OCTOBER 6.
My position keeps me very busy. In a mining district accidents occur almost daily. Besides, the whisky fiend has to be reckoned with, leading, as it does, to all sorts of excesses, brawls, and murderous a.s.saults. Scarcely a day pa.s.ses but that I have to make trips into the country, which offers small cheer now in the grey autumn weather and in this dispiriting region. My disposition, naturally inclined to be sombre, becomes still more melancholy; and when I ride through the rain-soaked country, past forges, furnaces, and culm heaps, covered with a thick pall of smoke, with the immediate prospect of seeing dead or injured victims, and having to set down a record of human misery and woe, my mood becomes ever blacker and blacker. I never find time to attend to patients among the upper cla.s.ses. I believe I am given up as a hopeless case--a Jewish Kreisphysikus, sans wife, who doesn"t seek introductions, must be either an abnormality or a capricious, stuck-up fool, at any rate a person not to be reckoned with seriously. My colleagues probably have the same opinion of me. After the inevitable initial formalities, I did not come in contact with them; if chance brings us together, we give each other a cool if courteous greeting.
This exclusiveness has its advantages. The time left free from my duties belongs to me entirely, and I do not spend it thriftlessly in society to which I am indifferent. It has not been my experience that intercourse with many people is of any profit. One gets so little, and gives so much, much too much of what is best and n.o.blest in one"s nature, especially if one is a man of feeling, intellect, and ardent temperament. The strongest chord is almost never touched. In the most favorable circ.u.mstances, the exchange of courtesies is purely formal, and the acts of friendship are entirely perfunctory. These merely external amenities make men vulgar and untrue, I would not like to use an even stronger expression and say dishonest. Heine"s words occur to me:
Weisse, hofliche Manschetten, Ach wenn sie nur Herzen hatten, Herzen in der Brust und Liebe,--wahre Liebe in den Herzen, Denn mich totet ihr Gesinge von erlogenen Liebesschmerzen.
Perhaps such principles produce loneliness; but they strengthen one; at all events they do not embitter the mind and spirit, as some maintain. I have never been sadder than in the midst of many people, among whom I did not find--one human being! And nothing has a happier influence on me than to find a human being where I least expect one--Simon Eichelkatz, for example.
Yesterday, after an interval of several days, I went to see him late in the evening. I was worn out and unnerved by my official visit to a neighboring place, the centre of the Silesian coal-mining district. Two workmen had gotten into a fight in a tavern, and the host, in trying to separate them and smooth over their differences, himself became enraged and threw out the more aggressive of the two. The reeling, sodden wretch lost his balance, and, tumbling down the steps, knocked his head on a stone. His skull was crushed, and he died in a few minutes from contusion of the brain. When I reached the spot, a mob of wild, excited forms had gathered about the scene of the drama. Policemen stood on guard; and a cloth covered the corpse, which was not to be disturbed until after an inspection by the officials of the locality. I could do nothing more than affirm that the victim was dead, the examination showed that death had occurred as a result of a fall caused by violent mishandling. The author of the deed was a Jew. He was immediately imprisoned, and with great difficulty was withdrawn from the summary lynch-justice of the enraged crowd. Defrauded of the prisoner, they turned against his family and his property. The windows of his house were smashed in; the shop was utterly destroyed, and the whisky--that ruinous, unholy "dispeller of cares "--flowed from the casks into the street. His wife and children tried to save their goods and possessions from the fury of the vandals, but received kicks and blows for their efforts. It was a horrid scene. The policemen did not succeed in restoring order and quiet for some time. Is it possible they had not received sufficient power from the authorities? Was there some other reason? At any rate I had to interpose and try to allay the turmoil. At last the crowd dispersed; but ever and again the echo reached my ears of a.s.sa.s.sin--murderer--Jew--a.s.sa.s.sin--dirty thief--cheat--Jew--Jew--liar.
All this had utterly depressed and unnerved me. I really wanted to stay at home; but I reconsidered and decided it was better to subst.i.tute a pure, peaceful picture for these torturing impressions, and I went to my old friend. I found him gay and friendly as ever, despite the lateness of the hour. But my mood did not escape his searching gaze; and on his questioning me, I told him what had happened. As was his wont, he rubbed his forehead with his forefinger and thumb, and looked thoughtfully into s.p.a.ce. Finally he said:
"That"s the way it is to-day, and that"s the way it"s always been. If a man of some other religion commits a wrong, it"s a bad man that did it; but if it happens among our people, then it"s the "Jew"! That"s a bitter pill we have to swallow, Herr Doktor, a very bitter pill. But it _is_ so, and it doesn"t change, even though the world is said to be so cultured and progressive, and humane--the Jew remains a Jew! In the eyes of the _Goy_ he"s something peculiar, something disgraceful! And for that reason the Jews must stick to the Jew; because the others don"t, and never did, and never will. We have nothing to expect or hope from them--and we needn"t be afraid of them, neither, we Jews, if we stick together. Then, if something should happen as to-day, Herr Kreisphysikus, it"s a misfortune, but not a calamity. Because the man who did it, is a wicked brute who by accident is a Jew, and might just as well have been a Goy. What has religion to do with these matters, anyhow? Does a Goy do something bad because he"s a Christian, or a Jew because he"s an Israelite? Religion teaches both of them to be good, upright, and pious; and if they aren"t, how can religion help it?
Religion is not to be blamed; only good can result from religion.
Whether Jew or Christian, it remains the same. Each can learn from his own religion; for there is something moral in every religion; and for that reason everybody should honor his own religion and stick to it. The deeds of men must be judged according to the nature of each man, not according to his religion. Because, if the Jew at Raudnitz chucked out the _Shikker_ so roughly that he died, the Jew did it because he has an angry, wild, ungovernable temper. Do you suppose he was thinking of his religion? If he only had! The Shikker would be alive if he had. Because the Jewish belief forbids the Jew to be sinful or violent, and to kill; just as their belief forbids the Goyim. And the world won"t be better until all understand that a man must have respect for his neighbor, because he is a man. When each and everyone feels that he is master of his honor and his dignity, he will also find his rights--not as a Jew and not as a Christian, but as a man!"
I stared at the old man fixedly. Whence these ideas on the rights and dignity of man? Whence these opinions animated by the spirit of humanitarianism? Here, in the Jewish community? If he had suddenly begun to unriddle the problem of "the thing in itself," I should scarcely have been astonished. Notions had arisen in the mind of this simple man, on the philosophy of human rights and the philosophy of religion, worthy of a great scholar, although he had never heard a word of the notable thinkers who had constructed these ideas into an enduring cosmic edifice.
OCTOBER 11.
The affair in Raudnitz had a sad sequel, and gave me a great deal to do.
The prisoner hanged himself in jail. The coroner"s inquest and the attendant formalities occupied most of my time. I was compelled to drive repeatedly to Raudnitz, and I became acquainted with the unfortunate family of the accused who had taken justice into his own hands. The wife, well-mannered, had a rather hard expression; the two daughters were educated and well-bred; the aged mother of the man was pathetic in her old Jewish humility and pious resignation. A fearful fate had overtaken the unsuspecting folk who a few days before had been living in quiet happiness. I asked the woman what could possibly have driven her husband to his desperate deed. In the most unfavorable circ.u.mstances he would have been punished for homicide through carelessness, and the sentence would certainly have been light, since he could have proved that the fatal fall of the victim was primarily due to his drunkenness.
"But the shame, Herr Doktor, the shame. For months he would have been in jail undergoing examination and cross-questioning; then he"d surely have remained in prison a couple of years--for they would never have acquitted him entirely. He didn"t want to live through all that--the shame, Herr Kreisphysikus, shame before his children, and the sorrow for his mother. It would have lasted years, long, long years; and so he ended it at one stroke. He knew me, and he felt sure I wouldn"t lose my head, and would provide for the children. He was certain of it, and knew he would be a greater burden to his family if he was buried alive in prison than if lying dead beneath the earth. It is terribly painful, but there is an end of it; the other would have been an eternal shame.
That is the way he reasoned; he killed himself for the sake of his children."
I shuddered, when I heard the affair discussed so rationally and cold-bloodedly. Was it heartlessness or keensightedness that made them so hard and unloving? Hadn"t the woman loved and respected her husband?
Yet did she not judge his deed as the outcome of reasoned consideration, his voluntary death as a sacrifice to his family, as a martyr"s death?
A question rose to my lips.
"But tell me, my dear Mrs. Schlochauer, your husband must surely have thought that he would hurt you deeply, you with whom he lived happily and whom he certainly loved and respected. And he must have felt that he would give his old mother infinite pain."
An odd smile drew the corners of her mouth, and some moments pa.s.sed before she roused herself from a sort of trance, and said: "His mother is very old, Herr Doktor, eighty-two years old; she hasn"t much more to expect from life, I am sure he thought of that. And as for his love for me "--she hesitated--"he was always considerate of me, and respectful, but love? In a decent Jewish family the love of man and wife is their love for their children."
What had moved the soul of this woman to such conclusions on married life?
Yesterday I learned by chance that she was the daughter of a teacher in Beuthen, and had herself been trained as a teacher. The community had granted her a scholarship, to complete her course for the teacher"s examinations at the Seminary in Breslau. There she became acquainted with a young painter, a Christian, and a love affair, as pure as it was ardent, developed between them. When her parents heard of the affair, they made her come home immediately. Her studies were interrupted, and she took up life again in her parents" house, the fountain of her emotions sealed, the bitter sorrow of an unhappy love swelling her heart. What was her inner development after this first, hard disillusionment, this spiritual conflict? Who can tell?
When, some years later, the first flush of youth past, her father expressed to her his wish that she marry Schlochauer in Raudnitz, the well-to-do proprietor of a distillery, in order to lighten his own troubles in bringing up his numerous offspring, she obeyed without a murmur. Her husband respected her, and offered no objection to her a.s.sisting her family and so enabling her brothers to study. He loved her, too--for she presented him with four children. Two died young--and as for the two remaining daughters, she would provide for them carefully. Her husband would not be deceived in her; the sacrifice of his life was not made in vain.
"When everything is settled, Herr Kreisphysikus, I am going to sell the business and the house, and move to Berlin. We have some means, Herr Doktor; my husband was a good manager. In Berlin we are not well known; and gra.s.s grows over everything that happens. No matter if a person here and there knows something about it; it is quickly forgotten. People have no time there to gossip about private affairs. I have three brothers in Berlin, all in respected positions. So, in the large city, I shall live free from care with my daughters; they are still young and will get over the pain and horror of the present."
"And you, Frau Schlochauer?" I hastily asked.
"I? I shall do my duty."
The words sounded so natural, yet it made a painful impression on me to see how collected she was, how quietly and circ.u.mspectly she looked into the future from out of the confusion and distress of the moment. Perhaps she divined the course of my thoughts, for suddenly she continued:
"Don"t wonder that I speak of this matter so calmly. You become accustomed to such things if for twenty years you live with a business man in this neighborhood, among such rude, rough folk. You learn to be on the lookout, to be careful and practical. And you forget that once you regarded the world with different eyes."
She uttered the last words softly, with downward glance. When I heard the history of her youth yesterday, I saw her in my mind"s eye again, and a feeling of boundless pity for this woman swept over me--not for what she was suffering now--now that she was steeled and experienced--but for her youth, the youth she had lost because practical considerations and hindrances determined the course of her life.
But now I must tell about a remarkable acquaintance I made yesterday, the man who told me what I know of Frau Schlochauer"s history. He introduces some humor into the affair.
"Herr Jonas Goldstucker."
The visiting card with this name printed in large Roman characters lies before me and seems to throw a crafty and comical smile at me. In fact my new acquaintance is very amusing. The card was brought in to me at the end of my afternoon office hours. Herr Jonas Goldstucker! I thought it was a patient, and had him admitted even though the time for receiving patients was past. A few moments later an elderly man sat before me, well-preserved and decently dressed. He was perfectly open in letting his curious gaze rove through my room, and I felt that in a minute period of time he had a thorough survey. His inventory took in all the objects in the room, myself included. His sly eyes seemed ever to be investigating and inspecting, and although he frequently pressed them shut, or glanced into s.p.a.ce over his nickel-plated _pince-nez_, one felt correctly catalogued and pigeonholed. Herr Jonas Goldstucker began to interest me. Without waiting for me to ask his business, he said:
"I knew, Herr Kreisphysikus, that you always stay at home a little while after your office hours, and that"s the reason I chose this time for coming to you; I thought we would not be disturbed now."
So he was acquainted with my habits, with something about my private life; he wanted to speak to me without outside interruption--did this man know of some secret? Did a matter calling for discretion lead him to me? But he gave me no time for surmise, and added:
"You certainly don"t run after practice among well-to-do patients; no one can reproach you with that--you live like a hermit; and outside of Simon Eichelkatz no one has had the honor of seeing you at his home."
My face must have looked very stupid, or it must have expressed great amazement at his intimate tone and his familiarity with my affairs; because he laughed and said:
"Yes, Herr Kreisphysikus, in a little town you get to know people, and all about them."
"But I don"t know _you_," I interrupted, my patience at last exhausted.
"I am Jonas Goldstucker."
"So your card tells me. But I should like to permit myself the question, to what I owe the honor of your visit."
"O, you"ll soon find out, Herr Kreisphysikus. I am not sick, as you see.
Quite another reason brings me to you. But if I should need medical advice, I shall not fail to come to you, although Sanitatsrat Ehrlich has been treating me for six years--since the time his daughter Annie married Herr Rechtsanwalt Bobrecker of Leobschutz. An excellent match.
Any day Bobrecker might have gotten sixty thousand marks, and Lowenberg, the wool manufacturer in Oppeln, would have given him as much as seventy-five thousand, but he wanted to marry a girl from an educated family, and no other. Well, the daughter of Sanitatsrat Ehrlich is no vain delusion."
My breath was completely taken away by this information regarding private matters.
Next came the abrupt question:
"In general, Herr Kreisphysikus, are you in favor of wet or dry treatment in rheumatism?"
A patient after all! I breathed more freely. Herr Jonas Goldstucker had given me a creepy sensation.
"I don"t understand what you mean by that."
"I mean, are you in favor of ma.s.sage and electricity or in favor of baths?"
The impudent a.s.surance of the question utterly astounded me, and I wanted to give him a brusque reply, when he continued:
"Sanitatsrat Ehrlich is an excellent physician; but he"s a bit antiquated already, Herr Kreisphysikus. The young doctors of to-day make a much more lymphatic impression."