February 18 2:32 A.M.
Rob awoke in the dark to a delicious feeling. He had a huge erection. And it was in Kara"s mouth. He groaned and arched his back as she worked her lips and tongue up and down the shaft. There"d been oral s.e.x during their affair ten years ago, but never like this. This was fabulous. Rob closed his eyes and drifted on the pleasure.
He felt Kara"s weight shift as she straightened up and straddled him. And then he was inside her and she was bucking her hips up and down, sliding him in and out of her at an ever-increasing rate. He looked up as she leaned over him, her b.r.e.a.s.t.s bobbing, her eyes closed, her upper lip caught between her teeth. When he reached up and ran his palms over her hard nipples she moaned and increased the tempo of her hips. Rob matched her thrust for thrust until they reached a furious pace. Finally, when he knew he could hold back no longer, Kara suddenly stopped her undulations. As he exploded within her, she straightened and stiffened and shuddered as a soft, high-pitched scream escaped through her clenched teeth. Then she collapsed beside him and they both lay there panting.
When he caught his breath, when he could speak again, Rob turned to her.
"Kara, that was fantastic. What-"
Without a word, Kara turned her back to him.
"Kara?" He propped himself up on one arm and shook her shoulder gently. "Kara?"
She was sound asleep.
Rob stared at her bare back in the darkness as a mix of feelings washed over him. He was annoyed and he was confused, but there was something else. He didn"t recognize it at first. An alien feeling, a new experience: he felt... used.
Which was ridiculous. Kara didn"t use people. Kara wasn"t- A thought struck him with an icy shock that sent cold tendrils writhing along his body.
Who had he just made love to? Kara... or Janine?
Rob didn"t sleep the rest of the night.
7:52 A.M.
Kara noticed that Rob was unusually subdued at breakfast. He"d always been a morning person. Even last week, after sleeping in a chair all night, he"d been unbearably cheery. Not today. He looked tired and seemed troubled as he leaned against the kitchen counter and sipped his coffee. Preoccupied.
Not Kara. She was up up.
Two-count "em-two nights in a row with no craziness. No writing on walls, no stunts with knives, nothing! And no sleeping pill last night. nights in a row with no craziness. No writing on walls, no stunts with knives, nothing! And no sleeping pill last night.
Maybe good s.e.x was a better medication than Halcion.
Either way, everything was beginning to fall into place. If she continued on this kind of even keel she might consider finding a therapist in Philadelphia to work this through. Between the Jefferson Medical Center and Hahnemann she was sure she could find a psychiatrist of Dr. Gates" caliber to continue her treatment. She"d mention it to him during their session today.
And it would be so good to be back in Pennsylvania. She could ship Kelly"s things home and sift through them at her leisure, keeping the personal items-the yearbooks, the photos, her records, things like that- and giving the rest to a charity.
But returning to the farm meant leaving Rob. A part of her-a big part of her-didn"t want to leave him. Last night had been wonderful, and waking up with him beside her had made the morning brighter. There had to be a way they could work something out.
She watched him and felt the desire rise up in her again. She wondered at that. Making love to Rob last night must have started some sort of chain reaction within her, causing her body to want to make up for all the years without him. It had been too long. She was actually sore down there. She even had a vague memory of a s.e.x dream last night during which she"d practically raped Rob. And strangely enough, Dr. Gates seemed to have been there. A weird dream. But dreams weren"t the real thing. She"d been disappointed when he got up and took a shower first thing this morning. She"d been hoping for a reprise.
"Something bothering you, Rob?"
At the sound of her voice he started and sloshed a little coffee onto the back of his hand.
"No. Everything"s fine. Why?"
"You"ve hardly said a word all morning."
He smiled and Kara thought it looked a little forced.
"Sorry. A lot of things on my mind, I guess. All sorts of stuff piling up at the precinct. There don"t seem to be enough hours in the day." He glanced quickly away from her, then back. "Are you seeing Dr. Gates today?"
"Eleven A.M. sharp. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. But I don"t know for how long."
Concern leapt into his eyes.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, things seem to be pretty much under control at the moment. Nothing"s happened here like it did at the farm."
"Maybe, but you can"t quit therapy."
"I"ve no intention of-" Something was going on here. "Rob, what"s wrong?"
A tortured expression flickered across his face, and then he put down his coffee and slipped his arms around her. He squeezed her so tightly for a moment that she couldn"t breathe, then he relaxed.
"I just want you to be all right, that"s all."
Kara looked into his eyes and saw that he meant it. She kissed him.
"I will will be all right, Rob. I"m going to see to that." She glanced at her watch. "But I"ve got to get going. I want to be back at Ellen"s when Jill wakes up. I want to have breakfast with her." be all right, Rob. I"m going to see to that." She glanced at her watch. "But I"ve got to get going. I want to be back at Ellen"s when Jill wakes up. I want to have breakfast with her."
"I"ll give you a lift."
"That"s okay. I"ll walk. I feel good this morning."
She could tell by his bleak expression that Rob felt anything but.
They parted at the front entrance. Kara waved and headed uphill toward Second Avenue. She kept up a brisk pace. She wanted to squeeze in some school work with Jill between breakfast and her appointment with Dr. Gates. Kara didn"t like her missing all these cla.s.s days, but she didn"t know what else she could do at present. Until she knew for sure how long she"d be staying here, they"d both have to play it by ear.
The sun was warm on her back. It was a bright, crisp, beautiful winter day, with hardly a breeze stirring the air. She had to admit it: New York City could be nice sometimes.
The steel band that had been constricting Rob"s chest all morning loosened a bit as he watched Kara walk away. All night he had lain awake trying to think of a way to ask her if the woman astride him in the middle of the night had been Kara. He had searched the still darkness for just the right words, the perfect framing of the question so that she wouldn"t be hurt and insulted if the answer was yes, and she wouldn"t be frightened out of her mind if it was no.
He"d come up with nothing. From the moment she"d awakened beside him he had tried to ask her, but at the last moment would lose his nerve.
This wasn"t like him. He could interrogate with the best of them, asking the most personal, the most outrageous, the most leading, self-incriminating questions without batting an eye. But Kara wasn"t a suspect. He couldn"t bear to hurt her.
For all her outward toughness, Rob still sensed something fragile within Kara. He had to be very careful. He had lost her once. He didn"t want to lose her again.
He watched her turn downtown onto Second Avenue and disappear. He hoped Dr. Gates was as good as Doc Winters said he was. Rob had a feeling Kara needed more help than she realized.
12:48 P.M.
Kara cradled Jill on her lap in Ellen"s dining room.
"So, bug. Are you bored here?"
"Oh, no!" Jill said. "Lucia lets me help her in the kitchen, and when she doesn"t need help mixing stuff, I watch the VCR. It"s got great stuff, Mom. I"ll show you."
"That"s okay, Jill. I"ve-"
But Jill was off and running. Kara followed. The TV was running by the time she reached the den.
"You see, you put the thing in here and the movie comes on the TV. I was watching Never ending Story Never ending Story before lunch. See? It"s still on. It"s really good." before lunch. See? It"s still on. It"s really good."
Kara watched a boy sitting atop a seemingly endless snake with a dog"s head as it wound through outer s.p.a.ce "And I saw Flight of the Navigator Flight of the Navigator and and Pinocchio Pinocchio- that was scary-Old Yeller-that made me cry. And Aunt Ellen"s going to get me a new Disney movie every day! It"s so great! Can we get one, Mom?"
"We"ll think about it."
Kara vowed that when she finished her book she"d blow part of the final advance payment on a VCR. G.o.d, she had to get to work on it. But she couldn"t think, couldn"t organize her thoughts. Lately everything in her head seemed jumbled. She needed to get back to Pennsylvania, and soon.
But for now, the VCR was a blessing. With no school and no friends, Jill would have been bored stiff without it.
"When the movie"s finished, we"ll take a walk to a museum. How does that sound?"
"The one with the funny name?"
"Not the Guggenheim. Today it will be the Museum of Modern Art. But you can call it what you used to call me: MOM A."
Jill smiled and together they watched the end of her movie.
9:30 P.M.
Kara headed back to Kelly"s apartment early. She was tired. On the way she went over the morning"s session with Dr. Gates. He had been his usual remote self, sitting behind his desk, twirling his key chain and contributing little more than a few noncommittal grunts while she free a.s.sociated about her childhood. The whole thing seemed like an exercise in futility. But no doubt everyone thought that at first.
Patience, Kara, she told herself. Patience Patience.
But she knew patience had never been her strong suit. She tended to want results yesterday, if not sooner.
She thought she had seen a slight reaction in Dr. Gates when she told him of her tentative plans to move the therapy to Philadelphia if things continued as smoothly as they had since Monday. It hadn"t been much of a reaction. The slightest lifting of the eyebrows, the slightest down-turning of the mouth. Nothing more. Perhaps it had been her imagination. Perhaps she had simply wanted to see him react.
Two more nights, she told herself as she slipped the key into the vestibule"s inner door.
She had promised herself that if the next two nights proved uneventful, she would abandon Kelly"s apartment and begin sleeping at Ellen"s. That would be easier for herself, and especially better for Jill.
As she turned the key, she glanced at the row of mailboxes to her right. She noticed the envelopes through the window of the 2C/K. Wade 2C/K. Wade box. box.
Probably bills.
Which reminded her of Ed Bannion"s offer to help her become administrator of Kelly"s estate. It was sounding better all the time. Good to know that a seed of kindness you had planted while alive could reap benefits after you were dead. Even in New York.
Kara wondered where the mailbox key was. Probably on Kelly"s key ring which was still in the personal effects-evidence bag at the Midtown North precinct house.
As she entered the apartment she realized that she no longer felt like some sort of graverobber whenever she walked through the door. She was getting used to it. She was almost comfortable here.
She hid the apartment key in the same place as the other night-in the rear of the oven-and then made a quick search for the mailbox key. No luck. She"d ask the super for a duplicate in the morning.
As she toweled herself off after her shower, she realized that she hadn"t heard from Rob all day, which was a bit strange. But he had said he was loaded down with work.
She sat on the edge of the bed and debated taking the Halcion tonight. What if she didn"t really need it.
Don"t be a jerk. Take it as directed. Kelly didn"t and look what happened to her.
Kara swallowed one and turned out the light.
11:44 P.M.
Ed Bannion stood in the lobby of the Waldorf shaking hands with the very tanned Murray Weiss and Jay Delano, accepting their thanks for a wonderful dinner and wishing them in turn a safe flight back to the coast in the morning. Weiss and Delano were producing a feature that was to be shot entirely on location in Manhattan and this had been one of many trips to firm up budgets and leases and contracts and permits and the myriad legal doc.u.ments necessary for a location shoot.
They were turning in early tonight-they had an early flight out of JFK tomorrow.
The three of them had started off first thing this morning and crunched numbers all day long. After that it was drinks and a long leisurely dinner at Le Cirque with three wines and after-dinner cordials. Ed was feeling loggy. They seemed fine.
Different metabolism. Or because they were still on L.A. time. That had to be it.
As Weiss and Delano headed for the elevators, Ed glanced past them and caught sight of a familiar blond haircut just entering an elevator; it belonged to a slim, shapely woman in a leather mini. She was on the arm of a swarthy man wearing a business suit and a turban. Ed froze for a moment. She looked just like Kelly Wade-no, Kara Kara Wade! Wade!
And then the elevator doors closed.
Ed shook his head to clear it. He felt dizzy, frightened. It was like seeing a ghost. Too many after-dinner snifters of Irish Mist. That was it. The liquor was affecting his vision.
He turned and hurried outside for a cab.
February 19 11:40 A.M.
Kara made it back to Kelly"s apartment before Ed showed up.
Another good morning, right from the start: bright sunshine, the apartment key just where she had left it, and no writing on walls or mirrors. She"d had breakfast with Jill, tutored her in math and reading, and had a nice long talk with Ellen.
She had vague memories of another s.e.x dream. Only tiny, tantalizing fragments remained... a Hindu... all sorts of weird positions...
She wondered if it was the Halcion.