I sat and looked at her; yet, though I seemed to look at her only, the whole of the room with its furnishings is stamped clear and clean on my memory. Nell moved a little away and stood facing me.
"It grows late," she said softly, "and we must be early on the road.
I"ll bid you good-night, and go to my bed."
She came to me, holding out her hand; I did not take it, but she laid it for a moment on mine. Then she drew it away and moved towards the door.
I rose and followed her.
"I"ll see you safe on your way," said I in a low voice. She met my gaze for a moment, but made no answer in words. We were in the corridor now, and she led the way. Once she turned her head and again looked at me. It was a sullen face she saw, but still I followed.
"Tread lightly!" she whispered. "There"s her door; we pa.s.s it, and she would not love to know that you escorted me. She scorns you herself, and yet when another----" The sentence went unended.
In a tumult of feeling still I followed. I was half-mad with resentment against Barbara; swearing to myself that her scorn was nothing to me, I shrank from nothing to prove to my own mind the lie that my heart would not receive.
"The door!" whispered Nell, going delicately on her toes with uplifted forefinger.
I cannot tell why, but at the word I came to a stand. Nell, looking over her shoulder and seeing me stand, turned to front me. She smiled merrily, then frowned, then smiled again with raised eye-brows. I stood there, as though pinned to the spot. For now I had heard a sound from within. It came very softly. There was a stir as of someone moving, then a line of some soft sad song, falling in careless half-consciousness from saddened lips. The sound fell clear and plain on my ears, though I paid no heed to the words and have them not in my memory; I think that in them a maid spoke to her lover who left her, but I am not sure. I listened. The s.n.a.t.c.h died away, and the movement in the room ceased. All was still again, and Nell"s eyes were fixed on mine. I met them squarely, and thus for awhile we stood. Then came the unspoken question, cried from the eyes that were on mine in a thousand tones. I could trace the play of her face but dimly by the light of the smoky lantern, but her eyes I seemed to see bright and near. I had looked for scorn there, and, it might be, amus.e.m.e.nt. I seemed to see (perhaps the imperfect light played tricks), besides lure and raillery, reproach, sorrow, and, most strange of all, a sort of envy. Then came a smile, and ever so lightly her finger moved in beckoning. The song came no more through the closed door: my ears were empty of it, but not my heart; there it sounded still in its soft pleading cadence. Poor maid, whose lover left her! Poor maid, poor maid! I looked full at Nell, but did not move. The lids dropped over her eyes, and their lights went out. She turned and walked slowly and alone along the corridor. I watched her going, yes, wistfully I watched. But I did not follow, for the s.n.a.t.c.h of song rose in my heart. There was a door at the end of the pa.s.sage; she opened it and pa.s.sed through. For a moment it stood open, then a hand stole back and slowly drew it close. It was shut. The click of the lock rang loud and sharp through the silent house.
CHAPTER XX
THE VICAR"S PROPOSITION
I do not know how long I stood outside the door there in the pa.s.sage.
After awhile I began to move softly to and fro, more than once reaching the room where I was to sleep, but returning again to my old post. I was loth to forsake it. A strange desire was on me. I wished that the door would open, nay, to open it myself, and by my presence declare what was now so plain to me. But to her it would not have been plain; for now I was alone in the pa.s.sage, and there was nothing to show the thing which had come to me there, and there at last had left me. Yet it seemed monstrous that she should not know, possible to tell her to-night, certain that my shame-faced tongue would find no words to-morrow. It was a thing that must be said while the glow and the charm of it were still on me, or it would find no saying.
The light had burnt down very low, and gave forth a dim fitful glare, hardly conquering the darkness. Now, again, I was standing still, lost in my struggle. Presently, with glad amazement, as though there had come an unlooked-for answer to my prayer, I heard a light step within.
The footfalls seemed to hesitate; then they came again, the bolt of the door shot back, and a crack of faint light shewed. "Who"s there?" asked Barbara"s voice, trembling with alarm or some other agitation which made her tones quick and timid. I made no answer. The door opened a little wider. I saw her face as she looked out, half-fearful, yet surely also half-expectant. Much as I had desired her coming, I would willingly have escaped now, for I did not know what to say to her. I had rehea.r.s.ed my speech a hundred times; the moment for its utterance found me dumb. Yet the impulse I had felt was still on me, though it failed to give me words.
"I thought it was you," she whispered. "Why are you there? Do you want me?"
Lame and halting came my answer.
"I was only pa.s.sing by on my way to bed," I stammered. "I"m sorry I roused you."
"I wasn"t asleep," said she. Then after a pause she added, "I--I thought you had been there some time. Good-night."
She bade me good-night, but yet seemed to wait for me to speak; since I was still silent she added, "Is our companion gone to bed?"
"Some little while back," said I. Then raising my eyes to her face, I said, "I"m sorry that you don"t sleep."
"Alas, we both have our sorrows," she returned with a doleful smile.
Again there was a pause.
"Good-night," said Barbara.
"Good-night," said I.
She drew back, the door closed, I was alone again in the pa.s.sage.
Now if any man--nay, if every man--who reads my history, at this place close the leaves on his thumb and call Simon Dale a fool, I will not complain of him; but if he be moved to fling the book away for good and all, not enduring more of such a fool as Simon Dale, why I will humbly ask him if he hath never rehea.r.s.ed brave speeches for his mistress"s ear and found himself tongue-tied in her presence? And if he hath, what did he then? I wager that, while calling himself a dolt with most hearty honesty, yet he set some of the blame on her shoulders, crying that he would have spoken had she opened the way, that it was her reticence, her distance, her coldness, which froze his eloquence; and that to any other lady in the whole world he could have poured forth words so full of fire that they must have inflamed her to a pa.s.sion like to his own and burnt down every barrier which parted her heart from his. Therefore at that moment he searched for accusations against her, and found a bitter-tasting comfort in every offence that she had given him, and made treasure of any scornful speech, rescuing himself from the extreme of foolishness by such excuse as harshness might afford. Now Barbara Quinton had told Mistress Nell that I was forward for my station. What man could, what man would, lay bare his heart to a lady who held him to be forward for his station?
These meditations took me to my chamber, whither I might have gone an hour before, and lasted me fully two hours after I had stretched myself upon the bed. Then I slept heavily; when I woke it was high morning. I lay there a little while, thinking with no pleasure of the journey before me. Then having risen and dressed hastily, I made my way to the room where Nell and I had talked the night before. I did not know in what mood I should find her, but I desired to see her alone and beg her to come to some truce with Mistress Quinton, lest our day"s travelling should be over thorns. She was not in the room when I came there.
Looking out of window I perceived the coach at the door; the host was giving an eye to the horses, and I hailed him. He ran in and a moment later entered the room.
"At what hour are we to set out?" I asked.
"When you will," said he.
"Have you no orders then from Mistress Gwyn?"
"She left none with me, sir."
"Left none?" I cried, amazed.
A smile came on his lips and his eyes twinkled.
"Now I thought it!" said he with a chuckle. "You didn"t know her purpose? She has hired a post-chaise and set out two hours ago, telling me that you and the other lady would travel as well without her, and that, for her part, she was weary of both of you. But she left a message for you. See, it lies there on the table."
A little packet was on the table; I took it up. The innkeeper"s eyes were fixed on me in obvious curiosity and amus.e.m.e.nt. I was not minded to afford him more entertainment than I need, and bade him begone before I opened the packet. He withdrew reluctantly. Then I unfastened Nell"s parcel. It contained ten guineas wrapped in white paper, and on the inside of the paper was written in a most laborious awkward scrawl (I fear the execution of it gave poor Nell much pains), "In pay for your dagger. E.G." It was all of her hand I had ever seen; the brief message seemed to speak a sadness in her. Perhaps I deluded myself; her skill with the pen would not serve her far. She had gone, that was the sum of it, and I was grieved that she had gone in this fashion.
With the piece of paper still in my hands, the guineas also still standing in a little pile on the table, I turned to find Barbara Quinton in the doorway of the room. Her air was timid, as though she were not sure of welcome, and something of the night"s embarra.s.sment still hung about her. She looked round as though in search for somebody.
"I am alone here," said I, answering her glance.
"But she? Mistress----?"
"She"s gone," said I. "I haven"t seen her. The innkeeper tells me that she has been gone these two hours. But she has left us the coach and----" I walked to the window and looked out. "Yes, and my horse is there, and her servant with his horse."
"But why is she gone? Hasn"t she left----?"
"She has left ten guineas also," said I, pointing to the pile on the table.
"And no reason for her going?"
"Unless this be one," I answered, holding out the piece of paper.
"I won"t read it," said Barbara.
"It says only, "In pay for your dagger.""
"Then it gives no reason."
"Why, no, it gives none," said I.
"It"s very strange," murmured Barbara, looking not at me but past me.