I could almost hear her response. Well, Amy Nicole, wait up for him. Don"t let him hide. Try talking to him instead of just listening to him shuffle through the house. Tears stung my eyes as the voice I never forgot whispered through my heart. And don"t forget, he loves you. He loves you so much.
When I left, I felt the keen reminder that I still had a parent, even if he"d gone AWOL. And, the new and improved, comes-out-of-the-shadows Amy was going to try to get him back.
That night, heavy footfalls trudged up the stairs outside my bedroom door. I"d been waiting and it was time to spring... in a completely loving way, of course.
"Hey, Dad?"
He stopped, his body turned away toward his room. I saw the moment he wished he"d kept going before his shoulders kind of drooped-like defeat or something-before he lowered his briefcase to the floor and turned to face me.
"Yes?"
Okay. So. Yeah, not so promising.
"I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute."
A shoulder hitched up before he turned to face me. It"s not my fault he was coming in so late. If he wanted to look at his watch, go ahead. Whatever.
"What about?"
Here we go. I needed a parent. Not just any parent, but the one that was here. I needed my dad.
"I wanted to talk about Mom-"
He paled and his gaze turned out, past me. Not only was he not looking at me, but he didn"t even see me there. A big curtain of invisibility had fallen between us before I could even make my plea.
"Amy, you know how I feel about that."
I did know. Mom was off limits. A non-topic. The day she died it was like a switch flicked in my dad. Like he had to make as if she"d almost never been... while I had to hold on tighter to her memory.
"I just wanted to talk to you about-"
His hand cut through the air. "Stop. We"re not going to rehash the past. There are things that are just-" The word died on his lips. He sucked in a breath. "Amy. It"s late. Some of us have to go to work tomorrow."
I almost said, Some of us choose to go to work and not talk to our daughters, but he was already edging away.
He picked up his briefcase. "Go to bed." His voice had softened, but his tone hadn"t.
"But, Dad-"
"Amy. Go to bed."
Before I could say another word, his door was closing. I should never have mentioned Mom, but I hadn"t known how else to start. How to get him to talk to me. How to make him love me again without her.
I turned away from my own room, knowing I wouldn"t be sleeping for a while.
Wandering downstairs, I headed toward the back porch where my paints were. But, as I turned the corner at the bottom of the stairs, the moon shining in the front window caught my attention and pulled me into the front room. Mom"s room. All the homey knick-knacks and comfy furniture still sprawled about in measured shambles of a well-loved, well-used room.
The light illuminated the overstuffed loveseat in the corner where she used to read each afternoon as she waited for me to get home. Missing her more now and knowing I"d never get to my dad, I shuffled in and curled up on the chair. Pulling the hand-knitted afghan over my shoulders, I wrapped it around me, almost smelling her there with me-and tried to fall asleep.
I guess there really is something to being with your mom, because just when I thought I"d never sleep again, I was dreaming about oil colors blending on canvas.
Chapter 20.
I slapped the alarm clock again, wondering why the sleep-piercing sound continued. Another ring jolted me before I realized it was my cell phone. Late nights and comfort chocolate did not make for a good Sunday morning.
"h.e.l.lo?" I croaked.
"Babe, what are you doing tonight? I thought we could, you know, get our runs in together."
I shot up in bed and looked at the number on my cell. Sure enough, it said "Chris."
My heart dropped and then double-timed. Maybe his apology had been sincere. Maybe he really was trying. He was calling me. He wanted to be with me.
Luke Parker was on the other side of town not trying.
"Sure. I can go for a run today."
"Great. I was thinking, you know, we could go this evening, after it starts to cool down. Maybe talk a little?"
"Yeah, that sounds-oh wait. No. I can"t go tonight." I glanced at the clock. It was only quarter of eight. Who called at quarter of eight on a Sunday morning? "How about this morning before the day gets going?"
"Yeah. No can do. I"ve got plans today. Just move whatever you"re doing tonight."
I glanced at the clock again as if the time could shift and we could fit everything in.
"I don"t think I can."
I thought about Rachel and Jared and their newfound relationship. If I didn"t go tonight, I could miss the whole thing knowing how quickly those two made decisions... or she could run off and elope with him. Where was the nearest state that wed people over sixteen without parental consult?
And I"d promised Justin. He was convinced if I saw Luke again without Katie-now that I had the whole story Justin-style-I"d be as instantly in love as Rachel.
Of course, instant love usually led to instant unlove-especially in Rachel"s case. She wasn"t exactly a relationship-role model. Dating expert? Yes. Lasting past week three? Not so much. Not that I was looking for either with Luke.
Luke was too confusing, too overwhelming. It didn"t matter what I felt around him, because those feelings had to be him swamping me with new emotions. Not like with Chris. Anything I thought I felt for Luke didn"t have the long-term constancy of how I felt about Chris.
But, the thought of Luke and that Fury"s tiny-little perfect fists pounding on his chest yesterday suddenly had me angry enough to want to check on him. To make sure his Mr. Manners routine hadn"t let her bruise him up.
Luke Parker. c.r.a.p.
"Come on, babe. What could be more important than us hanging out?" It had to be my imagination, but I thought I heard a slight whine in his voice.
"I actually have a party to go to. I just got invited last night." I tried to shrug it off. "You know, one of those last minute things."
"A party?"
Was he confused or just surprised I"d been invited to one. I mean, it was his fault I hadn"t gone to Ben"s pool party.
"You know," I kept talking. "Just a barbeque."
"Where?"
I thought of lying and saying it was Rachel"s thing. I mean, anyone would believe that. Rachel was the social one, constantly dragging me places. People didn"t think it was weird I was there because they didn"t notice I was there.
"Actually, Justin Parker invited me. I don"t think you know him. He plays baseball."
There was a really long pause. You know, the kind that makes you want to say, "h.e.l.lo?" even though you"re ninety-nine percent sure the other person is still there.
I tried to picture Chris on the phone piecing everything together. Was he angry? Annoyed? I"d told him I wasn"t hanging out with Luke and technically that was true. But of course he"d be there, I mean it was at his house and all.
"Parker as in Luke?"
In the background, I heard a car horn.
"Yeah. Justin"s his brother."
"So, you"re going to be hanging out at Parker"s house?"
The horn sounded over his phone again.
"Well, yeah. That"s where the barbeque is."
"Babe-" The horn blared, someone was laying on it now and not letting up. The neighbors must love them. I heard the squeaking of a screen door and Chris shouting, the phone still inches from his mouth. "Hang on, alright? I"ve got someone on the phone."
The door slammed shut and he was back. "You know, I thought you said you weren"t hanging out with Parker."
"I"m not. I"m hanging out with Justin."
"Amy." I could hear the frustration in his voice. "He"s probably sucked his brother into helping him get on the team by getting on your good side. They"re going to try to get info out of you and twist you into helping him get the spot on the team."
"No. It isn"t like that. Justin and Jared invited us on the spot after dinner last night while we were shopping for a phone for Rachel."
"Who the h.e.l.l is Jared?"
"Justin"s twin. It was just one of those spur of the moment things after dinner."
"Wait, you had dinner with these guys?"
"Not really. They joined us when we were done. And then, you know, walked us to the plaza. "
Even I realized that was starting to sound like one of those non-date date things.
"Chris, it was just an accidental meet-up and invite." I had a quick flash of why am I defending myself followed by a steady wave of just keep the peace. "It"s not like-"
"Are you almost ready?" The voice in the background was very clearly female. Very clearly Cheryl.
I suddenly felt less than a dire need to explain. Far less. Actually, I was beginning to wonder if maybe I should be the one demanding answers.
And then I thought, Why bother?
"So, it"s no big deal. You go do whatever it is you and Cheryl are doing and I"ll see you tomorrow at the scrimmage."
I heard the m.u.f.fled sound of his phone being covered and voices... annoyed voices.
"I have to go, but let"s talk about this. Monday. After the scrimmage."
It wasn"t even a question.
"I may be hanging out with Rachel."
"Don"t be like that-"
"Chris," the whine sounded over the phone again. "We"re going to be late. Can"t you talk in the car?"
"You know what, fine. Monday." I answered as if I was there with them. "I really have to get my run in this morning. You guys have fun."
"Ah..."
I took that as "Okay. Thanks. You too," and hung up.
I don"t know if my inner diva was coming out, but it felt good to a.s.sert myself. Even if I"d been a little rude.
And besides, I was looking forward to going to the Parkers". The twins were fun, Tom was my boy and-as much as I hated to admit it-I wouldn"t say no to another mom-hug from Mrs. Parker.
It was time to stop putting everything on hold for a guy who may or may not have a girlfriend. Actually, for either guy who may or may not have a girlfriend. It was becoming apparent my power of invisibility was beginning to fail-well, with people not related to me-so, I might as well start having a life of my own.
Chapter 21.
Perky McPerky-I"m sorry, Rachel-picked me up early that evening. She busted in and changed my hair, clothes, and lack of makeup in a twirl-a-whirl of fashion the cast of What Not To Wear would have been proud of. All the while overflowing with excited happiness. And why wouldn"t she? She was in the middle of one of her love-at-first sight binges. On top of that, she"d actually managed to fall for a guy who did the same thing.
The drive to the Parkers" consisted of a rapid-fire interrogation about Jared and his family between lip gloss reapplications. I doubt I could have told her anything she hadn"t already learned since it sounded like she"d spent most of the day either on the phone with Jared, IMing Jared, texting Jared, or Twittering about Jared.
And the best news? Katie"s parents really had shown up to claim her.
I almost wish we had been there for that. I had to wonder what kind of parents raised a girl who appeared so perfect, but was really just a fruitcake looking for a Bundt pan to cling to.
Jared met us at the door, barefoot, tan and taller than Rachel. I guess I could see the appeal. He had the Parker lopsided smile thing waiting for her and she lit up at it.