I wonder if he thought himself one of the "superiors" in question. Did he wish me always to allow his ridiculous a.s.sertions to pa.s.s unquestioned?--
Lady Dasher, too, had her say. But, as she suggested a valuable hint to me, I condoned her offence.
I had gone to call one afternoon soon after the change in my condition, which everybody, by the way, seemed pleased at, that I cared about, save dog Catch. The poor fellow missed his walks sadly, having now to put up with a short morning and evening stroll, instead of being out with me all day, as he frequently had been before, when, my time being my own, I was free to roam.
"My lady" appeared more melancholic than ordinarily, when congratulating me on my successful entry into public life. She spoke as if she were condoling with me on the demise of a near relative.
I returned this by praising a new fuchsia with five pink bells and a golden coronal, which she had lately added to her collection; and, she then gave me the hint to which I have drawn attention.
"Ah! Mr Lorton," she said, after a pause, "life is very uncertain!"
"Just so," I said, acquiescing in her truism, in order to keep up the conversation,--"but we cannot help that, you know, Lady Dasher."
"No, indeed!" she sighed, rather than spoke.--"And that ought to make us more careful, especially on entering into life as you are now doing. My poor dear papa used to say that every young man should insure; and I would recommend your taking out a "policy," isn"t that what they call it? _He_ did not insure his life--poor dear papa did not require it; but he always advised every one else doing so!"
"That"s what most people do,"--I said; still, I was thankful for the hint, and carried it into effect shortly afterwards.
While on the point of friendly congratulations and advice, I should not forget to mention, that Horner also had his fling at me, perpetrating what he considered a joke at my expense.
"Bai-ey Je-ove!" he said the very next Sunday when I met him outside the church after service. "You aah one of aws, now, Lorton, hay?"
"Yes," I said.
"Aw then, my de-ah fellah, you mustn"t chawff me any mo-ah, you know.
_Dawg don"t eat dawg_, you know--ah, hay, Lorton!"
And he chuckled considerably at his feeble wit.
Poor Horner!
CHAPTER FIVE.
"LOVE LIES BLEEDING."
What is my guilt that makes me so with thee?
Have I not languished prostrate at thy feet?
Have I not lived whole days upon thy sight?
Have I not seen thee where thou hast not been; And, mad with the idea, clasp"d the wind, And doated upon nothing?
Although Mr Mawley had expressed such a disparaging opinion anent my capabilities for official work, I do not think I made such an inefficient clerk on the whole.
I did not mulct my country of any portion of the hours appointed for my labour, pleading Charles Lamb"s humorous excuse, that, if I _did_ come late, I certainly made up for it "by going away early!" On the contrary, my attendance was so uniformly regular, that it attracted the notice of the chief of my room, getting me a word of commendation.
Praise from such a quarter was praise indeed, as the individual in question was one of the old order of clerks, stiff, prosaic and crabbed to a degree--who looked upon all the new race of young men that now entered the service as so many sons of Belial. "Their ways" were not "his ways;" and, their free and easy manners, and absence of all that wholesome awe of chiefs which had been customary in his day, proved, beyond doubt, that official life in general, and that of _his_ department in particular, was decidedly "going to the devil!"
He lived in the office, I verily believe; coming there at some unearthly hour in the morning, and leaving long after every one else had sought their homes.
The messengers had been interrogated on the subject of his arrival, but they protested that they always found him installed at his usual desk, no matter how early they might set about clearing out the room in antic.i.p.ation of the ordinary routine of the day; while, as for the time of his departure, n.o.body could give any reliable information respecting that!
The hall-porter, who remained in charge of the establishment when business was over, might, perhaps, have afforded us some data on which we could have decided the mooted point, but he was a moody, taciturn personage, who had never been known to utter a word to living man-- consequently, it was of no use appealing to him.
One of the fellows reported, indeed, that once having to return to the office at midnight, in search of his latch-key which he had forgotten in his office-coat, and without which he was unable to obtain admittance to his lodgings, he found old "Smudge,"--as we somewhat irreverently termed the chief,--who was particularly neat and nice in his handwriting-- working away; minuting and docketing papers, just as if it had been early in the afternoon. It was his firm persuasion, _he_ said, that Smudge never went away at all, but remained in the office altogether, sleeping in a waste basket, his head pillowed on the debris of destroyed correspondence!
Of course we did not really believe in the latter part of this statement; still, it was quite feasible, I"m sure, now that I think it over.
His habit every morning was to draw a great black line, punctually as the clock chimed half-past ten, across the middle of the attendance-- book, which stood on a bracket near the door, handy for everybody coming in; the clerks having to sign it on entering, inserting the exact time at which they put in an appearance. Our normal hour was supposed to be ten, the half-hour being only so much grace allowed for dilatory persons delayed by matters "over which they had no control"--although few they were who did not take advantage of it.
Why the old gentleman drew this line, none could tell; for, no bad results ensued to sinners who signed after its limitation--many of those who were invariably late, being subsequently duly promoted in their turn, as vacancies occurred.
But, the practice appeared to give Smudge great satisfaction. He, probably, took some malicious pleasure in scoring up the delinquencies of his staff, mentally consigning the underliners, most likely, to irretrievable ruin, both in this world and the next!
I, as I"ve already said, was an exception to this rule.
I must explain, however, that my good hours did not proceed from any intense wish on my part to ingratiate myself with the chief. They were rather owing to the fact, that the omnibus I specially patronised, generally arrived in town from the remote shades of Saint Canon"s by ten o"clock sharp--a result usually obtained through hard driving, and on account of an "opposition" conveyance being on the road.
Smudge, nevertheless, took the deed for the will; and he complimented me accordingly, much to my surprise.
"Ha! Mr Lorton," he growled to me one morning, on my coming in just as the hour was striking. "You"ll be picking up the worm soon, you come so uncommonly early! Never once down below the line--good sign! good sign!
But, it won"t last, it won"t last,"--he added thinking he had spoken too graciously.--"All of you begin well and end badly; and _you_ won"t be any better than the rest!"
He then hid himself behind a foolscap folio, to signify that the audience was ended.
It was quite an event his saying so much to me, his conversation being mostly confined to finding fault with us in the briefest monosyllables of the most pungent and forcible character; for, he seldom uttered a word, save with reference to some doc.u.ment that might be submitted for his approval and signature.
During the entire time that I remained under his watchful leadership, he never spoke to me, but once again in this gracious manner. Indeed, when I mentioned the circ.u.mstance to all the fellows, they expressed considerable doubt as to his having spoken to me so at all, ascribing my account of our interview to the richness of my imagination; but, he really did say what I have related. I am rather proud of the fact than not.
My comrades as a body were a nice, gentlemanly set; and we got on very well together.
As a matter of course, we had one especial individual who was commonly regarded as the b.u.t.t of the room--a good-natured, heavy man, with a dull face and a duller comprehension; but, he seemed proud and pleased always when singled out as a mark for our chaff:--he took it as an honour, I think, ascribing our fun to delicate attention.
We had also a "swell," who was as irreproachable in his dress as Horner:--I remember, the whole office felt flattered when his name once appeared in the list of those attending the Queen"s Drawing-room; while, his fashionable doings, as recorded in the columns of the _Morning Post_, caused our room to be envied by every other division of "the branch."--Young and old, "swell" and b.u.t.t not excepted--we consorted on the friendliest of footings. We were knit together in the closest bonds of brotherhood; and were in the habit of looking down upon all other departments as not to be compared to that, of which our room, was, in our opinion, the acknowledged head.
Generally speaking, men belonging to the public service are more gregarious, and stick to one another in a greater degree, imitating the clanship of Scotchmen and Jews, than those occupied in any other walk in life.
Professionals move, as a rule, in petty cliques; city people find their interests clash too much for them to a.s.sociate in such harmony as do those engaged in Government offices. They may be said, certainly, to form a clique, and to have strong party interests also; but then, their clique is so large a one that the prominent features of narrow- mindedness and utter selfishness, which distinguish smaller coteries, are lost in its more extended circle; while, its interests are self- centred, its members having nothing to fear or expect from the outside public.
And yet, with all that good fellowship and staunch fidelity, as a cla.s.s--when personal pique, and what I might call "promotion jealousy,"
does not interfere to mar the warm sympathies that exist between the units of this officially happy family--Government clerks are a very discontented set of men, grumbling from morning until night at their position, their prospects, their future.
Really, when I first joined, I thought them all so many Lady Dashers in disguise. I could hardly believe that such cheerful fellows should be at heart so morbidly exacerbated!
They do not, it is true, grumble at those of their own standing in the service; nor do they try to out-manoeuvre their fellows of the same department; but, third-cla.s.s men are jealous of those in the second- cla.s.s, second-cla.s.s men of lucky "seniors," hankering after their shoes; and all, alike envious, both individually and collectively, of other branches, unite in one compact band of martyrs against the encroachments and tyrannies of higher officialdom--considering chiefs, secretaries of state, and such like birds of ill-omen, as virtual enemies and oppressors, with whom they are bound to prosecute a perpetual guerilla warfare:--a warfare in which, alas! they are sadly over-matched.
Smith does not mind in the least--that is, as far as human nature can be magnanimous--that Robinson, of his own office, should be preferred before him, and raised to a superior grade in advance of his legitimate turn. He may, undoubtedly, believe it to bear the semblance of "hard lines" to himself personally, that he was not chosen instead; still, he puts it all down to Robinson"s wonderful luck, and his own miserable fatality, bearing his successful comrade no ill-will in consequence.
But, let Jones, of another branch, be placed in the vacancy;--just hear what Smith says then!