Even the imaginary him was evasive.
The rest of the time I thought out a strongly worded statement for Luke. If he wanted us to be friends, he had to understand there were some things that weren"t going to be acceptable.
Who was he to judge? Mr. I-won"t-break-up-with-her-I"ll-just-move-away.
The longer I walked, the more hypocritical Luke seemed and the angrier I got. Who was he to say I couldn"t kiss my own boyfriend? Chris wasn"t the bad guy here. He may have made a not great judgment call about the party, but I"m sure when we finally talked, it would all make sense.
Luke needed to back off, and I was going to be the one to tell him so.
I froze mid-step, my stomach crinkling up a little. I didn"t want to lose this new friendship. The summer had been hard with Rachel working at the sleep-away camp, and having one more person in my life who usually made sense would be great. Unless he didn"t usually make sense and I"d only been seeing good moments until today.
Climbing the last hill, the school came into view, cars already gathering in the parking lot. I searched for Chris"s. If I could grab him before practice to get everything straightened out, I wouldn"t have to think about it for a couple of hours while watching him run around in those little soccer shorts.
He stood at the door, Cheryl and a couple girls surrounding him. As I approached, he glanced up and then turned back to the cheer-type-people.
Sucking in a deep, deep breath, I rethought my plan. But, if this was going to work, I was going to have to be the girl for him. The girl for him would absolutely demand an answer. I was keying down demand to ask and hoping for the best.
"Chris?"
I almost laughed out loud. He seemed more surprised than anyone else when I said his name. Cheryl looked curious... not in a good way, but still very curious.
"Uh, yeah?"
"Can I talk to you for a minute?"
Everyone looked at him as if he were about to give the answers to the SATs. He stepped through the group, the girls separating like the part down a fresh salon blowout to let him pa.s.s.
He led me into the school, moving with a surety that showed he knew I"d follow. After the door fell shut behind us, he stopped and asked, "What"s up?"
"Why did you tell me I wasn"t invited to Ben"s pool party?"
With a startled glance down the hall, he wrapped his hand about my arm, led me toward one of the health rooms, and pulled the door shut behind us.
"What?" he asked, as though it had been too loud in the empty hall for him to hear me.
"Why did you tell me Ben didn"t invite me?" I definitely deserved points for patience.
His hand released my arm and came up to brush my hair from my face, tilting my chin so I looked him in the eye.
"Babe, you hate those things."
"Maybe I wouldn"t hate them if I was with you." Every little itty bitty teeny wee part of me, even the sc.r.a.ped skin I left back on the bridge, shouted for him to make it all right.
His hand dropped to his side. "You know I had to take Cheryl."
"Why? I was invited and the guys would have thought I"d just ridden with you. If you took me and we hung out with the team, who would care?"
"Cheryl would."
The sure way he said it made my breath stop.
"Why would she care?"
Chris stepped away and glanced at the door, pushing me further into the room so no one would see us through the tiny window. He glanced toward the door again, still not answering me. I could almost see him thinking.
"Cheryl doesn"t..." I stopped, suddenly afraid I didn"t know either. OMG-What if Luke had been right and I was the other woman.
"Babe," Chris"s voice was low as he stepped toward me. "Don"t be like that. You know we make a great team. Cheryl"s off being a cheerleader and you"re here for me where I need you at practice."
I stepped back, away from him, trying to get some distance so I could think. Put it all together.
Everything ran through my mind. The summer and how we only hung out at the center. His time with Cheryl. Everything Rachel-and yes, even Luke-said about him using me.
Before I could make everything mean one solid thing in my head and heart, Chris stepped toward me again, bracing me against the wall. He lowered his mouth to mine, taking it before I could even decide if I"d want to give it. It was the type of kiss girls dream about-your dream guy sweeping you into his arms and kissing you with an intensity that surprises you.
Only now, it worried me too because a little voice screamed that he must kiss Cheryl just like this too.
I told the little voice to shut up.
His hand brushed my cheek as he pulled away. "Babe, you"re not like other girls. You"re calm and cool. You"re sweet and everything good that makes a guy want to just be around you. You know?" He leaned down, meeting my gaze head on. "I need you to be here for me. You swore you were on my side. We"re a team and I need you at practice."
Even through the kiss-haze, something didn"t seem right with that, but I nodded my cloudy head anyway and watched him smile down at me as if I were a pet who"d learned a new trick.
A moment later he was gone, and I was left there trying to catch my scattered thoughts along with my shallow breath.
Things went back to normal.
When I say "normal" I mean Rachel was still at camp and no one else paid any attention to my existence. Not even All-Seeing Luke Parker.
Tryouts continued and so did my internal drama. I tried to rationalize all that mind-body-soul high school upheaval as fair since I"d lived teen-angst free for so long. The part I feared most was that Luke had been right about at least one thing. I had been living under my own radar too long.
I stuffed those cursed binders into the stat girls" locker and grumbled to myself about school starting in a week. Then I"d have two lockers, this one and my real one on the other side of school in the seniors" hall. It would be one more place to store stuff I didn"t care about and another door to slam to let out my highly annoying emotions.
Coming out of the building, I stopped short. Before me, there in the jock lot, an alternative "what if" universe unraveled.
A tiny blonde girl I"d never seen before leaned against Luke"s truck. On either side of her, Luke and Chris squared off, their words tumbling over each other and killing any semblance of an actual conversation. It was like driving by an accident. I really, really didn"t want to see the wreckage, but I couldn"t help myself. I slowed as I pa.s.sed behind Luke, trying to figure out what this throw-down was about.
"Sweetheart, he may have been something at your school, but here he isn"t even second best." Chris propped his elbow against the truck"s bed and hovered over the blonde. "You want to see what Ridge View is like, I can show you. Pizza sound good?"
My stomach rolled as Chris flirted with yet another girl. Could he belittle our kiss any more? All the little ways he"d managed to fit in a minute here and there with me dwindled to nothing in my mind.
I had almost slipped by when Luke"s voice growled, low and angry.
"Katie, get in the truck."
Katie.
I skidded to a halt on the sand-covered pavement and swung around to peek at her, the girl they fought over now. I had to know if she really was something special, or if Chris and Luke were just used to fighting over everything. She was tiny, blonde and beautiful. Between the two of them, she looked like a perfect little fairy.
I tried not to hate her on sight.
Where Cheryl was a flawless, manufactured pretty, Katie was naturally... well, perfect. Slight and fey, she looked like a young Natalie Portman. Yeah. Perfect.
Raising my head, I caught Luke"s eyes as they widened at the sight of me. He stepped toward me, but stopped when Chris slid down the truck bed rail toward Katie, one eye on Luke the entire time.
Luke"s focus veered back to Chris. "Don"t even think about it. Katie, get in the truck."
The pretty little blonde flashed Chris a perky little smile and moved her perfect little self toward where Luke held the pa.s.senger"s door open. His gaze slid my way and Chris turned to see what had captured his attention.
When he caught sight of me, Chris"s smile widened. "Hey, babe. It"s getting dark. You need a ride?"
I tried not to glance toward Luke. I didn"t want to tick anyone off, but Chris was finally doing what he was supposed to. And Luke"s girlfriend had shown up. And it was getting dark. Not to mention I was just plain tired at this point.
Tired of trying to make everything black and white in my head-black and white in my heart. Chris"s flirting had just given it a squeeze, making it ache like it did when he chose Cheryl over me.
But, I needed that ride-not to mention that one-on-one time-so I answered in the only way I thought might be best for me. The only way I might end up with what I wanted.
"Sure," I answered as Luke said, "I don"t think so."
Chris stepped between us, blocking my view of Luke. I stilled, afraid of what would happen. Afraid this would be the time they finally tried to kill each other.
At that moment it could have been over the soccer team, Luke"s girlfriend, or their own pride stopping them both from letting me choose what I wanted.
And then suddenly, I knew what I needed to do.
Luke caught Chris around the arm as I reached out, grabbing Chris"s hand, summoning some feminine power I didn"t know I had. Sliding toward him, I tilted my head to smile up at him. I tried to bat my lashes without making it look like I had something in my eye.
"Thanks, Chris. I"d love a ride home."
"Amy." Luke dropped his hold on Chris to reach past him.
Chris whacked his hand away, pushing toward me, forcing me back.
"You heard her, Parker. Take off."
For once, Chris opened my door. After practically shoving me in the car, he slammed the door behind me. m.u.f.fled through the gla.s.s, I heard him taunt Luke.
"Isn"t one girl enough for you, Parker?"
"Isn"t that the question you should be asking yourself?"
I angled my head to glance out the window, making sure they hadn"t lowered themselves to rock throwing. Across the empty spot, Katie watched, not the boys, but me, her brows lowered and nose squished up in-yes-a perfect little squish.
Chris pushed past Luke, b.u.mping him shoulder to shoulder, and slid behind the wheel, grinning at me as if I"d given him the state championships wrapped in a bow. Throwing the car in reverse, he zipped off as I struggled to get my seat belt on.
Once we"d made it down the hill, Chris slowed the car, his arm stretched out across the back of my seat. At my house, he threw the car into park before giving me a serious look. That out of character move worried me.
"So, what"s going on with you and Parker?"
"It"s funny you should ask that, since I was going to ask what"s going on with you and me?"
"You and me?" Chris unbuckled his seat belt and leaned toward me, pushing my hair over my shoulder. "You and me and no one else right now."
"Right now being the key words," my new s.p.u.n.kalicious self answered as I wondered where she"d come from.
"Babe, I think we should just hang out, the two of us." He glanced past me toward the front door, his hand tracing over the edge of my jaw. "There"s no tryouts tonight."
Then his lips were where his hand had been.
"Chris-"
I"m still not sure what I would have said because he cut off any words, along with the thoughts attached to them, when his mouth slid over mine. This is what I had wanted. His full attention. Just the two of us.
I pulled away.
"Chris?" He moved to kiss me again, but I put my hand on his shoulder, hoping to get his attention. "That"s not an answer. What"s going on with us? What"s going on with you and Cheryl?"
"Aw, babe, let"s not talk about that right now." He kissed my cheek and turned my head toward him. "Let"s skip the talking part."
I let him kiss me again, telling myself this was all I"d dreamt about for the past six years, even as it ate away at me. I broke the kiss, taking off my seat belt and pushing the door open.
"I"d really like to talk about some things first." I hopped out and waited for him to follow, wondering where all this newfound feistiness was coming from.
He got out and came around the car, looking me up and down, making some type of guy-dar judgment call.
"Cheryl and I... broke up."
My heart stopped. No, it leapt. "You broke up with her?"
He paused for a second before taking the last step toward me. My mind went a little numb as he reached for me, sliding a hand around my waist and pulling me toward him.
"Yeah. Of course I did. Babe, you"ve been really good working with the team and you know the guys really like you. It"s been great." He rested his chin on top of my head. "I was thinking I probably got that captain"s spot. I mean, we need to wait to really date until I know for sure, but..."
He pulled back and looked at me, waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
And then it dawned on me that I was perhaps the stupidest girl on the entire planet.
"Oh?" I asked as innocently as possible. "So you know, when that"s all taken care of, we can date and do things like go to the Homecoming dance?"
He blinked before answering, "Of course."
I leaned into him, tucking myself under his chin where I could hide what I was really thinking.
"Oh, good," I said. "I mean, I know Coach wants to talk to me about that Monday before the scrimmage, but you know, I"ll be glad when it"s done."
His hand moved slowly down my arm and back up again. Up and down. Up and down.