Glancing to my right, I found a brunette in a sundress and a floppy hat eyeing me from just above the rims of her designer sungla.s.ses. A similarly dressed blonde was at her side, giggling.
"Oh, uh...sure. Thanks."
"It"s no problem. Glad to do my part to prevent skin cancer." She smiled, digging into a straw beach bag, and pulled out a bottle. "I"m Carrie, and this is my friend Jess. We cut cla.s.s today."
"Yeah. Thanks." I grabbed the sun block and ignored the introduction, turning back to Seb. "Here. Put out your hand."
He didn"t move.
"C"mon, man. I"m not gonna rub it on you myself."
But G.o.d how I wish I could.
"Seb..." I dangled the bottle over him. "If you don"t put out your hand so I can give you some, I"m gonna squirt it all over your face."
The corner of his lip twitched.
"I know you can hear me. Seriously. I"m opening the bottle now. I"m about to squeeze it..."
With his eyes still closed, he finally dragged his fingers out of the sand and held his hand up for me.
"Thought so." I grinned smugly.
I put a little lotion in his palm and waited, but he didn"t do anything with it.
"Seb, put it on. C"mon, don"t act like a r.e.t.a.r.d."
As soon as the stupid comment was out, my insides went cold. Why did I have to choose those those words? words?
But to my relief, he obediently reached up and rubbed it on his nose and cheeks. That was good enough for me-at least those seemed like the most important parts to protect. Besides, the time it would take to cover every inch of his exposed skin might further involve me with the girls, and I was pretty sure they had other things on their minds than just sun block.
"Here ya go." I handed back their bottle.
The brunette blinked, darting her gaze to the side to avoid eye contact. "Sure. Um, well, hope you and your...uh, friend have fun."
She and the blonde gathered up their stuff and moved away.
The exchange left me confused at first, and then a little disturbed once understanding sunk in. Since I"d met Seb, it seemed like everyone around me was figuring me out. Was it the way I looked at him? The way I talked to him? It was as if he"d activated some sort of gay vibe gene that continually gave me away. I wasn"t sure how I felt about that yet.
I lay back with Seb, squeezing handfuls of sand the way I wished I could squeeze his fingers. "It"s nice here, huh. I"m thinking we should stay...at least for a while."
A breeze blew past, tossing back strands of his blond hair. They were almost the same color as the sun-drenched sand.
"I mean, while I figure everything out, we might as well be some place nice. It"ll be like a vacation. I think we deserve that."
We lay together for some time, listening to the constant waves and the murmur of the crowd, until Seb"s stomach growled. At first it was just a quiet rumbling, but a few seconds later, it became a roar.
"d.a.m.n." I punched his shoulder, and he rolled onto his side to grin at me. "You"ve been pretty hungry lately. Maybe you"re still growing? I thought you"d been looking a little taller. You"re gonna be way taller than me, you jerk."
He sat up, sand falling from his arms and the side of his shirt.
"You wanna grab a bite to eat? Y"know, they"ve got fruit here, too, I think. Like the kind they were selling in Watts."
He got to his feet.
"All right." I dusted the remainder of the sand from his shirt with quick, forceful pats-instead of the slow, soft strokes I wanted to use. "Let"s go back up to all those street vendors."
On the crowded Venice boardwalk, we did find a stand selling fruit, though I was disappointed to learn that for the beautiful beach atmosphere we now had to pay three times as much money. But I"d already promised Seb, so I ordered a large full of pineapple, watermelon, and mango, splitting it between two cups. I got mine con todo con todo-salt, lime, and chile chile, but for Seb I only got salt and lime.
We settled at a small round plastic table, sticky with leftover fruit juice. I grabbed a couple of napkins to clear off the mess, and while my back was turned, Seb stuck his fork into my cup.
He speared a piece of pineapple and examined it curiously.
"That red stuff is chili," I told him. "It"s spicy. And I kinda got a lot, so I don"t know if you"ll like it."
Bringing the fork to his nose, he sniffed at the fruit.
"Try a bit first to see if you-"
He popped the whole thing in his mouth. Within seconds, his eyes went wide and it came right back out again, bouncing on the table top once before spinning off into the crowd and smacking a lady on her heel. She glanced around to try to find the offender, but the poor piece of pineapple was kicked away by the stampede before she could spot it.
Seb reached past my elbow to grab the other cup of fruit and began eating.
"You are being a total nut today, you know that?"
He smiled.
"Thanks."
I didn"t elaborate. He couldn"t possibly have understood that his silly behavior was taking me miles away from everything that had happened back in South Central. But I knew it wasn"t just because we were were miles away that I felt almost...at peace. Seb gave me something to concentrate on-a reason to keep going. And I couldn"t explain that to him. Even if he miles away that I felt almost...at peace. Seb gave me something to concentrate on-a reason to keep going. And I couldn"t explain that to him. Even if he did did understand, it was too much pressure to put on his slender shoulders. understand, it was too much pressure to put on his slender shoulders.
"Let"s walk for a bit," I suggested as a bearded man in a white turban rushed past on roller skates, playing an electric guitar. Seb was up and after him in a second.
At this rate, I"d be chasing him all day.
The roller-skating hippie wove around a ma.s.s of people gathered to watch some sort of street show, and I finally caught up to Seb-but only because he"d stopped to see what all the commotion was about. His legs were longer than mine, and I had a feeling he could outrun me easily if he tried.
"I think they"re break dancers," I whispered in his ear, though I couldn"t really see through the wall of people. "Who knew anyone still did that."
Seb pushed forward, sliding through the crowd to get a better view.
"Seb," I groaned, hitching up the backpack and going after him. Within seconds, though, my progress was blocked by a skinny white dude wearing impossibly tight pants, an impossibly tight t-shirt, and a sh.e.l.l necklace. I went to move around him but found my path still still cut off, by a bigger white guy in a similar outfit. A woman with a stroller prevented me from backtracking, so I decided to go straight through the duo, even if I had to resort to a little shoving. cut off, by a bigger white guy in a similar outfit. A woman with a stroller prevented me from backtracking, so I decided to go straight through the duo, even if I had to resort to a little shoving.
Except, there, once again, I was cut off-by two joined hands. The two white guys" hands. Two grown men, holding hands, in a crowd of people in the middle of the Venice boardwalk on a warm southern California day.
I froze, darting my eyes around to see if anyone else had noticed. n.o.body had. Or else they didn"t care, or were more interested in the people doing back flips and spinning on their heads to make a fuss.
A basket was pa.s.sed around for money, causing the crowd to thin as people tried to skip out on the obligation. The movement finally allowed me to get close to Seb.
"Let"s go. We"re not gonna waste our money watching some guy do a flip, and I don"t feel like getting heckled."
Seb bounced off eagerly, waiting for the next spectacle to catch his interest.
The handholding men also started to walk, a few feet in front of us, their fingers still entwined. I kept one eye on Seb to make sure he was near me, but the rest of my focus was on them. How long would they stay like that? Would anyone say anything? I knew not all places were like my home-not all places were dangerous dangerous-but I just hadn"t been around anyone so open before. And in a crowd, no less.
No one bothered them. A few pairs of eyes seemed to linger on them longer than they should, but Venice had so many other sights to offer-bodybuilders in speedos at the outdoor gym, pianists on the sidewalk, tons of shops and street vendors, and a homeless man building a dragon made of sand, complete with burning incense in its smoking nostrils. I guess gays in public didn"t really measure up to all that.
Seb darted off the path and into a shop selling figurines made of old car parts, and I rushed to follow. His delicate fingers floated over the shelves as he studied each creation.
Such nice fingers. The way they twitched when they fell back to his side almost made it seem like they were just...itching to be held.
Do it, a voice said.
But what about my promise to Suzie?
How is holding hands breaking that promise?
It wasn"t, of course. It didn"t have to mean anything. And Seb liked holding my hand. If I ever wanted to do it, Venice Beach seemed like the place.
He tilted his head to the side, observing a rusty metallic Wall-E. My pulse raced as I drew closer to him.
The Alex I"d once been would never have considered this. And not just because it wasn"t safe. I"d had a reputation to maintain, and handholding didn"t really fit in with the whole ready-to-kick-a.s.s image.
But I wasn"t that person anymore. I wasn"t sure who who I was now, but I wasn"t him. I was now, but I wasn"t him.
The backs of our hands touched, and I gradually slid my fingers around to lace them with his.
He didn"t look over.
"Just so I can keep track of you," I said quietly. "This way, the next time you decided to run off, I"ll be coming along for the ride."
He gently pulled me back into the sunshine, and a vein in my neck started to pulse. I kept my head still, but my eyes continued to scan our surroundings restlessly.
A family of Asian tourists stepped around us. A man walking a beagle pa.s.sed to my right. A few children stopped to point at a nearby seagull stealing popcorn. None of them noticed our hands.
Slowly, I turned my focus away from the crowds and toward the feel of Seb"s fingers wrapped neatly around mine. Touching him like this in broad daylight was completely...mind-blowing. In a way it was like the highs I used to get from drugs-it even had that slight undercurrent of guilt beneath the floating pleasure. Some small part of me must"ve felt I was crossing a line best left uncrossed, but the rest of my heart was completely sold.
Strange, how one tiny point of contact with Seb could make me so happy.
We continued down the sidewalk, stopping to browse the vendor tables so that Seb could see and feel everything. Occasionally he"d tear away from my hand, but after satisfying his curiosity he always returned and thrust his fingers back into mine. I thought maybe I saw a few pairs of eyes narrowing on us with disapproval, but I didn"t know who the h.e.l.l those people were, and I was pretty practiced at giving my own looks-looks that said mess with me and you"ll f.u.c.king regret it. mess with me and you"ll f.u.c.king regret it. I hadn"t had an opportunity to give those in a while, and I"d actually kind of missed it. I hadn"t had an opportunity to give those in a while, and I"d actually kind of missed it.
My own stomach was starting to demand something a little more substantial than fruit as we reached the end of Venice Beach, just at the point where the Santa Monica Ferris wheel could be seen in the distance.
Seb peeled off again and I followed him to a rickety table selling rocks and minerals, run by a redhead with matted dreads. She stood by patiently as Seb lifted and examined each stone.
"Seb," I said gently. "Don"t pick stuff up. If you break it we"ll get in trouble."
"Oh, no," the woman interrupted. "It"s important for you to touch and feel the energy of the rocks. He can go right ahead."
I raised an eyebrow at the odd comment and looked her over. She had on layers of cloth dresses and an old-fashioned military jacket, and behind the table there was a large camping backpack with several blankets and a sleeping bag attached.
"Your boyfriend seems most interested in the turquoise," she pointed out as he lifted a blue stone. "Certain cultures consider it a stone of communication-it opens the channels so that love can flow more freely. It can do wonders for a relationship."
"He"s not my boyfriend," I responded immediately, but there wasn"t the right amount of defensiveness in my tone. Just longing, actually.
"You I picture more as a red jasper man."
And you I picture as a freak who"s smoked one blunt too many.
I turned to Seb and whispered in his ear. "I"ll buy you something when we have more money, okay? But we can"t really waste what we have right now."
He put the stone down.
The lady didn"t seem all that disappointed by the loss of her potential sale. "Come back some time-I"m pretty much always here. If I get a hold of any red jasper, I"ll save it for you."
"Yeah, whatever." I put a hand on Seb"s shoulder to lead him away, but stopped when an idea struck me. "Hey, are you homeless?"
She pushed a dreadlock off her shoulder. "I choose not to live by social norms in a four-walled structure at the moment. I commune much better with my inner spirit when I am free of those restraints."
"And when you"re free of bills you can"t pay," I added. She scowled.
"If you"re here to pester me, you can beat it, kid. I might be homeless, but I have plenty of friends here and some of them would be willing to escort you away by force. Or I could just call the cops."
I grinned at how quickly her whole mystical mumbo-jumbo att.i.tude had disappeared. "Nah. Actually, I just had some questions...like where do you stay around here?"
Her eyes narrowed on my backpack and wrinkled clothes. "You guys runaways or something?"
I didn"t answer.
She sighed. "My suggestion for you would be to find some place away from the beach itself, and somewhere you can"t be seen from the main road. Maybe a vacant storefront-there"s a few of those up Lincoln. They usually have big planters and stuff you can set up behind. Stay out of the cop"s way, "cause you guys are minors and they"ll probably pick you up in a heartbeat. Oh, and you"ll need blankets. There"s an army surplus store a couple blocks north. Get some of those green flannel ones."
I was still in the sunshine, and there was only a slight ocean breeze, so there was no explaining the chill her words gave me. In just a few short hours, Seb and I would be facing our first night out on the streets.
"Well...uh, where are you going to go?"
I hadn"t meant to sound so pathetic, as though I was willing to follow this woman I"d just met like a lost little puppy. I just wanted a more concrete plan of action.
"Listen, hon, you should probably go home. He looks a little delicate and sleeping out here...isn"t always as fun as it seems."
"We don"t have a home."
She shook her head sadly. "I guess good luck, then. And hey, at least you have each other."
"Yeah." I nodded. And she was right. Things weren"t that bad, because I still had Seb.
I grabbed his hand. "C"mon. Let"s get going, maybe try to find a place like she said. And I"m gonna take you out for the best dinner a dollar can buy, just as soon as we find a McDonalds."
He smiled.