"I"m more worried about you."
She forced a smile to her lips. "It was nothing more than a moment of panic. I"ve never stood at the top of a mountain before. All of a sudden it was too much."
"I shouldn"t have kissed you," Tyler said, "but I thought you trusted me."
"I do," Daisy said, upset Tyler would interpret her reaction as fear. "n.o.body could have taken better care of me."
"Until now."
"Even now," Daisy said. "There was nothing improper about that kiss. I wasn"t afraid of you. I enjoyed it."
Tyler"s disbelief was obvious, but she wasn"t willing to take him any deeper into her confidence. He had penetrated too far as it was.
"Go see about your deer. I"m going to see if Zac"s awake."
He was up, dressed, and pouring over his cards when she entered. "Is Tyler back?" he asked.
"Yes."
"Did he find a way down the mountain?"
"The snow"s still too deep."
"You were gone a long tine," Zac said, eying her suspiciously.
"Tyler took me up to the top of the ridge. He wanted to show me the view."
"On a day like to day!" Zac exclaimed, looking out the window at a huge icicle which hadn"t started to melt.
"It was a spectacular view."
"You must be as crazy. It"s five thousand feet straight down." Zac shuddered. "As far as I"m concerned, I"d just as soon never climb another mountain."
"You don"t feel excited when you look out over the edge?"
"Not unless you call wanting to throw up excitement."
Daisy walked over to the pegs along the wall. She unb.u.t.toned the coat and slipped out of it. She felt better knowing Zac wasn"t affected by the mountaintop view the way Tyler was. She didn"t admire Zac, but as long as you didn"t ask him anything about cards, he did show a certain amount of common sense. It comforted her that his reaction should be so close to her own.
Yet she could not forget that moment. It was unlike anything she"d ever experienced. It was probably nothing but a dizzy spell -- more likely wishful thinking, the same kind of groundless optimism that had supported her father all his life -- but she couldn"t erase it from her memory. It had happened, and for a moment she felt better than she ever had in her life.
She thought that was probably how a drunk feels when the first rush of alcohol reaches his brain. The first moments are sheer euphoria. But soon everything crashes and you"re left feeling miserable. Daisy had no intention of crashing or of feeling miserable. She might not be able to forget the experience -- she couldn"t always control her mind -- but she refused to give it any credence. It was a mirage, wonderful but unsubstantial.
The door opened to admit Tyler. "The deer hasn"t eaten. I"m going to look for something else."
"What does it usually eat?" Daisy asked.
"Leaves, twigs, small tree limbs, bark, moss."
"Ugh!" Zac said. "No wonder I don"t like venison."
"Want to come with me?" Tyler asked Zac.
"I"m not going tramping around the mountains stripping bark off trees to feed a deer I can"t eat."
"I"ll go," Daisy offered.
"You ought to take a nap," Tyler said. "Climbing that ridge was more exercise than you"ve had in a long time."
She didn"t know whether he really didn"t need help or if he just didn"t want her company. After the way she had acted, she couldn"t blame him.
"How about fixing some breakfast before you go?" Zac asked.
"I"ll do it," Daisy offered. "I"m not as good as Tyler, but I can cook."
"I don"t suppose you can ruin breakfast," Zac murmured.
"I can, but I won"t."
"I"d let him starve," Tyler said. He waited a moment, as though for Daisy to say something, then he closed the door and was gone.
Daisy walked to the window and watched Tyler cross to the trees. She hugged her arms around herself. That kiss had changed something. Not just the relationship between them, something deep inside her. She was glad of the time alone. She needed to look within herself. Only there would she find the key to everything else.
Daisy paced back and forth.
"I thought you were going to cook breakfast," Zac said.
"I changed my mind," Daisy said. It felt wonderful to say that. She"d never refused to cook before. She paused, almost certain he would do something to her for this defiance.
"Do you always go back on your word?"
"No."
"Why did you this time?"
"I just don"t feel like cooking."
Zac watched her in silence. Daisy didn"t like that. He saw too much.
"What happened out there?"
"Nothing."
"Liar."
"Nothing important." She flushed. "I don"t want to tell you about it."
"I didn"t think you would."
"Then why did you ask?"
"You got Tyler upset."
"Me? Isn"t it possible he got me upset?"
"You"re always in a taking. Tyler never gets upset. What did you do to him?"
"Nothing!" Daisy nearly shouted.
"I don"t believe you."
"Fine. Don"t!"
She retreated to her corner, but she could almost feel Zac"s eyes boring through the blankets. She picked up one of the books she had stacked against the wall. But try as she might, she couldn"t concentrate.
Zac said Tyler never got upset over women. He should know his own brother. Maybe she had upset him. Maybe he did like her. Maybe he meant the kiss to be something more than just a spur of the moment reaction.
No, she was simply indulging to wishful thinking, the kind of thing she had sworn to avoid ever since she could remember. If Tyler had been interested in her, she would know it.
What if he was so self-contained he didn"t know how to communicate with other people?
Daisy couldn"t endure the numberless questions that bombarded her mind. She tossed her book aside and got up.
"Where are you going?" Zac asked when she cross the room and took the coat down again.
"I"m too jumpy to stay inside."
"A guilty conscience?"
"No!"
"Tyler doesn"t want you outside."
"I just want some air."
"There"s plenty of air in here."
"I feel cooped up."
"He"s going to be mad."
"According to you, I"ve already made him mad. A little bit more won"t make any difference."
"It will with Tyler."
Daisy made an impatient noise and rushed outside.
The sun was brighter, but the cold was just as intense. She had to put her hand over her eyes to shield them from the glare. The intense white was almost unbearable.
She looked around for some place to go, something to do, but there was nothing unless she wanted to split wood or go feed the animals. Tyler had already done both of those.
She gazed down the mountain through the trees. It was hard to believe Albuquerque was only some twenty miles away. It seemed like a world apart. She looked up toward the ridge where Tyler had taken her such a short time ago, where he had kissed her and thrown everything out of balance.
Turning away, she started toward the shed. She wasn"t really interested in the deer at the moment, but it would give her something to do.
When she reached the shed, she found the door ajar. She stepped inside. The mules and burro were there, but the deer was gone. Tyler must have failed to secure the latch when he left. She ran to the cabin. "The deer"s gone!" she shouted inside to Zac.
"So?" he said.
"Tyler has done everything he could to make it better. We"ve got to find it and get it back."
"I"m not chasing after a deer."
Daisy stalked inside the cabin. "You are the laziest, most good-for-nothing boy I"ve ever seen in my whole life. I don"t know what your brother sees in you, but if it were up to me, I"d trade you for a deer any day." She walked over to the wall where Tyler kept his rifles.
"Hey, what are you doing?" Zac demanded.
"Getting a rifle."
"Put that back," he said, getting up from the table.
Daisy paid him no attention. She grabbed a handful of sh.e.l.ls and put them in her pocket.
"Do you know how to load that?" Zac asked.
"No, but I"ll figure it out."
"h.e.l.lfire!" Zac exclaimed, wresting the rifle from her grasp. "Let me have this. You"re liable to shoot yourself."
"Are you coming?"
"I don"t have much choice, do I?"
"Hurry. No telling what might have happened to the deer."
It was hard to follow the doe. It was so light it could run on top of the icy crust.
"It would serve the stupid beast right if I shot it," Zac complained.
"You do, and I"ll use that rifle on you."
Zac eyed her unhappily. "You"re crazy enough to do it. Why do you care about that deer? The cougar will probably get it."
"It"s Tyler"s deer."
She knew that sounded dumb. She couldn"t explain why it was Tyler"s deer or why it was so important, but that deer stood for something in Tyler she didn"t understand, but something she wanted very badly to be able to share. She felt it was a secret that made his life better than hers.