Deedra would sure have been an embarra.s.sing sister-in-law for Marta Schuster. I was lying on the floor checking to make sure nothing else was underneath Deedra"s couch when that unwelcome thought crossed my mind. I stayed down for a moment, turning the idea back and forth, chewing at it.
I nearly discarded it out of hand. Marta was tough enough to handle embarra.s.sment. And from my reading of the situation, I felt Marlon had just begun his relationship with Deedra; there was no other way to explain his extravagant display of grief. He was young enough to have illusions, and maybe he"d dodged the talk about Deedra with enough agility to have hope she"d cleave only to him, to put a biblical spin on it.
Perhaps she would have. After all, Deedra hadn"t been smart, but even Deedra must have seen that she couldn"t go on as she had been. Right?
Maybe she"d never let herself think of the future. Maybe, once started on her course, she"d been content to just drift along? I felt a rush of contempt.
Then I wondered what I myself had been doing for the past six years.
As I rose to my knees and then to my feet, I argued to myself that I"d been learning to survive-to not go crazy-every single day since I"d been raped and knifed.
Standing in Deedra Dean"s living room, listening to her mother working down the hall, I realized that I was no longer in danger of craziness, though I supposed I"d have fits of anxiety the rest of my days. I had made a life, I had earned my living, and I had bought a house of my own. I had insurance. I drove a car and paid taxes. I had mastered survival. For a long moment I stood staring through the hatchway into Deedra"s fluorescently bright kitchen, thinking what a strange time and place it was to realize such a large thing.
And since I was in her apartment, I had to think of Deedra again. She"d been slaughtered before she"d had time to come through whatever was making her behave the way she did. Her body had been degraded-displayed naked, and violated. Though I had not let myself think of it before now, I had a mental picture of the Coca-Cola bottle protruding from Deedra"s v.a.g.i.n.a. I wondered if she"d been alive when that had happened. I wondered if she"d had time to know.
I felt dizzy suddenly, almost sick, so I plopped down on the couch and stared at my hands. I"d gotten too wrapped up in my inner depiction of Deedra"s last minutes. I was remembering the hours in the shack in the fields, the hours I"d spent chained to an old iron bedstead, waiting to die, almost longing for it. I thought of the sickness of the phone calls Deedra had been getting right before she was killed. There are men who should die, I thought.
"Lily? Are you all right?" Lacey leaned over me, her face concerned.
I yanked myself back to the moment. "Yes," I said stiffly. "Thank you. I"m sorry."
"You"re sick?"
"I have an inner ear problem. I just got dizzy for a second," I lied. It made me uncomfortable, lying, but it was easier on Lacey than the truth.
She went back to her task, casting an uneasy look back at me, and I began going through the tapes Deedra had had around the television, making sure there weren"t any p.o.r.nographic ones mixed in with the ones marked ALL MY CHILDREN or SALLY JESSY ON THURSDAY. These tapes were all presumably still usable. I figured I"d make sure there wasn"t anything risque on them, and asked Lacey if I could use the tapes. As I expected, she agreed, and I packed them in a box without finishing my evaluation. If I found anything objectionable in the tapes, I could pitch them at home more easily. Just another little cleanup job to complete.
We can"t leave this world without leaving a lot of detritus behind. We never go out as cleanly as we come in; and even when we come in, there"s the afterbirth.
I looked forward to karate that night more than I had in weeks. So much reflection, so much unwelcome remembrance needed to be worked out of my system. I liked to do, do, not reflect: I wanted to kick some b.u.t.t so badly I ached. That"s not the right way to approach the discipline, and that"s not the correct mind frame for martial arts. My body tw.a.n.ged with tension as I took my place in line. not reflect: I wanted to kick some b.u.t.t so badly I ached. That"s not the right way to approach the discipline, and that"s not the correct mind frame for martial arts. My body tw.a.n.ged with tension as I took my place in line.
Attendance at the Friday-night cla.s.ses tended to be a bit lighter than at the Monday and Wednesday cla.s.ses. Tonight there were only ten people stretching at the barres along the wall. Bobo bowed at the doorway and strolled into the room in a white tank top and the pants-half of his gi. gi. His girlfriend, Toni, had tagged along. Bobo kicked off his sandals and got into line two people down from me, pulling Toni in beside him. She was wearing black shorts and a purple T-shirt, and she"d pinned her dark hair back with an elastic band and a million hairpins. She was trying to look comfortable. His girlfriend, Toni, had tagged along. Bobo kicked off his sandals and got into line two people down from me, pulling Toni in beside him. She was wearing black shorts and a purple T-shirt, and she"d pinned her dark hair back with an elastic band and a million hairpins. She was trying to look comfortable.
As always, Becca was first in line. She"d stretched on her own before cla.s.s, smiling at Carlton when he wandered over to talk to her, but not saying much herself. Raphael, usually on my left, was at a dance; he and his wife were chaperoning his daughter"s Spring Fling at the high school. He"d told me he thought some of the restraining moves Marshall had taught us might come in handy if the boys went out in the parking lot to drink.
"You and Lacey "bout done cleaning out Deedra"s place?" Becca asked as we waited to be called to attention.
"We haven"t finished yet. But a lot of boxes are gone. Just a little left to pack, and the big stuff can be moved out."
She nodded, and was about to say something else when Marshall put on his hardest face and barked, "Kiotske!" "Kiotske!"
We came to attention and exchanged bows with him.
"Line up for sit-ups!"
Becca and I usually paired up, since we were much the same weight and height. I moved to stand facing her and checked to make sure everyone in my new line had a partner. Then Becca and I sat down facing each other, legs extended in front of us and slightly bent at the knees. Becca slid her feet between mine and turned them outward to hook under my calves. I turned my feet in to latch on to hers.
Marshall had motioned Bobo"s girlfriend, Toni, to pair with Janet, who was much closer to Toni"s size than Bobo. Bobo, in turn, had to make do with the only man approaching him in height and weight, Carlton. The two men of the world, I thought, and watched as Bobo and Carlton silently contended over who got to be "outie" and who got to be "innie." Becca and I grinned at each other as Carlton slid his legs between Bobo"s, who"d held out the longest.
"Put your hands under your b.u.t.ts, like this!" Marshall held up his hands so Toni could see. The index finger of his right hand touched the index finger of the left, and the opposing thumbs touched each other, but the matching pairs were spread as far apart as possible. "Your tailbone should be in the open s.p.a.ce. Let yourselves lie back, but don"t touch the floor!" Marshall ordered, being specific since we had a visitor. He strolled down the line with his thumbs hooked in his obi. He examined himself in one of the mirrors that lined the wall, and smoothed his black hair with one ivory hand. Marshall"s one-quarter-Asian blood was his favorite fraction, and he did everything he could to emphasize his otherness. He thought it made him more effective and attractive as a sensei sensei and a gym owner if he looked exotic, or as exotic as southern Arkansas would tolerate. He was right. and a gym owner if he looked exotic, or as exotic as southern Arkansas would tolerate. He was right.
Meanwhile, Becca and I tucked our hands under our respective b.u.t.ts and leaned back very slowly, mirroring each other, until our shoulders were about two inches from the floor. I was looking at the ceiling, concentrating on the crack I always used to focus my attention. With the pull from our linked legs providing an anchor, we would be able to maintain this excruciating position for an indeterminate time. I rolled my eyes sideways to check out what our sensei sensei was doing. He was straightening his was doing. He was straightening his gi. gi. Bobo, right beside me, met my eyes and shook his head slightly in mock despair. Carlton, beside Becca, had already broken into a sweat.
I made a tiny, derisive sound, just loud enough to carry to our sensei. sensei. Marshall was preening while we were hurting, and the weakest of us would be worn out by the time we started the exercise. Marshall was preening while we were hurting, and the weakest of us would be worn out by the time we started the exercise.
"On my count!" Marshall barked, and we all tensed. Carlton was trembling, and Toni, hooked to Janet, seemed totally unable to pull up off the floor, where her entire body was firmly settled. At least she was providing good ballast for her partner.
"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, twenty! One, two ..." With each count we tightened our abdominals, then relaxed them, our upper bodies rising perhaps six inches off the floor to relax down to two on the off count. Our row bobbed frantically to keep up, abdominals rigid with the effort of keeping our backs off the floor. I glanced to the right, checking my half of the row, since Marshall might ask me to correct their faults. Carlton and Toni were side by side on Becca"s row, which pleased me. Bobo looked to his left just then, and our eyes met. He grinned at me. He thought this was great fun. He had to have found another dojo in Montrose, to be in such good shape. I shook my head in wry amazement, and turned my concentration back to my own work. I closed my eyes and kept up with the count, knowing Becca would never give up and go slack.
"Get your elbows off the floor!" Marshal admonished, and the two new boys at the end of the row gasped and obeyed. I scowled at the ceiling as I heard the thud of a head hitting the floor only seconds later. That was on my side, and it was one of the new boys. After a few halfhearted attempts to make his abdominals obey, he openly gave up, and he and Toni did fish imitations together, mouths open and gasping. Toni had lasted maybe the first set of ten. Obviously, Bobo hadn"t met her in a gym.
Finally, only Bobo, Becca, and I were still going.
"One hundred!" Marshall said, and stopped. We three froze with our backs off the floor. I could hear Becca breathing loudly, and tried not to smile.
"Hold it!" commanded Marshall, and with an effort of will, I stayed up.
"Hold it!" he exhorted us. I began to tremble.
"Relax," he said, and it was all I could do not to let myself collapse with the same embarra.s.sing thud. I managed to detach my legs from Becca"s and let my shoulders and back ease to the floor without any urgency. I hoped.
Ragged breathing filled the room. I turned to look at Bobo. He was beaming at me from a couple of feet away.
"How ya doing, Lily?" he gasped.
"I could have done thirty more," I said with no conviction. He giggled weakly.
Marshall didn"t tell us to put on sparring pads tonight. At least partly because of Toni"s presence (even the students we called "the new boys" had been coming a month) he decided to instruct us to practice breaking away. There were about four simple moves that each new cla.s.s member had to learn. While the other people practiced more sophisticated maneuvers, I was set to teach these moves to Toni. She protested nervously several times that she was just visiting with Bobo-probably she would never come to cla.s.s again. I just kept on instructing her. No one (least of all the timid Toni) would quite dare to just tell Marshall no. no. At least, no one I"d ever met. At least, no one I"d ever met.
My estimation of the girl rose as I worked with her. She gave it her best shot, though she was obviously uncomfortable with being in the cla.s.s at all. I could like that determination-admire it, even.
"G.o.d, you"re strong," she said, trying not to sound angry, as I gripped her wrists and told her to practice the breaking-free method I"d just taught her.
"I"ve been working at this for years."
"You"re some kind of hero to Bobo," she said, her eyes fixed on me to see how I"d react.
I had no idea how to respond to that. I wanted to ignore what Toni had said, but she refused to move when I took her wrist, playing my role of attacker. She just waited, her face turned up to mine.
"I"m not a hero in any sense," I said curtly. "Now, break free from my hold!"
I got out of there fast when cla.s.s was over. Janet had left even faster after letting me know she had a date, so she wasn"t there to chat with me on my way out, and the weight room was almost empty. I thought I heard Bobo call my name, but I kept marching forward. I"d see him tomorrow afternoon, anyway.
Chapter Seven.
I was exhausted, but I couldn"t sleep. There was no point in tearing up my bed tossing and turning any longer. In the darkness I slid into my jeans, black sports bra, an old black Nike T-shirt, and my sneakers. My keys and cell phone were always in the same place on my dresser; I pocketed them and slipped out the front door to begin walking.
There had been too many nights of this pointless activity, I reflected. Too many nights of striding through a silent town-for the past few years this particular silent town of Shakespeare. Before that, other towns in other states: Tennessee, Mississippi. My feet moved silently on the pavement as I covered ground.
I seldom felt the compulsion to walk when Jack stayed with me. If I was restless, I satisfied that restlessness in a more intimate way. Tonight I felt worn ragged, and old.
One of the town"s night patrolmen, Gardner McClanahan, saluted me as he cruised slowly by. He knew better than to stop and talk. Though Claude would never have told me, I"d heard the town police called me the Night Walker, a pun on the t.i.tle of an old TV show. Every patrol officer knew I"d anonymously called in at least five break-ins and three domestic situations, but we"d silently agreed to pretend they didn"t know their tipster was me. After the previous year, they all knew about my past. I thought it very strange that they apparently respected me for it.
I didn"t raise my hand to acknowledge Gardner, as I would some nights. I kept on moving.
Forty minutes later, I"d circled, doubled, gone to all four points of the compa.s.s, and still was only about six blocks from home. On Main, I was pa.s.sing Joe C"s house, thinking once again about its size and age, when I stopped in my tracks. Had that been a flicker of movement among the bushes in the yard of the Prader house? My hand dropped to the cell phone in my pocket, but there was no point calling the police if I"d been mistaken. I slunk into the yard myself, moving through the overgrown shrubbery as silently as I could.
Yes. Ahead of me, someone was moving. Someone all in black. Someone quiet and quick like me. The closest streetlight was half a block away and the yard was deep and shadowy.
It took me only seconds to realize that whoever this trespa.s.ser was, he was moving away from the house, not toward it. I wondered if he"d been trying the doors, hoping to enter and steal. I began making my way as quietly as I could through the jungle of Joe C"s yard.
Then I smelled smoke. I froze in position, my head rotating to track from which direction the thick dark scent was pouring.
It was coming from the house. My skin began to crawl with apprehension. Not even attempting quiet movement, I pressed close enough to peer through the open curtains of Joe C"s living room, the room I"d vacuumed just three days before. Now that I was out of the bushes, the streetlight gave me a little visibility. There were no lights on in the house, but I should have been able to see the outlines of the furniture. Instead, there was a dense movement inside the room. After a second, I realized the room was full of smoke; it was coiling against the windows, waiting to be let out. As I stared into the dark moving cloud, I saw the first dart of the flames.
I broke into a run, crashing through the overgrown crepe myrtles and camellias, around the house and up the shaky steps to Joe C"s back door. I"d decided the back door was farthest from the fire. There was no time to waste trying to track the trespa.s.ser. As I pounded on the door to wake the old man, I pulled the phone out of my pocket and dialed 911.
I told the dispatcher what the situation was, and she answered, "We"ll be there in a minute, Lily," which I"d probably find amusing another time. The smell of smoke was increasing by the second. I pocketed the phone and forced myself to touch the doork.n.o.b. It wasn"t hot. Though I expected the door would be locked, it opened easily.
A cloud of darkness billowed out. With it came the terrible smell of things being consumed by fire. I was gasping with terror, knowing I had to try to reach Joe C.
I hesitated, shamefully, afraid of being trapped if I went in. I knew the door must be shut behind me to prevent cross breezes from fanning the flames. For a long second, I was awfully tempted to shut myself right back out on the porch. But that was just something I couldn"t do. I took a deep breath of clean air. Then I entered the burning house and closed the opening to safety.
I started to switch on the lights, realized I shouldn"t. In the choking gloom, I made my way across the kitchen to the familiar double sink, felt the dishcloth draped across the divider. I rinsed it out under cold water and held it across my mouth and nose as I tried to fumble my way out of the kitchen and across the hall to Joe C"s bedroom.
I sucked in breath to call the old man, and that breath exploded out in a bout of coughing. I saw flames to my right, in the living room. Smoke, a deadly silent killer, filled the wide hall. I put one hand to the wall to orient myself, touching a picture of Joe C"s mother I recalled was hanging about a yard to the left of the door to Joe C"s bedroom. I could hear sirens now, but no coughing from anyone but me.
"Joe C!" I screamed, the intake of smoke causing me another coughing spasm. I might have heard something in reply. At least I imagined that I heard a faint answer after I gave a second call. The fire was in the living room, moving closer to the hall, licking at something it really liked. I could feel a sudden escalation in its energy, as if it had eaten a piece of candy. Maybe it had grabbed ahold of Joe C"s antique rolltop desk, its wood dry and ready for the flame after a hundred and fifty years of use.
The door to Joe C"s bedroom was closed. I didn"t know if that was usual or not. I turned the k.n.o.b, and it opened. I was having good luck with doors tonight, if nothing else.
"Joe C," I called hoa.r.s.ely. "Where are you?" I stepped cautiously into the bedroom and shut the door behind me.
"Here," came the feeble reply. "I"m trying to open this d.a.m.n winda."
Since Joe C"s bedroom and the kitchen were at the back of the house, away from the streetlight, between the smoke and the natural darkness I couldn"t tell exactly where the old man was.
"Say something!" I began groping my way into the room, colliding with the bedpost as I shuffled forward. That gave me my bearings.
Joe C said a few things, none of them repeatable.
Finally I reached him, hearing him begin to cough so violently that I knew he didn"t have long to go if we stayed inside. I followed his hands up to the two locks on the window, and I took over the job of twisting them. The right one was easy, the left one very stiff. I wrestled with it, decided to break the gla.s.s in about one second if the lock didn"t give.
"d.a.m.n, woman, get us out of here!" Joe C said urgently. "The fire is at the door!" Then he was overwhelmed by another coughing spasm.
I glanced over my shoulder to see that the door appeared to be cracking, and the cracks had red edges. If I touched that doork.n.o.b now, my hands would burn.
As my whole body would if the d.a.m.n window . . . there! The lock gave, I reached down to grip the handles, and I heaved up with all my strength. The window, which I had expected to resist, flew up, and I almost lost my footing. I stuck my hand outward to feel, and encountered a screen. c.r.a.p.
I took a step back, lifted my leg, and let it fly. The screen popped out of the window like a cork from a bottle, and I said, between bouts of a hacking cough, "I"m going out first, and then I"m getting you over the sill, Joe C."
He clung to me, still no more than part of the choking darkness, and I had to disengage his hands to swing my leg over the sill. Of course the bushes were thick underneath the window, and since the house was raised, the drop-off was at least a foot higher than I"d antic.i.p.ated. I didn"t land square on my feet, but careened sideways, grabbing at branches so I wouldn"t end up on the ground. When my footing was stabilized, I turned and felt through the window until I had run my hands under both Joe C"s armpits.
"Hold on to my shoulders!" I urged him, and his bony claws dug into my skin. I put my left foot somewhat back to keep me steady, and I heaved. Because of the high window, the angle was bad; I was too short to get a good purchase. I gradually worked Joe C about halfway out the window. He began hollering. I took two steps back and heaved again, my shoulders in agony from the strain. More of the old man appeared on my side of the window. I repeated the whole process. But now Joe C began yelling in earnest. I craned over his back to see that his left foot remained hooked to the sill in some mysterious way.
I had a moment of sheer panic. I could not think for the life of me-for his his life-how I was going to extricate him. Luckily, I didn"t have to solve the problem. There was commotion all around me now. I was never happier to see anyone in my life than the firefighter who pushed past me to unhook Joe C"s left foot and bring it out to join the rest of him. I staggered back under Joe C"s full weight, and instantly men were helping me to stand, whisking the old man over to ambulance. life-how I was going to extricate him. Luckily, I didn"t have to solve the problem. There was commotion all around me now. I was never happier to see anyone in my life than the firefighter who pushed past me to unhook Joe C"s left foot and bring it out to join the rest of him. I staggered back under Joe C"s full weight, and instantly men were helping me to stand, whisking the old man over to ambulance.
They tried to load me in, too, but I resisted. I"m no martyr, but I can only afford minimal insurance, and I could manage to stand and walk.
I sat on the tailgate of the fire chief"s pickup while a couple of firefighters gave me oxygen, which felt sweet to my lungs. They checked me over; not a single burn. I reeked of smoke and didn"t think I would ever breathe easily again, but those were minor considerations right now. At least six firefighters told me how lucky I was. They also mentioned that I should have waited for their help in extricating Joe C. I just nodded; I think we all knew that if I"d waited, Joe C wouldn"t have had much of a chance.
When they were sure I was going to be all right, the two men who"d been tending to me went to help with the more exciting activity across the street. I didn"t know if they"d be able to put out the fire before the first floor collapsed, but it was clear Joe C was not going to get his often-stated wish of dying in his own home.
Gradually, though the hubbub around me continued, I was able to think about something other than how afraid I"d been. I was able to think about what I"d seen.
"You feeling better?" demanded a nasal voice.
I nodded without looking up.
"Then you want to tell me how you came to be here?"
My questioner was Norman Farraclough, Claude"s second in command. He was called "Jump" Farraclough, the result of a story I"d never completely understood. I"d encountered Jump several times. He always seemed to be holding any judgment about me in reserve until he"d observed me a little longer. Actually, that was pretty much the same way I felt about him.
Jump was a late-night weightlifter, when his shift permitted. He often arrived at Body Time just when I was leaving karate cla.s.s. The a.s.sistant police chief had a sharp hooked nose, a tiny mustache, and a pumped body that looked awkward in his blue uniform.
The fire chief, Frank Parrish, holding his helmet by one strap, came to stand by Jump, and they both looked down at me with expectant faces.
I explained very slowly how I"d come to be pa.s.sing Joe C"s house. Slowly, because not only was breathing still an act I wasn"t taking for granted, but also I wanted to be sure I didn"t make any error, any ambiguous statement, in what I was telling them. I told Jump and Frank about seeing someone in the yard, smelling the smoke, and finding the back door unlocked.
Jump"s face remained expressionless, but Frank was openly troubled by my story.
"Was it a man or a woman?" he asked when I"d come to the end.
"Couldn"t tell."
"Which direction did he go in?"
"Towards the back of the yard, but there"s no fence back there. He could"ve gone anywhere after that."
"And that back door was unlocked?"
I sighed, tried to keep it inaudible. "Yes." It was the third time Frank had asked me.