"I got a letter to-night, father. He just mentioned that, but he doesn"t say much else about it. He"s at Abbeville now, on the Somme, and he says the Germans come over fairly often by night."
"Impossible!" snorted the old man, "I have it on the best possible authority that our air service is completely up to date now, and far better than the German. He must be exaggerating. They would never allow the enemy to out-distance us in so important a department. What else does he say?"
"Oh, nothing;" said Hilda, "or at least nothing about the war in a way.
It"s full of--of his work." She stopped abruptly.
"Well, well," said Mr. Lessing, "I was against his going at first; but it"s all shoulders to the wheel now, and it was plain he ought to see a little life out there. A young man who doesn"t won"t have much of a look in afterwards--that"s how _I_ reasoned it. And he works hard, does Graham; I"ve always said that for him, I expect he"s of great service to them. Eh, Hilda?"
"I don"t know," said the girl; "he doesn"t say. But he"s been chosen for some special work, lecturing or something, and that"s why he"s at Abbeville."
"Ah! Good! Special work, eh? He"ll go far yet, that fellow. I don"t know that I"d have chosen him for you, Hilda, at first, but this business has shaken us all up, and I shouldn"t be surprised if Graham comes to the front over it." He stopped as the maid came in, "I think I"ll have my coffee in the study, my dear," he said to Mrs. Lessing; "I have some reading to do."
When the two women were once more alone Mrs. Lessing put her cup down, and spoke. "What is it, dear?" she questioned.
Hilda did not look at her. The two, indeed, understood each other very well. "I can"t tell you here, mother," she said.
"Come, then, dear," said Mrs. Lessing, rising. "Let"s go to my room. Your father will be busy for some time, and we shall not be disturbed there."
She led the way, and lit a small gas fire. "I can"t be cold in my bedroom," she said; "and though I hate these things, they are better than nothing. Now, dear, what is it?"
Hilda seated herself on a footstool on the other side of the fire, and stared into it. The light shone on her fair skin and hair, and Mrs.
Lessing contemplated her with satisfaction from several points of view.
For one thing, Hilda was so sensible....
"What is it?" she asked again. "Your father saw nothing--men don"t; but you can"t hide from me, dear, that your letter has troubled you. Is Peter in trouble?"
Hilda shook her head. Then she said: "Well, at least, mother, not that sort of trouble. I told father truly; he"s been picked for special service."
"Well, then, what is it?" Mrs. Lessing was a trifle impatient.
"Mother," said Hilda, "I"ve known that he has not been happy ever since his arrival in France, but I"ve never properly understood why. Peter is queer in some ways, you know. You remember that sermon of his? He won"t be content with things; he"s always worrying. And now he writes dreadfully. He says..." She hesitated. Then, suddenly, she pulled out the letter. "Listen, mother," she said, and read what Peter had written in the club until the end. ""I am going to eat and drink with publicans and sinners; maybe I shall find my Master still there.""
If Langton could have seen Mrs. Lessing he would have smiled that cynical smile of his with much satisfaction. She was frankly horrified--rendered, in fact, almost speechless.
"Hilda!" she exclaimed. "What a thing to write to you! But what does he mean? Has he forgotten that he is a clergyman? Why, it"s positively blasphemous! He is speaking of Christ, I suppose. My poor girl, he must be mad. Surely you see that, dear."
Hilda stared on into the fire, and made no reply. Her mother hardly needed one, "Has he met another woman, Hilda?" she demanded.
"I don"t know; he doesn"t say so," said Hilda miserably. "But anyhow, I don"t see that that matters."
"Not matter, girl! Are you mad too? He is your fiance, isn"t he? Really, I think I must speak to your father."
Hilda turned her head slowly, and mother and daughter looked at each other. Mrs. Lessing was a woman of the world, but she was a good mother, and she read in her daughter"s eyes what every mother has to read sooner or later. It was as one woman to another, and not as mother to daughter, that she continued lamely: "Well, Hilda, what do you make of it all? What are you going to do?"
The girl looked away again, and a silence fell between them. Then she said, speaking in short, slow sentences:
"I will tell you what I make of it, mother. Peter"s gone beyond me, I think, now, that I have always feared a little that he might. Of course, he"s impetuous and headstrong, but it is more than that. He feels differently from me, from all of us. I can see that, though I don"t understand him a bit. I thought" (her voice faltered) "he loved me more.
He knows how I wanted him to get on in the Church, and how I would have helped him. But that"s nothing to him, or next to nothing. I think he doesn"t love me at all, mother, and never really did."
Mrs. Lessing threw her head back. "Then he"s a fool, my dear," she said emphatically. "You"re worth loving; you know it. I should think no more about him, Hilda."
Hilda"s hands tightened round her knees. "I can"t do that," she said.
Mrs. Lessing was impatient again. "Do you mean, Hilda, that if he persists in this--this madness, if he gives up the Church, for example, you will not break off the engagement? Mind you, that is the point. Every young man must have a bit of a fling, possibly even clergymen, I suppose, and they get over it. A sensible girl knows that. But if he ruins his prospects--surely, Hilda, you are not going to be a fool?"
The word had been spoken again. Peter had had something to say on it, and now the G.o.ds gave Hilda her chance. She stretched her fine hands out to the fire, and a new note came into her voice.
"A fool, mother? Oh no, I shan"t be a fool. A fool would follow him to the end of the world. A fool of a woman would give him all he wants for the sake of giving, and be content with nothing in return. I see that.
But I"m not made for that sort of foolery.... No, I shan"t be a fool."
Mrs. Lessing could not conceal her satisfaction. "Well, I am sure I am very glad to hear you say it, and so would your father be. We have not brought you up carefully for nothing, Hilda. You are a woman now, and I don"t believe in trying to force a woman against her will, but I am heartily glad, my dear, that you are so sensible. When you are as old as I am and have a daughter of your own, you will be glad that you have behaved so to-night."
Hilda got up, and put her hands behind her head, which was a favourite posture of hers. She stood looking down at her mother with a curious expression on her face. Mrs. Lessing could make nothing of it; she merely thought Hilda "queer"; she had travelled farther than she knew from youth.
"Shall I, mother?" said Hilda. "Yes, I expect I shall. I have been carefully brought up, as you say, so carefully that even now I can only just see what a fool might do, and I know quite well that I can"t do it.
After a while I shall no more see it than you do. I shall even probably forget that I ever did. So that is all. And because I love him, really, I don"t think I can even say "poor Peter!" That"s curious, isn"t it, mother?... Well, I think I"ll go to my room for a little. I won"t come in again. Good-night."
She bent and kissed Mrs. Lessing. Her mother held her arms a moment more.
"Then, what are you going to do?" she demanded.
Hilda freed herself, "Write and try to persuade him not to be a fool either, I think. Not that it"s any good. And then--wait and see." She walked to the floor, "Of course, this is just between us two, isn"t it, dear?" she said, playing with the handle.
"Of course," said her mother. "But do be sensible, dear, and don"t wait too long. It is much better not to play with these things--much better.
And do tell me how things go, darling, won"t you?"
"Oh yes," said Hilda slowly, "Oh yes I"ll tell you.... Good-night."
She pa.s.sed out and closed the door gently "I wonder why I can"t cry to-night?" she asked herself as she went to her room, and quite honestly she did not know.
Across the water Peter"s affairs were speeding up. If Hilda could have seen him that night she would probably have wept without difficulty, but for a much more superficial reason than the reason why she could not weep in London. And it came about in this way.
On the morning after the dinner Peter was moody, and declared lie would not go down to the office, but would take a novel out to the ca.n.a.l. He was in half a mind to go up and call at the hospital, but something held him back. Reflection showed him how near he had been to the fatal kiss the night before, and he did not wish, or, with the morning, he thought he did not wish, to see Julie so soon again. So he got his novel and went out to the ca.n.a.l, finding a place where last year"s leaves still lay thick, and one could lie at ease and read. We do these things all our days, and never learn the lesson.
Half-way through the morning he looked up to see Langton striding along towards him. He was walking quickly, with the air of one who brings news, and he delivered his message as soon as they were within earshot of each other. "Good news, Graham," he called out. "This tomfoolery is over.
They"ve heard from H.Q. that the whole stunt is postponed, and we"ve all to go back to our bases. Isn"t it like "em?" he demanded, as he came up.
"Old Jackson in the office is swearing like blazes. He"s had all his maps made and plans drawn up, etcetera and etcetera, and now they"re so much waste-paper. Jolly fortunate, any road." He sat down and got out a pipe.
Peter shut his book. "I"m glad," he said. "I"m sick of foolin" round here. Not but what it isn"t a decent enough place, but I prefer the other. There"s more doing. When do we go?"
"To-morrow. They"re getting our movement orders, yours to Havre, mine to Rouen. I put in a spoke for you, to get one via Rouen, but I don"t know if you will. It"s a vile journey otherwise."
"By Jove!" cried Peter. "I"ve an idea! Miss Gamelyn"s troop of motor-buses goes back to Havre to-morrow empty. Why shouldn"t I travel on them? Think I could work it?"
Langton puffed solemnly. "Sure, I should think," he said, "being a padre, anyway."
"What had I best do?"
"Oh, I should go and see Jackson and get him to "phone the hospital for you--that is, if you really want to go that way."