I understood what he was saying. If I made friends with someone who was battling for a slot on the field against Chris, the outcome would be bad for me no matter who won.
"It isn"t my fault he came to pick me up this morning. He knew I didn"t have a ride."
Chris nodded, his distraction starting to pinch my nerves, making me anxious and curious at the same time.
"I mean," I continued, "it"s a good way for me to get my run in, but I didn"t want to be rude to him."
"That"s sweet." Chris"s voice sounded distant, as if he were already thinking about something else. "Forget about Parker. I"m sure he won"t be around much longer. Did Coach give you the lists for tomorrow with the binders?"
After thinking about Luke and his lack-of-nosiness, Chris"s questions started to grate on me the wrong way.
"The only person asking about the binders is you. You seem really interested in what I know. What I know because of the position you got me as stats girl." I felt a little sick. Like running in 90-plus-degree-weather-without-hydrating sick. "Is that what this is all about? Me being stats girl? Am I your in?"
He pulled the car to the side of the road and threw it into park. "No! Of course not. You know this was all about us getting to spend more time together. Even when we don"t get to really hang out, at least I know I"ll get to see you."
I wanted to believe him. I wanted him to want to be with me more than soccer.
I know, I was asking for the impossible.
"Babe," he leaned toward me, brushing my hair away. "I don"t need an in. Yeah, it would be nice to know stuff, but really? Having you there is the biggest bonus of you being stats girl." He shot me that grin, the one that made every girl in school stop and stare... and blush.
"Okay. You"re right. Sorry." I smiled back and repeated myself because I was so sure of him now. "You"re right."
I pushed aside my doubt. I had to believe that this was about there being an us, not about Chris being the exact opposite of who I"d always believed him to be. Otherwise, he was a complete you-know-what and I was a fool.
No one wants to be a fool... and I really wanted to believe in him. To be the girl he looked forward to dating when this was all over.
Chris put the car back in drive and pulled onto the road. The bridge came into view and he slowed, glancing from side to side.
"It"s on the left just before the bridge," I told him-surprising myself at the slight snit in my voice-so he wouldn"t pa.s.s it again.
Pulling down the dirt lane, the crescent moon shone through the thick foliage overhead. At the circle in front of the house, Chris threw the car into park again. The darkened windows reminded me I hadn"t been home since breakfast.
"My dad"s not home yet, you know, if you wanted to come in and hang out for awhile, or something."
His gaze flicked past me to the house before he answered. "Aw, babe. I can"t. You know. Big day tomorrow. Don"t want to be tired."
I"d known that when I"d offered, but I"d hoped he"d come in for a few minutes. I don"t know, maybe walk me to the door. I usually didn"t mind the way my house sat away from everyone else. The first moments alone always gave me goose b.u.mps, especially coming home after dark. But then I"d know I was safely tucked away from the world without strangers about.
"Okay." I reached in the back to get my bag where he"d tossed it over his shoulder. "I guess I"ll see you tomorrow."
I held the door open, waiting, until he said, "Yup. Tomorrow."
I rolled my eyes as I straightened, slamming the door and marching toward the house. A large part of me I"d deny existed hoped he"d get out of the car and follow me in to see what the door-slam-thing was about. Instead, he sped away, leaving me to fumble for the doork.n.o.b in the dark.
Chapter 10.
I lay in bed the next morning, the heat already seeping through the thick stucco walls, thinking about boys and how incredibly confusing they were. Downstairs, the front door slammed and I listened to the ghost of my father drive away. Pulling the sheet over my head, I tried to count the days since I"d spoken with him face to face. How long had it been since I"d seen something other than just a pa.s.sing hint of him-more than a dirty dish in the sink or the jacket he forgot to put away the night before?
We couldn"t go on like this much longer. To be honest, I wasn"t sure which one of us would break first. It was times like that I questioned his love and his hate. How much of each was directed at me and how much at fate and the world at large.
At least there were groceries. I mean, he even got everything I asked for last week. Sometimes I wanted to request something insane to see if he"d just get it instead of leaving me a note saying no.
Pushing him from my mind, I got ready for the day, throwing on my typical shorts and tank top. I stretched in the kitchen while downing the last of the OJ from the carton.
Bending deeper into the stretch, my body groaned, begging me to collapse in the sun and not move for a Lost: Season Three marathon amount of time. But with no other way to tryouts, my poor abused body was out of luck.
Planning was the key to making it through the day. I"d given myself even longer than usual to get there so I could walk up those darn hills. Who built a school at the top of a three-hill stepped pyramid? Seriously? Not the guy who lived at the bottom of the hill-unless he hated kids that is.
I slung my backpack on as I stumbled out the door and lurched to a halt. There, in my front yard, was not one boy with a car, but two.
Luke sat on the hood of his old pickup, two travel mugs resting beside him. Chris"s car blocked him in. Standing in front of Luke"s truck, Chris faced him, angry sounding words spilling from his mouth. Luke leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, lips pinched in a tight line, staring him down.
This was not the way to brighten up my already perkiless morning. If they thought I was going to play referee to the silliness going on in my drive, they were sadly mistaken. I considered going back inside and escaping out the kitchen door.
"Um. Morning?"
Both guys swung my way, but only Luke"s expression shifted into a smile when he caught sight of me.
"Babe, what is this guy doing here?" Chris gestured at Luke with an angry, sharp motion. "You said you guys aren"t hanging out."
I glanced at Luke in time to see his smile slip and his brows draw down.
"We aren"t hanging out," I said. "I"m not sure what either of you are doing here."
"Giving you a ride," they both answered and spun to glare at one another again.
"There"s no need." Chris stalked toward his car, shouting for me over his shoulder. "Come on. I don"t want us to be late."
Luke slid off the hood as I walked by. I straightened, waiting for him to challenge me, to prod me into admitting I"d rather go with Chris than with him. Forcing me to say it out loud.
Instead, he handed me the second gla.s.s of sweet tea and said, "See you on the field."
I hopped in Chris"s car, slightly embarra.s.sed that Luke saw me open my own door. Before I could close it, Chris was backing out of the drive, kicking dirt up at Luke"s truck. He barely slowed to turn onto the road and cross the rickety bridge. Both his hands gripped the steering wheel, his knuckles edging white. We"d almost gotten to the school when he finally slowed down.
Avoiding my eye and making himself busy with rear defrost b.u.t.ton, Chris finally spoke, his voice grated and low. "I don"t think you should let him follow you around like that."
"He isn"t following me around. He was just picking me up." It had to be the lack of sleep that made me so on edge, because I could feel my patience with Chris slipping away for the first time ever.
"I"m picking you up for tryouts." Chris loosened his grip on the wheel and started drumming his fingers along the top, occasionally tapping out a beat.
"Chris." I held my breath as I laid a hand on his arm. "He doesn"t mean anything by it. He knows I don"t have a car and is just trying to be nice."
Fingers tightened. Knuckles whitened. He nodded. "Yeah. No big deal."
I let my hand fall to my side as we pulled into the empty parking lot. For a moment, Chris sat, hands clasped about the wheel, staring at the building in front of us.
"Okay. So, it"s no big deal," he said again and turned the car off. "I just need this to not be drama with us. I get enough of that c.r.a.p at home. I don"t need it at the field, too."
I looked at him, surprised by this. Surprised he"d admit to something wrong. I knew his dad was a jerk, but drama?
"What"s going on?" I asked. Because, I mean, that"s what people do, right? They ask you what"s bothering you when they care.
"Nothing." The word was short and low. He got out and slammed the door behind him, ending any chance to check the nothingness of the nothing.
Together, we walked into the dark school. Chris stopped with me at the stats locker as I stowed my bag and gathered the binders for the day. He watched, his eyes narrowed like he was reading the forward line of a rival team, and then he stepped closer. Brushing my hair behind my ear, he leaned in and lowered his voice enough for it to not echo in the silent hall.
"I need to know you"re on my side."
I raised my head, looked into those lush eyes, and tightened my hold on the binders to avoid reaching for the soft tuft of gold cascading over his forehead. It never dawned on me before that he doubted he had someone on his side.
"I am. I swear."
He studied me, judging my words against what he saw. What he thought he knew about Luke Parker. The weight of that stare snared me and sucked me in further than I already was, making me feel all floaty and stuff.
Chris"s gaze flicked past me before returning to rekindle the floaty-feeling when he caught my smitten stare. A smile tickled the edges of his mouth before he lowered his head and swept his lips over mine in a light kiss. His hand brushed up my neck, cradling my head and bringing me closer. I barely noticed the bang of the door falling shut behind me amid the new high-power floatiness. Chris raised his head, pushing my hair back again before looking over my shoulder, his smile broadening before he stepped away.
"I"ll see you on the field, babe."
I watched him disappear down the hall and into the boys" locker room, my fingers raised to the place his lips had last touched.
My locker door slamming shut dragged me from my misty reverie.
Luke moved around me to face me head on.
"He," Luke stabbed a finger in the direction Chris had just gone, "has a girlfriend."
"It isn"t what you think it is."
"I think he has a girlfriend. I think he"s using you. I think you"re too smart to fall for this, and I can"t figure out why you"re letting him toy with you behind his girlfriend"s back."
Anger washed over me in a heat so warm I felt my hairs raise just to get away from my skin. "I am not the other woman."
Luke grabbed my arm before I could spin away from him.
"Amy, you aren"t the only one, and that is just as important." He turned in the direction of where Chris had disappeared. "And, I"m pretty sure Cheryl isn"t the other woman either."
Before I could fight with him, explain to him, try to convince him of something I wasn"t even allowed to talk about, he stormed off. I stood there, alone with my embarra.s.sment, anger and confusion, not sure who any of it was directed at.
Without him the hall felt empty, cold. And I felt stupid and didn"t even know which guy to blame.
Another group wandered into the school, their loud laughter and loose soccer b.a.l.l.s breaking the silence. I shook myself back to reality-or reality as I knew it-and made my way out to the field. Let the boys take care of the table and Coach and everything else. I was having enough trouble taking care of me.
Chapter 11.
"Whalen!"
Well, that voice didn"t belong at soccer tryouts. Actually, that voice didn"t even belong in Ridge View anymore. I turned to see Jenn Cafry, last year"s cross-country captain, walking my direction.
"Hey, Jenn," I answered as she settled next to me on the gra.s.s, falling into a matching stretch. "What"s going on? Shouldn"t you be running for your spot at college by now?"
She snorted. "It"s my mom"s birthday. She figures I"m only three hours away, I can just flit back and forth for whatever she defines as important stuff."
"Well," I grinned at her as I switched legs. "There"s always the free laundry situation."
"There is that." She switched legs, keeping our stretches even. "So, my brother"s trying out for the team."
Cafry. The little blushy freshman.
"Cafry"s yours, huh? Cute kid."
She laughed. "Yeah, Kevin. I forget he"s in high school. Four years is a big difference. I keep thinking he should be out on the swing set or playing with GI Joes or something."
I pictured poor blushing Cafry if he heard his sister now.
"But, he told me a really interesting story last night over dinner. He told me about this girl beating the entire boys" soccer team in a race. He told me she"s the stats girl. And, imagine my surprise when I find out it"s only the best distance runner on the team... well, since I left."
I could never tell with Jenn if she was being funny or c.o.c.ky, so I just flashed her a grin and let her read it however she wanted. "Things change."
She brought both legs in, sitting with them crossed in front of her. "They change so much that you toss your cross-country record out to count b.a.l.l.s in nets for boys?"
I glanced toward the school, hoping no one would head down. Coach stood up there, watching us, clipboard under his arm. I suddenly felt a bit suspicious. Coach, that meddler.
"Yeah. You know." I shrugged.
"No. I don"t know. If you go back to the team, they"d take you with open arms."
That was probably true, they"d want my points. But, they probably hadn"t noticed I was gone. Even my own coach hadn"t checked in to see what I was doing.
"No offense, Jenn, but since you guys left I was pretty much on my own there. I ran by myself at practice. I run by myself now. It"s all the same and you know..."
I hope she filled in my convenient trailing off in some good way, because even I didn"t know.
"Yeah, see, that"s the thing. I don"t know. Kevin told me you were dating one of the guys maybe, but he wasn"t sure."
What was I going to say to that? I just shrugged and let her fill in more blanks, struggling to meet her gaze as she studied me. Then, with a quick nod she grinned.