“Dead?”
“Yes, you’ll be dead!”
“Dead?”
“Are you deaf? Or do you really just need me to repeat myself over and over again?”
“I don’t know if that’s possible since I already died,” she said those words as if she was telling him that he answered 3 to a 1+1 question.
“Look,” Eros placed his hands on both of the woman’s shoulders, almost losing his patience which he actually only had a few of, “I don’t know what kind of drugs you’ve taken or who might have hit your head hard on a wall, but there’s only one thing that I can say to you, leave me alone or just jump off of a building sonewhere. Okay?”
He was just about to turn around and completely get the h.e.l.l out of her company, but then she quickly held on to the back of his t-shirt, thereby stopping him.
“Wait, wait! Please believe me! I’m your guardian angel!”
“You’re really p.i.s.sing me off. I’m a f.u.c.king devil so there’s no way in this f.u.c.king world that you’re my guardian angel. A devil can’t have an angel, understood?”
She only shook her head as she bit her lower lip. Eros thought that she looked like a ten year old in a body of a 17-18 year old girl. She was small compared to his height, her head only reached his shoulders.
“You’re not a devil and I won’t let you be one. It’s my mission to save you.”
“The f.u.c.k is with this mission? You’ve been mentioning it for so many f.u.c.king times.”
He noticed that she flinched everytime he said “f.u.c.k” or any cuss words like those words were going to bring any harm to her. It was just some cussing, Eros thought, irritated.
“Change you, make you believe that G.o.d does exist and that He will always be there for you, put love in your heart, make you a person full of happiness and warmth in his heart,” she held on again to his t-shirt, this time on it’s hem and she gripped onto it tightly while her head was bowed, “please help me to accomplish this mission, this is not only for you but also for me.”
He was confused.
“If ever I succeed in this mission, G.o.d will give me back the life I’ve lost and I really, really do want to live again so please…”
“Nah, I don’t care,” he roughly removed her hand from its grip on his t-shirt and this time he really did walk away from the girl. He thought that the longer he stayed with her, the more fake stories she would come up with.
“Change me? Make me believe there’s a G.o.d? Put love in my heart? Make me a person full of happiness and warmth in his heart? Pfft. Best joke ever, that’s like saying Hitler is a nice person!” He laughed. He couldn’t help saying those words in his mind.
“Eros!” He heard her calling his name again but this time he just kept on ignoring her. He didn’t like wasting his precious time on a demented person like the girl he just encountered… Although he really wondered how she knew his name. Was she a stalker? She was a creepy one, he thought.
“I can grant you a wish! Anything you wish for, you could wish for anything based on the amount of the goodness you will be able to obtain in your heart!”
“Anything?” He didn’t know why but whe he heard her say that he stopped walking and got interested on that crazy topic.
“Yeah…”
“So, can I wish to have superpowers and laserbeams, or maybe x-ray visions?” He sarcatically said. The girl could only give him a look of disbelief so he waved his hands and said, “yeah, yeah, whatever, I’m going and don’t bother me again.”
***
He felt a sense of relief when he reached his house at around six o’clock. He just spent his day smoking and doing some stuff. Fortunately that insane girl that claimed that she was an angel didn’t reappear the rest of the day.
He really thought she’d follow him all day long like some creepy stalker. Phew.
He didn’t actually come back to that house, to their house. He wasn’t a part of the family living there… He was an adopted child. He didn’t know where his real parents were, or if they were still alive, or if they immigrated to Mars, but like h.e.l.l did he care about them. He only went home when his older sister Risa was there. Of all people she was the only she was the only person he didn’t get angry or irritated at. The same went for Chill, his not blood-related little sister, a blood kin of Ate Risa[^1]. He didn’t know why he felt nothing unpleasant around them, but maybe he had grown this sort of attachment to them, especially to Ate Risa because ever since he was a kiddo she had already stood up as a big loving sister to him even if she knew so well that he wasn’t really her real brother.
He was trying his best to come back to that house more often these days, why? It was for Ate Risa. He wanted to see her more… because she was actually dying. She had only come out of the hospital and she didn’t want to go back there despite her very sick state. The doctors said that she only had a little more to stay in this world, it was less than a month.
Maybe that was one of the reasons why he didn’t believe in a G.o.d.
“If G.o.d does exist, why does he have to take the only person I care for in this world? He must know very well that my life is already full of hate and if I lose Ate Risa… then I would say that my life would not just be full of hate, but it would be overflowing,” he thought.
“Dashing through the snow with a one horse open sleigh
O’er the fields we go
Laughing all the way!
Bells on bobtails ring
Making spirits bright.
What fun is it to laugh and sing a sleighing song tonight!”
Eros could only vaguely hear what someone was singing outside of their house since he was in his room and was changing his t-shirt. What the f.u.c.k? Christmas was already done as well as New Year, and someone was still caroling? It wqs almost the second week of January!
“We don’t have money, f.u.c.k, don’t you have a calendar at your house!? Motherf.u.c.ker, it’s already January! Stop playing tricks! Go kill yourself if you’re bored and stop disturbing us!” He shouted at whoever was caroling from his window. He did not take the time to see the face of whoever was caroling.
It only got quiet for a while before the low life started singing again.
“Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh!”
Mother of-!
Annoyed, Eros stormed his way down to the gate of the house, picking a big stone as he pa.s.sed the house’s garden, and with the stone in hand he warned whoever was caroling, “alright, go and sing one more time, and this stone will replace your vocal chords.”
“Hi Eros!” The girl grinned, eyes closed with a peace sign.
“You again? How did you- are you some sort of a rare mushroom specie? Popping up here and there, are you stalking me you crazy girl?!”
“I’m not a mushroom,” she pouted, before giving him puppy eyes, “hey, hey, Eros, can I come in? Please, please, please, please?”
“You know what, I’ve had enough of you and your insanity, so let’s test that f.u.c.king protection thing you said before,” he was about to throw the stone he was holding in annoyance at the girl he was talking to and beat her up. He didn’t really have the best temper in the world.
“Eros?” He was about to throw the stone, but then he quickly dropped it on the floor when he heard the familiar voice that uttered his name.
“A-Ate Risa?” He turned around and saw his older sister walk out of the house and towards him by the gate. He guessed that she did not see his attempt of ruining the crazy girl’s vocal chords.
“Is someone caroling? Isn’t it already January though? Anyway, here are some coins. ..” She came close to him, with the crazy girl by the gate and some coins in her hand.
She smiled at the insane girl, “hi, were you one caroling?”
“h.e.l.lo, Eros’ older sister!”
“Wow, you know me? You know Eros?” Ate Risa was somewhat surprised, even Eros himself was surprised…
Aside from knowing his name, she also knew his older sister. What the f.u.c.k, he suddenly thought.
“Yup!” She beamed at them.
Ate Risa smiled knowingly, “Are you a friend of my little brother? And you’re teasing him by pretending to carol in front of our house?”
Friend? Like he was going to be friends with an insane girl!
The crazy girl didn’t answer her and instead looked at Etos as if she was asking what her answer should be. Ate Risa noticed this and came closer to Eros and repeated her question, “Is she your friend? I’d really be glad to meet one of your friends, you have never introduced anyone to me.”
She looked so hopeful that it pained him to even say no to her. He knew how much Ate Risa wanted to know things about him because they were really that close to each, although he suddenly became distant some years ago and he thought that she missed those times where he told her stuff about him. And having to meet a friend of his seemed to make her happy, so yeah…
“Uh… yeah, she’s my friend,” he scratched the back of his head trying not to show his annoyance.
“Yehey! Girlfriend!” Ate Risa clapped her hands in joy.
His eyes widened.
“Hey, she’s not my girlfriend, I said she’s a friend!”
“Well, she’s a girl isn’t she? And she’s a friend? Then… doesn’t girl + friend equal to girlfriend?”
He knew she was just teasing him … she loved to do that. And she was eager to push him to get himself a girlfriend for real, well she had always told him that she’d want to meet the girl he’d love someday. What a sappy sister, really, he thought. He was just sad to say that she wouldn’t meet that girl because he would never fall in love. Love was not in his dictionary. Blood and violence was what he was made for.
“Ate,” he just frowned at his sister instead.
She tapped him on the shoulder while laughing, her eyes twinkling and her mouth set into a wide smile.
“Oh come on Eros, won’t you let your girlfriend inside?”
“She’s not my girlfriend,” Ate Risa rolled her eyes when he repeated those words, “and I’m not letting her in because it’s already late. She needs to hurry home, since it’s already dangerous outside, there’s a chance some stray dogs will pick on her so she’s not coming inside of the house,” he continued, saying the last words loudly and forcefully.
He emphasized those last words. He really didn’t want to let the crazy girl inside of their house because first of all, he didn’t really know her. She was a f.u.c.king insane stranger, and secondly, he had no time to deal with her while she was inside of their house. She was not very welcome, he deadpanned.
“Eh- if that’s all, then you can just escort her home!”
If he didn’t care so much about Ate Risa then he might’ve beaten her up already in anger as she was so persistent to get the insane lady inside of their house!
“But Ate Risa…” He was trying to think of excuses to stop his older sister but she only ignored him and opened the gate, letting the crazy girl in.
“Come on in, quickly, don’t be shy,” Ate Risa pulled the other girl along by her arm.
“What’s your name?”
“Eris.”
“Wow! How cute! Eris is your name? And Eros is the name of my little brother?” She eyed him with a glint in her eyes, and if it were possible he swore she would have hearts in her eyes, “aren’t you guys soulmates? Oh sweet things!”
“Ate Risa!”
d.a.m.n it, did she have to make fun of him? She should be thankful she was important to him, he grumbled.
He glared at that Eris girl when he heard her giggle. Was she laughing? He was so going to hit her once Ate Risa wasn’t looking.
“You want some juice, Eris? Come quickly, let’s go inside. Hey Eros, please prepare some juice and snacks for your girlfriend.”
“Not my f.u.c.king girlfriend,” he repeated in his mind, he just couldn’t argue with his big sister anymore.
In his annoyance, he kicked the fence near the gate. If only he didn’t care for his big sister, if only she was not dying, if only she was not happy seeing a friend even if that Eris girl wasn’t really a friend of his, he wouldn’t even let that crazy girl in. He was only doing this because it was making his big sister a bit happier after all those depressing things that her sickness has caused and was causing her.
His foster parents and Ate Risa knew he was a rebel and they have had already experienced cops entering the house searching for him and the such, they knew what illegal stuff he was doing and they had tried to scold, warn and talk to him but to no avail. His foster parents had given up on him, they didn’t care anymore what he did but for Ate Risa, she still kept on encouraging him to stop the things he was doing.
His big sister was a good person, there was no wonder he was not blood related to her. She was someone he would never be. She was full of love and hope in her heart and his was just an empty b.l.o.o.d.y one.
She always hoped that one day he would be able to see life in a brighter and positive way. She had always told him that he could but he had always denied her hopes.
“Eros, can you give me some more juice? Please, please, please?” Eris pleaded with glittery eyes.
He really wanted to take some cold water and throw it at her, how dare she ask him yo do anything? She should already be thankful that they were infront of Ate Risa, so he was trying his best just to control his temper. He didn’t want to upset Ate Risa, he saw that she was happy to talk with Eris and she was already liking her. Just his luck, oh f.u.c.king great!
“Yeah,” that was all that he said and he took her gla.s.s and returned to the kitchen to make her another juice.
“What if I place some poison in here? We don’t have any poison in here but maybe I can just mix in some dishwashing liquid for instant kill… nah, Ate Risa will surely be angry if I do that to that Eris girl and anger might put Ate Risa’s health in a bad condition. I’d kill myself if she dies because of me. I care for my big sis that much,” he muttered to himself as he prepared another cup of juice.
He could hear their laughter in the living room from where he was in the kitchen. He peeked a bit and saw his older sister laughing with Eris as they told each other stories.
Ate Risa’s smile… it was one of the soothing things he had ever seen in his life. Her smiles had always been genuine and never was it fake. He would have surely missed those if she left them. So as long as she was there, he would do anything just to see those smiles, even if he had to pretend that that crazy girl named Eris was his friend. He really didn’t care so long as he could make Ate Risa happy.
He really wished her illness was just a big joke… he didn’t want her to die. She was too good to die, what the f.u.c.k was wrong with this world? Why are the good people dying first instead of the bad people like him?
He really, really didn’t want her to die… He would’ve done anything just to save her from death, anything…
“I can grant you a wish! Anything you wish for, you could wish for anything based on the amount of the goodness you will be able to obtain in your heart!”
He didn’t know why but what Eris said that morning started to replay in his mind… It was as if it as intentionally repeating in his head and what was funnier was that it aligned to what he was thinking.
It was as if it was the answer to his problem…
He suddenly thought,
“If she’s really true, if she’s really an angel who can grant me a wish, I’d be willing to get a f.u.c.king large amount of goodness just to save Ate Risa.”
Back then he hadn’t yet realised that that day was the day he started believing in angels.
[^1]: Ate is a common term in Filipino which refers to older sisters.