"No," I said. "As long as she lives, she"ll always be a threat. For everything she"s done, and for everything she intends to do, she has to die. She was never my mother. Not in any way that mattered."
Alex produced a rather grubby and much-folded map of the local Underground system out from behind the bar, along with half a dozen cards from local taxi firms, a stuffed cat, and a dead beetle or two, and after a certain amount of argument and calculation (because the streets around Strangefellows aren"t always there when you need them), we finally decided the nearest Underground station entrance had to be Cheyne Walk. Within walking distance from the bar, under normal circ.u.mstances, which these weren"t, but still... it was reachable.
"I don"t like this," said Ms. Fate. "It"s a war zone out there."
We all stopped and listened to the chaos raging outside the bar. Even behind the shuttered windows and the locked doors, even behind Merlin"s ancient defences, we could still hear screams and howls, the rage of fires and the rumble of collapsing buildings. Raw hatred ran loose in the streets, and it was hard to tell what sounds were human and which weren"t, any more.
"So," I said, trying hard to sound confident, "who"s coming with me?"
"I am," said Suzie Shooter. "But you knew that already."
"Yes," I said. "My love."
"I may puke," said Alex.
"I can"t go with you," said Walker. "I have responsibilities, to my people. Many of them are still out there, fighting. Someone has to stay here, to organise the resistance. In case you don"t come back. I will do my best to keep Lilith distracted while you make your run to Shadows Fall."
"I"ll go with you, old thing," said Tommy Oblivion, throwing his notebook aside. "I feel fine again. Honest! And I owe you more than I can ever repay. I was so wrong about you."
"If you"re going, then I"m going, too," his brother Larry said immediately. "You"ll need someone to watch your back. You always do."
"You"re not coming, and that"s final!" snapped Tommy. "I don"t care if you are dead, one of us has to survive this mess, to look after Mother."
Larry subsided, muttering under his breath. Razor Eddie drank the last of his designer water, tossed the bottle carelessly over his shoulder, and nodded to me.
"I"ll go. I"ve always wanted to see Shadows Fall."
"I"m not going, and you can"t make me!" said Alex Morrisey. "I"ve got a bar to run. And no, you can"t have the Coltranes either. I need them, to protect the place."
Alex couldn"t leave Strangefellows. The bar"s geas held him there. We all knew that, but he had a reputation to keep up.
"I cannot go to Shadows Fall," said Merlin. "And no, I"m not going to tell you why. I"ll just say... you"d think such a proud, ancient, and legendary town would have more of a sense of humour about... certain things. I"ll stay here and keep Lilith"s attention focused on me. I"m pretty sure I can set up a glamour, to fool her into thinking Taylor"s still here with me. For a while, anyway..."
I looked at Julien Advent. "I really could use your help on this one, Julien..."
But he was already shaking his head. "I"m sorry, John. It"s my responsibility to protect the Nightside, not risk my life on such a long shot. I"ll help Walker run the resistance. I have contacts and a.s.sociates and Beings who owe me favours that even he doesn"t know about."
"I wouldn"t put money on that," said Walker. "But thanks, Julien. I could use someone level-headed around here."
"Who"s he looking at?" Alex said loudly. "I don"t know what he"s talking about. Like to see him run a dive like this. I can feel one of my funny turns coming on."
In his own way, he was trying to cheer us up. I looked at Cathy before she could say anything.
"No," I said, "you can"t come with me. You"d have to kill or be killed out there, and I won"t have that on my conscience."
She nodded jerkily. Her eyes were full of tears she refused to shed. "You come back safe," she said. "Or I"ll never forgive you."
"I"ll keep an eye on her," said Ms. Fate. "She"s stronger than you know."
"You keep her safe," I said. "Or I"ll come back from my death to haunt your Bat-cave."
"You probably would, too," said Ms. Fate. "I wish I could go with you, but I know my limitations. Good luck, Taylor."
And that left Dead Boy. He scowled, shook his head, and finally shrugged. "Oh h.e.l.l, why not? I could use a little excitement. Where did I put that duct tape... ?"
"I could use my gift to transport you right to the station entrance," Tommy said suddenly.
"No, you couldn"t," I said. "Lilith will be looking for that. If she even guesses I"m heading for Shadows Fall, she"ll stop me."
And that was that. People finished their drinks, said their good-byes, and set about preparing themselves for what was to come. Shotgun Suzie took me to one side, and looked at me solemnly. She put a leather-gloved hand on my chest and let it rest there, like a b.u.t.terfly on a wall.
"I wanted us to have a moment together," she said, in her cold calm voice. "Because... things can always go wrong, and we might not get a chance to say a proper good-bye, later. We"ve been through so much together, and if this is it, well... I need to say something to you, John. You... matter to me. No-one"s mattered to me for a long time. Not even me. Perhaps especially not me. But you... made me want to live again. So I could share my life with you. I care for you, John. I wanted you to know that."
"I knew that, Suzie..."
"Shut up and let me say this. It isn"t easy. I love you, John Taylor, and I always will."
She made herself hug me. Her leather jacket creaked loudly as she put her arms around me, and her bandoliers of bullets pressed hard against my chest. She put her head forward, and deliberately pressed her unscarred cheek against mine. Flesh to flesh. I held her gently, as though she was brittle and might break. I could feel the effort involved, in what she was doing, of how much strength it took her to do a simple thing like this, and I was so proud of her I could hardly get my breath.
"If we do both make it out of this alive," she said, very quietly, her mouth right next to my ear, "I can"t promise I"ll ever be able to be a woman for you, John. But I will try."
"Suzie... it doesn"t matter..."
"Yes it does! It matters to me. Do you love me, John?"
"Of course I love you, Suzie. Now and forever, and all the times between. I"d die for you, if I had to."
"I"d much rather you lived for me."
She let go of me and stood back. I let go of her immediately. I knew better than to push it. She looked at me, her face apparently entirely unmoved.
"I know about the future Suzie. I know what happened to her, here in this bar. You can"t keep secrets in a dump like this. You mustn"t worry about it, John. The future is what we make it."
"That"s what worries me," I said.
And so, finally, I led my brave little band of heroes out of the bar. Shotgun Suzie, Razor Eddie, Tommy Oblivion, and Dead Boy. I eased open the door, slowly, silently, and one by one we crept out into the narrow cobble-stoned back alley. It smelled really bad. The piled-up bodies I"d expected from Suzie"s defence were gone, and it was best not to wonder where, but the blood and gore remained, splashed up the alley walls and soaking the cobbled ground. The air was hot and heavy, thick with old smoke, and an overbearing sense of a world running down, of things coming to an end. There were screams and roars and howls, all the sounds of death and destruction, horror and fury. The Nightside might be going down for the last time, but it sure as h.e.l.l wasn"t going down quietly. I set off down the alley at a steady pace, ignoring the blood splashing under my shoes, trying hard to radiate confidence and a strong sense of purpose.
Suzie was right there at my side, shotgun at the ready, happy and smiling like a woman on her way to a really good party. Tommy and Eddie and Dead Boy moved along with us, and together we made our way to the end of the alley and looked cautiously out into the main street.
Fires blazed everywhere. Dead vehicles sprawled the length of the road, overturned and abandoned. A hea.r.s.e had been broken apart from the inside out, and a taxi lay on its side with a wooden stake hammered through its engine block. Maddened crowds swept back and forth under a flickering twilight of burning buildings and half-smashed neon signs, attacking everything in sight. The noises they made didn"t sound human any more. Reason had been blasted from their minds, by loss and horror and Lilith"s will, leaving them only the most basic instincts and emotions. Men and women killed and ate each other, while monsters roamed freely, killing where they would and exhausting their various appet.i.tes on the fallen. Lilith was softening the Nightside up, before she went in for the kill. And because she enjoyed it.
"How the h.e.l.l are we supposed to get to Cheyne Walk through that?" said Tommy.
"I"d suggest running," said Suzie.
"I"d also strongly suggest killing anything that isn"t us," said Dead Boy.
"Works for me," said Razor Eddie. "But... loath as I am to be the voice of reason in this group, I really don"t like the odds out there. Too many of them, too few of us. Enough hyenas will bring down even the strongest lions. If we have to fight for every step of the way, they"ll drag us down long before we get anywhere near Cheyne Walk."
"We can"t hit them head-on," I said. "In fact, we can"t afford to be noticed at all. Lilith is bound to have people out there looking for me. Once she knows I"ve left Strangefellows and Merlin"s protections, she"ll come straight for me. So, Tommy, you"re up."
"What?" said Tommy. "What?"
"Use your gift to hide us. Or at least hide our ident.i.ties. Such a small use of your gift should slide past Lilith unnoticed."
"Yes," said Tommy, after a moment. "I think I could do that..."
He frowned, concentrating. It took him a while, to force his mind to deal with only one thing and ignore the madness and horror around him, but finally I could sense his gift firing up, as he imposed his existential will upon the world. Slowly and carefully, moment by moment, we became as uncertain as he thought we were, until the world couldn"t decide whether we really were there or not, and even if we were, it couldn"t make up its mind about who we were. I could feel Tommy"s gift all around us, like a fog of possibilities. Everywhere I looked, it was like seeing through a heat haze, as though we were out of synch with our surroundings. I took that as a good sign and made myself concentrate on the only thing that really mattered-getting to Cheyne Walk Station.
I took a deep breath and led the way out onto the main street, walking openly, taking my time, doing nothing to attract attention. The others came with me, sticking close but not crowding. No-one even looked at us. Crazed mobs rioted up and down the street, and swept right past us without even slowing. I led the way down the street, through chaos and murder and foulness of all kinds, and no-one touched us. Sometimes they"d step out of our way, without even realising they were doing it. Suzie stayed at my side, the others spread out behind us. I tried to keep track of where they were without looking at them directly, but Tommy"s gift made that difficult. It was hard to be sure of anything under the concentrated field of uncertainty he was generating. Terrible things happened, but none of them seemed real, or close, or threatening. Until a familiar face came running frantically out of a side alley.
Sister Morphine cared for the homeless and down-and-outs of Rats" Alley, trying to keep them fed and warm and alive, and save a few souls where she could. A good woman in a bad place, watching over those the world had abandoned. And now she came running out of the night, her nun"s robes torn and tattered and soaked in her own blood. Her tear-stained face was dull with exhaustion and shock and the sight of too much horror. A mob was coming right behind her, screaming for her head. She burst out of the side alley and looked right at me. And even Tommy"s gift was no match for her honest gaze.
"John! John Taylor! Help me! For G.o.d"s sake, help me!"
The mob fell upon her and dragged her down, and she disappeared under a ma.s.s of flailing bodies. Knives flashed brightly in the night. She kept on screaming long after she should have stopped. And I let it happen, torn between the need to help her and the greater need to get to Cheyne Walk. I let a good woman die because I had somewhere more important to be. I walked on down the street, staring straight ahead, not even allowing myself to hurry in case that called attention to me. The screaming finally stopped, but I knew I"d be hearing it for the rest of my life. Suzie and the others stuck a little closer to me, but none of them said anything. They"d made the same choice I had. I could see the sign for the Cheyne Walk Underground Station up ahead, right at the end of the street. On a normal day, I could have walked it in a few minutes.
But the damage had already been done. Sister Morphine had called me by name, undermining Tommy"s uncertainty. All around us, heads were slowly turning in our direction, not all of them human, not all of them sane. Perhaps that helped them see us, see me, more clearly. Someone pointed. Something said my name. The word flashed up and down the packed street, and men and monsters stopped the awful things they were doing to look for me. For Lilith"s son.
"What do we do?" said Suzie.
"Run," I said.
And so we ran, pushing ourselves hard, ploughing through the crowds and slamming people out of our way if they didn"t move fast enough. The press of bodies grew thicker as people came surging down the street towards us. My people formed a protective ring around me, without my asking. Suzie blasted a b.l.o.o.d.y hole in the crowd ahead, using both barrels, and bodies fell this way and that. Razor Eddie moved forward to take the lead while Suzie reloaded, gliding along like an angry ghost, his pearl-handled straight razor blazing fiercely in the twilight, as though it had come home. Eddie cut about him without even looking, and no-one could stand against him.
Suzie kept up a steady fire against anyone who even looked like they were getting too close, reloading on the run, though her bandoliers were almost empty now. She tossed the odd grenade or incendiary where she thought it"d do the most good, but from the unusually sparing way she was using them, I guessed she was running low on them, too. She was still grinning broadly, like she was having the best time, and maybe she was. Dead Boy hit anything that came within reach, while Tommy tried his best to wrap the last tatters of his gift around us, frowning fiercely with concentration as he ran. It must have been working. No-one seemed able to lay a hand on us.
We were all running full out, but the station entrance didn"t seem to be getting any closer. My heart hammered in my chest, my lungs burned with the need for air, and my legs ached fiercely. It had been a long, hard day, and I was running on fumes now. It didn"t seem fair that the world should require more effort from me, after everything I"d already done. I put my head down, and sweat dripped off the end of my nose. I concentrated on running. I could do this. I"d run harder, and longer, when Herne and his Wild Hunt chased me through the primordial forest of old Britain.
Mobs and monsters descended on us from all sides, from everywhere at once, driven by hate and bloodl.u.s.t and the fear of Lilith"s wrath if they let me escape. She knew I had to be stopped, before I stopped her. I ran hard, we all ran hard, sticking very close, striking out viciously at our many enemies, and Dead Boy was the first of us to fall. Hands from a faceless mob of howling savages caught hold of his flapping greatcoat and dragged him down by sheer weight and force of numbers. He was still lashing about him with his powerful dead hands as he fell, handing out death with every blow, but there were just so many of them.
We ran on, leaving him behind. We had no choice. I looked back anyway. The mob boiled around Dead Boy, stamping and kicking him and stabbing him with any number of weapons. I knew he wouldn"t feel any of it, but that didn"t make the sight any easier to bear. He was still struggling, the last time I saw him. I"m sure I heard him yell out to me, to keep going. I"m almost sure I heard him call out. I turned my head away, and kept running.
Razor Eddie fell back to cover our rear. Perhaps because there were more enemies behind than in front. Perhaps because even he was getting tired. Certainly even the most crazed individuals showed a marked reluctance to get too close to his infamous straight razor. He cut through the madness like a grim grey ghost, or a grim grey G.o.d, and no man and no monster came close to touching him. The street was full of people now, and things not at all like people, coming at us from every alley and side street, brandishing all kinds of weapons, yelling my name like a curse. Creatures loped through the crowds, or hovered above in the smoky night sky. I saw fangs and claws and membraneous wings, and shapes that made no sense at all, bursting out of the sides of crumbling buildings as though they weren"t even there.
And then I swear I heard my mother"s voice, abroad in the night, speaking Words of Power from a language so ancient it predated any human tongue or meaning. A trapdoor opened up in the pavement right in front of Razor Eddie, a hole in our world, a door to somewhere else. Long tentacles with crocodile hide and suckers like barbed mouths shot up out of that other place and wrapped themselves around Razor Eddie. He cut viciously about him with his razor, but for every tentacle he severed a dozen more burst up through the trap-door. They finally whipped around both his arms, pinioning them to his sides, then they dragged him down into the hole, out of our world and into theirs. He never cried out, not once. The trap-door slammed shut, and Razor Eddie was gone.
I kept running. We all did. The Punk G.o.d of the Straight Razor could take care of himself. He"d find his way back. I believed that. I had to believe it.
The Cheyne Walk entrance was really close now. The crowds were thickening up before us, desperate to block our way. Suzie"s shotgun fired again and again. The barrels were so hot that steam rose up from her leather gloves where she held the gun. Tommy was speaking gibberish, forcing his gift to manifest through sheer force of will. His face was very pale, his breathing laboured, his eyes dangerously wild. He wrapped the three of us in a cloud of uncertainty, and the mobs couldn"t find us. And then a whole building collapsed as we ran past it, the smoke-blackened wall bowing suddenly outwards and slamming down like a hammer. Suzie and I forced out one last burst of speed, but Tommy was so focused on his gift he didn"t realise what was happening until it was too late. The crumbling brickwork swept over him like a jagged tide, enveloping him in a moment, and we lost sight of him in a dark, billowing cloud of dust.
I stopped to look back, and through the settling dust I saw Tommy lying half-covered by rubble. He was hurt, but still conscious, still alive. Suzie was at my side, tugging my arm, calling my name. I looked at Tommy, and he looked right back at me. His gift was gone, and everyone knew exactly where we were. Voices were calling my name. Suzie pulled me away, and I turned my back on Tommy and started running again. The station entrance was right there. Tommy called out my name once, then I heard him scream as the mob found him.
I left Tommy Oblivion to die. I hadn"t saved him after all. And all I could think was What will I tell his brother?
We came to the Cheyne Walk underground station entrance, and I started down the steps. It took me a moment to realise Suzie wasn"t there with me. I looked round, and she"d taken up a position at the top of the steps, blocking the entrance. She glared at me.
"Go on, John. I"ve got your back."
"Suzie, no..."
"Someone"s got to hold them off long enough for you to catch your train out of here. And I"m the only one left. Don"t take too long, John. I"m seriously low on ammo and almost out of dirty tricks."
"I can"t just leave you!"
"Yes you can. You must. Now get the h.e.l.l out of here, John. And don"t worry. I can look after myself, remember?"
She smiled once, then the mob came surging forward. She met them with both barrels and a handful of shrapnel grenades. I carried on down the steps into the Underground. She"d been right before, as usual. There hadn"t been time for a proper good-bye.
Down in the tube station, it felt a lot later than three o"clock in the morning. The place stank of blood and sweat and desperation and far too many people. They sat huddled on the steps in filthy blood-stained clothes, rocking back and forth and hugging themselves tightly, as though that was the only thing holding them together. They didn"t look at me as I squeezed my way past. Down in the tunnels they were packed even more tightly, refugees from the War above. The floors were filthy, wet and slick with every kind of waste. A recent attempt at graffiti on a tiled wall said The End Is but it finished abruptly in a splash of dried blood.
I forced my way through the increasingly packed tunnels and down the escalators, none of which were working. Half the lights were out, too, and the air was hot and close and clammy. People were shoulder to shoulder down on the platform, and I had to force my way through. No-one had enough strength left to object. The destination board on the wall opposite said street of the G.o.ds, HACELDAMA, CARCOSA, SHADOWS FALL. I looked Up and down the platform, hoping to spot someplace I could sit down and get my breath back, but there was nowhere. Only people, packed a lot closer than people can usually stand, their faces empty, their eyes dead. There was no energy left in them, no hope. They"d found a place to hide from the War, and the horror they sensed coming, and that was enough. Natives and tourists sat huddled together, equally traumatised, equally lost, giving each other what comfort they could. Every now and again, some especially loud roar or explosion would reverberate down through the tunnels from the street above, and everyone would flinch or shudder, and huddle just a little closer together.
There was a lot of dust in the air, and the taste of smoke, and I would have killed for a cool drink. All the food and drink machines had been smashed open and emptied, though I doubt their contents went far, among so many. A woman was talking tearfully on a courtesy phone, even though it was obvious there was no-one on the other end of the line. There were no quarrels or shoving matches anywhere, or even any raised voices. The people were all too tired or hurt or beaten down to cause any trouble. One area at the end of the platform had been set aside for the wounded and the dying, and a handful of a.s.sorted nurses and doctors did what they could, though they had d.a.m.n all to work with. Blood and offal and other, worse things pooled on the floor, and the smell drifting down the platform was the stench of despair.
I asked people around me when the next train was due in. Most didn"t answer. Some were so far gone they didn"t even seem to understand the question. Finally, a man in a torn and scorched business suit, still clinging protectively to his briefcase, informed me that no-one had seen a train in ages. The general feeling was that all the trains had stopped running the moment the War began. I could understand that. The trains were frightened. (They might have started out as purely mechanical creations, but they"d evolved down the years, and now they were all quite definitely alive and sentient, in their own way.) They were probably hiding somewhere outside the Nightside, afraid to enter.
I powered up my gift, found the nearest train, and called it to me. I didn"t have to worry about Lilith"s finding me through my gift any more. By the time she got here, I planned to be long gone. Using my gift felt easier than ever before. Now that I knew the truth about it. As though... it had stopped fighting me. I called, and the train came, protesting loudly all the way. I shut down my gift, silencing the train"s querulous mental voice.
It finally roared into the station, shaking the whole platform with its arrival, a long, shining, silver bullet, cold and featureless. The long steel carriages had no windows, and only the heavily reinforced doors stood out against the gleaming metal. But still there were scuffs and sc.r.a.pes down the long, steel sides, and even a few deep gouge marks. People stirred and murmured, astonished. The trains were supposed to be untouchable, by long tradition. The first carriage slowed to a halt, and its door opened, right in front of me. I stepped inside. People on the platform surged after me, but I turned and glared at them, and something of my old legend stepped them in their tracks, just for a moment. Long enough for the door to hiss shut again. Fists hammered on the outside, while raised voices cursed and pleaded.
I ignored them all and sat down. They couldn"t go where I was going. It felt good to sit down and take the weight off my feet. Rest my aching back against the leather seat. Tired, so tired... I let my head roll forward until my chin rested on my chest... but I couldn"t let myself sleep. I had to stay alert. The train was already off and moving, leaving behind the angry and disappointed howls from the platform.
The air in the carriage was still and clear, almost refrigerator cool. I breathed deeply, savouring it. There were a few splashes of blood on the steel grille floor, and some scorch marks on the wall opposite, but hardly worth the noticing after what I"d been through. I relaxed further into the support of the dark leather seat, and raised my voice.
"You know who I am, train, so no arguments. Take me straight to Shadows Fall. No stops, no detours."
"Don"t want to," said a quiet voice from concealed speakers. It sounded like a traumatised child. "It"s not safe any more. Come with me, and hide in the sidings. We"ll be safe there, in the dark."
"No-one"s safe any more," I said, not unkindly. "I have to go to Shadows Fall."
"The badlands aren"t secure, any more," said the train, sadly. "The places between destinations are all stirred up, by the War. Don"t make me do this, John Taylor."
"I don"t want to do it either," I said. "I"m scared, just like you. But if I can get to Shadows Fall, there"s a chance I can stop all this."
"You promise?"