"That"s a thrue word," says Larry. ""Tis a proud day for the Dillons."
Did they put it over the Bradys? Well, say! All the Bradys has to do now, to remember who the Dillons are, is to look across the way and see the two geranium plants growin" out of solid silver pots. Course, they wa"n"t meant for flower pots. They"re champagne coolers; but Mother Dillon don"t know the difference, so what"s the odds? Anyway, they"re what "Loyshy brought for presents, and I"ll bet they"re the only pair west of Sixth-avenue.
XX
THE CASE OF RUSTY QUINN
Say, I ain"t one of the kind to go around makin" a noise like a pickle, just because I don"t happen to have the same talents that"s been handed out to others. About all I got to show is a couple of punch distributors that"s more or less educated, and a block that"s set on some solid. Not much to get chesty over; but the combination has kept me from askin" for benefit performances, and as a rule I"m satisfied.
There"s times, though, when I wish--say, don"t go givin" me the hee-haw on this--when I wish I could sing. Ah, I don"t mean bein" no grand opera tenor, with a throat that has to be kept in cotton battin" and a reputation that needs chloride of lime. What would suit me would be just a plain, every day la-la-la outfit of pipes, that I could turn loose on c.o.o.n songs when I was alone, or out with a bunch in the moonlight. I"d like to be able to come in on a chorus now and then, without havin" the rest of the crowd turn on me and call for the hook.
What music I"ve got is the ingrowin" kind. When anybody starts up a real lively tune I can feel it throbbin" and b.u.mpin" away in my head, like a blowfly in a milk bottle; but if ever I try uncorkin" one of my warbles, the people on the next block call in the children, and the truck drivers begin huntin" for the dry axle.
Now look at what bein" musical did for Rusty Quinn. Who"s Rusty?
Well, he ain"t much of anybody. I used to wonder, when I"d see him kickin" around under foot in different places, how it was he had the nerve to go on livin". Useless! He appeared about as much good to the world as a pair of boxin" gloves would be to the armless wonder.
First I saw of Rusty was five or six years back, when he was hangin"
around my trainin" camp. He was a long, slab sided, loose jointed, freckled up kid then, always wearin" a silly, good natured grin on his homely face. About all the good you could say of Rusty was that he could play the mouth organ, and be good natured, no matter how hard he was up against it.
If there was anything else he could do well, no one ever found it out, though he tried plenty of things. And he always had some great scheme rattlin" round in his nut, something that was goin" to win him the big stake. But it was a new scheme every other day, and, outside of grinnin" and playin" the mouth organ, all I ever noticed specially brilliant about him was the way he used cigarettes as a subst.i.tute for food. Long"s he had a bag of fact"ry sweepin"s and a book of rice papers he didn"t mind how many meals he missed, and them long fingers of his was so well trained they could roll dope sticks while he slept.
Well, it had been a year or so since I"d run across him last, and if I"d thought about him at all, which I didn"t, it would have been to guess what fin"lly finished him; when this affair out on Long Island was pulled off. The swells that owns country places along the south sh.o.r.e has a horse show about this time every year. As a rule they gets along without me bein" there to superintend; but last week I happens to be down that way, payin" a little call on Mr. Jarvis, an old reg"lar of mine, and in the afternoon he wants to know if I don"t want to climb up on the coach with the rest of the gang and drive over to see the sport.
Now I ain"t so much stuck on this four-in-hand business. It"s jolty kind of ridin", anyway, and if the thing upsets you"ve got a long ways to fall; but I always likes takin" a look at a lot of good horses, so I plants myself up behind, alongside the gent that does the tara-tara-ta act on the copper funnel, and off we goes.
It ain"t any of these common fair grounds horse shows, such as anyone can buy a badge to. This is held on the private trottin" track at Windymere--you know, that big estate that"s been leased by the Twombley-Cranes since they started makin" their splurge.
And say, they know how to do things in shape, them folks. There"s a big green and white striped tent set up for the judges at the home plate, and banked around that on either side was the traps and carts and bubbles of some of the crispest cracker jacks on Mrs. Astor"s list.
Course, there was a lot of people I knew; so as soon as our coach is backed into position I shins down from the perch and starts in to do the glad hand walk around.
That"s what fetches me onto one of the side paths leadin" up towards the big house. I was takin" a short cut across the gra.s.s, when I sees a little procession comin" down through the shrubbery. First off it looks like some one was bein" helped into their coat; but then I notices that the husky chap behind was actin" more vigorous than polite. He has the other guy by the collar, and was givin" him the knee good and plenty, first shovin" him on a step or two, and then jerkin" him back solid. Loomin" up in the rear was a gent I spots right off for Mr. Twombley-Crane himself, and by the way he follows I takes it he"s bossin" the job.
"Gee!" says I to myself, "here"s some one gettin" the rough chuck-out for fair."
And then I has a glimpse of a freckly face and the silly grin. The party gettin" the run was Rusty Quinn. He"s lookin" just as seedy as ever, being costumed in a faded blue jersey, an old pair of yellow ridin" pants, and leggin"s that don"t match. The bouncer is a great, ham fisted, ruddy necked Britisher, a man twice the weight of Rusty, with a face shaped like a punkin. As he sees me slow up he snorts out somethin" ugly and gives Quinn an extra hard bang in the back with his knee. And that starts my temperature to risin" right off.
"Why don"t you hit him with a maul, you bloomin" aitch eater," says I.
"Hey, Rusty! what you been up to now?"
"Your friend"s been happre"ended a-sneak thievin", that"s w"at!" growls out the beef chewer.
"G"wan," says I. "I wouldn"t believe the likes of you under oath.
Rusty, how about it?"
Quinn, he gives me one of them batty grins of his and spreads out his hand. "Honest, Shorty," says he, "I was only after a handful of Turkish cigarettes from the smokin" room. I wouldn"t touched another thing; cross m" heart, I wouldn"t!"
""Ear "im!" says the Britisher. "And "im caught prowlin" through the "ouse!" With that he gives Rusty a shake that must have loosened his back teeth, and prods him on once more.
"Ah, say," says I, "you ain"t got no call to break his back even if he was prowlin". Cut it out, you big mucker, or----"
Say, I shouldn"t have done it, seein" where I was; but the ugly look on his mug as he lifts his knee again seems to pull the trigger of my right arm, and I swings in one on that punkin head like I was choppin"
wood. He drops Rusty and comes at me with a rush, windmill fashion, and I"m so happy for the next two minutes, givin" him what he needs, that I"ve mussed up his countenance a lot before I sends in the one that finds the soft spot on his jaw and lands him on the gra.s.s.
"Here, here!" shouts Mr. Twombley-Crane, comin" up just as his man does the back shoulder fall. "Why, McCabe, what does this mean?"
"Nothin" much," says I, "except that I ain"t in love with your particular way of speedin" the partin" guest."
"Guest!" says he, flushin" up. "The fellow was caught prowling.
Besides, by what right do you question my method of getting rid of a sneak thief?"
"Oh, I don"t stop for rights in a case of this kind," says I. "I just naturally b.u.t.ts in. I happens to know that Rusty here, ain"t any more of a thief than I am. If you"ve got a charge to make, though, I"ll see that he"s in court when----"
"I don"t care to bother with the police," says he. "I merely want the fellow kicked off the place."
"Sorry to interfere with your plans," says I; "but he"s been kicked enough. I"ll lead him off, though, and guarantee he don"t come back, if that"ll do?"
We both simmered down after he agrees to that proposition. The beef eater picks himself up and limps back to the house, while I escorts Rusty as far as the gates, givin" him some good advice on the way down.
Seems he"d been workin" as stable helper at Windymere for a couple of weeks, his latest dream bein" that he was cut out for a jockey; but he"d run out of dope sticks and, knowin" they was scattered around reckless in the house, he"d just walked in lookin" for some.
"Which shows you"ve lost what little sense you ever had," says I. "Now here"s two whole dollars, Rusty. Go off somewheres and smoke yourself to death. n.o.body"ll miss you."
Rusty, he just grins and moseys down the road, while I goes back to see the show, feelin" about as much to home, after that run in, as a stray pup in church.
It was about an hour later, and they"d got through the program as far as the youngsters" pony cart cla.s.s, to be followed by an exhibit of fancy farm teams. Well, the kids was gettin" ready to drive into the ring. There was a bunch of "em, mostly young girls all togged out in pink and white, drivin" d.i.n.ky Shetlands in wicker carts covered with daisies and ribbons. In the lead was little Miss Gladys, that the Twombley-Cranes think more of than they do their whole bank account.
The rigs was crowded into the main driveway, ready to turn into the track as soon as the way was cleared, and it sure was a sight worth seein".
I was standin" up on the coach, takin" it in, when all of a sudden there comes a rumblin", thunderin" sound from out near the gates, and folks begins askin" each other what"s happened. They didn"t have to wait long for the answer; for before anyone can open a mouth, around the curve comes a cloud of dust, and out dashes a pair of big greys with one of them heavy blue and yellow farm waggons rattlin" behind.
It was easy to guess what"s up then. One of the farm teams has been scared.
Next thing that was clear was that there wa"n"t any driver on the waggon, and that them crazy horses was headed straight for that snarl of pony carts. There wa"n"t any yellin" done. I guess "most every body"s throat was too choked up. I know mine was. I only hears one sound above the bang and rattle of them hoofs and wheels. That was a kind of a groan, and I looks down to see Mr. Twombley-Crane standin" up in the seat of a tourin" car, his face the colour of a wax candle, and such a look in his eyes as I ain"t anxious to see on any man again.
Next minute he"d jumped. But it wa"n"t any use. He was too far away, and there was too big a crowd to get through. Even if he could have got there soon enough, he couldn"t have stopped them crazy brutes any more"n he could have blocked a cannon ball.
I feels sick and faint in the pit of my stomach, and the one thing I wants to do most just then is to shut my eyes. But I couldn"t. I couldn"t look anywhere but at that pair of tearin" horses and them broad iron wheels. And that"s why I has a good view of something that jumps out of the bushes, lands in a heap in the waggon, and then scrambles toward the front seat as quick as a cat. I see the red hair and the blue jersey, and that"s enough. I knows it"s that useless Rusty Quinn playin" the fool.
Now, if he"d had a pair of arms like Jeffries, maybe there"d been some hope of his pullin" down them horses inside the couple of hundred feet there was between their front toe calks and where little Miss Gladys was sittin" rooted to the cushions of her pony cart. But Rusty"s muscle development is about equal to that of a fourteen-year boy, and it looks like he"s goin" to do more harm than good when he grabs the reins from the whip socket. But he stands up, plants his feet wide, and settles back for the pull.
Almost before anyone sees his game, he"s done the trick. There"s a smash that sounds like a buildin" fallin" down, a crackin" and splinterin" of oak wood and iron, a rattlin" of trace chains, a couple of soggy thumps,--and when the dust settles down we sees a grey horse rollin" feet up on either side of a big maple, and at the foot of the tree all that"s left of that yellow and blue waggon. Rusty had put what strength he had into one rein at just the right time, and the pole had struck the trunk square in the middle.
For a minute or so there was a grand hurrah, with mothers and fathers rushin" to grab their youngsters out of the carts and hug "em; which you couldn"t blame "em for doin", either. As for me, I drops off the back of the coach and makes a bee line for that wreck, so I"m among the first dozen to get there. I"m in time to shove my shoulder under the capsized waggon body and hold it up.
Well, there ain"t any use goin" into details. What we took from under there didn"t look much like a human bein", for it was as limp and shapeless as a bag of old rags. But the light haired young feller that said he was a medical student guessed there might be some life left.
He wa"n"t sure. He held his ear down, and after he"d listened for a minute he said maybe something could be done. So we laid it on one of the side boards and lugged it up to the house, while some one jumps into a sixty-horse power car and starts for a sure enough doctor.
It was durin" the next ten minutes, when the young student was cuttin"
off the blue jersey and the ridin" pants, and pokin" and feelin"