Silent.

Someone on my left pa.s.sed me a blunt, and I took it gratefully.

"What"s on your arm?" Blanca"s tiny fingers danced along my chest, making their way toward the bandage. "You been wearing that all day."

"Nothing." I tried to shoo her away, but she persisted.

"You got jacked up by your stepdad again?"

b.i.t.c.h.

"He ain"t married to my mom, and you know that. He ain"t never gonna marry her."

At least, not if I had anything to say about it.

Blanca stuck out her lower lip, tilting her head in a way she probably thought made her look cute. "Sorry, baby." Her hands kept rubbing my chest. "But why you let him beat up on you like that?"

"s.h.i.t, I didn"t let him do nothing." I glared at her. "I popped him right in the face. If he didn"t have that d.a.m.n lighter, I woulda f.u.c.king messed him up."

She wiggled even further into my lap, and suddenly her lips were moving against my ear. "I know it, papi."

I jerked in my seat to stop her breath from tickling me. "Blanquita, you making my leg fall asleep. Can you move?"

Her nose curled up. "But Alex-"

Careful to keep my injured arm away from her, I stood, and she slid right to the floor. "You heavy, and I gotta take a leak."

"I am not heavy, pendejo pendejo!" she called after me as I stumbled down the hallway. "You"d best come back and let me sit on you to prove it!"

She probably weighed eighty pounds when wet, but I had no intention of letting her lay her grabby hands on me all night. Jose was right when he"d said she was a total s.l.u.t-in-training-anyone could see it.

I found a ragged patch of gra.s.s and weeds in the corner of the backyard to finish off the blunt, away from all the cramped bodies. I needed the time alone to process the mess of feelings-the general happiness that so far, my life was still normal...and the growing fear that it was getting just a little bit harder to maintain every day.

Diego strode over to invade my solitude, and again, my emotions were split. I minded...but I didn"t, really.

"Yo." His long, thin fingers tapped his cigarette. Ash fell to the ground, almost touching my bare toes. "What up, Alex?"

I instantly zoned in on his hands, unable to tear my eyes away. Weed did that to me, sometimes...made tiny things seem like they were the most interesting objects in all the world.

And Diego just happened to have really nice fingers.

I pa.s.sed him the blunt-I"d obviously had enough-and our hands touched for just a moment.

ABCDEFG, HIJKLMN...

I screamed the alphabet in my head to keep my thoughts in check. It was an old trick, and not my best, but I wasn"t at my smartest when high.

"You know, I saw Franky today. He wanted to talk to you," Diego said.

I stopped the alphabet. "Franky? Why?"

"Why do you think, cabron cabron? He knows you deal...you lucky he hasn"t told n.o.body else yet. You lucky I I haven"t told n.o.body else yet. What the h.e.l.l you f.u.c.king around for? Why the h.e.l.l don"t you want to get jumped in?" haven"t told n.o.body else yet. What the h.e.l.l you f.u.c.king around for? Why the h.e.l.l don"t you want to get jumped in?"

Again with the f.u.c.king gang. My thoughts on Diego"s fingers quickly faded into the background, and even high I knew this problem was only going to grow.

"Listen," Diego continued. "I might be able to talk to someone about getting you in. Not Jose, though. Don"t tell that little fool."

I shrugged awkwardly-first one shoulder, then the other. Hopefully Diego would blame that on me being drunk and not me being so nervous I could feel my heartbeat in my throat. "I"m fine with what I got goin" on right now."

Diego rolled his eyes. "What you so scared of, man? They ain"t gonna break your bones or nothing. You just cover your face, it"s over in a few minutes, and you can be the f.u.c.king boss of this s.h.i.t place."

He fake-jabbed at me, and I ducked. "Yeah..."cause I always wanted to be the boss of a s.h.i.t place."

"Man, it"s gotta be better than that dime s.h.i.t you doin" by yourself."

I shook my head. "Nah, I"m not doing that no more."

"Why not?

"Uh, I..."

f.u.c.k, he had me against a wall. I couldn"t tell him it was because of lack of supply-he"d have an obvious solution to that problem.

Diego inhaled from his cigarette, his long fingers twitching. "You either a f.u.c.king coward, or you think you better than us...which would be pretty f.u.c.king stupid, considering you a b.a.s.t.a.r.d kid living off your mama"s deadbeat boyfriend."

My stomach twisted, dark thoughts flooding my head. And not the kind of thoughts I could keep back by screaming the alphabet. How long could I put it off? How long could I hold on to this life before I became the outcast, or the enemy?

Andre was right. I wasn"t a kid anymore. I"d have to make a decision soon, but either way I had the sinking feeling I was d.a.m.ned.

"I gotta go back in. Blanca"s waiting for me, man. I think I"m gonna get some tonight."

Out of the frying pan and into the fire.

Blanca rolled over, her skinny arm slapping my wrist and making me cringe. I needed to blink several times to get the room into focus, but once I had, I immediately wanted to shut my eyes again.

Beer cans lined the floor of my bedroom, along with cigarette b.u.t.ts and general filth. And, of course, there was a naked girl in my bed, which really just completed the whole f.u.c.ked-up picture.

"Blanca." I nudged her. "Wake up."

The early-morning light streamed through my window, lighting up the dust and dirt particles in the air.

"Blanca, wake up. We gotta go to school."

She yawned delicately. "Mmm, why don"t we just stay here? I hate school."

I made a frantic scan of the room and sighed in relief when I found the tied-off condom on the floor.

Blanca caught it and giggled. "You didn"t think I was that drunk, did you? No way I"m letting you ruin this body."

She kicked off the covers and stood, flouncing her hair and thrusting out her tiny hip.

If she"d had a bit less breast, she almost could"ve pa.s.sed for a boy. A little boy.

But I wasn"t no pedophile.

"Get dressed and get moving."

Diego wasn"t the only one with his head down on the desk in homeroom that morning. There were a few other people with bleary red eyes and greasy hair, as well as two empty seats. I"d downed a couple of aspirin before coming and replaced my makeshift toilet paper bandage with a paper towel one, figuring that would hold up a bit better to the daily wear and tear.

And it was Friday, after all. I only had one day left to survive until I could lock myself away for the weekend. With any luck, I"d be alone, too. I didn"t need my mom or Hector around to screw up my privacy...and the time I needed to do some serious, not-high thinking.

"Psst." Diego waved a hand at me. "Did you f.u.c.k Blanca?"

I grinned. At least there was a bright side to that-bragging rights, and a little taste of normalcy. Maybe continuing to sleep with girls would be the answer to all my problems. "Yeah, man. She"s a good lay."

Not that I remembered much of it.

"I bet. Jeremy...he a junior...he said she a tight little thing."

"Jeremy?" I frowned. "I thought Blanca was a virgin."

Diego burst out laughing. "Blanca a virgin? Yeah right, idiota idiota!"

"Diego and Alejandro!" Ms. Elridge snapped. "Come to the front right now!"

Aw, f.u.c.k.

I slid up toward her desk, trying to keep the thwack-thwack thwack-thwack of my flip-flops as quiet as possible. Diego walked over with his hands in his pockets, never dropping his cool-persona for a moment. I couldn"t help but find his defiance impressive. And maybe a little attractive. of my flip-flops as quiet as possible. Diego walked over with his hands in his pockets, never dropping his cool-persona for a moment. I couldn"t help but find his defiance impressive. And maybe a little attractive.

"A young lady"s virginity is not open for discussion in this school at any time, silent reading or otherwise."

Her face was all pinched, making little lines appear on her lips.

"If I hear you discussing it again, you can go to the office and discuss it with the princ.i.p.al."

"Yes, Ms. Elridge," we said in near-unison, then shuffled back to our seats. Diego didn"t look my way for the rest of the period.

Not really a good start to the morning...I should have known things would only go from bad to worse.

I tried to move a little faster to get out of the room when the bell sounded, since Ms. Elridge was already p.i.s.sed at me. But one of my flip-flops ended up flopping right off my foot, and I stumbled like a fool, getting a laugh from more than a few cla.s.smates. They sobered quickly, though, when Ms. Elridge zeroed in on me.

"Alejandro, I need to speak with you."

Everyone else dashed out of the room, before she could find some offense they"d committed as well.

"Yes, teacher?"

"Flip-flops in cla.s.s?" She raised her eyebrows menacingly. "You know that"s not appropriate foot wear for school. If there were an emergency-an earthquake or something-you would not be able to move quickly and safely."

We"d had to rush for gun lockdowns much more than for earthquakes, but she"d never bring that up.

"Sorry, teacher. I know I need new shoes, but I haven"t gotten them yet."

"And just what is that you"ve been wearing on your arm? Some kind of gang fashion statement?"

I glanced over at my paper-towel bandage and held back a snort of laughter. What kind of gang would be that stupid?

"No, ma"am. I just got a little...cut...and we ran out of Band-Aids."

Her eyes narrowed, like a predator picking up some kind of scent.

"Let me see. You might need to go to the nurse to get it cleaned up."

f.u.c.k!

"No, teacher, it"s okay. I promise."

"Alejandro." She tsked, opening her desk drawer to get out an office referral slip. "Take it off right now, and I"m writing you a pa.s.s to the nurse for a proper bandage."

Heaving a sigh, I carefully put my finger under the tape and ripped the paper away.

I heard her sharp intake of breath, and immediately knew I was in for trouble.

"That"s a burn, Alejandro!"

"Oh, yeah."

"Well, how did you get it?"

d.a.m.n. Story time.

An image of Juanita Romero flashed into my mind. Everyone in second grade had called her la monstrua la monstrua because of the strange, thickly puckered scars on her body. Turned out they were caused by burns, from when her because of the strange, thickly puckered scars on her body. Turned out they were caused by burns, from when her abuela abuela had spilled some boiling soup on her. I"d teased her that year, like all the rest, but at the moment, I might"ve called her had spilled some boiling soup on her. I"d teased her that year, like all the rest, but at the moment, I might"ve called her mi salvador mi salvador.

"Soup," I said with complete confidence. "I spilled some soup on myself."

But predator-Ms. Elridge one-upped me on that one right away. "What kind of soup?"

What kind of soup? Jesus, I didn"t know. My mom didn"t make soup. I didn"t like to eat soup. What kind of soup would a normal family be making? Did different soups make different kinds of burns?

And why was I taking so d.a.m.n long to answer?

"Um...ch-chicken soup."

Ms. Elridge"s eyes were narrowing into slits, and her brows were so furrowed they were going to meet in the middle. "Alejandro...did someone in your family do this to you?"

And that was when I made my biggest mistake.