Homer didn"t savvy, but he didn"t care. Mainly he wanted comp"ny. He whispered to us to go easy, suspectin" that if we woke up Mother Bickell she"d want to feed him some more clam fritters. By the time we"d unlocked the front door though, she was after us, but all she wanted was to make Homer wrap a shawl around his head to keep out the night air.
"And don"t you dare take it off until you get back," says she. Homer was glad to get away so easy and said he wouldn"t. But he was a sight, lookin" like a Turk with a sore throat.
The old man had routed Ase Horner out by the time we got there, and they was havin" it hot and heavy. Ase said it wasn"t either November nor March when he went up after Hen Dorsett, but the middle of October. He knew because he"d just begun shingling his kitchen and the line storm came along before he got it finished. More"n that, it was in "84, for that was the year he ran for sheriff.
"See here, gentlemen," says Leonidas, "isn"t it possible to find some official record of this sad tragedy? You"ll excuse us, being strangers, for takin" a hand, but there don"t seem to be much show of our getting any sleep until this thing is settled. Besides, I"d like to know myself.
Now let"s go to the records."
"I"m ready," says Ase. "If this thick-headed old idiot here don"t think I can remember back a few years, why, I"m willing to stay up all night to show him. Let"s go to the County Clerk"s and make him open up."
So we started, all five of us, just as the town clock struck twelve. We hadn"t gone more"n a block, though, before we met a whiskered old relic stumpin" along with a stick in his hand. He was the police force, it seems. Course, _he_ wanted to know what was up, and when he found out he was ready to make affidavit that Hen had been killed some time in August of "81.
"Wa"n"t I one of the pall bearers?" says he. "And hadn"t I just drawn my back pension and paid off the mortgage on my place, eh? No use routin"
out the Clerk to ask such a fool question; and anyways, he ain"t to home, come to think of it."
"If you"ll permit me to suggest," says Leonidas, "there ought to be all the evidence needed right in the cemetery."
"Of course there is!" says Ase Horner. "Why didn"t we think of that first off? I"ll get a lantern and we"ll go up and read the date on the headstun."
There was six of us lined up for the cemetery, the three natives jawin"
away as to who was right and who wasn"t. Every little ways some one would hear the racket, throw up a window, and chip in. Most of "em asked us to wait until they could dress and join the procession. Before we"d gone half a mile it looked like a torchlight parade. The bigger the crowd got, the faster the recruits fell in. Folks didn"t stop to ask any questions. They just jumped into their clothes, grabbed lanterns and piked after us. There was men and women and children, not to mention a good many dogs. Every one was jabberin" away, some askin" what it was all about and the rest tryin" to explain. There must have been a good many wild guesses, for I heard one old feller in the rear rank squallin" out: "Remember, neighbors, nothin" rash, now; nothin" rash!"
I couldn"t figure out just what they meant by that at the time; but then, the whole business didn"t seem any too sensible, so I didn"t bother. On the way up I"d sort of fell in with the constable. He couldn"t get any one else to listen to him, and as he had a lot of unused conversation on hand I let him spiel it off at me. Leonidas and Homer were ahead with Ase Homer and the old duffer that started the row, and the debate was still goin" on.
When we got to the cemetery Homer dropped out and leaned up against the gate, sayin" he"d wait there for us. We piled after Ase, who"d made a dash to get to the headstone first.
"It"s right over in this section," says he, wavin" his lantern, "and I want all of you to come and see that I know what I"m talking about when I give out dates. I want to show you, by ginger, that I"ve got a mem"ry that"s better"n any diary ever wrote. Here we are now! Here"s the grave and--well, durn my eyes! Blessed if there"s any sign of a headstun here!"
And there wa"n"t, either.
"By jinks!" says the old constable, slappin" his leg. "That"s one on me, boys. Why, Lizzie Dorsett told me only last week that her mother had the stun took up and sent away to have the name of her second husband cut on"t. Only last week she told me, and here I"d clean forgot it."
"You"re an old billy goat!" says Ase Horner.
"There, there!" says Leonidas, soothing him down. "We"ve all enjoyed the walk, anyway, and maybe----" But just then he hears something that makes him p.r.i.c.k up his ears. "What"s the row back there at the gate?" he asks.
Then, turnin" to me, he says: "Shorty, where"s Homer?"
"Down there," says I.
"Then come along on the jump," says he. "If there"s any trouble lying around loose he"ll get into it."
Down by the gate we could see lanterns by the dozen and we could hear all sorts of yells and excitement, so we makes our move on the double.
Just as we fetched the gate some one hollers:
"There he goes! Lynch the villain!"
We sees a couple of long legs strike out, and gets a glimpse of a head wrapped up in a shawl. It was Homer, all right, and he had the gang after him. He took a four-foot fence at a hurdle and was streakin" off through a plowed field into the dark.
"Hi, Fales!" sings out Leonidas. "Come back here, you chump!"
But Homer kept right on. Maybe he didn"t hear, and perhaps he was too scared to stop if he did. All we could do was to get into the free-for-all with the others.
"What did he do?" yells Leonidas at a sandy-whiskered man who carried a clothes-line and was shoutin", "Lynch him! Lynch him!" between jumps.
"Do!" says the man. "Ain"t you heard? Why, he choked Mother Bickell to death and robbed her of seventeen dollars. He"s wearin" her shawl now."
As near as we could make out, the thing happened like this: When the tail enders came rushin" up with all kinds of wild yarns about robbers and such, they catches sight of Homer, leanin" up in the shadow of the gate. Some one holds a lantern up to his face and an old woman spots the shawl.
"It"s Mother Bickell"s," says she. "Where did he get it?"
That was enough. They went for Homer like he"d set fire to a synagogue.
Homer tried to tell "em who he was, and about his heart, but he talked too slow, or his voice wa"n"t strong enough; and when they began to plan on yankin" him up then and there, without printin" his picture in the paper, or a trial, he heaves up a yell and lights out for the boarding-house.
Ten hours before I wouldn"t have matched Homer against a one-legged man, but the way he was gettin" over the ground then was worth the price of admission. I have done a little track work myself, and Leonidas didn"t show up for any glue-foot, but Homer would have made the tape ahead of us for any distance under two miles. He"d cleared the crowd and was back into the road again, travelin" wide and free, with the shawl streamin"
out behind and the nearest avenger two blocks behind us, when out jumps a Johnny-on-the-spot citizen and gives him the low tackle. He was a p.u.s.s.y, bald-headed little duffer, this citizen chap, and not bein" used to blockin" runs he goes down underneath. Before they could untangle we comes up, snakes Homer off the top of the heap, and skiddoos for all we had left in us.
By the time that crowd of jay-hawkers comes boomin" down to Mother Bickell"s to view the remains we had the old girl up and settin" at the front window with a light behind her. They asked each other a lot of foolish questions and then concluded to go home.
While things was quietin" down we were making a grand rush to get Homer into bed before he pa.s.sed in altogether. Neither Leonidas nor me looked for him to last more"n an hour or two after that stunt, and we were thinkin" of taking him back in a box. But after he got his breath he didn"t say much except that he was plumb tired. We were still wonderin"
whether to send for a doctor or the coroner, when he rolls over with his face to the wall and goes to sleep as comfortable as a kitten in a basket.
It was in the middle of the forenoon before any of us shows up for breakfast. We"d inspected Homer once, about eight o"clock, and found him still sawin" wood, so we didn"t try to get him up. But just as I was openin" my second egg down he comes, walkin" a little stiff, but otherwise as good as ever, if not better.
"How far was it that I ran last night, Mr. Dodge?" says he.
"About a mile and a half," says Leonidas, stating it generous. "And it was as good amateur sprinting as I ever saw."
Homer cracked the first smile I"d seen him tackle and pulled up to the table.
"I"m beginning to think," says he, "that there can"t be much of a leak in my heart, after all. When we get back to town to-night, Mr. McCabe, we"ll have another talk about those boxing lessons. Eggs? Yes, thank you, Mrs. Bickell; about four, soft. And by the way, Dodge, what _was_ the date on that gravestone, anyway?"
CHAPTER II
What did we do with Homer, eh? Ah, forget it! Say, soon"s he got back to town and found he could navigate "round by himself, he begins to count up expenses. Then he asks us to put in a bill.
"Bill!" says I. "What for? I"m no hired man. I"ve been doin" this for fun." Leonidas says the same.
But Homer wouldn"t have it that way. He says we"ve done him a lot of good, and lost our valuable time, and he"ll feel hurt if we don"t let him make us a little present. With that he pries open a fat leather green goods case, paws over a layer of yellow backs two or three inches thick--and fishes out a couple of ten spots.
"Stung!" says Leonidas, under his breath.
"Homer," says I, shovin" "em back at him, "if you"re as grateful as all that, I"ll tell you what you"d better do--keep these, and found a Home for Incurable Tight-wads."
Then we loses him in the crowd, and each of us strikes out for himself.
Blessed if I know where Leonidas strayed to, but I"m dead sure of the place I fetched up at. It was It"ly, North It"ly. Ever been there? Well, don"t. Nothin" but dagoes and garlic and roads that run up hill. Say, some day when my roll needs the anti-fat treatment, I"m goin" to send over there and have "em put a monument that"ll read: "Here"s where Shorty McCabe was buried alive for five weeks."