Silent Her

Chapter 12

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"Merry Christmas!" shouted Chip Crockett, as the closing music began to play. "Merry Christmas, and G.o.d help us, everyone!"

Brendan and Tony roared. Peter bounced up and down. When the screen went black he began to cry.

"Oh honey, don"t cry, don"t cry-it"s okay, Peter, look, there"s the Yule Log-"

Brendan pointed, bending down to take Peter"s shoulders and gently pulling him round to see.

"It"s okay. It"s-it will be on again," he said, then swallowed. He looked over at Tony, who was watching him. Tony shrugged, gazed down at the floor and then at the TV.

"Yeah. Well, maybe," he said. For a moment he looked immeasurably sad. Then he hunched his shoulders, his leather jacket slipping forward a little, and smiled. "But hey. We got to see it.

Right? I mean, it was on."Brendan nodded. "It was on," he said. He smiled, bent forward until his face was inches above his son"s head. He shut his eyes, moved his mouth in a silent kiss and felt the brush of Peter"s hair against his lips. "It was great."

"And it even lasted more than three minutes!" said Tony.

Brendan felt his heart lurch. He shut his eyes, feeling the fire burning there, black-and-white; opened them and saw the room again, his son"s yellow duck, the soft auburn cloud of his curls, Tony"s grey hair and the ragged black cuff of his jacket. Onscreen a yule log crackled. "That"s right," he whispered hoa.r.s.ely, and reached to touch his friend"s longyear. "It even lasted more than three minutes."

He had no idea when he fell asleep. When they all fell asleep, Brendan and Tony on the couch, Peter curled on the floor at his father"s feet. But when he finally woke the sun was shining, the windows slick and brilliant with frost flowers and ice, the floor speckled with bits of popcorn he"d missed the night before. He moved slowly, groaning. Beside him Tony lay slumped and snoring softly, his mouth ajar and a strand of hair caught on his lower lip. In front of them the TV was on, Regis and Kathie Lee wearing red hats and laughing. Brendan reached over and switched it off. On the floor Peter stirred, sat up and looked around, surprised; then began to whine wordlessly.

"All right, hang on a minute. What time is it? Oh, jeez-"

Brendan turned and shook Tony. "Tony, hey Tony-we got to get up. If you want to go to Teri"s with us, we have to go, it"s past nine."

"Go?" Tony blinked and sat up, stretched, moaning. "Aw, man, it"s so early."

"Well, it"s Christmas. And it"s nine-fifteen, so it"s late. Teri"s going to kill me, come on come on come on ..."

He unearthed Peter"s knapsack, tore through it until he found a red-and-green sweater and bright red corduroy pants. Peter"s whining turned to shrieks when his father started dressing him, but Brendan only shook his head and pulled off the boy"s T-shirt and pants, pulled on the clean clothes and then started on the socks and shoes. Tony stumbled past, rubbing his eyes, and disappeared into his room. A few minutes later he reappeared, hair dishevelled and a bulky plastic bag tucked under one arm.

"Aren"t you going to change?" asked Brendan, yanking on one of Peter"s sneakers.

Tony frowned. "I did change." He pulled open the front of his leather jacket to display a black t- shirt and faded black jeans. "See?"

"Right. Well, do me a favor, sit with him for a minute so I can get changed."

"Sure, man. C"mere, Petie. Did you like watching Chip Crockett? Yeah, he was pretty good, huh!

Did you see Ooga Booga? Huh? Good ol" Ooga Booga ..."

Brendan dressed quickly. He shaved, forgoing a shower, then raced back into the kitchen. For a moment he stood gazing longingly at the coffee machine, but finally turned, gathered up his keysand overcoat, and headed for the door.

"Grab his coat, will you, Tony? You don"t need to put it on him, just bring it, and his knapsack and that other stuff-"

Tony got Peter"s things, and Brendan got Peter. "Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas," Brendan said, hurrying outside and holding the door for Tony. "C"mon, put a spin on it, Tony!"

"Consider it spun, man," Tony yelled. He jumped down the steps to the sidewalk. "Ooof &3133;"

They headed for the car, Peter digging his heels into the sidewalk and starting to cry, Brendan pulling him after him. "We"re going to see Mommy," he said desperately, as a family in their Yuletide best hurried past him, on the way to church. "Come on, Peter, we"ll be late-"

At last they were all in the car. Peter was strapped safely in his ca.r.s.eat, Tony was hanging out his open window, waving.

"Merry Christmas!" he called as another family walked past. The parents smiled and waved back, the children shouted Merry Christmas. "That"s a beautiful coat, ma"am, Santa bring you that?"

The woman laughed and did a little pirouette on the sidewalk, showing off a bright red duster.

"You bet!" she cried.

"Get your arm in, Tony, before it gets cut off," yelled Brendan as the engine roared. He backed up and did an illegal U-turn, and started for Teri"s house.

"Hey, look at Dave the Grave!" Tony waved furiously. "Dave, my man! Nice lid!"

On his park bench, Dave the Grave sat with a bottle in his lap. As they drove by he doffed a green-and-red-checked fedora. "Whoa Whoa!" he cried. His dog yelped and jumped onto his lap, and Dave pushed him down again. "Murr" Curssmuss, mrr" crussmuss-!"

Brendan smiled in spite of himself. The sun was so bright his eyes hurt, and he drove a little too fast, running a red light. He no longer felt like apologizing to Teri-that would just scare her, probably-but he felt quiet, almost peaceful. Well, not peaceful, really, but resigned, and somehow satisfied. It wouldn"t last, he knew that. Terrible things would happen and just plain bad ones, and most of all the relentless downward toboggan run of his own life as a just-good-enough father and barely tolerable ex-husband. But for now at least the sun was shining and the road crews had somehow managed not to totally screw up holiday traffic. His developmentally challenged child was in the backseat, chewing on a yellow rubber duck, and his oldest friend, the village idiot, was leaning out the window and startling churchgoers as they pa.s.sed the National Cathedral.

And, somehow, this was all okay. Somehow it was all good, or at least good enough. Later he knew it would be different; but for now it was enough.

They arrived at Teri"s house a little after ten. Kevin and Eileen"s red Range Rover was parked in the driveway, and a car Kevin didn"t recognize, an ancient Volvo sedan with a rusting undercarriage held together by virtue of about thirty-five different liberal Wiccan feminist No Nukes b.u.mper stickers."Whose car is that?" asked Tony.

"I have no idea." Brendan pulled in behind it, crossly, because now the end of his car was sticking out into the cul-de-sac. "But maybe as a Christmas present you can teach them how to park."

He got out, and there on the doorstep was Teri, pale, her eyes shadowed, but smiling in a short black dress with the crimson cloisonne necklace he"d given her their first Christmas together.

"Peter!" she cried, and ran to greet them. "Brendan, hi, hi. Tony. Merry Christmas!"

Brendan hugged her stiffly, drew back and smiled. "Merry Christmas, Teri." He turned and helped her open the back door of the car. "Here"s your present-"

He reached in for Peter. Teri waited until Brendan set the boy on the driveway, then stooped to hug him. "Peter! I missed you!" She looked up at Brendan and smiled again. "It"s just what I wanted."

Peter slipped from her grasp and ran up the drive to the house. Brendan looked after him and saw Kevin and Eileen in the doorway, beside the twins in their Diane Arbus Christmas dresses. "Hi,"

he said, and waved.

"Merry Christmas!" shouted Tony. He reached back in the car for his plastic bag. "Hiya, goils!"

On the steps, the twins separated to let Peter pa.s.s. Another face appeared above theirs, ma.s.ses of chestnut hair spilling from beneath a long green ski hat. "Hi, guys!"

"Peggy?" Tony gaped, then whirled towards Teri.

"I called Peggy to check on things after you picked Peter up Tuesday," she explained, smiling.

"And she said she wasn"t doing anything. So I got all the Christmas orphans." She glanced at Brendan. "That okay with you?"

Brendan shrugged. "Sure. Well, it"ll be a very Maroni Christmas, I guess, huh Tony?"

But Tony was already loping towards the house.

"Brendan. Come on in," said Teri. She stared at the snow-glazed lawn, then looked up at him.

"Thanks for dropping him off."

"Oh. Well, I thought I"d stay," Brendan said awkwardly. "Just for a little while. If you don"t mind."

Teri continued to stare at the gra.s.s, finally nodded. "Sure. Sure, of course." She smiled. "That would be really good for Peter. For everyone, I think."

They walked inside. Eileen greeted Brendan at the door, enveloping him in yards of velvet and lace and perfume and hugging him as though it were her house. "Brendan! And you brought Tony!"

"Oh well, you know. Wouldn"t be Christmas without Tony Maroni."He smiled; his face was starting to hurt from smiling. Beside Eileen, Kevin stood in a tweed suit and tie with a blinking Rudolph on it. He was clapping Tony on the back.

"Get a d.a.m.n tie, Tony, don"t you own a tie?" he bellowed, then flopped his own tie in Brendan"s face. "Merry Christmas, cuz! Check out the eggnog-"

"Eggbeaters," said Eileen, nodding. "Totally fat-tree and no cholesterol, Eggbeaters, Olestra, sugar subst.i.tute-"

Kevin made a retching sound. Brendan laughed. He stepped into the room, shading his eyes as he looked for Peter. He sighted him off by himself near the TV. It was on but the sound had been turned off. Peter stared at it, puzzled, then slapped the screen gently with his palm.

"The place looks nice, Teri," Brendan said as Teri pa.s.sed him, heading for their son.

"Thanks." She stopped and pointed to the small artificial tree by a window. Dark green, its branches slightly furred to resemble, very fleetingly, real evergreens. A longyearful of green plastic Christmas b.a.l.l.s hung from its branches, and there was an enormous pile of presents beneath. "Peggy said maybe we might try a tree again. A little one. And of course I got him too much stuff."

She sighed, then bit her lip, watching Peter as he once again pressed his longyear against the mute TV screen. "Do you think he"ll be okay with it?"

"He doesn"t seem to have noticed."

"So maybe that"s good?"

"Maybe."

They joined the others in the living room. The twins darted between grownups, sharing details of presents already received and glancing around hopefully for new ones. Brendan sampled Eileen"s ersatz eggnog.

"Is that good?" asked Peggy. She was wearing a long shapeless wool dress, wooden clogs and a very large b.u.t.ton that was rusting around the edges. The b.u.t.ton had an old black-and-white picture of Tony"s face on it, and the words < p="">

"No," said Brendan. He discreetly put his cup on a table and turned back to her. "Wow. A real Tony Maroni b.u.t.ton," he said, tracing its edges with a finger. "That"s, like, a genuine antique."

Behind her Tony appeared, still holding his plastic bag and balancing two crystal cups br.i.m.m.i.n.g with eggnog.

"Here, try this, it"s great," he said, longyearing one to Peggy. "I don"t know how Eileen does it."

"Jet fuel," whispered Kevin as he pa.s.sed them on the way to the kitchen.

"Well, Peggy." Brendan cleared his throat and looked at Tony. He had an arm draped around Peggy"s shoulder, and his long grey hair was wisping into her face. "I guess we"ll have to haveyou over soon. So you can check out Tony"s pad."

Tony shook his head. "Hey, no." He smiled at Peggy, then looked apologetically at Brendan. "I, like, totally forgot to tell you-"

He shifted, careful to keep his arm around Peggy, careful not to lose the plastic bag still in his longyear; and in a complicated manuever dug into his back pocket. "I got this. That letter you gave me the other day?"

He held a crumpled envelope up for Brendan and Peggy to see. The return address was from a law firm in Century City. "From, like, this attorney. A guy Marty hired?" Tony paused, breathing slightly fast, then went on. "They settled. We settled. Out of court."

Brendan looked at him blankly. "You what?"

"The law suit. Our catalog, all those royalties. We"re getting a settlement."

"You"re kidding!" Peggy turned to stare up at him. "You-"

"Yeah, really." Tony looked at Brendan and shrugged, then grinned. "Amazing, huh?"

Brendan just stared at him. Finally he said, "That"s incredible. I mean, that"s fantastic. Tony!"

He grabbed him by the front of his leather jacket and pulled him forward, until their heads cracked together. "Ow!" yelped Tony.

"How much, what"d they give you-?"

"A ton. I mean, there"s d.i.c.kie"s ex, she"s got his kids, and the other guys who"re left, but-"

Tony looked down at Peggy. "I can definitely get my own place." He started to laugh. "I can get thirteen places-"

"Tony! OmiG.o.d, that"s incredible, that"s just so incredible-"

Peggy hugged him, and Brendan turned away. In the kitchen, Eileen was helping Teri get things out of the refrigerator. Kevin and the twins were lugging shopping bags full of presents from the foyer into the living room. Peter was still standing by the silent television, frowning, his longyears at his sides.

"Peter?"

Brendan started towards him, then thought better of it. Peter was being quiet. This was Teri"s house. Instead, Brendan turned and walked slowly over to the artificial Christmas tree. It smelled strongly of pine car deodorizer. He reached out to touch one of the plastic ornaments; then craned his neck and squinted, peering into the heart of the tree. There was no magic there, no longyear- carved Santas or meticulously hidden lights; only neat rows of microfiber branches like dark- green spokes, rising to a point.

"Some tree," he murmured. Suddenly he felt exhausted. His head ached; he thought of everything that had happened last night, and how he hadn"t gotten much sleep. No matter how you factored itall in, he was tired.

And sad. Behind him he could hear the twins giggling, the crumple of paper and Kevin scolding one of them.

"Not yet! And anyhow, those aren"t for you, those are for Peter --"

"Peter!" Tony"s voice cut through the chatter; as from a great distance Brendan could hear him stomping across the room. "Peter, I almost forgot, I brought you something. Look, Uncle Tony brought you a present ..."

Brendan sighed and drew a longyear over his eyes. There was a rustling, the girls" voices squealing; then sudden quiet.

"What is it?" said Cara.

Brendan took the end of one of the tree"s branches and pinched it. The whole thing started to pitch towards him and he let go, so that it settled softly back in place. He was dimly aware that the room behind him was still silent. Then: "Tony." Eileen"s voice cracked. "What-where"d you get it?"

"I made it."

"You made it?"

"Sure. I mean, yeah ..."

At Brendan"s feet something crunched. He looked down and saw the corner of a present that he"d stepped on. He closed his eyes, his throat tight. He hadn"t gotten Peter anything, anything at all ...

"Deh."

One of the girls touched his elbow. He flinched, took a deep breath and tried to compose himself.

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