"But the name was dreadful, dear child. It always reminded one of furs.
A most oppressive name. So that really you"ll be in London all this winter?"
"Yes, only I shan"t play much," said Stella.
"Mrs. Carruthers is so anxious to meet you properly," Mrs. Fane said.
"And Mabel Carruthers is really very nice. Poor girl! I wish you could be friends with her. She"s interested in nothing her mother does."
Michael was really amazed when Stella, without a shrug, without even a wink at him, promised simply to let Mrs. Carruthers "meet her properly,"
and actually betrayed as much interest in Mabel Carruthers as to inquire how old she was.
Maurice arrived at Cheyne Walk, just before Michael went up for term, to say he had taken a most wonderful studio in Grosvenor Road. He was anxious that Michael should bring his sister to see it, but Stella would not go.
"Thanks very much, my dear," she said to him, "but I"ve seen too much of the real thing. I"m in no mood just now for a sentimental imitation."
"I think you ought to come," said Michael. "It would be fun to see Maurice living in Grosvenor Road with all the Muses. Castleton will have such a time tidying up after them when he joins him next year."
But Stella would not go.
CHAPTER XIV
99 ST. GILES
It was strange to come up to Oxford and to find so many of the chief figures in the college vanished. For a week Michael felt that in a way he had no business still to be there, so unfamiliar was the college itself inhabited by none of his contemporaries save a few Scholars. Very soon, however, the intimacy of the rooms in St. Giles which he shared with Alan cured all regrets, and with a thrill he realized that this last year was going to be of all the years at Oxford the best, indeed perhaps of all the years of his life the best.
College itself gave Michael a sharper sense of its ent.i.ty than he had ever gathered before. He was still sufficiently a part of it not to feel the implicit criticism of his presence that in a year or two, revisiting Oxford, he would feel; and he was also far enough away from the daily round to perceive and admire the yearly replenishment which preserved its vigor notwithstanding the superficially irreparable losses of each year. There were moments when he regretted 202 High with what now seemed its amazingly irresponsible existence, but 202 High had never given him quite the same zest in returning to it as now 99 St. Giles could give.
Nothing had ever quite equaled those damp November dusks, when after a long walk through silent country Michael and Alan came back to the din of Carfax and splashed their way along the crowded and greasy Cornmarket toward St. Giles, those damp November dusks when they would find the tea-things glimmering in the firelight. b.u.t.tered toast was eaten; tea was drunk; the second-best pipe of the day was smoked to idle cracklings of The Oxford Review and The Star; a stout landlady cleared away, and during the temporary disturbance Michael pulled back the blinds and watched the darkness and fog slowly blotting out St. John"s and the alley of elm-trees opposite, and giving to the Martyrs" Memorial and even to Balliol a gothic and significant mystery. The room was quiet again; the lamps and the fire glowed; Michael and Alan, settled in deep chairs, read their History and Philosophy; outside in the November night footsteps went by; carts and wagons occasionally rattled; bells chimed; outside in the November murk present life was manifesting its continuity; here within, the battles and the glories, the thoughts, the theories and the speculations of the past for Michael and Alan moved across printed pages under the rich lamplight.
Dinner dissolved the concentrated spell of two hours. But dinner at 99 St. Giles was very delightful in the sea-green dining-room whose decorations had survived the departing tenant who created them. Michael and Alan did not talk much; indeed, such conversation as took place during the meal came from the landlady. She possessed so deft a capacity for making apparently the most barren observations flower and fruit with intricate narrations, that merely an inquiry as to the merit of the lemon-sole would serve to link the occasion with an intimate revelation of her domestic past.
After dinner Michael and Alan read on toward eleven o"clock, at which hour Alan usually went to bed. It was after his departure that in a way Michael enjoyed the night most. The mediaeval chronicles were put back on their shelf; Stubbs or Lingard, Froude, Freeman, Guizot, Lavisse or Gregorovius were put back; round the warm and silent room Michael wandered uncertain for a while; and at the end of five minutes down came Don Quixote or Adlington"s Apuleius, or Florio"s Montaigne, or Lucian"s True History. The fire crumbled away to ashes and powder; the fog stole into the room; outside was now nothing but the chimes at their measured intervals, nothing but the noise of them to say a city was there; at that hour Oxford was truly austere, something more indeed than austere, for it was neither in time nor in s.p.a.ce, but the abstraction of a city.
Only when the lamps began to reek did Michael go up to bed by candlelight. In his vaporous room, through whose open window the sound of two o"clock striking came very coldly, he could scarcely fancy himself in the present. The effort of intense reading, whether of bygone inst.i.tutions or of past adventure, had left him in the condition of physical freedom that saints achieve by prayer. He was aware of nothing but a desire to stay forever like this, half feverish with the triumph of tremendous concentration, to undress in this stinging acerbity of night air, and to lie wakeful for a long time in this world of dreaming spires.
99 St. Giles exercised just that industrious charm which Michael had antic.i.p.ated from the situation. The old house overlooked such a wide thoroughfare that the view, while it afforded the repose of movement, scarcely ever aroused a petty inquisitiveness into the actions of the pa.s.sers-by. The traffic of the thoroughfare like the ships of the sea went by merely apprehended, but not observed. The big bay-window hung over the street like the stern-cabin of a frigate, and as Michael sat there he had the impression of being cut off from communication, the sense of perpetually leaving life astern. The door of 99 St. Giles did not open directly on the street, but was reached by a tortuous pa.s.sage that ran the whole depth of the house. This entrance helped very much the illusion of separation from the ebb and flow of ordinary existence, and was so suggestive of a refuge that involuntarily Michael always hurried through it that the sooner he might set his foot on the steep and twisted staircase inside the house. There was always an excitement in reaching this staircase again, an impulse to run swiftly up, as if this return to the sitting-room was veritably an escape from the world.
Here the books sprawled everywhere. At 202 High they had filled the cupboards in orderly fashion. Here they overflowed in dusty cataracts, and tottered upward in crazy escalades and tremulous piles. All the shelves were gorged with books. Moreover, Michael every afternoon bought more books. The landlady held up her hands in dismay as, crunching up the paper in which they had been wrapped, he considered in perplexity their accommodation. More s.p.a.ce was necessary, and the sea-green dining-room was awarded shelves. Here every morning after breakfast came the exiles, the dull and the disappointing books which had been banished from the sitting-room. Foot by foot the sea-green walls disappeared behind these shelves. In Lampard"s bookshop Michael was certainly a personality. Lampard himself even came to tea, and sat nodding his approbation.
As for Alan, he used to stay unmoved by the invading volumes. He had stipulated at the beginning that one small bookcase should be reserved for him. Here Plato and Aristotle, Herodotus and Thucydides always had room to breathe, without ever being called upon to endure the contamination of worm-eaten bibliophily.
"Where the deuce has my Stubbs got to?" Michael would grumble, delving into the musty cascade of old plays and chap books which had temporarily obliterated the current literature of the week"s work.
Alan would very serenely take down Plato from his own trim and unimpeded shelves, and his brow would already be knitted with the effort of fixing half-a-dozen abstractions before Michael had decided after a long excavation that Stubbs had somehow vanished in the by-ways of curious reading.
Yet notwithstanding the amount of time occupied by arranging and buying and finding books, Michael did manage to absorb a good deal of history, even of that history whose human nature has to be sought arduously in charters, exchequer-rolls and acts of parliament. Schools were drawing near; the dates of Kings and Emperors and Popes in their succession adorned the walls of his bedroom, so that even while he was cleaning his teeth one fact could be acquired.
Only on Sunday evenings did Michael allow himself really to reenter the life of St. Mary"s. These Sunday evenings had all the excitement of a long-interrupted reunion. To be sure, Venner"s was thronged with people who seemed to be taking life much too lightly; but Tommy Grainger was there, still engaged with a pa.s.s-group. People spoke hopefully of going head this year. Surely with Tommy and three other Blues in the boat, St.
Mary"s must go head. The conversation was so familiar that it was almost a shock to find so many of the faces altered. But Cuffe was still there with his mouth perpetually open just as wide as ever. Sterne was still there and likely, so one heard, to make no end of runs next summer.
George Appleby was very much in evidence since Lonsdale"s departure.
George Appleby was certainly there, and Michael rather liked him and accepted an invitation to lunch. In hall the second-year men were not quite as rowdy as they used to be, and when they were rowdy, somehow to Michael and the rest of the fourth year they seemed to lack the imagination of themselves when they--but after all the only true judges of that were the Princes and Cardinals and Poets staring down from their high golden frames. The dons, too, at High Table might know, for there they sat, immemorial as ever.
Wine in Common Room was just the same, and it really was very jolly to be sitting between Castleton--that very popular President of J.C.R.--and Tommy Grainger. There certainly was a great and grave satisfaction in leading off with a more ceremonious health drinking than had ever been achieved in the three years past. Michael found it amusing to catch the name of some freshman and, shouting abruptly a salute, to behold him wriggle and blush and drink his answer and wonder who on earth was hailing _him_. Michael often asked himself if it really were possible he could appear to that merry rout at the other end of J.C.R. in truly heroic mold. He supposed, with a smile at himself for so gross a fraud, that he really did for them pa.s.s mortal stature and that already he had a bunch of legends dangling from his halo. Down in Venner"s after wine, Michael fancied the shouts of the freshmen wandering round Cloisters were more raucous than once they had seemed. Sometimes really they were almost irritating, but the After was capital, although the new comic song of the new college jester lacked perhaps a little the perfect lilt of "Father says we"re going to beat them." Yet, after all, the Boer war had been over three years now: no doubt "Father says we"re going to beat them" would have sounded a little stale. Last term, however, at Two Hundred and Two it had rung as fresh as ever. But the singer was gone now. It was meet his song should perish with his withdrawal from the Oxford scene. Still the After was quite good sport, and Michael was glad to think he and Grainger and Sterne were giving the last After but one of this term. He bicycled back to the digs with his head full of chatter, of clinking gla.s.ses and catchy tunes. Nevertheless, all consciousness of the evening"s merriment faded out, as he hurried up the crooked staircase to the sitting-room where Alan, upright at the table amid Thucydidean commentaries, was reading under the lamp"s immotionable rays, his hair glinting with what was now rare gold.
During this autumn term neither Michael nor Alan spoke of Stella except as an essentially third person. She was in London, devoting so much of herself so charmingly to her mother that Mrs. Fane nearly abandoned every other interest in her favor. There were five Schumann recitals, of which press notices were sent to 99 St. Giles. Michael as he read them handed them on to Alan.
"Jolly good," said he, in a tone of such conventional praise that Michael really began to wonder whether he had after all changed his mind instead of merely concealing his intention. However, since conversation between these two had been stripped to the bare bones of intercourse, Michael could not bring himself to violate this habit of reserve for the sake of a curiosity the gratification of which in true friendship should never be demanded, nor even accepted with deeper attention than the trivial news of the day casually offered. Nor would Michael have felt it loyal to Alan to try from Stella to extract a point of view regarding him. Anyway, he rea.s.sured himself, nothing could be done at present.
Toward the end of term Mrs. Ross wrote a letter to Michael whose news was sufficiently unexpected to rouse the two of them to a conversation of greater length than any they had had since term began.
COBBLE PLACE,
November 30.
My dear Michael,
You will be surprised to hear that I have become a Catholic, or I suppose I should say to you, if you still adhere to your theories, a Roman Catholic. My reasons for this step, apart of course from the true reason--the grace of G.o.d--were, I think, connected a good deal with my boy. When your friend Mr. Prescott killed himself, I felt very much the real emptiness of such a life that on the surface was so admirable, in some ways so enviable. I am dreadfully anxious that Kenneth--he is Kenneth Michael now--I hope you won"t be vexed I should have wished him to have Michael also--well, as I was saying--that Kenneth should grow up with all the help that the experience of the past can give him. It has become increasingly a matter of astonishment to me how so many English boys manage to muddle through the crises of their boyhood without the Sacraments.
I"m afraid you"ll be reading this letter in rather a critical spirit, and perhaps resenting my implication that you, for instance, have come through so many crises without the Sacraments.
But I"m not yet a good enough theologian to argue with you about the claims of your Church. Latterly I"ve felt positively alarmed by the prospect of grappling with Kenneth"s future. I have seen you struggle through, and I know I can say win a glorious victory over one side of yourself. But I have seen other things happen, even from where I live my secluded life. If my husband had not been killed I might not perhaps have felt this dread on Kenneth"s account. But I like to think that G.o.d in giving me that great sorrow has shown His purpose by offering me this new and unimagined peace and security and a.s.surance. I need scarcely say I have had a rather worrying time lately. It is strange how when love and faith are the springs of action one must listen with greater patience than one could listen for any lesser motive to the opinions of other people.
Joan and Mary whom I"ve always thought of as just wrapped up in the good works of their dear good selves, really rose in their wrath and scorched me with the fieriest opposition. I could not have believed they had in them to say as much in all their lives as they said to me when I announced my intention. Nor had I any idea they knew so many English clergymen. I believe that to gratify them I have interviewed half the Anglican ministry. Even a Bishop was invoked to demonstrate my apostacy. Nancy, too, wrote furious letters. She was not outraged so much theologically, but her sense of social fitness was shattered.
My darling old mother was the only person who took my resolve calmly. "As long as you don"t try to convert me," she said, "and don"t leave incense burning about the house, well--you"re old enough to know your own mind." She was so amusing while Joan and Mary were marshaling arguments against me. She used to sit playing "Miss Milligan" with a cynical smile, and said, when it was all over and in spite of everyone I had been received, that she had really enjoyed Patience for the first time, as Joan and Mary were too busy to prevent her from cheating.
How are you and dear old Alan getting on? Of course you can read him this letter. I"ve not written to him because I fancy he won"t be very much interested. Forgive me that I did not take you into my confidence beforehand, but I feared a controversy with a real historian about the continuity of the Anglican church.
My love to you both at Oxford.
Your affectionate
Maud Ross.
"Great scott!" Michael exclaimed, as he finished the letter. "Alan!
could you ever in your wildest dreams have imagined that Mrs. Ross, the most inveterate Whig and Roundhead and Orange bigot, at least whenever she used to argue with me, would have gone over?"
"What do you mean?" Alan asked, sinking slowly to earth from his Platonic _ovpavos_. "Gone over where?"
"To Rome--become a Roman Catholic."
"Who?" gasped Alan, staggered now more than Michael. "Mrs. Ross--Aunt Maud?"
"It"s the most extraordinary thing I ever heard," said Michael.
"She--and Kenneth," he added rather maliciously, seeing that Alan"s Britannic prejudice was violently aroused. "I"ll read you her letter."
Plato was shut up for the evening before Michael was halfway through, and almost before the last sentence had been read, Alan"s wrath exploded.
"It"s all very fine for her to laugh like that at Joan and Mary and Nancy," he said, coloring hotly. "But they were absolutely right, and Mrs. Ross--I mean Aunt Maud----"
"I was afraid you were going to disown the relationship," Michael laughed.