Water splattered to life and I shuffled over to the sink to stare in the mirror. My face was a wreck, lids drooping with some unseen weight and circles of shadowy gray haunting my eyes. I couldn"t be sure how much of it was the hangover and how much of it was a reaction to being ripped from my life, but I certainly hoped I"d look better in the morning.
Except, come morning, I"d still be trapped here...and if there was one thing I knew for certain, it was that I didn"t belong. I didn"t belong at family dinners, or with bantering boys in bunk beds. My reflection didn"t belong in this large bathroom with its G.o.d-awful green walls and ugly showers.
These people...no eran mi gente.
I had a lot more despair to dive into, but something else in the room"s reflection suddenly caught my eye: that cheap plastic curtain. As was always the case with those things, it didn"t quite make it all the way to the wall, leaving a tiny sliver of the shower"s inside visible.
Mid-inhale, my breath caught in my throat.
Brandon was under the stream of water, his back toward the opening, rubbing foamy shampoo into his hair. Cascades of liquid traveled down his shoulder blades, taking the suds with them-white on brown-sugar skin. Some of the droplets continued over the curve of a firm a.s.s, while others disappeared into his crack.
He shifted a little, and I could just make out a ma.s.s of dark p.u.b.es at his groin.
Holy f.u.c.k.
I dove into the empty shower stall, trying not to moan at the nearly-painful erection I"d magically sprouted. I peeled off my clothes and kicked them out, then turned the stream of water on cold.
There was way too much temptation in this place. It wasn"t like Brandon was the only one-Dwayne was no ugly f.u.c.ker, either-and they were all far too close for comfort. Sharing a bedroom, a bathroom, practically showering together...I"d be lucky if I survived the weekend without making a complete fool of myself.
But as Brandon had said, beggars can"t be choosers, and all that s.h.i.t. I was already as hard as I ever got, and it seemed a shame to waste it. My hand slipped down to my d.i.c.k, and I summoned Brandon"s image back to my mind. Glistening-wet skin, sliding soap suds, dark curly p.u.b.es...best material I"d had in ages.
I began to stroke myself, quick-and-dirty, because I wasn"t sure how much time I"d have. I half-registered that the shower beside me had gone off, and that Brandon had left. Released from some of my fear of discovery, I stroked even faster, letting out only the smallest of sounds that I hoped would be carried away with the pounding of the shower water and the creaking of the pipes.
A slightly louder gasp escaped me as I came, jetting out streams against the shower wall.
"f.u.c.kin" a!"
The curtain abruptly flew back, and Brandon and Dwayne stood in front of me, slamming fists on each other"s backs as they struggled to hold in their laughter.
"Jackin" off in the showers on his first night!" Dwayne hooted.
I shoved my body into the corner, attempting to keep the last shreds of my dignity from washing down the drain. "Close the f.u.c.king curtain you f.u.c.king d.i.c.ks!"
"If you shout, Ms. Loretta will come in. That"d be f.u.c.king perfect perfect," Brandon chimed, dimples glowing.
f.u.c.king dimples.
They pulled the curtain shut and left the room chuckling, but I stayed cowering in the corner, waiting for the waves of shock and humiliation to stop traveling my skin. Two minutes pa.s.sed before I could peel myself from the sticky wall and gingerly step back into the water to rinse myself off. I was still shaky, but common sense had started to filter back in-what I"d done wasn"t that out of the norm. I was a teenage guy; it was what we were supposed supposed to do. No one had any reason to believe I was... to do. No one had any reason to believe I was...different yet, right? yet, right?
Creaks and moans from the old wood flooring told me someone else was approaching. Panicked again, I hurriedly stopped the shower and s.n.a.t.c.hed the towel to cover myself up. It was only then that I realized I"d forgotten to take the gauze off my wrist, and it was now thoroughly soaked.
"Alex?" Ms. Loretta boomed. "Is there a problem? You been in there way too long, boy. We don"t take showers like that in this house."
I sank my forehead against the wall.
This was bad. Very bad.
I awoke to an empty room again the next morning. Or, almost empty. I could hear activity downstairs, but not a sound near me. Seb nearly scared the s.h.i.t out of me-for the second time-when I finally got up. He rose from his bed like some kind of robot, instantly homing in on the sheets I"d left in a tangled mess. Within in a few seconds he had them smoothed out and the pillow fluffed, so the bed fit in perfectly with the others in the room.
I made a mental note to fix my own bed from now on. I wasn"t sure how I felt about having a r.e.t.a.r.ded servant, even if he didn"t seem to mind.
Then I made a second mental note, reminding myself there wasn"t going to be a "from now on." Thinking that was like giving up...and I wasn"t prepared to go down without a fight.
"Alex? Ms. Suzie"s here to see you!" Ms. Loretta shouted from below. I could almost feel the walls vibrating with her call.
I glanced down at the gym shorts I wore. They were a little too tight, and not something I"d be caught dead in ordinarily.
"Hey..." I turned to Seb, since he was the only one around. "Can I get some clothes to wear?"
Seb c.o.c.ked his head, giving me a strange look with his almond eyes.
I wondered if he even knew what I was saying.
"I"m gonna take that as a yes," I said slowly, walking toward the closet while Seb"s eyes followed me. But before I could get there, Brandon buzzed through the hallway and shoved a bundle of clothes into my arms.
"Hurry it up. Suzie don"t have all day."
I met Suzie downstairs on the orange couch, wearing a D.A.R.E. t-shirt with a hole at the shoulder, school-uniform navy pants, and the disgusting Keds. I looked like a f.u.c.king loser.
"So can I go home now?"
Suzie frowned. "Alex, do you have any idea where your mother and Hector could have gone? We still haven"t been able to reach them."
I sank down into an upholstered chair. "I dunno. Vegas, maybe."
"Do they often leave you alone like this without any way to reach them?"
"I"m fifteen, la-Ms. Suzie. I can take care of myself."
I noticed her chewed, unpolished nails tapping away on a file folder with my name on it.
"I"m sure you can, but you shouldn"t have to."
Rolling my eyes, I leaned over to see if I could figure out what she had in that folder. "So, what now? I keep waiting here until they come back?"
Suzie nodded. "We have a hearing this morning to establish temporary custody since we can"t yet determine the situation at home."
"Temporary custody?" I recoiled at the words, and at the thought. "Like, I belong to these people now? What the h.e.l.l! You said nothing final was happening!"
"Temporary," Suzie repeated. "Just so that you can stay with Ms. Loretta and Ms. Cecily while we wait for your family to speak to us."
"But what if you talk to them and you...you don"t believe that nothing happened? Do I have to stay here forever? I mean, do I get any say in this at all?" My voice rose in pitch, and I cut off the stream of questions before I ended up in a squeak.
"If we determine there"s a problem at home, it doesn"t mean you"ll never be with your family again. DCFS is not in the business of ripping apart families. We"ll work with them, through counseling and other services, to try to make sure you have a safe home to return to." we determine there"s a problem at home, it doesn"t mean you"ll never be with your family again. DCFS is not in the business of ripping apart families. We"ll work with them, through counseling and other services, to try to make sure you have a safe home to return to."
I rubbed at my eyes, feeling a fierce headache coming on. "So...just because you and a teacher are too stupid to believe me when I say nothing happened, nothing happened, you"re going to keep me with a bunch of strangers, make my mom jump through hoops to get me back, and get Hector f.u.c.king p.i.s.sed at me." you"re going to keep me with a bunch of strangers, make my mom jump through hoops to get me back, and get Hector f.u.c.king p.i.s.sed at me."
I didn"t look at Suzie, but I could hear her fl.u.s.tered sigh. I caused adults to make that sound a lot, it seemed. "If it"s our mistake, you"ll go home, Alex. I"ve told you that."
This whole thing was a mistake.
"But what if you don"t believe believe it"s a mistake...what then? What about school and stuff?" it"s a mistake...what then? What about school and stuff?"
"Well, you"d be enrolled at the school here so you don"t miss anything while we work with your family."
That"s all all I f.u.c.king needed-to be the new kid at some school I had no clue how to get around in-and not just in the literal sense. I f.u.c.king needed-to be the new kid at some school I had no clue how to get around in-and not just in the literal sense.
"I don"t want to go to a different school."
Suzie squirmed forward on the couch cushion, making a move to stand. "I hope it doesn"t come to that. I"m just explaining all the possibilities to you." She rose and started to place her file back into her bag.
"What"s that?" I tried to latch onto the folder, but she pulled it away.
"Just some notes...and your school records."
"My school records? Like my grades and sh- and stuff?"
She stopped her movements and looked directly at me, her eyes suddenly calm and studying. "Reports from the school nurses for the past several years."
Oh, s.h.i.t.
"I"m...I"m a boy," I blurted out. "I get into fights with other kids and stuff...boys get hurt sometimes. It"s totally normal."
"I never said it wasn"t." She straightened her suit jacket-a dull brown one, this time-and gave me a sad look. "But if you ever want to talk about what"s in here...or this"-she reached out to gently lift my wrist-"there are people who care."
I jerked my arm back and glared. "I have nothing to talk about. And I"m not staying in no house full of reject kids, or going to no new school."
Another exasperated sigh came from Suzie"s lips. "We"ll see, Alex."
And I saw-for the briefest of moments before I wrapped myself back in denial- I was screwed.
Chapter 6: Don"t You Even Care.
When the water ran in that old house, every pipe seemed to moan. I didn"t know which noise was worse-that, or the barking sounds from Ms. Loretta. From what I gathered as I drifted in and out of sleep on Sunday morning, the "ch.o.r.es" she spoke of were a daily ritual, and everyone else was hard at work while I hid in my bed.
Well, hid hid wasn"t the right word. I chose to consider it my own form of resistance. wasn"t the right word. I chose to consider it my own form of resistance.
I finally wandered downstairs around noon, and only because my stomach wasn"t on board with my plan to avoid everyone until it was time to say adios. adios. I slipped past Ms. Cecily reading to the younger boys in the living room and found Seb sweeping the kitchen floor, using long, practiced strokes. I slipped past Ms. Cecily reading to the younger boys in the living room and found Seb sweeping the kitchen floor, using long, practiced strokes.
"Hey, jack-off." Brandon trampled in behind me and grabbed a cup to fill. His t-shirt was stained with sweat, and he smelled of freshly cut gra.s.s. The scent instantly reminded me of the neighbor we"d had for a few months back when I was in middle school- a twenty-something-year-old gardener with the most amazing body. He"d taken me to work with him in the beautiful homes of Brentwood one day, but I was pretty much useless after he"d removed his shirt to mop the sweat from his brow.
And oh, c.r.a.p. Brandon was still talking.
"You missed breakfast, but we"ll have lunch in a little while. Were you trying to sleep all day or something?"
I couldn"t imagine why he thought I"d prefer spending time with him and the others to being alone in the room...especially when they"d picked such great nickname for me.
Seb had evidently finished gathering all the crumbs into a corner. He ducked behind my legs without warning, almost hitting me, and retrieved a dustpan from under the sink to complete the job.
"He"s good at simple tasks," Brandon informed me as I moved out of the way. "When he showed up three months ago, me and Dwayne"s ch.o.r.es got cut down by a third. If you stick around, we"ll have even less to do."
"I ain"t staying."
I really needed to say that as often as I could, because somewhere deep down I was starting to doubt it.
"I hope he ain"t." Dwayne came in from the dining room to toss out a wad of paper towels. "Or he"s gonna scrub the shower every time he uses it."
My cheeks burned, but hopefully my complexion covered it. "Yeah, well, I"m sorry... sorry...don"t usually have to take care of myself, "cause I got plenty of girls at home...but they not exactly in supply out here, is they."
Dwayne rolled his eyes and made a j.e.r.k.-.o.f.f. motion with his hand.
"f.u.c.k you," I snapped in response, growing more p.i.s.sed when Dwayne"s only reaction was to laugh.
"Watch that Ms. Loretta don"t hear you," Brandon said, breezing out of the kitchen.
Obviously, coming down had been a mistake. I headed back for the temporary peace of the room and nearly collided with the soft white bulk of Suzie as she strode past, with Ms. Loretta directly behind her.
"Oh, Alex, good. I"m glad you"re up."
s.h.i.t! She was back! And so soon...that had had to mean she"d come to bring me home. to mean she"d come to bring me home.
"Just a sec!" I darted past her and onto the stairs. "Let me get all my stuff! I"ll be ready to leave in like one minute!"
"Alex, why don"t we-"
I didn"t let her finish her sentence. Instead, I galloped up to the room and began violently tearing off the disgusting hand-me-downs. Then I put on my own clothes-right down to the dirty boxers and cheap flip-flops-and barreled back down the stairs.
"I"m ready. Let"s go!"
I came to a stop at the entrance to the living room, where Ms. Loretta and Suzie sat, mouths slightly open. Their sudden silence hung in the room, and their eyes slid back and forth warily.
Neither of them was smiling...and they both should"ve been happy to see me going home, right?
"Let"s go?" I repeated, but my voice had lost most of its earlier energy.
"Alex, come have a seat for a moment." Suzie patted the orange cushion by her side. Ms. Loretta rose and shuffled off to the kitchen, declaring she needed to put on some water for tea.
"I"m ready to go," I said again.
"I know you are." Suzie had her super-soft I care about you I care about you voice on in full swing. "But I"m afraid that can"t happen just yet." voice on in full swing. "But I"m afraid that can"t happen just yet."