"Too many ties? I"m not enough? I"m not sure if I like your Plan B. I want you to myself. Too many Derek groupies back there."
"You"re the only one I kiss good night."
My eyes are drawn to his lips and heat pours through my body. "Prove it."
Derek pushes his seat back as far as it can go. "Come here." He holds his arms out.
I shift over the parking brake in the center console and onto his lap. I hold his face between my hands and kiss him.
He kisses me back. "I want what"s best for you."
"And that"s you?"
"Probably not. But if I can get you singing with Amabile-that"s something. The best I can give you."
I shake my head-press my lips to his chest. "Your heart. That"s all I want. That"s the best thing you can give me."
"You stole that before we even met."
"I don"t want to be a thief. I want you to give it."
His arms tighten around me, and his mouth presses on mine again. "It"s yours, Beth." His words flow into my soul and twist me into knots. "You know it"s yours."
chapter 23.
QUITS.
You say that you"re mine.
You say that your heart is true.
I believe every line,
When you look at me the way you do.
And even though I doubt you,
I can"t live without you.
Your lips made it right,
Holding me tonight.
I close my eyes and say, "Yes."
Say, "Yes," forever after.
If I"m part of your song,
Nothing, love, will ever go wrong.
Our tune will hold laughter,
Soothe my fears of disaster.
I" ll leap and f ly with you,
Fly with you forever after.
I couldn"t sleep after I got home last night-wrote that to my favorite song from junior high. I got groggy before I could finish it. It needs two more verses and a bridge. In the cold light of this morning"s cold cereal, I reread my scrawl, try to make sense of the crossed-out lines, and remember what he wants me to do. Derek"s Plan B is unbelievably great. Really. But I so don"t want to call Terri. Awkward times a zillion. It takes three tries dialing her before I have the guts to let it ring. She doesn"t pick up. I force myself to let it ring five times, get ready to hang up before her voice-mail comes on.
"h.e.l.lo?"
c.r.a.p. "Hi, Terri."
"Beth? Is that you?"
"Uh-huh." I sit down on a kitchen stool and then stand right back up. "Sorry to bug you."
"Don"t think of it."
"I just wanted . . . I need to-"
"You sound upset. Is there a problem?"
"Um-not really." I walk around the counter.
"Do you need help?" She pauses and her voice gets intense. "Are you safe? "
"Oh, yeah. No. It"s nothing like that."
"You scared me. I know your parents are divorced and-"
"No. No. Nothing like that."
"Well, what can I help you with?" Her voice lifts. "I hope you like the pieces we"re doing." Excitement comes through our static-laced cell connection.
"They"re all great. I appreciate you showcasing me." I lean my elbows on the kitchen counter. "But, um, maybe the other girls don"t."
"Nonsense."
"I"ve been thinking . . . maybe I should . . . " I trail off.
"Don"t worry about it a second. You"ll be off to college next year. We wasted so many seasons hiding you in the altos. I"m making this last one count."
I realize I have a chunk of frizzy dyed hair clutched too tight in my hand. "I"ve been listening a lot to the Amabile CDs."
"The guys or the girls?"
She caught me. "Both."
"If you go to the right school next year, you"ll be performing pieces like that. Where are you applying? We should talk."
"Okay. Thanks. We should." I try to start telling her about the AYS, but she"s way ahead of me.
"Have you heard from Derek? Since Lausanne?"
"Yes."
"How"s that going?"
"He"s intense." Why do I make him sound like that? I should say that he"s amazing, says he loves me, wants to look out for me.
"Smooth?"
"Very."
"Be careful, Beth. I know you"re new to guys wanting your attention. You shouldn"t do anything you"re not comfortable with."
"Really?" I know she"s talking physical, but maybe her advice applies to more.
"Of course."
"Thanks."
"You"re sure you"re safe?"