These words had not at the time given me any clue to my own curious depression, but when the first _rumour_ of his death reached me, I felt convinced that it was true, and that I must have taken on his joyful conditions when he first found himself on the other side of the veil. I can only surmise, therefore, that the weeks of my depression _may_ have corresponded with feelings alluded to by his intimate friend; although less intuitive, if not less valued a.s.sociates, may have noticed nothing but his usual cheery and genial spirits.
A telegram sent to Mr Stead showed me clearly that my inquiry had been _his_ first intimation of anything wrong. Then, in despair of getting accurate information, I wrote to Sir Oliver Lodge, who kindly responded at once, confirming my worst fears. He was good enough to send me later the particulars of the event, supplied by Professor William James.
It was a bitter blow for _us_, but for _him_ how joyous an awakening!
I am grateful for having had, through personal experience, even a dim reflection of that wonderful New Life, so overwhelming and so exuberant, that its rays could reach to the hearts of some of those who had been honoured by his friendship.
On comparing notes I found that, allowing for difference of time, forty-eight hours must have elapsed between his physical departure and my experience of his awakening to new conditions.
There may be various ways of accounting for this. The spirit may not have been wholly freed at once from its physical envelope, but may have remained possibly, in some condition of unconsciousness, after the strangely sudden severance of the tie that binds body and soul together.
_Note._--Since the above was written, I have received an explanation of the lapse of time between the pa.s.sing of Doctor Hodgson, 20th December, and my experience of 22nd December 1905.
On 6th February 1907 I had the privilege of a sitting with Miss MacCreadie, who not only gave an accurate description of Doctor Hodgson"s personal appearance, and of his sudden call hence, but added that this spirit wished to explain to me that he had not been able to get entirely away from the body for quite two days after physical death, and that meanwhile he must have been in a state of trance. Miss MacCreadie did not know the name of the spirit whom she described so accurately, and whose message was thus conveyed to me.--E. K. B.
Some time after Dr Hodgson left us, a friend in London wrote to me that she had either just read or heard that he had made some communication, to the effect that "_he was not very happy, as he had regarded his work only from the intellectual point of view_."
This seemed to me a most unlikely sort of message to come from such a man.
In such cases there is nothing like going to the fountain-head for information, and this came to me in the following words, which are, I think, characteristic and certainly sensible:--
"My work _was_ intellectual--how could I regard it from any other point of view? That has nothing to do with the spiritual side of things. My spiritual life was very latent, it is true; but it was sincere, so far as it went, and in this more favourable atmosphere, the buds are unfolding, and I am learning more and more of the love and wisdom which I always dimly saw and appreciated. It is the att.i.tude of mind which is all-important, and my att.i.tude, though critical, was never obstructive, as you know."
I should like to say a few words now on the subject of superst.i.tions. We are _all_ superst.i.tious in various ways and upon different points--I may laugh at _your_ superst.i.tion because it does not happen to appeal to me, but you may be quite sure you could find out my "Achilles Heel" if we lived together long enough.
The only difference between people is, that some are honest about their superst.i.tions and others--are not!
I met a lady not long ago at a foreign _table d"hote_ who started our acquaintance by remarking that she was thankful to say she had not a single superst.i.tion. Before we had spent ten days under the same roof I discovered that she believed in portents and lucky stones and the "whole bag of tricks," and possessed the power of seeing people in their astral bodies.
This is to introduce my own strongest superst.i.tion, which is a horror of seeing the new moon for the first time through gla.s.s. _Breaking_ gla.s.s is almost as disastrous in my experience, even if the article itself only costs a few pence.
Now I do not for one moment suggest that either one or other is the _cause_ of my subsequent misfortunes. No one surely can be childish enough to suppose such a thing; yet I have known sensible people labour this point in order to show me the folly of my ways--and thoughts.
Again, I am quite aware that some people may break as much gla.s.s or china as the proverbial bull, and see the moon through the former medium every month of their lives, and not be a penny the worse for it--beyond the amount of their breakages. I only maintain that for _me_ these two things are invariably the precursors of misfortune.
When people say to me: "How can a sensible woman like yourself be so foolish as to think such things?" I can only truthfully answer that I should be very much _more_ foolish if so many years of my life had pa.s.sed without my noticing the sequence of events.
But to _explain_ the phenomena is quite another matter.
It seems to me quite reasonable that, allowing the possibility of influences coming to us from the other side, some sign--no matter how trivial--might be impressed upon us as a gentle warning to be prepared for disasters, more or less severe.
Another curious thing is this: I have never found that avoiding seeing the moon through gla.s.s _in any artificial way_ prevents disaster. I used to let kind friends, indulgent to my "folly," lead me blindfold up to the window, carefully thrown open for my benefit. I can remember a most elaborate scene of precaution once, in an American railway carriage between Philadelphia and Boston, when a charming American lady, about to lecture on Woman"s Suffrage, and grateful to me for some points I had given her with regard to the woman"s question in New Zealand, insisted upon having a heavy window pulled up by a negro attendant, when she found out my little weakness.
It was all of no avail. Left alone, I should most certainly have seen the moon through gla.s.s on that occasion, and I felt, even at the moment, that I had not really altered anything by falling in with the kind American lady"s suggestion.
In September 1906 I was going through a course of baths at Buxton, and on a certain Sunday (2nd September) I saw the moon through gla.s.s in my bedroom window in the most unmistakable way. There was no friendly cloud, no other twinkling light to throw the smallest shadow of doubt upon the fact. There was much good-humoured laughter over my "superst.i.tion" in the house; but I knew _some_ trouble was on its way, little dreaming that it was one which would alter my whole life.
On the Wednesday morning (5th September) I received the first intimation of what proved to be the last illness of a brother who has been mentioned in these pages already, and who had been an invalid for nearly thirty years. A point to be noticed is that on the Sunday, when the sign came to me, he was in his usual health, and even on Monday went out for a long drive. The first attack of angina pectoris only came on in the middle of the night of Monday-Tuesday, 3rd to 4th September.
Later, when the disease had become acute, and I was in the south of England, living in hourly suspense, and receiving telegrams and letters several times a day, another curious incident occurred which has a bearing upon our subject.
As my readers are probably aware, in this sad and painful illness the only proof of unselfish affection which one can give, may be to keep away from the patient, when you know that all is being done for him that skill and devotion can suggest. The smallest agitation is almost certain to bring on a fresh attack of the terrible pain, and so long as there is _any_ hope of a rally, or, in fact, any consciousness that can possibly result in increased suffering, _everyone_ should be kept away from the patient except those who are in actual and necessary attendance.
This naturally entails great mental distress and suffering upon those who are living from hour to hour, in a state of tension and suspense.
After more than a fortnight of alternate hopes and fears, the position became almost unendurable, and I was making all preparations for a visit to the patient, or at least to the house where he lay (against my better judgment), when letters and a telegram arrived imploring me not to come, as a short visit from another relative had proved most disastrous in bringing on another attack of the terrible pain; from which he never really rallied.
Under these distressing circ.u.mstances, there could be but one course open to me.
I was staying with my kind friends Admiral and Mrs Usborne Moore at this sad time, and can never feel sufficiently grateful for their goodness to me and sympathy with my distress.
The Admiral, as many of us know, is a most persevering student of psychic science, and I think it was by his suggestion, or at anyrate with his approval, that I determined to pay a visit to a lady of whom he had spoken to me--Mrs Arnold, a daughter-in-law of Sir Edwin Arnold--who is a gifted clairvoyant.
I went alone to the house, that she might not be able to connect me with my host and hostess; and the interview was a remarkable one.
There were many evidential points given, which, for family reasons, it is impossible to publish. She gave me the crystal ball to hold for a good five minutes, in order that it might become impregnated by my influence; and then she took it from me, and began making a series of statements, without pausing for a moment or attempting to "fish," to use a technical term.
These statements included my own life and studies and chief interests, and the number and s.e.x of my immediate family; also the att.i.tude of the various members towards myself, and in each case the special statement was absolutely correct.
Her first words were: "You are in great anxiety, I see. It is about the illness of an elderly man. _Two_ people with whom you are in very intimate relations are ill, I see, but I will tell you now of the one you wish to hear about especially."
She went on to describe not only my brother"s surroundings and illness at the time, but also his permanent state of paralysis, adding that he was now in the country, for she saw green trees all round him and waving gra.s.s. As my brother"s life for many years had been spent entirely between London and the seaside, this was a good bit of evidence. As a matter of fact, he was spending a few weeks in a country cottage for the first time in his life.
The single point where she failed was as to the _time_ of his pa.s.sing away. She saw at once that the illness was one from which he could not permanently recover, and gave the approximate time very tentatively. "We cannot see times exactly--they come only in symbols. For instance, I see now falling leaves; it looks like an autumn scene, and so I infer that means later on--perhaps October or November."
This, as I have said, was the only mistake in the whole interview. My brother pa.s.sed to the Higher Life on 24th September.
When I saw his valet in town later, I asked him about the trees, and he explained that owing to the great heat, the leaves were all over the ground, and gave an autumnal look to everything.
Most of us noticed the same appearance in London and elsewhere, even quite early in September 1906.
The _second_ friend lying dangerously ill was a puzzle to me at the time; but within five days of my brother"s transition, I heard of the death of Judge Forbes, who was one of my most intimate friends, as Mrs Arnold had truly observed. His illness was a very short one; but on comparing notes with members of his family I found that he had taken to his bed three days _before_ my visit to Mrs Arnold, and was already very seriously ill, although I had no knowledge of the fact for more than a week after my interview with her.
Before closing these personal records I must say a few words on the much vexed question of psychic photographs.
As my friend Admiral Usborne Moore observes in a letter received from him as I write these words: "We are dealing with a great mystery here."
He is himself one of those who by persevering effort is helping us to solve the mystery.
It is certainly the branch of psychic science which promises the best results from an evidential point of view, but it must be a case of "each man his own photographer."
There is always a tendency in human nature to be over-credulous as to our own achievements, and over-sceptical as to those of our neighbours.
So for many years probably, we shall only accept our "very own" psychic photographs as quite genuine; but when a sufficient number of people are convinced by their personal experiences in this line of research, there will be some hope that the subject will go through the usual stages--(1) Impossible and absurd; (2) Possible, but very improbable; (3) Possible, and not even abnormal; (4) Finally, normal, and "_Just what we knew all about from the first!_"
Meanwhile some of us have been experimenting, with professional a.s.sistance, and in these cases the question is not "Can such photographs be faked?" We all know nowadays that faking photographs is the easiest of all possible frauds. I have spent many a half hour doing the faking myself, with an amateur photographer, by sitting for so many seconds in a chair and then vacating it in favour of some other "spook"!