CH14Last night"s conversation, which she had barely forgotten about, came to mind again.
Her mind became complicated.
“Princess?”
“Nothing much. I just wanted to get to know him since he"s family now. Anyways, what happened with the beasts that broke through the northern line of defence?”
Agnes changed the subject.
“Ah, it"s solved now. Due to the large numbers and a form of evil that we"ve never encountered before, we had a lot of trouble dealing with it.”
“Did you get any injuries?”
Laslo shook his head lightly.
“No.”
“You"ve worked hard. By the way, have you eaten breakfast yet?”
“No, I haven"t eaten yet.”
“Do you want to get breakfast together?”
“Let"s do that.”
The couple headed to the dining room in good company.
The meal was simple. The maid didn"t even have to move the plates many times. (1)
Boiled potatoes without any seasonings were served.
Laslo picked up the hot potatoes with his hands and quickly put them on Agnes" plate.
“Eat up.”
That way, you"ll grow taller. It was as if he omitted that part.
“Potatoes…”
“Huh? Do you not like potatoes?”
There was hot steam rising from the potatoes.
Agnes looked at the potatoes on the plate for a while.
In that moment, she recalled the bundle he handed her on that last day. There were some potatoes like this inside.
She remembered eating it raw because she didn"t know how to make a fire.
That wasn"t the only thing.
Clothes, small jewellery, coins to use, maps, and dry food were packed into the bundle as well.
What was he thinking about as he was packing it?
What was he thinking about when he sent me away, staying alone to get his limbs cut off and killed?
“Why do you try to bear everything by yourself?”
“What?”
“Why won"t you share your baggage with me?”
The contents she had suppressed in her heart spilled out.
Laslo, who didn"t understand what she meant, put down his utensils and stared at Agnes.
“What are you talking about?”
“I said I don"t regret it.”
As her expression looked grave, he sent out the attendants in the room first.
“Princess.”
“I told you I don"t regret marrying you.”
Agnes" voice trembled.
She clenched her fist hard. The fingernails dug into her palm. Still, Agnes couldn"t feel any pain.
She could only focus on the man in front of her.
“Remember? What I said to you that night?”
“Yes, I remember.”
Laslo replied quietly.
Agnes confronted him while holding back the surging emotions within her as much as she could.
“You remember? Do you remember? Then why did you cancel the rite? Did what I said sound funny? Did you think it was okay to ignore it because it was spoken by an immature princess?”
Agnes couldn"t tell whether this hot feeling rising from deep within her was anger or sadness.
She just felt so stuffy and miserable inside, and so kept tearing at her chest with her hands.
As Agnes spoke louder, Laszlo quietly called out to her.
“It"s not that, I just.”
Laslo awkwardly turned his head away and evaded her gaze.
“Is it because of the former d.u.c.h.ess?”
“Princess”
Laslo"s eyes changed in an instant.
He opened his mouth to say something, but then let out a deep sigh.
“You must"ve heard it from Zoltan. I didn"t know the two of you would get so close.”
“I don"t know what kind of life the former d.u.c.h.ess of Alpharde has lived. So I can"t just judge(2).”
“Stop talking about it.”
His voice had gradually become lower and eventually sounded like an animal growling.
Of course, Agnes wasn"t scared at all. Rather, she took a step closer to Laslo.
“I do not regret it.”
Agnes dwelled over the sentence several times.
“I"m going to die here.”
Her glowing eyes were incredibly firm.
“In this castle, I"m going to die with you. I will never run away again, nor will I be the only one to survive.”
Agnes panted heavily, unable to calm her agitated self.
She still dreams of a blood-soaked Zoltan and of Laslo"s severed right arm, with only half the flesh remaining.
Ney would wake Agnes up, drenched in cold sweat and ask her what kind of nightmare it was, but she couldn"t get it out of her mouth.
Her eyes turned red.
Agnes did not want to tear up again in front of this man, so she stubbornly raised her head to the ceiling. As she took a deep breath, her tears dried up.
Only then was she able to make eye contact with Laslo.
“So please believe in me. Accept me as your wife.”
The wrinkles on Laslo"s forehead deepened.
He raised his hand and clenched it. And eventually wiped his face with it roughly.
“I can"t.”
“What did you say?”
Agnes was speechless when the answer that came out was so firm.
“I said I can"t. Princess, I wasn"t going to do the rite of vows with you from the beginning.”
Laslo repeated, just in case Agnes didn"t hear.
“Why?”
“Has the princess ever starved?”
An unexpected question came up.
Agnes was puzzled because she didn"t know his reason of asking the question.
“Starved?”
The princess, who used to eat only the most fancy and the finest things at the palace, could not have starved.
Before Agnes could shake her head, Laslo continued.
“Have you ever cut off a rotten arm because you didn"t have the money to call a doctor?”
“Have you ever been afraid that evil beasts might come down and hurt your family?”
“…that"s, I…”
Agnes searched for an answer, but the only thing she could do was move her mouth.
As he said, it was something distant to her, something she had never imagined nor experienced.
“I"m not going to tell you that you"re still young and don"t know the world. I know that Princess is past adult age. I can"t even say that you"re immature. It"s just that the world we lived in are different…”
“Duke Alpharde.”
“I was very grateful when the princess said she would die in this castle with me.”
His eyes were clear and unclouded, so Agnes was neither afraid nor intimidated to see such dark eyes for the first time.
“But this and that are separate.”
“Duke.”
“If you stay in this castle with me, it might be better to die. I wish for the princess to not have to live like that. Like my mother who hid her sickness and pretended that everything was fine while laughing it away. I"m tired of that stuff.”
Contrary to what he said, the Duke smiled lightly. The smile looked so peaceful that it was strange.
“I"m telling you so that you can live comfortably while staying at this castle.”
He spoke in a gentle and quiet tone.
“While staying? Some of these words are irritating me.”
“I know the importance of swearing an oath before G.o.d. But sometimes humans need to come before G.o.d.”
Agnes then had a huge realisation.
For this man, Laslo Alpharde, Agnes had never been his wife.
She was just a pitiful princess from the palace. A princess who needed to be protected.
Even realising such, she was surprisingly calm.
Although there was no one to advice her, she knew now what to do.
“Then let"s do this.”
“Do what?”
“Give me time.”
“For what?”
“Since Father"s body is not in good shape, Sebastian will probably succeed the throne next spring at the latest.”
“Then, less than half a year from now.”
Laslo muttered as he counted the number of months.
“Right, so just watch until then. If you haven"t changed your mind when spring comes, I"ll leave this place. Before Sebastian notices.”
“Alright.”
“But if you change your mind.”
“Then let me die by your side.”
Laslo couldn"t say anything.
Chapter 3: Beginning
“How is it?”
Agnes watched the face of the man sitting across her with impatience. He was sitting at the table with a stiff face.
There had been no change in his expression since before, which made him feel like a piece of stone rather than a living person.
“Isn"t it alright for my first time?”
She said, sticking her head out.
“Is there anyone who taught you?”
Niall, who had been looking at the ledger for a while, opened his mouth.
He closed the ledger that Agnes had confidently brought.
“No, I"ve learned about budget execution.”
Somehow, her voice got smaller toward the end.
It was embarra.s.sing to say that she learned it on her own through just watching what Niall did over his shoulder and copied it.
“That"s a relief. If someone had taught the mistress, we would have to confiscate their property, punish them severely and put them in prison for scorning the royal family.”
The overall tone he spoke with was plain, but when speaking of slander and punishment, his voice grew louder.
“No, is that all you have to say?”
“……”
Niall glanced at the princess"s face.
“Why are you silent?”
“I"m afraid Mistress will be hurt by my words.”
“Oh my. Do you think I"ll be offended by a few words? Be honest.”
She said with a generous smile.
Niall opened the ledger.
“It"s a mess from start to finish. There are so many things that don"t match, it"s hard to count, and the amount used is not even specified in the ledger, so it"s impossible to figure out the inventory. Besides, what"s this? If the amount that has already been carried over is added up and used in the previous month, how will it be processed…”
Lila"s notes:
1Not sure about this part here, but probs about there not being many plates to carry out
2Sometimes I just hate how Korean has the tendency to leave the subject out of a sentence. This right here could be both “you can"t judge” or “I can"t judge”, as far as I know.