Leila Asprey knows what emptiness is. That’s because four years ago, when she was ten, she experienced it.
Lelia is a straightforward girl.
She obediently listens to what adults tell her and smiles when they want her to, which is all that they require of her.
She is the princess of the Dionne Knight Kingdom, and fourteenth heir to the throne. A small and idyllic kingdom, Dionne has no concern or care about such things as conflict or power struggles. Because of that, the kingdom exists mainly as a flawless symbol of peace.
Those who represent Dionne have to be equally pure, and so Lelia was trained to be a doll who would do nothing but smile sweetly. That was a duty that the girl, quiet but intelligent, understood and accepted from childhood.
If it pleases the adults around me, then I’m fine with this, she thought to herself. I’ll just smile as long as I can.
It would be a misunderstanding to call her life unbearable. Although her parents were busy day in and day out, they still devoted their hearts and souls to their daughter. The n.o.bles living in the castle and the knights of the Order were all good people. Lelia’s smile wasn’t just an act; more often than not, it was very much natural.
However, when she was nine, her world transformed completely.
There is a type of monster known as the Gloom Elf. While they resemble nothing more than rotting deadwood, their speed and ability to work in groups make their una.s.suming appearance more of a bad joke. They belong to the ‘spiritual’ type of monster thanks to their high degree of knowledge and magical skill - although there’s no concrete proof that they’re capable of communication with humans. The Gloom Elves build on the past, handing down among themselves history and technology that harken back to ancient times. Consequently, within the military they have become referred to as the “Ghost Race.” They rarely venture out of their domain, the Turbid Forest, but do occasionally gather and attack human civilization in order to expand their territory.
One day, Dionne was a.s.saulted by hundreds of the Gloom Elves.
They attacked before sunrise, swarming over the kingdom’s lands like a plague. The smoke that would usually emit from civilian houses was replaced by hot flames; the Gloom Elves used their otherworldly magics to burn the capital to the ground. Although there were militia and knights stationed throughout the city as a precaution, the soldiers who now found themselves facing an unimaginably strong enemy could hold back the monstrous Gloom Elves only as much as a rake could push water uphill.
The kingdom disappeared.
Lelia was one of the few survivors, spirited through a secret pa.s.sage by a loyal official.
The story of her past became quite well-known by all who heard it be told: That was when Leila Asprey lost all that she had.
From one perspective, that wasn’t wrong. She had lost so much at that time.
But from another perspective, it was. Rather it would be better to say that after that day, Leila began to lose all that she had.
As the protagonist of a tragedy, she came to accept various things. Furthermore, as her life went on, she rose to a role that she’d never had before.
She had lost the things she loved. They had been s.n.a.t.c.hed away by the wicked Gloom Elves. She very clearly saw them all, as they vanished in the flames. Something precious. Something remarkable. Things that were irreplaceable to me, and even things which I wanted to make disappear. All of them burned to ash.
So she should feel sorrow.
So she should feel pain.
So she should feel despair.
So she should feel rage.
So she should feel hatred.
No matter who it was, everybody treated the princess of the destroyed kingdom like the protagonist of a tragedy and forced her into her new role: a girl to be pitied.
For them it was akin to gazing out from a warm room separated from the snow outside by a window. Look at how unfortunate she is, and rejoice that I am still fortunate. That was how they took their pleasure from her.
But Leila is a straightforward girl.
She obediently listens to what adults tell her and smiles when they want her to, which is all that they require of her.
To let them see my sorrow. To let them see my pain. To let them see my despair. To let them see my rage. To let them see my hatred. I’ll use this long-exhausted smile of mine to show all these feelings, just as how the adults around me want me to do.
One day in the darkness, she reflected: Do I really feel sorrow? Do I really feel pain? Do I really feel despair, rage, hatred?
These feelings do exist inside my heart. But… where did they come from?
It must have been that day when Leila Asprey was nine years old. What had she felt when she saw the burning flames?
I can’t remember.
“It should be like that. It must be like that.” The people around her had kept on repeating those expectations, slowly covering up the feelings and memories she’d held.
When she finally realized it, it was too late. The girl who’d only followed the wishes of those surrounding her had already forgotten herself.
A year pa.s.sed. Lelia turned ten.
The old man, her master, had told her to wait in the small cottage. He then left with his companions, all of them looking strong despite their years.
She obeyed him and remained in her room; it wasn’t as if she had any other choice. Ever since she was a child, she had been good at sitting straight and staying still. The trick was to not feel bored, to clear her mind and erase her feelings. After that, she could wait for a few hours… or even a few days, if it came to that.
For whatever reason, this time her talent failed her.
Distracted by her thoughts, Lelia spontaneously left the house and began walking into the forest.
If you do something you normally wouldn’t, then you’ll see things you might not have otherwise.
Somewhere within the forest, there was a s.p.a.ce where the dense trees opened up. In that place, there was a boy the same age as her wielding a wooden stick.
He was surrounded by a s.h.i.+mmery layer of heat, one that looked like an illusion yet was very real. The boy had been vigorously exercising; although it was winter, his clothes were soaked in sweat and even the ground was damp with his perspiration.
Even if this is just playing around, he’s way too serious about it. Lelia hid herself in the shadows of the trees, prepared to observe him for a while.
Although his actions were light, his footfalls were deep. His center of gravity was positioned overly high, but after a blow he dropped low. It was as if the boy was playing around, trying to do the impossible. Just by observing his awkward actions, she could already understand a bit of his personality.
The boy was probably doing some pre-training exercises before learning to use different kinds of weapons; his movements were better than just playing around, in some ways imitating swordsmans.h.i.+p. But when she took a closer look, there were small changes between each action. Just by s.h.i.+fting the position of one’s grip, a simple stick could reproduce martial arts doable with all kinds of weapons – rather, that was the level of mastery the boy was trying to reach.
Unfortunately, no matter how much he tried, it was clear that the boy wasn’t skilled enough.
The main purpose of this training was likely to grasp the movement of one’s fingers when using different weapons. To strike a powerful blow, it was key to raise one’s center of gravity while swiftly cutting down the target. However, all the effort spent on acc.u.mulating energy was put to waste in the boy’s overly heavy stomps. Moreover, his body had to remain light as a feather throughout. Only then could his training even be called “slightly better than play-fighting.”
The more Lelia watched him, the more dissatisfied she became. The more dissatisfied she was, the angrier she got.
Even so, she didn’t s.h.i.+ft away her eyes.
Lelia’s vision blurred, like she was about to cry. If it continued like this then there might really be tears. She hated getting so emotional. Still staring at the boy, she used both her hands to wipe away the drops at the corners of her eyes.
And then – slip – the young boy lost his footing.
Panic showed on his face, his sandals drawing a beautiful arc as he turned a half-circle in the air. His back impacted the ground with a boom. It was less like he had tripped and more like he had forcefully thrown himself down. Fortunately the ground was soft, so he wouldn’t be injured too much.
“That hurts!”
He complained loudly, most likely out of bitterness that he couldn’t make good use of his own body. It must be hungry for rest. The boy laid on the ground, his hands and feet widespread, looking up at the blue sky.
“…”
He’d seen her. Their eyes locked.
The boy hadn’t expected that somebody would be watching him train. Dismay flashed in his eyes, slowly turning to shame.
“You… who are you!?”
The boy flushed, as those who’ve just had vigorous exercise typically do. He leapt up in a hurry, sweeping the dirt from his body and s.n.a.t.c.hing up the stick he’d thrown to the side, then posed as if what she had just seen had never happened. “Did – did you see that?!”
I saw it all. Lelia almost told him bluntly before swallowing her words. I can’t say that. It’ll probably crush his budding self-esteem. Ten years of experience accrued from her n.o.ble birth and life as the protagonist of a tragedy had taught her that much.
But even though she wanted to remain silent, the boy gazed directly at her, as if demanding some kind of reaction.
I should say something. Suddenly anxious, Lelia’s judgement was thrown into disarray. Her thoughts spilled from her mouth. “Terrible.”
“…Terrible?”
“Absolutely terrible.”
In that moment, time stopped.
Lelia sensed that the boy’s self-esteem was not only beyond injured, but now thoroughly shattered to pieces.
That was the memory the girl named Leila Asprey had of her first meeting with the young man who would be her junior. Although he treats everyone kindly and patiently, Willem k.u.mesh has always regarded his comrade Leila as an exception. This is one of his reasons for doing so.