Chapter 27.
School finally started a couple days later and things began to return to normal, as if half the town hadn"t almost lost everything and been living in the gym.
As if I hadn"t fallen for Luke Parker, kissed him, and lost him all in twenty-four hours.
Rachel and Jared walked beside me (ok, behind me and oblivious to my presence) toward the senior hall when my heart-the one I thought was broken-stopped. At the Crossroads, the place where the junior and senior halls intersected, the varsity soccer players managed to look like they were lounging while still upright. It wasn"t the general milling about that caught my attention, but the dynamics... the very odd dynamics.
I"d expected uncomfortable. I mean, what could have happened after Coach named Chris and Luke co-captains? Granted, Chris kept his spot and Luke was given left-midfield. Coach had said if the team was going to split between them, then the two of them would have to figure out how to hold them together.
The first day of school could mean nothing short of hostility between the two captains. Chris leaned against the locker glaring at Luke. Okay, nothing new there. But it was the reason for the glaring that had me feeling like breakfast wasn"t going to stay where I"d put it. Luke paid only half his attention to the notebooks he shoved into his locker, the other half of his attention on Cheryl. The social climbing floozy did everything but climb into his locker to gain his full attention.
Behind me, Rachel and Jared stopped, their whispers dropping away as they watched me watch Luke. Chris"s gaze swung my direction as if he knew I was there, as if for once he was more aware of me than anything else. The look he gave me almost finished me off. It wasn"t anger at Luke I saw, but pity. Pity for me because Luke wanted so little to do with me that he"d flirt with a girl I knew he didn"t even respect. It was so blatantly horrible that even Chris felt bad.
The hall blurred when Luke turned his head, pushing that floppy brown hair out of his eyes and met my gaze over Cheryl.
Or didn"t meet my gaze.
He looked right through me before closing the locker with a tight snick and walking away, Cheryl at his side.
Invisible again.
Every ounce of me wanted to chase them down and make a jerk of myself in front of the entire school. I wanted to pull each strand of pom-pom hair out of her head. I"d make another chance with Luke no matter what. I"d earn another chance with him.
They turned the corner and all I could think was at least that was over. I knew how things were going to go-and it certainly couldn"t get worse than that.
Third period English was going to be h.e.l.l. Too many of the major players in the farcical tragedy that had become my life were present. In the center of the room, Luke sat at a desk he barely fit in and watched the doorway until I entered.
That new inner s.p.u.n.k I found when I started seeing what a user Chris was, leapt out again, pushing me to turn between the desks an aisle early. Luke flipped through his notebook, ignoring the first-day-still-empty pages as I attempted to sashay toward him. I only tripped over one backpack. That was pretty suave for me.
I ran my hand along the edge of his desk, willing him to look up at me. Begging him silently to give me some type of sign. His crooked grin tightened into a straight line. Jaw locked. Eyes straight ahead.
I fought the tears stinging my eyes. English cla.s.s was so not the place to openly weep, no matter how desperately I wanted him back. He was mine for one night, and now I was the thing he hated most in Ridge View.
Settling into a seat at the far side of the room, I stared through the window wishing I was out there. The pavement under my feet, the wind brushing my bangs off my face, sweat pushing everything else from my mind.
That was where we"d end up sitting anyway once seats were a.s.signed, so it made sense to just grab them now. Plus, it was one of the few advantages to being a "W". Whalen typically meant I was picked last for everything, but it did let me sit next to the window. That would be the window I could see Cheryl"s reflection in behind me. Cheryl who was now leaning against Luke"s desk and giggling.
Did she have Amy-Likes-Him radar or something?
OMG. My head swiveled their way against my will. It was worse than I thought. I"d fallen for the next It-boy. Another one. The room was filled with girls throwing covetous glances toward Cheryl. And why not? He was hot (how"d I miss that in the beginning?), kind, funny, smart... stubborn, control-freak.
But I wanted him to be my control-freak.
"Stop staring."
That was the other good thing about being a W. Rachel Wells. If we"d had different last names, who knows if we would have been such brilliant friends.
"I"m not staring." At her raised eyebrow I continued my pitiful defense. "I"m merely watching the goings-on and social interactions of our peers in a moment of educational respite."
"Yeah. No matter how you say it, you"re staring." She glanced their way as Cheryl leaned in to whisper something in Luke"s ear. "She"s making the push now before he caves and forgives you."
I forced my gaze back toward Rachel behind me. This was what a best friend was for. To tell you exactly what you wanted to hear when the truth wouldn"t do any good.
"It"s true," she insisted. "Watch her. She"s paying as much attention to you as to him."
I glanced at them again, only to catch Cheryl"s eye before she shifted toward Luke, pushing her barely-school-code cut T-shirt toward him. Granted, Luke"s eyes never dropped to what she was offering, but that didn"t stop me from wanting to rip her hair out. Again. Strand by strand. And then strangle her with it.
I was leaving the violent stuff for if she actually touched him.
Mrs. Lestor strolled into the room-which is just wrong for a woman in her fifties, especially since she didn"t trip over any backpacks-and called for everyone to get in a seat.
With a last set of eye batting, Cheryl made her way to her desk. She lowered herself into that chair like it was a throne and she was the All High Exalted Princess of Teenagerdom.
Cla.s.s dragged. I mean, I may be an art geek, but I"m no nerd. Cla.s.s always drags, but it was horrible. I could feel Luke not looking at me. The force of his presence, his anger, drew my attention to him again and again. A squad of singing chipmunks in matching tutus could have pranced through the cla.s.sroom and I wouldn"t have noticed.
When the bell finally rang, I sucked in a breath. My hands shook, but I needed to do something, some type of move forward. I couldn"t stand the waiting any longer. If I didn"t say something to him soon, it would just grow and grow and grow into this suffocating non-presence thing that would mean never being able to look at him without drowning in the pit where my heart used to be.
The bad side of being a W is that the windows are the farthest point from the doors. This-getting to Luke-was a bigger emergency than evacuating for a fire. Why did people have to move so slowly?
Pushing through the door, I stumbled to a halt. It was as if they were there for my viewing pleasure. Remember that threat about the violent stuff coming if that cheer-dealer touched my want-him-back man? Yeah, well, Cheryl"s hand was on Luke"s arm, drawing him down toward her.
Red wasn"t what I saw. I"m not sure what rage was in my book, but it was more a fuzzy-wavy thing than a color.
Someone b.u.mped me from behind and I stumbled forward almost into them. Neither noticed me. Not a surprise. I glanced down at my hands and wondered if I was fading again. Fading to something even Luke Parker couldn"t see. Is that the way the Fates worked? I get my dad back and lose the first person I"d ever felt this burn for?
The moment had come and it was either grab it or let it slip by and never know if there was a chance under all that mess I"d created.
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. Not even a squeak. Luke stood, his back rigid in front of me making me wonder if he knew I hovered behind him, if he could feel the pain of it all flowing off me.
Cheryl just kept chirping along on the other side of Luke. Didn"t he know I was there, pleading for forgiveness with everything inside me? Words kept staying outside my reach so I cleared my throat.
If I hadn"t seen his hand curl into a fist, I would have thought he hadn"t heard me.
"Luke?" I tried to ignore the crack splitting my voice through his name.
His head c.o.c.ked to the side, as if listening to someone call him from a distance. As if deciding. And then, as those mama-made manners kicked in, I watched one shoulder hitch up before he turned, his green-eyed gaze drilling into me.
If there was ever a time I feared I might publicly toss my cookies, this was it.
"Congrats on your spot." When he didn"t turn away, didn"t say anything, I kept pushing wanting the comfortableness between us back. "Coach says you and Chris will be unstoppable."
As quick as that, he shut down. I must be a complete idiot to have said the C-word. It ended any chance I might have had.
"Thanks," he mumbled as he pushed past Cheryl and walked away, her tailing him as if they were together.
Maybe they were.
"It was a good try." Rachel stood beside me, my forgotten books on top of her own. "Honest mistake."
"Stupid mistake. He"ll never forgive me." The tears were coming again. "And why should he? I cheated on him."
Rachel"s face shifted to anger, her cheeks getting pink over the splatter of freckles. "You did not cheat on him. He knew you were doing something with Chris. He made a run at you, but he can"t expect Chris to accept that. If he"s not going to let you explain, screw him."
Um. Wow.
Rachel never got angry like that. Especially over a boy. Usually soft and mushy was her main approach to anything male.
"But I was kissing him." Good Lord I sounded desperate.
"You were trying to not let him kiss you. If that a.s.s of a transfer boy can"t see that, then you"re better off without him."
I slid my books off hers, taking that moment to study the flush racing up her neck to cover her ears.
"What"s going on here?" I asked.
For one of the first times I could remember in our friendship, Rachel couldn"t meet my eye. Her gaze dropped and slid away toward the top of the stairs we hovered over.
"Nothing. I just don"t think that he should be treating you like this. It isn"t as if he wasn"t the one who pushed, pushed, pushed. We-you can"t be everything all the time to him. He needs to let you get things in order and chill and not push things you don"t want to do or know or stuff."
Her voice trailed off, the last couple words almost lost in the loud scuffle of the hall.
I took her arm and pulled her toward the abandoned lockers lining the between-bell-chaos.
Waiting for a lull, I lowered my voice and asked, "Is Jared pushing you to do something you don"t want to?"
I"d kill him. No, I"d let Justin kill him. He"d do it better. Maybe I"d help.
"No! Nothing like that is going on with us. We just started dating. It"s good." She smiled again, a real one, and I knew that wasn"t the issue. "It"s good," she said again.
"Then what?"
"I just don"t want you letting some guy create this whole judging thing you don"t deserve. Just don"t do it." Rachel reached out as if to take my hand, hers shaking a bit. "Promise me."
Oh. Wow. I could see it a bit. How a girl could come to worry about nothing but The Guy. I so was not going to become that girl. No matter how hard it was to ignore how Luke looked walking away with Cheryl at his side.
"I won"t." When her frown didn"t lighten, I promised. "Don"t worry. I"m not going to change from one type of person to another overnight."
I glanced down the hall one last time before Luke turned the corner and wondered how to not become that girl while trying to win him back.
"Don"t worry. You"ll figure it out." Rachel squeezed my arm where her hand still held on, reading my mind as usual.
Chapter 28.
But I didn"t... figure it out that is. Two weeks later and I was still desperately trying to get Luke"s attention. But, every day he managed to not see me in the hall. And in cla.s.s. And in the parking lot. And at practice.
I have no idea how he managed not to see me at practice every single day.
"Whalen!" Coach"s shouting drew my attention away from Luke sprinting to fall back after a goal.
I checked the binders, checked the water, checked that no one was dead. I had no idea why Coach was shouting at me as practice drew to a close.
"Why the h.e.l.l are you still here?"
I glanced over to where the team did very uncomplicated post-practice stretches. It looked a lot like lying down to die actually.
"Um, because practice isn"t over?" I hated stating the obvious, especially with Coach. It always felt like a trick.
"Not here at practice, smarta.s.s. Here. Here on the boys" soccer team."
Would it be lame to admit because it was a chance to be near Luke?
"Shouldn"t you be running through the woods with the wind whipping through your hair or something?"
Um, wow. Coach just turned me into a feminine products commercial.
"I usually run in the morning before school until it gets cold." I"m not sure why that mattered.
"Whalen-Amy-you have, by far, been the best stats girl this team has ever had. Well, besides the fact that you were the catalyst to a riot." He raised a hand before I could defend myself. "I"m not blaming you for those two being boneheads. But, why are you not getting your act together and getting back on the cross-country team?"
Oh. He wanted me gone.
I looked down at my hands, afraid to see him fire me. But, if there was one thing I"d learned this month, it was to face things head on.
"You want me to leave?"
"d.a.m.n it, Whalen. Did you not just hear me say you were the best stats girl? But I"ve seen you run and you should be doing that."
Oh. He didn"t want me gone?
"Coach, are you firing me?" See, there"s that new Amy Super-Girl straight on thing again.
He ran his hands through his hair, giving it the standard Coach-is-frustrated tug. "No, Whalen. I"m asking you if this is where you"re supposed to be."
I glanced around, taking in the field and the soccer team. The coaches mulling about. The girls casually hanging out off to the side. Parents gathered at the gate by the parking lot. Some guy with a briefcase headed our way. In the distance, the cross-country team stretched out too and I realized something.