Mary pulled the sheet up to Sinjun"s chin and patted his shoulder. "Och, and that"s the truth, la.s.s."
"Go get some rest, Mary, I"ll stay with Sinjun."
"Are ye sure?"
"Aye. I couldn"t sleep while he"s like this anyway."
Christy pulled a chair up to the bed and took Sinjun"s lax hand into hers, willing her own life into him. She sat beside him all day and into the night, refusing to leave when Margot offered to take her place at Sinjun"s side. She wanted to be the first person Sinjun saw when he awakened.
Fear was Christy"s constant companion during those long hours. She had no idea how Sinjun would feel about her when he came to. Did he believe Calum"s claim that she was his mistress? What had brought him to the Highlands? He must have left London shortly after her own departure to reach Glenmoor within days of her own arrival.
Christy left Sinjun"s side but briefly during the following three days. During that time he remained comatose and feverish. Mary dosed him with tea made from mandrake root for pain, and she spread marigold salve on his wound each time she changed his bandage. She also prepared an herbal mixture, which Christy patiently spooned into his mouth, to ease his fever. Then she dutifully ma.s.saged his throat until he swallowed.
On the fifth day Sinjun opened his eyes and spoke his first word since being wounded. "Christy..."
Incredible joy surged though Christy when she heard him whisper her name. "I"m right here, Sinjun."
Though clouded with pain, his eyes were clear and lucid. "How long....."
She placed a finger over his lips. "Don"t talk. Save your strength. You"ve been like this for five days, but you"re getting better."
Sinjun stared at her, concentrating on her words. She squeezed his hand and he squeezed back, indicating that he understood. He searched her face. She looked exhausted. Had she been sitting with him the entire five days? She"d been through too much; he didn"t want her to jeopardize her own health by playing nursemaid. His mouth worked noiselessly a few moments before he was able to form the words he wanted to say. But he was so tired he didn"t know if he could stay awake long enough to make his wishes known.
"Christy..."
"Aye."
"I don"t want you..." The effort to complete the sentence defeated him. His words fell away, and his eyes fluttered shut.
Despair settled over Christy. She understood perfectly what Sinjun was trying to convey. He was trying to tell her he didn"t want her. Pain kicked her in the gut. She had lied to him too often for him to believe that nothing had happened between her and Calum. Oh, G.o.d, what was she to do?
Another day pa.s.sed before Mary p.r.o.nounced Sinjun out of danger and well on the road to recovery. Christy felt as if a great weight had been lifted from her, but she was now faced with a far greater fear. Once Sinjun recovered from his injury, would he sever all ties with her and refuse her access to Niall?
Sinjun showed moments of awareness throughout the day, and Christy waited for him to bring up the subject he"d briefly referred to the day before. She found him awake when she entered his room to feed him some broth Mary had made for him.
"How do you feel?"
"Like ... b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l. What ... happened?"
"Don"t you remember?"
"Vaguely."
"You beat Calum fairly in a duel and gave him the choice of swearing fealty or accepting death. He knelt at my feet as if to swear fealty, but grabbed his dirk instead and stabbed you. The b.u.t.ton on your shirt deflected the blow away from your heart but the wound was still a grave one. You were very lucky, Sinjun."
"Who do I have to thank for saving my life?"
"Mary, mostly. She knows a great deal about healing."
He stared at Christy in rapt silence. She fidgeted beneath his probing gaze, wishing he"d just come out and say what he was thinking.
"What is it, Sinjun? Is something wrong?"
"You look exhausted. Are you well?" He ma.s.saged his temples. "I can"t seem to think straight. I seem to recall..." His voice faltered. "I thought I told you I didn"t want you..."
She placed a finger against his lips. "Say no more. I know what you"re going to say."
He looked confused. "You do?"
"I don"t wish to discuss this now. You"re too weak yet for a serious discussion. I know exactly what you"re trying to tell me, Sinjun, and one day soon we"ll talk, but not now."
"You"re not making sense, so perhaps you"re right I"m not thinking clearly enough to understand you. Just tell me this. What happened to Calum?"
"Rory killed him. If he hadn"t, Murdoch would have. It turned out all right, though. Donald is the Cameron chieftain now, and he"s not as hotheaded or as ambitious as Calum. There will be no more feuding."
Christy realized Sinjun hadn"t heard her, for his eyes were closed, and his chest rose and fell in an even cadence. She tiptoed from the chamber and closed the door behind her.
"Ye can"t be serious, la.s.s," Margot argued as Christy stuffed clothing into a valise.
"I can"t wait any longer, Margot. The only reason I stayed this long was to make certain Sinjun was going to recover. He said nothing to indicate he wants me or cares about me."
"Has he told ye he doesna want ye?"
"Aye. He said the words loud and clear. Once Sinjun recovers and returns to London, I"ll be barred from entering his house. I"ll never see my son again."
"What mischief have ye hatched now, la.s.s?"
"No mischief, Margot. This is survival. I can"t live without Niall. I"m going to London and that"s final."
"Where will ye and Niall go?"
"I don"t know, but I"ll think of something. Sinjun won"t look for us forever. He"s easily distracted in London. A new woman. A gambling h.e.l.l. The races. He"ll soon pick up where he left off, racketing around town with a new mistress."
"Are ye sure, Christy? Did ye ever find out what brought Sinjun to Glenmoor?"
"I ... there wasn"t time. I have to do this, Margot, for my son"s sake. He needs me, and I need him."
"Do ye love Sinjun?"
Christy gave a bitter laugh. "Love him? I"m head over heels, for all the good it does me. I"ve hurt him, lied to him, deceived him. How can I expect him to forgive me? He"ll never understand my loyalty to my clan, for he"s never taken responsibility seriously. It"s not that he shunned responsibility, it"s that he simply could not summon enough interest to care about anything except his own pleasure. Few legitimate pursuits held his attention for long, unless they earned him some form of wicked delight."
"Ye judge him harshly, la.s.s."
A tear trickled down her cheek. "Don"t you see? I have to judge him harshly else I wouldn"t be able to leave him. That"s how much I love him. I"m almost packed, would you ask Rory to bring the coach around?"
"Aye, I"ll tell him."
"Margot, wait. I regret taking Rory away from you and Angus again, but it won"t be for long this time. I"ll send him back as soon as I reach London."
"What am I to tell his lordship?"
"The truth. Tell him I missed Niall. There"s nothing more he needs to know."
"Will ye send word when ye settle some place?"
"Aye. Don"t worry, Margot, Niall and I will be just fine. This time I won"t make the mistake of staying where Sinjun can find us."
"G.o.d go with ye, Christy."
Sinjun was restless and strangely disturbed. He hadn"t seen Christy all day and hoped it was because she was resting. She"d spent too many hours caring for him, and it showed. Her face was pale and drawn, and the fragile skin beneath her eyes was bruised with dark shadows.
Both Mary and Margot had bustled in and out of his chamber at various times, but neither seemed inclined to stay and chat. He supposed he wasn"t the best of patients. He was so weak that he couldn"t accomplish for himself even the most menial of tasks, which was embarra.s.sing in the extreme. Though the thought galled, he feared he was in for a lengthy recovery. He hated to leave Niall without either of his parents for so long a time, but there was no help for it. When he and Christy returned to London, they would start over and become a real family.
Taking on responsibility was new to Sinjun, and having a son had changed his entire outlook on life. It didn"t matter to him that Calum had forced himself on Christy, for he knew it wasn"t something she had wanted. He prayed that one day she could forget that terrible ordeal. Christy had been unwilling to discuss what had happened between her and Calum, and Sinjun couldn"t wait to tell her it didn"t matter to him. He even understood now why she had left London against his wishes.
He understood a great deal, thanks to Emma"s enlightening lecture. He and Christy had a lot to resolve if they wanted to salvage their marriage, but Sinjun felt their future happiness was worth the effort.
Sinjun felt somewhat stronger the next day and waited anxiously for Christy"s visit. He felt the first stirrings of misgiving when Margot, instead of Christy, brought his breakfast of broth and gruel.
"Is Christy ill?" he asked after he dutifully swallowed the spoonful of gruel Margot offered.
"Nay."
He swallowed another spoonful. "I can feed myself."
"Yer not strong enough yet."
"b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l! Will you stop pampering me? Where"s Christy? Tell her I want to see her."
Margot"s lips thinned. "She isna here."
"Not here!" Sinjun tried to rise, but pain and weakness forced him back down. "Where is she?" he asked more reasonably.
"She missed her bairn."
Sinjun felt as if his world had been ripped apart. "Are you saying Christy went to London? Without telling me?"
"Yer as quick-witted as ever," Margot said dryly.
"Did she leave a message for me?"
Margot shook her head and tried to shove another spoonful of gruel between his clenched teeth. Cursing, Sinjun flung her hand aside. Gruel splattered everywhere.
"b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l! Take that d.a.m.n gruel away and bring me something substantial to eat The sooner I regain my strength the sooner I can leave this bed."
"Yer stomach carina handle it."
"Blast my stomach! Blast this entire household and blast my wife! How could one small woman cause so much turmoil in my life? Christy has been nothing but trouble since the day she walked into that masked ball in London. She"s intrusive, contradictory, maddening."
""Tisna an unusual feeling for someone in love," Margot observed.
Sinjun spit out a curse. Love! What good was love, when his headstrong wife defied him at every turn? When he caught up with her he"d shake her until her teeth rattled; he"d blister her beautiful bottom ... he"d make love to her until she couldn"t walk. He knew exactly why she had left so abruptly for London. She intended to take his son and disappear again. b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l!
Sinjun"s recovery progressed far too slowly for his liking. A fortnight pa.s.sed before he could move about without undue pain. Another week elapsed before he felt strong enough to leave Glenmoor.
Christy reached London without mishap, surprised to find Emma and her aunt in residence at Sinjun"s townhouse. Even more surprising was the warm welcome she received from Sinjun"s sister.
"Christy!" Emma squealed. "You"re home! Niall will be so glad to see you. Where"s Sinjun?"
"Sinjun is still at Glenmoor," Christy said, returning Emma"s exuberant hug. "I need to see Niall first, then I"ll explain everything. I hope he remembers me."
Niall was shy at first, but it wasn"t long before the familiarity of his mother"s voice broke through his reticence and he was clinging to her as if he never intended to let her go.
"I"ve enjoyed taking care of him, Christy," Emma said. "Effie has been a big help, and so has Gavin. Niall"s not nursing much now, so the wetnurse moved back into her own home. She only comes in the evenings for his bedtime feeding. Oh, look, the little lamb has fallen asleep on your shoulder."
Christy"s tears flowed freely as she patted Niall"s back and crooned to him. "I can"t bear to put him down." She eased into a rocking chair and cradled him in her arms. Emma pulled up a stool and sat at her feet "What happened at Glenmoor?" Emma asked eagerly. "Where is Sinjun? Why didn"t he return with you?"
Christy knew she owed Emma an explanation but feared Sinjun"s sister would condemn her as Sinjun had. She dragged in a steadying breath. "Sinjun suffered a grave wound. I remained with him until I was a.s.sured of his recovery."
Emma shot to her feet "Wounded! By whom?"
"Calum Cameron. The Cameron chieftain kidnapped me from my bed and kept me locked in his house. He intended to make me his mistress and claim leadership of the clan. He a.s.sumed Sinjun wouldn"t want me after he ... after he defiled me."
Emma"s mouth flew open. "How terrible for you!"
"Highlanders play by their own rules," Christy explained. "Most husbands refuse to take their wives back after they"ve been ravished by their captors."
"But that"s so unfair," Emma argued.
"Aye, but "tis how the system works despite the fact that most stolen wives are unwilling victims."
"Sinjun isn"t like that," Emma insisted.
"Calum Cameron bragged to Sinjun that I was his mistress."
"Were you?"
"No. Had Calum taken me by force, I would have found a way to end his miserable life. Whether or not it was true didn"t matter; Sinjun believed him." A sob caught in her throat. "Sinjun doesn"t want me, Emma."
"Oh, pooh, that doesn"t sound like Sinjun at all. He knows why you lied to him about Niall. I explained everything. I"m sorry I had to break a confidence, but the situation called for it. Why do you think Sinjun arrived at Glenmoor when he did? He was worried about you."
Christy"s heart soared. Could it be true? "Sinjun couldn"t have arrived at a better time, though he paid dearly for it. His life hung in the balance for more days than I care to count. But he"s well on the road to recovery now, thank G.o.d."
"Why aren"t you with him?"
"I told you. Sinjun doesn"t want me. I had every reason to believe he intended to cut me out of his and Niall"s life once he returned to London, so I decided to take matters into my own hands."
"Did you discuss this with Sinjun?"