmas but she"d hated them. And, Jennifer"s mantra being waste not, want not, they"d ended up in her wardrobe.
"You told your parents about us, didn"t you?"
He looked at her in astonishment. "I did not."
"Hmm," said Jennifer, this reb.u.t.tal somewhat taking the wind out of her sails. She folded her arms and scowled, not knowing what to say next.
"Can I come in?"
She paused and scowled again and the dog started to bark once more. "Oh, all right then."
Inside, she sat on the bottom of the stairs, dimly lit by the light from the landing above. She rested her elbows on her knees, while the rage quietly ebbed away like the receding tide to be replaced with a wretched sadness.
"What"s wrong with you?" he said, neutrally, standing over her with his hands in his trouser pockets, swaying slightly.
She squinted up at him. "How come they know about you and me?"
"They don"t. How could they?"
"Well, someone told them. Diane went to great lengths to let me know how much she was looking forward to you marrying and providing her with grandchildren. And she was at pains to point out how close in age you and Matt are. She made me feel like some sort of ... of paedophile," she blurted out and rubbed her brow with a closed fist.
He burst out laughing and shook his head. When his mirth had died down he wiped a tear from the corner of his eyes and said, "Oh, Jennifer. Don"t be ridiculous."
"I"m not being ridiculous. And it"s not the least bit funny," she said crossly, nervously picking little pills of grey wool off her bedsocks.
"You"re reading too much into it." He sighed heavily and she glanced up at him. He ran a hand through his hair a dark, unruly curl flopped down in front of his left eye, and her stomach lurched. "I"m sure her comments weren"t directed at you."
"They were. Believe me," she said flatly. What she did not tell him was how deeply Diane"s words, aimed with all the precision of a sniper, had wounded her. And Alan"s too.
"Well, if she did appear to know about us," he conceded, "she"s only guessing. Or maybe someone saw us together in the Chinese last week. My parents know people everywhere."
Both scenarios were entirely possible, she thought, grudgingly. Alternatively, Diane might well have been acting on pure instinct and conjecture, as might Alan. Ben held her gaze unflinchingly. Her stomach flipped, the hurt transformed suddenly into desire.
"You mean they have spies everywhere? Like MI5?" she smiled.
"Something like that. Budge up." He sat down heavily beside her on the stair, their arms pressed together in the confined s.p.a.ce. She rested her head on his shoulder, put a hand on his thigh and he sighed contentedly.
"You shouldn"t have driven over here." She lifted her head and looked up into his face. His breath smelt of alcohol and the illicit, tantalising aroma of cigarette smoke rose from his jacket, a smell she"d always thought manly. "You"ve been smoking too."
He did not answer but stared instead at the top of her head as if fascinated by it. And then, gently cupping the back of her head in one of his hands he brought his lips down onto hers. The kiss was long and hard, and when he finally released her from it, Jennifer"s head was spinning and her entire body tingled with want.
"You"d better stay the night," she said hoa.r.s.ely, the heat of his thigh searing her hand through the fine wool fabric of his trousers.
He said not a word but his lips travelled across her cheekbone and found their way to her left ear. She squirmed with pleasure. His breath was damp and he whispered her name feverishly, his voice creaking with longing.
She removed her hand from his thigh and pressed her palm against his toned chest, feeling the fast thud of his heart against his ribcage. His lips inched down her neck, sending a delicious tingling sensation shooting down her left side.
"I want you more than I"ve ever wanted any woman, Jennifer Murray," he whispered hungrily.
She closed her eyes. Her heart moved in her chest like a trapped bird; blood rushed to her groin. The entire world contracted into the tiny s.p.a.ce on the stairs that held them both. There was only the here and the now; his fingers pressing into her skull; the heat and the smell of him; the swooning dizziness in her head.
And then, abruptly, he pulled away, leaving her panting, aching for his touch. He stared at her, his eyes as dark and wide as the night, the smell and touch and taste of him filling up all her senses. And he said, deadly serious, "This isn"t just a fling for me, Jennifer. You do know that, don"t you?"
She nodded dumbly.
"You understand that I love you?"
"I love you too," she said, as a pulse of desire threatened to overwhelm her, the yearning so strong and unfamiliar that it frightened her. She had never craved a man"s body the way she needed Ben"s. And she could not resist the impulse to satisfy that craving, even if she had wanted to.
Jennifer had no idea how much time had pa.s.sed but, when she heard the insistent knocking on the bedroom door, she sat up and looked at the clock. It was two forty-five and Ben, naked in the bed beside her, did not stir.
"Mum," said Matt"s voice from outside the door and she bit her lip.
"s.h.i.t." Instinctively she pulled the covers over her bare breast and looked at Ben again. He was lying on his stomach, in a deep, drink-induced slumber. He would not wake. The room smelt of s.e.x and she wrestled with the feeling that he ought not to be here, that she should be ashamed. Her heart fluttered uncertainly in her chest and there was another tap, sharper now, on the door. Yellow light seeped under the door like luminescent fog.
"Mum, are you all right?" came Matt"s voice again and this time there was a note of concern in it.
She had nothing to be ashamed of, she told herself firmly, yet still, it would not do for Matt to find them like this. Noiselessly, she got out of bed, pulled on a dressing gown and padded out onto the landing. She closed the door silently behind her, pausing momentarily to lay her right palm against the woody grain of the door. She smiled involuntarily, the tenderness in her sated body an exquisite reminder of their energetic love-making. Arranging a blank expression on her face, she turned and whispered to Matt, "What are you doing here?"
"I got locked out. Harry"s gone to Dublin on a stag weekend and I waited for ages for Andy to come home but he didn"t turn up. If the d.a.m.ned flat wasn"t on the second floor, I"d have broken one of the windows."
Jennifer rubbed her right eye with one hand, keeping a tight hold on the collar of the dressing gown with the other. "Jesus, Matt. It"s nearly three a.m."
"Sorry, Mum."
"What"d you wake me for?"
"I dunno really. It"s just, well, I thought I"d better check you were okay. You see, Ben Crawford"s car"s been abandoned outside our house. Really weird." He walked over to the small window on the landing, looked down onto the street and frowned. "Looks like he was drunk when he parked it."
Jennifer pulled the dressing gown even tighter round her neck and glanced at the bedroom door, wishing that Matt would hurry up and cotton on before she was forced to spell it out in black and white. "So?" she said and held his gaze.
He looked from her face to the bedroom door, then back again. She raised her eyebrows and tried to smile, as a hot flush of embarra.s.sment crept up her neck. At last, slow understanding, agonising to watch, spread across his handsome features, blanching them white.
"Don"t tell me," he said and paused.
She wished the ground would open up and swallow her whole. This was certainly not the way she"d have chosen to tell her son about a new lover.
"Mum," he said at last, the disappointment in his voice more hurtful than the disbelief. "You have got to be kidding."
Downstairs in the kitchen, Jennifer stirred sugar into a mug of hot cocoa and pressed it into Matt"s hands. "Here, drink this."
m.u.f.fin, annoyed at the rude interruption to his beauty sleep, sat up and gave up a doleful, wolf-like howl. "Shush," snapped Jennifer crossly and he lay down in his basket again, closed his eyes and let out a long, heartfelt sigh. Matt sprawled on a kitchen chair, and Jennifer, plucking fretfully at her bottom lip, tried to put herself in his shoes.
How would she have felt if she"d come home to find her forty-four-year-old mother in bed with her boss, a man young enough to be her son, and only eight years older than herself? She frowned. It wasn"t an attractive image. But she wasn"t her mother and times were different. She reminded herself firmly that she had, actually, done nothing wrong; no one had been hurt, taken advantage of or misused. Not without consent anyway.
He set the mug down on the table, pulled his checkered neckerchief off the black cap was gone and shook his head as if still not willing, or able, to a.s.similate the truth. "What were you thinking, Mum?"
It was a good question. She hadn"t been thinking at all. It hadn"t occurred to her that the neighbours would see Ben"s distinctive car in the morning. Or that there was no chance of Ben sneaking out of the house unnoticed. She"d been driven entirely by a primeval need for s.e.x. And, oh, what s.e.x! She had never really enjoyed s.e.x with David, or any other man for that matter, apart from the actual brief moment of o.r.g.a.s.m. Ben"s sensual love-making, stemming from a desire to please her first rather than himself, was something completely different.
"What are you smiling at?" he demanded.
She wiped the smile off her face and pulled out a chair. She sat down, clasped her hands together on the top of the table, and said, "I know this has come as a bit of a shock."
"You can say that again."
"And, I don"t mean to sound harsh, but it really isn"t your business."
He looked at her sharply.
"Any more than it would be my business to cross-examine you about who you sleep with," she went on.
He scowled at her from under dark eyebrows, the hot cocoa untouched on the table. Bolstered by Ben"s declaration of love still ricocheting around inside her head, she continued. "Think about it, Matt. I"m a single woman. And you and Lucy are adults now. I never brought men home when you were young. But, now that you"re both grown, I don"t think it"s unreasonable for me to have a life of my own."
"I"m not saying it is. It"s just ... well, for one thing he"s my boss."
"Yes," she said, looking at the red nail polish she"d put on specially for the opening night. A night that had see-sawed between misery and rapture. "That does make things a bit complicated."
Matt scratched his head and let out a loud sigh, his anger deflating. "I guess it"s going to take some getting used to. It never occurred to me to see you two as a ... a couple. But, hey, I like Ben, I really do, and if he makes you happy, then that"s all right with me, I guess."
Touched by this answer, and the fact that he had clearly struggled to reach this accommodation, she got up, and went and stood behind him. She put her arms around his shoulders and kissed the top of his head. His hair smelt of kitchen grease. "It makes me so happy to hear you say that, son. You"ve no idea."
Matt yawned. "Come on, Mum. It"s late. We should both get to bed." He stood up.
"Matt, will you do something for me?" she said, looking up at him.
"Sure."
"Don"t tell Lucy or your Dad about Ben just yet. Or anyone else." He opened his mouth to protest but she silenced him with, "Just for the time being. I"ll tell them all before Christmas, I promise, but it has to be the right time."
Matt considered this for a moment. "Okay. But don"t leave it too long, eh, Mum? You know I"m rubbish with secrets."
"I won"t. I promise." She placed a hand on his cheek. "I was proud of you tonight, son, you do know that, don"t you?"
He grinned and said, "Yeah, Jason said I did really well."
"That"s fantastic, Matt. Congratulations."
And she gave him a big hug, hoping with all her heart that Lucy, when she found out about Ben, reacted just as positively as her kind, big-hearted brother had done.
The weak winter sun shining through the wide crack in the curtains woke Jennifer the next morning. Ben was already awake, lying quietly on his side staring at her, his chin dark with stubble and sticky hair matted to his head. She hoped she hadn"t been snoring and she wished she"d woken up first. She would"ve snuck into the bathroom and put on a bit of discreet make-up.
"Morning, my darling."
Her heart soared at the simple words of endearment. "Morning," she smiled dreamily.
"Any regrets?"
"Nope. What about you?" She lowered her eyes to his chest, thick with dark hairs, and blushed at the recollection of her forwardness when she"d suggested he stay the night.
"Last night was the best thing that"s ever happened to me. And I don"t just mean the s.e.x."
She blushed more deeply, and her gaze drifted to the top of a well-toned bicep, just peeking out under the duvet. "You were drunk. I think I might have taken advantage of you."
"You did," he agreed and she glanced up at his face, stricken with mortification. But he was smiling widely, the corners of his eyes all crinkled up like he was squinting into the sun. He leaned up on one elbow and she rolled onto her back, letting the covers fall away from her breast.
"You"re a brazen hussy," he said and slipped a hand under the duvet, found the side of her hip and gave her a playful slap.
"But you like brazen hussies, right?" said Jennifer hoa.r.s.ely.
In reply, he pulled the duvet over their heads, plunging them into darkness.
Later, while they were still in bed, and rain battered the window, she told him about Matt"s nocturnal visit to her room and Ben said, "I"m glad he knows."
"But it could make things a bit awkward between you two."
"No, it"ll be fine," said Ben. "There"d be something wrong if he wasn"t a bit protective of you. But he"ll be cool once he knows that I"m not going to muck you about. Now, come over here and give me a cuddle."
He rolled her gently onto her side and lay down behind her, moulding his body to the shape of hers, so that they lay together like spoons in a drawer. He ran a hand lightly down the curve of her hip and said, "G.o.d, I love your body."
She laughed, bunching the pillow under her head. He nibbled the back of her neck and said, absentmindedly, "What"re you doing on the twenty-ninth of December?"
"I don"t know. Nothing much I imagine." She usually filled the dead time between Christmas and New Year by dutifully traipsing round relatives. But Christmas, she suddenly realised, would be different this year. She pictured them having long lazy lie-ins, curling up in front of the fire drinking mulled wine in the warm glow of Christmas tree lights, and taking brisk walks in the bracing sea air.
He trailed his fingers along the curve of her shoulder, sending shivers shooting down her arm.
"Well, how would you like to come with me to my cousin"s wedding? It"s at Galgorm."
"A winter wedding," she said, the invitation taking her by surprise. Galgorm, opened a few years ago, was one of the province"s finest hotels. She"d heard fabulous reports about it, but she"d never been. She sat up in bed and pulled the duvet over her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. "To the evening reception?"
He rolled onto his back. "No, the whole day."
Jennifer, suddenly facing the prospect of being propelled from obscurity into the limelight of the Crawford clan, was terrified. Everyone would be curious about her, judging her suitability as partner to Ulster"s most eligible bachelor. Ben"s parents would no doubt be there and would not be well pleased to see her on the arm of their only son. "It"s still early days for us, Ben. I"m not sure it"d be right for me to be there."
He too sat up then, the duvet falling away to reveal a muscled chest thick with wiry black hair. "I want you to be there. I want to show you off to everyone. To the entire world! Please say you"ll come," he pleaded and, when she hesitated, he grabbed her hand and pressed it to his red lips. The black stubble that shadowed his face was rough against her skin and he stared up at her with immense brown eyes. "Look, if we"re going to be a proper couple, then you have to come. I want you to be there at my side."
She smiled and all her objections melted away in the hazy warmth of his love. How could she say no to him? Why should she let his parents stop her going? He loved her and that was all that mattered. With him at her side, she could face anyone.