Jesus Christ Christ.
I sprang up and raced back to the dance studio, nearly slamming into the door when I caught sight of him crouching outside the abandoned strip mall next door.
"Oh G.o.d, Seb." I ran over and knelt in front of him, gripping his shoulders. "I"m so sorry. I"m a f.u.c.king idiot. That was so stupid, wasn"t it? I mean, I want want you to talk to me. I"ve just...never been this close to anyone before, you know? I"ve never you to talk to me. I"ve just...never been this close to anyone before, you know? I"ve never let let anyone get this close to me. But with you...it"s okay...and I...I want to be with you...and I hope you"ll want to be with me." Panic rose from my chest and strained my voice. "I know you don"t have to stay with me, but I really do love you, and I think we could be...good together." anyone get this close to me. But with you...it"s okay...and I...I want to be with you...and I hope you"ll want to be with me." Panic rose from my chest and strained my voice. "I know you don"t have to stay with me, but I really do love you, and I think we could be...good together."
Seb watched me calmly while I babbled on, his face motionless.
"And I won"t run off like that again, I promise. I"m so sorry. You must"ve been so scared...s.h.i.t, I"m sorry."
Then he snorted and rolled his eyes. I wasn"t scared. I wasn"t scared.
My laugh was so loud it startled the crows picking at food wrappers on the sidewalk. I pulled him into my arms, weaving my fingers into his hair, and rested my chin on his shoulder.
The bubble of tension in my throat burst once Seb"s grip tightened around me.
"Tell me where you want to go," I said as I finally pulled away. "I"ll take you anywhere you want. Just name it."
His eyes drifted west.
"Okay, breakfast and then the beach. Sounds perfect."
He picked up the backpack he"d been smart enough to bring along-not that him being smart enough smart enough was a surprise anymore-and took my hand before we headed off down the boulevard. was a surprise anymore-and took my hand before we headed off down the boulevard.
Chapter 22: Round and Round.
What is that? Seb pointed as we approached the beach, eyes wide and curious. Seb pointed as we approached the beach, eyes wide and curious.
It still rattled me. Each time I looked at him I was half-expecting he"d stare back with his old vacant gaze...and that everything I thought I"d realized would be part of some o.r.g.a.s.m-fueled dream.
Well? He flipped a palm out impatiently. He flipped a palm out impatiently.
I glanced at the Ferris wheel towering over the water, and my head spun right along with it. Would he continue to surprise me? Was he even the same person I"d first fallen for? And why had had I fallen for him anyway, when I didn"t even know who he was? I fallen for him anyway, when I didn"t even know who he was?
He punched my shoulder and pointed again. What is that place? What is that place?
"Oh...that"s an amus.e.m.e.nt park on the boardwalk, I think. Jose"s been there a few times. Said it was lame."
He frowned.
s.h.i.t. A frown. A full-on you"ve-disappointed-me you"ve-disappointed-me frown. My heart thumped loudly in protest. Not even a full day into knowing a frown. My heart thumped loudly in protest. Not even a full day into knowing a real Seb real Seb existed, and I was already disappointing him. existed, and I was already disappointing him.
"We can go, though. I mean, what does Jose know? He"s a dumba.s.s, really-he probably just said that "cause he heard someone else say it...he was always a follower like that..."
Seb interrupted me with an amused arch of his brow.
"Right, so...we can go, is what I"m saying."
He latched on to my arm, tugging me toward the pier. Then let"s go now! Then let"s go now!
The cheery blue Santa Monica Yacht Harbor Santa Monica Yacht Harbor sign greeted us as we traveled down a steep road, then out onto the wooden planks. We pa.s.sed by a Bubba Gump Shrimp restaurant, not yet open for lunch but still sending warm fried seafood scent into the air. Kiosks and street artists lined the rest of the pier"s length, and at the far end a few fishermen had poles dangling into the ocean-though I doubted they ate what they caught from the polluted waters. Seb dragged me forward until he found a weathered old Latino making detailed landscapes of LA with finger paints. sign greeted us as we traveled down a steep road, then out onto the wooden planks. We pa.s.sed by a Bubba Gump Shrimp restaurant, not yet open for lunch but still sending warm fried seafood scent into the air. Kiosks and street artists lined the rest of the pier"s length, and at the far end a few fishermen had poles dangling into the ocean-though I doubted they ate what they caught from the polluted waters. Seb dragged me forward until he found a weathered old Latino making detailed landscapes of LA with finger paints.
Seemingly careless streaks transformed into fantastic scenery as the man worked, but I couldn"t give him my full attention. I had other concerns on my mind...like why I felt so nervous standing beside Seb. Was I too close? Or not close enough? Why did that matter all of a sudden?
While my mind wandered, Seb noticed the entrance to the amus.e.m.e.nt park and rushed straight in.
"Seb! Not this again!"
I raced after him, trying to keep back my panic by reminding myself he wasn"t wasn"t special and probably wouldn"t get into too much trouble on his own. And maybe I didn"t need to be with him every second of every day...maybe I was smothering him. special and probably wouldn"t get into too much trouble on his own. And maybe I didn"t need to be with him every second of every day...maybe I was smothering him.
A hand caught my eye-Seb waving me over to a water gun carnival game. I nearly tripped on my feet as I rushed to him in relief.
Isn"t this fun? The bell rang, and his eyes bounced in excitement when the guns shot narrow streams of water toward their targets. The bell rang, and his eyes bounced in excitement when the guns shot narrow streams of water toward their targets.
A little girl with braided pigtails started shrieking by her father"s side, her high-pitched squeal making me cringe. It didn"t help her father much, either, as he lost several seconds aiming too high and had no chance of getting his toy airplane to the top first.
She kept screaming anyway. Maybe she was just testing out her lungs to see how loud she could be...I vaguely remembered being that way as a kid.
Shifting my gaze to Seb, I wondered how old he"d been when he"d discovered he couldn"t throw back his head and howl into the wind.
He elbowed me and pointed. Can we play? Can we play?
"Uh..." I glanced at the posted price-two dollars per game-and shook my head. "Everything costs here, ya know. Like each individual ride...and we don"t have all that much money, so we should try and be careful."
A tiny frown flashed across his face before he nodded. I understand. I understand.
G.o.d, two two frowns in less than an hour? My left eye started to twitch. It wasn"t all that surprising, really. Instead of making the most of this time we had to spend together, I was acting like his parent. Always telling him what to do-when to put on sun block, where to go, how to spend our money...I was like the epic buzzkill of boyfriends. frowns in less than an hour? My left eye started to twitch. It wasn"t all that surprising, really. Instead of making the most of this time we had to spend together, I was acting like his parent. Always telling him what to do-when to put on sun block, where to go, how to spend our money...I was like the epic buzzkill of boyfriends.
"Sorry," I mumbled, but a new game had started and I didn"t think he"d heard. Hovering a few inches away from his neck, I zeroed in on a trickle of sweat as it zigzagged toward his shirt collar. I wanted to brush it away, but some invisible barrier blocked me-or maybe it was just that there were a lot of kids around, and I was afraid if I started touching him, I wouldn"t stop.
My left temple joined my twitching eye, and together they played havoc with my face. Good thing Seb wasn"t looking.
I really needed to turn this situation around.
"But you know...this is is a special occasion," I whispered in his ear. "It"s sorta like our...first date." a special occasion," I whispered in his ear. "It"s sorta like our...first date."
s.h.i.t, should I have said that? Did he want to date date me? me?
He didn"t answer-though a dying voice of reason tried to tell me I hadn"t actually asked a question-and I scrambled to dig out a couple of bucks. "Here. Have fun."
Thanking me with a bright smile, Seb took a seat on a stool. His eyes narrowed as he aimed his gun, and when the game began he already had the water stream trained exactly on the bull"s-eye.
I wasn"t really surprised when he blew the compet.i.tion away. "Let me guess...you"re like a super hero. You couldn"t talk, so you sharpened your other senses. Although talking isn"t a sense, is it?"
He grinned.
The game operator was less impressed and tossed him an ugly pink stuffed dog for his efforts. Seb held it up to me proudly, until the girl with the pigtails started to sniffle.
"Papa, yo queria un peluche!"
Her father pulled her down from the stool next to him. "Ya no tenemos mas dinero."
Before she could start crying, Seb walked over and handed her the dog. She gleefully hugged it to her chest as her father thanked us in both Spanish and English, several times.
"You speak Spanish?" I asked after they"d dissolved into the crowd.
He shook his head.
"You just...understand things, huh. You"ve always understood."
He smirked and linked his hand with mine, pulling me toward the Ferris wheel. Come on. Let"s go on the rides. Come on. Let"s go on the rides.
A jolt of victory shot up my fingertips. He"d taken my hand, all on his own. And not as a little boy seeking my comfort...as a guy who liked liked me. My heart soared from the depths of my doubt into a dizzying high, like I was already spinning around on one of those carnival rides. me. My heart soared from the depths of my doubt into a dizzying high, like I was already spinning around on one of those carnival rides.
He kept holding my hand as we purchased some overpriced ride tickets and headed toward the park"s main attraction. But once we reached the line for the Ferris wheel, he abruptly pulled away and turned his back on me.
I should"ve known every good high would have its low.
Was he tired of gripping my admittedly clammy fingers? Was he trying not to attract attention? Or just getting a better view of the ocean?
And why was every moment with him suddenly such agony?
The pimple-faced guy on the platform shifted his gaze away as we boarded the little yellow carriage together. Ignoring his obvious trying-not-to-stare look, I sat across from Seb, and we continued to wait in silence as we slowly rose off the ground.
I figured I should say something, but after running through a few opening lines, everything I had to offer sounded pathetic. And pathetic pathetic was exactly the right word for it. I"d had his naked body in my arms less than twelve hours ago, and now I could barely string two words together. was exactly the right word for it. I"d had his naked body in my arms less than twelve hours ago, and now I could barely string two words together.
I just had no idea how to act around him anymore, and the uncertainty was killing me.
"So, uh..."
We climbed above the heads of the waiting crowd, and in one fluid movement, Seb leapt over to my side and kissed me.
My hands locked onto his shoulders, clutching tightly to help my mind process that this was real. I hoped the bitter aftertaste of my McDonald"s coffee wasn"t as strong in his mouth as it was in mine.
No complaints from Seb-just a long, tongue-twisting kiss that first sent me reeling and then actually managed to calm the whirlpool of nerves in my gut.
"You know what...maybe we should stay on here for the rest of the day." Confidence rising again, I stroked his hair and gently drew him in for another kiss. "I like the privacy."
He ran his hand down my back, ending with a quick pinch of my a.s.s before pointing to a security camera.
I laughed. "Well, I think as long as we don"t get naked up here, they can"t throw us out or anything."
Seb nodded, and then reached out and tugged off my shirt.
"Hey!"
What? He batted his lashes, gesturing to the crowd below. He batted his lashes, gesturing to the crowd below. It"s a beach. Lots of guys have their shirts off. It"s a beach. Lots of guys have their shirts off.
Well, he had me there. His hands roamed my chest as he crawled into my lap.
"You"re a little crazy, you know?" I mumbled in between kisses.
Seb"s response was to rock forward against my crotch, instantly shutting me up.
He kept rocking, first every few seconds, then constantly. I almost, almost almost gave in and started trying to get off, but a squawking seagull brought me back to reality. gave in and started trying to get off, but a squawking seagull brought me back to reality.
"Hold it." I pecked him lightly and pulled away. "We probably shouldn"t do that here. You know this thing is gonna be back at the bottom again in a minute."
Pouting, he stuck out his lower lip. But... But...
"Besides"-I shifted him to the bench-"I kinda think maybe we should just...talk for a little bit."
He lifted a brow and crossed his arms. Seriously? Seriously?
I supposed it was a strange request from a teenage boy who had the willing object of his s.e.xual dreams right in front of him. But I"d never had a relationship based on love before-only convenience-and I had no idea if I was doing things right.
"Well, you pretty much know everything there is about me...and I know nothing about you. That"s not fair."
The Ferris wheel jerked and began to spin faster now that the whole thing was loaded. We pa.s.sed the waiting people again and I kept quiet until only the tops of their heads were in sight.
Well? Seb sat back, looking amused, his arms still crossed. Seb sat back, looking amused, his arms still crossed. What do you want to know? What do you want to know?
"Um..." A million questions swirled around in my mind, but the first thing that came to my lips was a statement. "You"re not...special."
He didn"t shake his head, but his eyes said it all. No. No.
There was a lot more I needed to know in relation to that, but I decided to start at the beginning. "So...have you ever been able to talk?"
No.
"Then you were born this way?"
A nod.
"Isn"t there anything you can do to fix it? Like, a surgery or something?"
He shrugged.
"Yeah." I sighed. "I bet that would cost a lot of money, anyways, and us foster kids ain"t exactly rolling in the dough."
Grinning, his hand wandered onto my thigh, where he started to stroke me softly.
I was too weak to push him away, but I tried to keep my mind on track. "Okay. So you can"t talk...but that doesn"t mean people have to think you"re re-, um, special. I mean, there are other things you coulda done...like learn sign language or something. Or how "bout writing? You could write stuff to people so they know what you"re thinking."