The peaceful every day of Blackhazel Manor like any other day, like it has been as always.
I feel like I’ve said something similar before.
Everything is easier to deal with on the sidelines; if someone was to look at me right now I’d look like someone completely unrelated to this matter.
That night, Blackhazel Manor.
This disaster currently taking place in my room has already left the boundary of ‘peaceful every day of Blackhazel Manor’ far, far into the left field.
“Prepare yourself, Onii-sama! I will not let you off this time!”
“J-Just to clarify, I actually really, really hate doing this! I’m only doing this for Onee-sama’s sake because I have no choice!”
Barging straight into my room, the Blackhazel sisters, Maria and Dorothy talked in turn.
Blushing their cheeks like a ripe persimmon, they were quick to point out their reluctance in this matter.
“Oi, oi! I’m begging you now, just stop now!”
Anyways, what’s with that mysterious heart at the end of their sentence? It’s like some inexplicable narration technique, like one with a pretty star… etc, something like that.
“Right then, Dorothy, grab Onii-sama’s other arm!”
“J-Just a sec, Onee-sama! If we each take his arms, then who will take care of the all-important actual attack?”
“…That, Lily will do.”
And the third party that dove into the struggles of the Blackhazel sisters was none other than Lily, midget Lily in fact.
“W-Wait, Lily! This here is a world for adults of great position and concentration! Surely a little kid like you would be better way over there?! Watching this wouldn’t be good for a growing kid anyway!”
“…Lily, not young.”
From the looks of me sprouting off something sounding none-too-plausible, it seemed like I was just saying whatever that came into my mind to buy time. Better than saying nothing, I suppose.
Ahh, I really don’t like this at all.
“W-Wait, Lily! I will not allow any cutting in line here! Even Onii-sama himself decided to save his first time for his precious little sister!”
“Stop right there! Don’t make me resolve for something weird like that on your own! I never did resolve for this!”
Perhaps Maria thought she couldn’t hand over the lead to her just like this. I’m not really sure why she’s so adamant on considering a kid like Lily her rival, but who knows why.
“Y-You’re denying it? If that’s the case, then all along, this girl’s purity she offered up was nothing more than a toy for you…”
Maria was up in tears, her body giving off an aura of sorrow everywhere, like a tragic heroine in a sad movie.
“T-Toy!? You, you… Just what did you do to my Onee-sama…!”
From Maria’s mouth to Dorothy’s, a s...o...b..ll of misunderstanding rolled to an unprecedented size, resembling something like a viral chain letter going around in a loop.
“Hmph. You… player?”
With that one comment, Lily stuck to my side like glue and did a little victor’s smile. In response, Maria promptly foamed at her mouth and went down like a sinking ship.
“You guys! What did I even do to deserve all this!? I’m the innocent one here!”
“Ah, I heard this saying about how heroes love beauties! Yes, even if Onii-sama is nothing but an unfaithful, uncontrollable s.e.xual deviant that gets h.o.r.n.y for little girls, I can put up with that. But Onii-sama’s purity is something only I— Maria Lunalady Blackhazel can protect, something no one else can!”
“Hm, woman’s jealousy… it’s unsightly.”
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! I’m begging you, please just stay quiet!”
Like I said, unnecessary talking brings unnecessary misfortune.
There’s nothing flawed with sayings like that.
Yes, but what I’m curious about is why all those misfortunes go not to the person that blabbered their mouth, but to the innocent bystander who had nothing to do with it instead?
At this point however, I knew complaining about it day and night wouldn’t do me any good, that much I realized.
The thing was that, the moment I accepted my role as “Maria Lunalady Blackhazel’s Onii-sama” in this household, I knew this would be a fate I couldn’t avoid.
“But still, I’m way too late for a dramatic self-resolving self-dialogue. The timing’s way too off for that!”
“…Timing, not that off.”
So even If I cried and wailed day after day like this, no one was going to pay me any attention in the end.
Even if there were so many people around me.
◇ ◆ ◇ When I came to my senses, there they were; the two same girls in the same place.
In a garden of prunus trees, a blizzard of flower petals swirling about.
It seemed I was dreaming.
“Uuuu! Maria onee-saaan!”
Again and again, the same dream looped in my head, like an old film projector playing the same clip over and over.
There was another girl I couldn’t recognize hidden in Maria’s silhouette.
Just who was that girl?
A silver-coloured scent of prunus faintly scattered like petals in the wind and tickled my sinus.
Yes.
She smelled of prunus.
Her colour was an incomparable white; close to a silvery void.
The moment I realized that, my sight once again flickered out.
◇ ◆ ◇ Still aching with headache, a familiar ceiling entered my view when I opened my eyes; my room in the Blachkazel Manor.
“What was with that dream?”
It wasn’t the first time this happened either.
It felt really out-of-place for me, dreaming about something foreboding like that.
To describe it, one could say it was a foreshadowing of sort that felt strangely realistic. If someone famous dreamed about what I’ve just did, I bet it would go down in history, maybe even have a quote or two dedicated to it, something like that.
Anyway, I felt it was natural that waking up came after dreaming, and I proceeded to get out of bed.
Moving my body like an old rusty machinery coming to life, I noticed there was a certain heavy pressure heaving me down on my chest.
“Hmm?”
Shaking off my still-asleep head, I looked around me for the source of discomfort.
“Fuyaaahn~”
The first thing I found was Dorothy nested, asleep on the bed with a content smile on her face, coiled around my body like I was some body-sized pillow.
Turning my head to the other direction, the second thing I found was Lily and Maria also sound asleep on my side. Although if I had to talk about their difference in sleeping habits, I would have to say that there was a considerable gap between them.
And I, now present in front of this all-too familiar cliché situation before me, was now engulfed in a wave of terror that would be better suited if I was watching a horror movie by Takashi Miike.
There’s a huge gap between reality and fictions now, I see.
In any case, as soon as Dorothy wakes up and sees this, I’ll surely be heading right off to a bad end.
With that quick thinking in mind, I carefully loosened Dorothy’s grip on me without trying to wake her up, when she suddenly:
“Ahh ♪ That’s good, Onee-samaa…”
Muttering out random ‘hau hau’ of unknown origin, Dorothy only tightened her grip.
It’s something I experience all the time, but this girl’s strength isn’t something an average 17-year old would normally have. And it only gets worse when she’s in a hitting mood. What I’m saying is, I needed to get out of this situation ASAP.
Wiggle wiggle.
Try as I might, my wondrous wave of squirming did nothing to weaken Dorothy’s embrace.
“Ahh, Onee-sama, how bold ♪”
Escaping is one thing, but I think I just made it less likely.
In this inconvenient situation, I can do nothing but swear profusely as Dorothy mutters: “I-It’s fine… If it’s Onee-sama, then I can give you even my most secretive place… ♪”
No, I don’t need it. There’s no need to give it to me in the first place!
And I’m your brother, not your sister!
Paying no attention to my resistance, Dorothy suddenly grabbed my hand and placed it on her breast.
If someone else saw this, then it would look like an absolute case of s.e.xual hara.s.sment. The worst. I’m about to get ‘first-cla.s.s pervert’ branded on my forehead for this. Absolutely!
“Ha, hahaha, let’s not panic here.”
Yeah, I’m only going to make it worse if I lose my cool here for nothing. At times like this, I need to look at this logically and make the most rational decision possible. Like the saying goes, ‘Even in a tiger’s den, thinking calmly will help you survive’.
Alright, let’s calm down and count to a prime number.
A prime number isn’t divisible by anything but by itself and 1.
I heard that counting to a prime number will calm your nerves and help collect your thoughts.
“Eh?”
While I was busy reclaiming back the tranquility of my heart, I felt something like an uncomfortable glare behind my head.
Looking back slowly, I found Lily staring at me.
Her eyes shining with an unnatural alertness, Lily was looking at my way with a smile on her face.
“Er…. Um, Lily?”
Her mischievous grin alerting me to a trouble yet to come, I mustered up the gentlest voice I could manage and called out to Lily.
“Fufu.”
Shiver.
It didn’t take long for that trouble yet to come to materialize right into reality.
Still lying down, Lily extended her arm, and with her finger, jabbed right into Dorothy’s cheek.
“Hey, heyheyheyheyhey, stop it, please stop it!”
Poke.
Watching that, I felt like I was the president of the United States, who just pressed on the nuke launch b.u.t.ton heading straight into the heart of Russia. Accidentally, of course.
In that heart-imploding fear, I could do nothing but watch Dorothy’s sleeping face.
She was still sleeping, with not a care in the world.
Good news in a bad news, thankfully.
“R-Right, before Dorothy wakes up, I’m gonna attempt another escap…”
Shivers still tingle my spine. I didn’t even finish my sentence when Lily put her arm into action again.
Poke, again.
She once again lightly poked Dorothy’s cheek.
Ba dump.
Ba dump.
She still wasn’t waking up.
Well that’s that. Of course, the strong and mighty Dorothy wasn’t about to wake from her sleep because of a petty poke to the cheek.
This fight, it’s my victory!
…
Well, while I was thinking something like that and entering a false sense of security…
“…Not so fast.”
Pokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepoke-
“Oh my G.o.d! It’s Pearl Harbor all over again!”
What followed was an indiscriminate airstrike.
◇ ◆ ◇ “Let me liveeeee!!”
And then the climax.
Our young intrepid explorer Siyoung had discovered the underground dungeon beneath the ancient ruin and accidentally activated the traps and the evil demon lord within!
By the way, the name of the demon lord would be Dorothy. Well, it’s always like this in the end.
Running for my dear life here and there through the mansion, she finally cornered me into a dead end, nowhere to escape to.
Ahhh, it’s quite the situation for our climax-ridden protagonist to be in.
If there was problem, it would be that I wasn’t one of those protagonists smart enough to get themselves out of situations like this.
“Fufufu… There’s nowhere to go now…”
“H- Hang on! You’re making a big misunderstanding here!”
“No need for words!”
What I received in return was only primitive violence.
“Hey, hey! Just exactly what did I do to you?”
“W- What did you do!? You’re seriously asking that? You did %&^# and !#&! to a sleeping lady, and you even went ahead and did !^@!$ in the end, and you’re trying to act dumb now!?”
Lily, you stupid midget…
“Thanks to you, I can’t ever get married now!!”
“Listen to yourself! You’re mistaking something here! And guys nowadays are progressive enough that they don’t care about pre-mari… Fuhah!”
Bam, stars were spinning in front of me midway through my sentence.
“You stupid idiot… Just die right now!!”
There are things you can say and things you can’t. But this is just way too much!
“Hey hey! It hurts! Stop! J-Just hang on a sec! I have something to say!”
“What? What do you need to say?”
Dorothy stopped her fists for a moment.
Her overpowering expression seemed to say ‘I’ll hear what you have to say, and then get back to beating you up’. I tried to come up with anything I could say that would get me out of this pinch I was in.
“Er, if you don’t have anything, then can I get back to punching you?”
Dorothy raised her fists again.
“W-Wait! I’m going to tell you without you persuading me!”
“Go ahead then.”
“…”
Of course, there was no way a convenient deus ex machina would just come to me right then and there.
It was obvious.
“I’ll get back to punching you if you don’t.”
It’s as if punching me was some kind a daily routine for her.
“Hang on! R-Right! I’m begging you, so maybe a rematch…!”
Shivering out of my boots, I tried to excuse myself out in the most ridiculous way possible.
A last resort!
“Hah!”
It was that moment.
Mustering up everything I had, I tensed up every nerve I had in my body and somehow dodged Dorothy’s punch laced with malice.
So I dodged her first strike somehow. I’m not sure if the term ‘first strike’ is appropriate here.
“Ha, haha…”
I didn’t even want to think about what shape I would be in if I got hit by that.
But it wasn’t as if I had a clear plan of escape mapped out inside my head.
Shake shake.
Perhaps I and Dorothy didn’t hear, but if one happened to be at the scene of crime at that moment, I’m positive they would have heard that noise at that time.
To be specific, at the time when Dorothy punched the wall behind me, sending out shockwaves.
And the resulting shockwave happened to knock the vase above her and sent it astray, sending it tumbling toward her head.
Crash.
To add to the detail, the sound I heard from the vase breaking on her head was very pleasing to my ears.
◇ ◆ ◇ “Ugyah!!”
With a shriek, Dorothy collapsed to the floor. Broken shards of the vase littered the floor around her. Unnecessarily dangerous.
“d.a.m.n…”
At any rate, I think I survived through all that somehow.
Judging from the sound from back then, and the blood dripping from her, it was clear that this wasn’t an ordinary level of peril for her.
Do I call 119[1], or does Romania use 119 for emergency? Do I use 911 then?
Do I help Dorothy up first?
“Y-You all right?”
It’s not like I knew enough first aid to be helpful at times like this, but I knew I had to check out the injured, foremost.
Combing over Dorothy’s blonde hair to gauge her injury, I spotted a bruise swollen to a considerable size.
Wait, so was all this my fault?
Gahh! If I knew something like this was going to happen, then I would have made sure I was registered to a decent life insurance!
“Hauuguuu…”
While I was half-immersed in a state of chaos, I spotted Dorothy regaining consciousness, stumbling to stand up.
I hurriedly rushed to her side to lend her my shoulder and looked over how she was.
Shake shake.
However, Dorothy did nothing but shake her head wildly here and there, like a wet puppy trying to shake off the moisture.
Perhaps the damage to her was relatively small; her gesture seemed healthy enough to suggest she was regaining from this quicker than I expected.
Then, Dorothy raised her head and looked my way.
At that moment, I realized the severity of the situation I forgot I was in just moments before the incident.
“…Hey.”
“Yeah, yeah?”
“…re you?”
“I-I’m listeining! Just tell me!”
Dorothy was gazing my way, her blue topaz-like eyes shining as if to look through me.
While I was busy imagining about the 31 misfortune that was planned to be laid out before me, Dorothy spoke after a long moment of silence:
“Excuse me, but who are you, Onii-chan?”
Lightning upon a clear blue sky.
“Wh, what!?”
Wondering about what Dorothy was talking about, I grabbed and stretched Dorothy’s cheek.
“Uyaaaah?”
Despite my action, Dorothy only blinked innocently at my direction, her head leaning to one side in confusion. She was frowning slightly in pain, but showed no other noteworthy reaction.
I let go of her cheeks to how they were before, and her frowning expression returned back to normal, like a stretched spring.
After, Dorothy only continued to stare in my direction with no other reaction. Something was really off here.
M-Maybe…
Curiosity getting the better of me, I once again stretched Dorothy’s cheeks.
“Unyaaa~”
Every time I pulled on her cheeks, unidentified sounds escaped her mouth. Her cheek felt surprisingly soft and nice; it felt pretty good to the touch.
Ah, maybe I could get addicted to this – Wait, hang on, that’s not the problem here. What’s going on!?
Just how are things progressing here!?
“Hey, hey… Did you eat something weird by any chance?”
“Hmm? Ehehe, Dorothy didn’t eat anything weird!”
Of course, it wasn’t like she ate anything bad or anything.
Her head was just… a bit funny somewhere.
Her head was a bit funny. No big deal.
“Sooooo, who are you Onii-chan?”
I just can’t comprehend the situation here. Well, it’s not comprehendible. If you calmly look over everything that’s happened, I’m sure it would convey the summary of what’s happening here, at the least. But as to the summary of what’s happening here…
Summary, you say…
Hmm.
Yeah.
“I am, so to say…”
“Yup yup!”
And what followed suit was my quick and nimble improvisation.
“Yeah! I am none other than your master, one you should serve with all your heart and might!”
…Of the thought that entered my head.
◇ ◆ ◇ In biology, there exists something unique called ‘imprinting.’
In the time when the animal is still growing up, with short training, it’s possible to instill a certain behavior into the animal’s thinking pattern. In short, the animal will unquestionably and objectively follow the first thing it sees, as its parent and guardian.
And at this moment, I was right in the center of that historic instilling moment.
“Uh huh~ So, Onii-chan is Dorothy’s master?”
“Fufu, that’s correct. We are a relation of that between a servant and master, of credible origin. Right, Dorothy! Go ahead and call me master.”
“Hehe, mast… er?”
“Yes, yes! That’s it!”
“Yeah, Master! So Onii-chan is Dorothy’s one and only master!”
Ahhhh, so the predatory chain between you and I has finally been reversed.
It’s like teaching a newborn puppy who the new master is; through perfect training, I’ll build a new relationship between me and her!
-.
Right then.
While I was busily teaching Dorothy stuff here and there and having fun, an ocular dagger flew my way and impaled my back.
With the chilly embrace enveloping me, I turned my head slowly to find another set of eyes glaring back at me.
Her eyes were filled with a repulsive ‘This guy, he’s totally out of it’ as she gazed contemptuously as me.
“So you have stooped this low, Onii-sama…”
Yes.
Standing there was none other than Maria Lunalady Blackhazel, her face contorted in panic and disgust.
◇ ◆ ◇ “You seem to be having some fun, Onii-sama.”
“…”
“Is this some kind of a new play that I haven’t heard of before? Um, something like ‘lovey-dovey maid and master’ kind of thing?”
“Er, erm, how long were you watching for…?”
“From ‘I am none other than your master, one you should serve with all your heart and might!’, certainly.”
I’m sorry I was born.
I’m sorry I tried to stay alive for so long.
“No, the thing is, there’s a tragic reason as to why things are this way here-“
“What reason are you referring to?”
I’m saying a reason why things couldn’t be anything but like this.
Basically it’s referring to my quick and nimble improvisation of thought I happened to think up to take advantage of Dorothy’s amnesia to establish this servant-master relationship between us.
…
No.
If I think about it, it’s the end for me either way! I can’t tell her about it then!
“Excuse me, who are you Onee-chan?”
“Er, erm?”
Suddenly appearing between us, Dorothy approached the suspicion-laden Maria and asked her. Her face still filled with 100% pure innocence, Dorothy was still smiling with not a care in the world. And in response, there was Maria, not knowing what to do with this unexpected turn-of-the-event Dorothy in front of her.
“Er, the thing is, Maria, you know about the shattered vase here.”
Trying to explain the situation, I casually point to the shards of vase on the floor.
“Are you perhaps referring to the white porcelain dragon jar.”
“Er, was it expensive?”
I couldn’t see something like this being worth chump change.
“The décor around here was something lacking, so I had something fill the void as a decoration, so it’s nothing too expensive…”
Well, that’s good news then.
“I vaguely remember buying it from a j.a.panese businessman for about 10 million dollars or so.”
It’s totally expensive then!
No no, the point isn’t the vase here. Returning to what we were talking about, the important thing is…
“So that 10 million dollar vase happened to break on Dorothy’s head and I think something happened to her head!”
“Oh, Dorothy. There’s no need to beat yourself up over breaking a petty 10 million dollar vase. Here, pull yourself together now.”
“Hey! It’s not about her mentality, it’s literally about her head going funny!”
“b.u.t.terflies in the sky~ ♪”
“Hey, Dorothy! I’m sorry, Just come back to your senses now!”
I was starting to feel guilty here.
She was terminal now. At this rate, we’re going to have to put some flowers on her head.
“Pica.s.so said, ‘It takes a very long time to become young.’”
“Huh?”
Changing the subject suddenly, Maria started talking about Pica.s.so all of a sudden. I started listening to her, bewildered by what was going on.
“That ‘child’s innocence’ he strived for was an enlightenment for artists everywhere. And Dorothy achieved that enlightenment at only an age of 17! Dorothy, you scary child!” “Hey! This is not the time for dumb jokes here!”
So what she was saying was that the difference between genius, madness and stupidity was only a line thin. Just what kind of trinity she was talking about here, I didn’t understand. Maybe it’s just me, but Maria had a tendency to become serious at the most random time ever for the most stupid reasons.
But it wasn’t as if we had something better in plan.
We’re not saying the genius (Maria), the mad (Dorothy) and the stupid (me) were all on the same page here.
______________________________________________________________________
Reference
1. TL: S.Korea uses 119 as the emergency number. ←