Instead, she went to ground like a wounded animal. There was, first, a hideous shouting argument between her and her brother, in the infirmary, which could be heard throughout the network of caverns and pa.s.sages that made up the rebel headquarters. I sat in the dining chamber with the much-reduced householda"apart from the recent losses, many were still out across Alban on their autumn missionsa"holding a cup of ale between my palms and willing the nightmare to be over. Around me sat Milla, Eva, Brasal, and Big Don, all of us silent as Talias excoriating words to her brother rang in our ears, bitter, accusatory, furious, cruel. That they were not in any way justified only made it worse. It had been plain from Fingalas story that Regan had instigated the mission to Wedderburn, and that Reganas own lapse in judgment had taken the team into deadly peril. But she kept on shouting: You should have been there, you should have saved him. And worse: If I had been there, he would have lived. Fingal was not saying much, but when he did speak, his voice was harsh with grief.
aThis isnat Tali,a I murmured. aHas losing him sent her completely mad?a aGive her time,a said Milla, who, like all of them, was looking wan and exhausted. aShe hasnat accepted that heas gone yet. She needs to weep, and rest, and think about it on her own. By morning sheall be back to herself and giving orders, see if she isnat.a Milla was wrong. Tali took her weapons, a waterskin, and a blanket, and climbed to the ledge at the top of the Ladder. We left her undisturbed awhile, thinking that if she planned to throw herself down, she would not have taken anything at all. When the day was beginning to darken toward dusk, we discussed who should go up to talk to her, and I was chosen.
As I climbed, the memory of midwinter morning and Reganas stirring prayer was strong in me. His shining blue eyes; his face, bright with dedication, courage, and hope. Farewell to the dark. Hail to the light. Lead us into a new day.
Tali was huddled at the very back of the ledge, her arms around her knees, her head down. The blanket was wrapped around her. I suspected she had not moved in a long time.
aGo away!a she snarled as I approached.
I sat down on the rocks a few paces from her. aItall be dark soon,a I said. aCould be sensible to come down before then.a aGo away, Neryn!a I waited awhile before speaking again. aRegan wouldnat want this,a I said quietly. aHe would expect us to grieve, of course. But he wouldnat want anger. He wouldnat want us to turn on each other.a She lifted her head, revealing in the fading light a ghostlike caricature of her true face. aWhat would you know?a she snapped. aIf it hadnat been for you, Iad have been with him, and he wouldnat be dead! Get back down those steps before I throw you down!a I retreated. I knew how strong she was, and I thought I saw madness in those haunted eyes.
She was not down by morning. We kept a vigil at the foot of the Ladder, taking shifts, so there would be a friend close at hand to help her when she moved. The longer this went on, the weaker she would be when she finally gave it up, and the Ladder was dangerous. Ordinary work, already neglected since the news of Reganas death came in, was now almost abandoned, though Milla and Eva kept us fed, and a pale, silent Fingal continued tending to the injured Cian. Bearberry and Whisper had gone down the spiral stair into the domain of the Folk Below. We sat around the table and spoke in low voices about the future, and I heard one or two of the rebels saying maybe it was all over; that they might head south before winter, in search of work or the scattered remnants of family. When Milla turned on them for so quickly losing hope, one man pointed out that without a leader, the rebellion could not go ahead; without a vision for the future, folk soon lost the will to fight. How could we maintain the push toward midsummer, how could we retain the support of the loyal chieftains without Regan? There was n.o.body like him.
We did talk about it. We thought of folk who might lead: Milla, who had been with Regan almost from the first; Big Don; Fingal. But Milla, for all her strength of character, was no warrior; Big Don had the presence to lead, but lacked a gift for strategy; Fingal could not do the job with the weight of his sisteras scorn on his shoulders. Others we considered, trying to see a way out of the darkness, but we knew in our hearts that there was only one choice.
When a third day dawned and Tali still had not come down, I climbed the Ladder again. This time, before I went up, I talked to the others and had them make some preparations; if I did not hold on to hope, then I could hardly tell Tali to do the same.
I took another waterskin with me; hers would surely be empty by now. I took a bannock wrapped in a cloth. In my pouch I took something else.
Tali appeared to be asleep. She lay against the rock wall, long lashes soft on her pallid cheeks, blanket over her. Her face was gaunt and gray; she looked ten years older. As I came out onto the ledge, her eyes sprang open. aAre you deaf?a No angry snarl this time, but a harsh whisper. aI told you to leave me alone.a aIf you wanted to die,a I said, my heart thumping, ayouad be dead by now. If you plan to live, it might be a good idea to eat and drink. Iave brought you something. And Iam not going away, so thereas no point in snarling at me.a I set the food and drink beside her, then settled cross-legged not far away. aYou could do with a wash,a I added.
aI donat want this, Neryn.a Her voice was a thread.
aYes, you do. Sit up. Here, let me help you. Iam the leader today, and the leader says eat. Slowly, or youall make yourself sick.a She sat; I could see she was dizzy from hunger. When I put the waterskin in her hands, she almost dropped it. She drank.
aGood. Pa.s.s it to me. Now, one mouthful of bannock.a aYou donat have to feed me,a she muttered, taking the morsel I had broken off and putting it in her mouth.
I waited until she had eaten half the bannock and taken more water. aGood,a I said. aWithout this you wonat be able to get down the Ladder, and I imagine you donat want the entire household watching as Big Don carries you down over his shoulder.a She narrowed her eyes at me. aIam not coming down,a she said. aI canat. I canat do it without him. I canat do any of it.a aYou know what everyone wants,a I said. aThereas n.o.body else who can lead us. Not the way Regan did.a She closed her eyes as if my words hurt her. aTheyall manage. Someone will step up. Big Don. Andra. Someone. You could do it.a aYouare not thinking straight. Iam part of it, certainly, an important part. But my role is quite different. Tali, weave talked about this, the rest of us. n.o.body else can lead us. Only you. We need you.a I did not add what was in my mind: that Regan would not have wanted her to give up, that what he would have expected was that she step in and take his place. Head have wanted her to see his vision through to the end. Surely there was no need to tell her that, for she had known him better than anyone.
aI have something for you,a I said. aI forgot that Iad put this away for safety, or Iad have given it back to you long ago.a From my pouch I took the little wooden raven that Iad retrieved from her belongings after she was taken by the Enforcers. She reached out her hand and I laid the token on her palm. aRemember those ghost-warriors at Hiddenwater? Weapons sharp; backs straight; hearts high. They believed in you. Ultanas heir, they called you. You come from an ancient family; to those warriors, and to everyone here at Shadowfell, you are a true embodiment of fighting spirit. You think the cause is lost with Reganas pa.s.sing. But if you find the strength to stand up again, if you can survive this and march on, the cause stays alive. We have less than a year to achieve this, Tali. Youare the only person who can make it happen.a Her fingers closed around the little raven. aNeryn,a she said, her voice shaking like that of a hurt child, aI never told him. I was so strong, so determined to keep to the rule wead agreed on, I never told him how I felt. Never breathed a word. Not once.a Her lower lip trembled; tears spilled from her eyes. aOh G.o.ds,a she said, scrubbing a hand across her cheeks, awhat am I, some foolish girl of twelve summers?a She put her head down on her knees.
aYou loved him,a I said. I had not suspected this, not for a moment. Theyad been close; many times I had seen the red head and the dark bent over a map or doc.u.ment, or heard their voices in intense, private discussion. I had known they were old and true friends. But this a This explained much.
aHe died not knowing,a she whispered through the flood of tears. aAlone. Without anyone. And then they butchered him. When he most needed me, I wasnat there.aa I put an arm around her and let her weep. When she had no more tears left to shed, I took out my kerchief and wiped her face. I offered her the waterskin again. aCome down, at least, and have a proper rest,a I said.
aNeryn.a aMm?a aYouare not to speak of this. Not to anyone. You understand?a aOf course not. Tali, he knows. Wherever he is now, he knows how you feel and he honors you for it.a aHonor,a she echoed. aLook at me. Hardly an image worthy of honor, is it? All right, letas get down that wretched Ladder. This time, youad better go first and hope I donat fall.a Big Don was at the foot of the steps; he stayed there until we were safely down, then went away as we had arranged earlier. Tali and I went first to the privy, then to the womenas quarters, where the only occupant was Andra, resting on her pallet with a bandage around her shoulder.
aHow is it?a Tali asked, making a brave effort to stroll across and sit on the edge of Andraas bed with her old a.s.surance. aMuch pain?a aItas mending.a Andra too had been prepared in advance. aAches at night, but the healer from Below put some kind of poultice on it, and itas bearable. Be a while before I can use a sword again.a aNot too long, I hope,a Tali said in a wraith of her old voice. aI have work for you.a aIall do my best,a said Andra with a smile. aYou all right?a aIave been better.a aTo be brutally honest, you stink.a At that point Eva and Milla came in with the bathtub and two buckets of water.
aItas a conspiracy,a muttered Tali.
aGuilty,a I said. aWe have to share this bedchamber with you, donat forget.a She submitted to a bath; Milla washed her hair for her, Eva helped her in and out, I held the towel ready for her to dry herself. She drank half a cup of mead and ate a bowl of porridge. She lay down on her bed and slept for the rest of the day. Beyond the bedchamber door, the household of Shadowfell crept about on soft feet, hardly daring to hope. She was still asleep at suppertime, so we left Andra watching over her and gathered in the dining chamber, none of us saying much. If anyone had noticed Talias swollen, reddened eyes when she came down the Ladder, n.o.body mentioned it. n.o.body asked me what I had said to her. Instead, we spoke of other matters: the best way to prepare cheesy bannocks, which loch harbored the biggest trout, how soon the autumn storms would set in.
We were sitting over our mead when she came in. She was wearing clothes borrowed from someone bigger; they emphasized how gaunt and pale she was, shrunken by grief. But she held herself tall, her shoulders square, her dark eyes daring any of us to pity her. Behind her came Andra.
aI have something to say,a Tali began. aFirst, I regret my unfortunate loss of self-control when we first arrived here. It wonat happen again. I offer my brother a public apology.a She glanced at Fingal, who had said barely a word throughout the meal. aThereas no blame to be laid for what happened. We are warriors; we take risks; sometimes we misjudge the way things will fall out.a She cleared her throat and straightened her back. If anyone thought this was not costing her, they did not know her as I did. Andra moved in closer, ready to support her if she faltered.
aI wonat waste words,a Tali went on. aReganas gone. Someone has to step up and take on the duties of leader. Iam offering myself as a replacement. Not that anyone can really take his place; he was himself, a beacon of hope, a shining light in the darkness.a Her voice was shaking. aBut head want us to go on; head want us to see this through to the end, no matter how heavy our losses. I donat forget the sacrifice of Killen, young Ban, and Little Don, who also fell at Wedderburn. Three fine men. Nor of all those weave lost over the years since Reganas pa.s.sion and vision brought us together and gave us the hope of a better future.a She swayed; Andra took her arm, steadying her.
aAndra has agreed to take on my old job, training you and keeping you all in order,a Tali said. aAnd Iall be leader for now, if you want me. When all the others get back, when winter sets in, we should give everyone the opportunity to volunteer, then put it to the vote. But Neryn says you need someone to take charge now, so Iall do it. If youall have me.a A roar of approval gave her the answer.
aGood,a she said, sounding surprised. aGood. Iall hold a council the day after tomorrow, all of us and any of the Folk Below who want to be present. Iall hear everyoneas report on their activities since Neryn and I went away. Neryn will provide ours. We need to start planning, and planning fast. We only have until midsummer to achieve this. We must work as weave never worked before.a She brushed a hand across her cheek. aWeare doing this for you, Regan,a she said. aWeare doing it for all our fallen. Maybe youare gone from this world. But youare always with us, here at Shadowfell.a aMy lord king.a aClose the door, Owen. Come close, sit down. We are alone; no need for formality.a He sat. Accepted a goblet of mead poured by Keldecas own hand. Waited.
aI have news. Momentous news. Or so it seems.a aMy lord?a It was a long time since he had seen such a look in Keldecas eye, or such animation on his features. What was coming?
The king leaned forward across the table. His voice fell to a conspiratorial murmur. aWord has it that a Caller has been found.a His heart went cold. aA Caller? I had thought such a phenomenon did not exist in todayas Alban, my lord.a He managed to keep his tone cool, his manner calm. aAfter our lengthy search throughout your lands, our exhaustive questioning of your people, if a Caller were there to be found, I believe we would already have found her.a aHim,a said Keldec.
He drew in a slow breath, then released it. aMy lord?a aA young man. In the south. The queen received a message to that effect earlier today; this fellow was discovered by some of her people. Heas on his way here for questioning.a Keldecas eyes were bright. aIf itas true, what the old tales tell us about the powers of such a person, this may prove a weapon of inestimable power, Owen. Think what we could achieve with the Good Folk at our disposal. We could create a powerful army indeed. We could spread our authority far beyond the borders of Alban. Our line might become foremost in the known world.a He paused. aProvided the Caller is loyal, of course. Such power, wielded by a person of rebellious nature, would be deadly to us and to all we hold dear. Once this man is brought to Summerfort, I may have a particular need for your services.a aI understand, my lord king.a aYou seem very calm in the face of such news,a Keldec observed.
aMy lord, I am a I am taken aback, I confess. I hardly know what to say. A Caller a I had begun to think the notion nothing but an old wivesa tale. How soon will this young man be here?a aThat I cannot tell you. Six days, maybe seven. Be ready when the time comes.a His mind raced. How could he get this news to Shadowfell, how could he warn Regan, warn Neryn, that the whole balance was about to change? aIad planned to ride to Wedderburn in the morning, my lord,a he said. aThereas been word of a problem there, incursions across the border by parties unknown. Keenan requested our advice.a aSend Rohan.a aI had intended that we both go, my lord, with a party of four or five men. I believe a troop leaderas presence is called for in this situation. We must ensure all of your chieftains remain steadfast in their loyalty. Offering a.s.sistance on such occasions helps to strengthen that loyalty. I can be back by the time you require me.a aGo, then, if you wish. Six days. No more.a aYes, my lord king.a By night, while Keenanas household slept, he climbed the wall above the gates to Wedderburnas stronghold and cut down the rotting, crow-pecked remnant Keenan had nailed up as a warning. The russet hair, the ring in the left ear, confirmed what his instincts had already told him. With the head in a bag over his shoulder, he slipped away to the place in the woods where head left a horse hobbled, waiting. The creature jittered and trembled when he tied the bag behind the saddle. With quiet words he settled the animal, though his heart was beating hard, like a drum sounding a call to battle. In his dark clothing, under a waning moon, he could stay unseen until he was well across the border. There was nothing on his person to identify him: no heavy Enforcer cloak, no stag brooch, no silver to the harness, no rich garments or wax-sealed dispatches. No longer a kingas man. Only a man.
He mounted and rode steadily away from Wedderburn, across the hills, carrying Regan home to Shadowfell.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS.
My thanks go to Gaye G.o.dfrey-Nicholls and Tamara Lampard for their wise advice on elemental magic and ritual. Gaye also crafted another great map from my sketchy instructions. Mich.e.l.le Frey at Knopf USA and Brianne Tunnicliffe at Pan Macmillan Australia exercised tact and professionalism throughout the process of polishing the rather raw initial ma.n.u.script into its final form. I thank Claire Craig, Jo Lyons, and all at both publishing houses who played a role in the development of the book. To my family, thanks for being prepared to brainstorm at short notice. And to my agent, Russell Galen, the usual appreciation for his support along the way.
end.