Alan was still absent at afternoon school, and Michael, disdaining his place in the heroic group, pa.s.sed quickly into the cla.s.s-room and read in Alison of Salamanca and Albuera and of the storming of Badajoz, wondering what had happened to his country since those famous dates. He supposed that then was the nation"s zenith, for from what he could make out of the Crimean War, that had been as little creditable to England as this miserable business of the present.
In the afternoon Michael thought he would walk over to Notting Dale and see Mr. Viner--perhaps he would understand some of his indignation--and this evening when all was quiet he must write to Mrs. Ross. On his way down the Kensington Road he met Wilmot, whom he had not seen since the summer, for luckily about the time of the row Wilmot had been going abroad and was only lately back. He recognized Wilmot"s fanciful walk from a distance, and nearly crossed over to the opposite pavement to avoid meeting him; but on second thoughts decided he would like to hear a fresh opinion of the war.
"Why, here"s a delightful meeting," said Wilmot, "I have been wondering why you didn"t come round to see me. You got my cards?"
"Oh, yes, rather," said Michael.
"I have been in Greece and Italy. I wish you had been with me. I thought of you, as I sat in the ruined rose-gardens of Paestum. You"ve no idea how well those columns of honey-coloured Travertine would become you, Michael. But I"m so glad to see that you have not yet clothed yourself in khaki. This toy war is so utterly absurd. I feel as if I were living in a Christmas bazaar. How dreadfully these puttees and haversacks debase even the most beautiful figures. What is a haversack? It sounds so Lenten, so eloquent of mortification. I have discovered some charming Cyprian cigarettes. Do come and let me watch you enjoy them. How young you look, and yet how old!"
"I"m feeling very fit," said Michael loftily.
"How abruptly informative you are! What has happened to you?"
"I"m thinking about this war."
"Good gracious," cried Wilmot in mincing amazement. "What an odd subject. Soon you will be telling me that by moonlight you brood upon the Albert Memorial. But perhaps your mind is full of trophies. Perhaps you are picturing to yourself in Piccadilly a second column of Trajan displacing the amorous and acrobatic Cupid who now presides over the painted throng. Come with me some evening to the Long Bar at the Criterion, and while the Maori-like barmaids t.i.tter in their _devergondage_, we will select the victorious site and picture to ourselves the Boer commanders chained like hairy Scythians to the chariot of whatever absurd general chooses to accept the triumph awarded to him by our legislative _bourgeoisie_."
"I think I must be getting on," said Michael.
"How urgent! You speak like Phaeton or Icarus, and pray remember the calamities that befell them. But seriously, when are you coming to see me?"
"Oh, I"m rather busy," said Michael briefly.
Wilmot looked at him curiously with his glittering eyes for a moment.
Then he spoke again:
"Farewell, Narcissus. Have you learnt that I was but a shallow pool in which to watch your reflection? Did I flatter you too much or not enough? Who shall say? But you know I"m always your friend, and when this love-affair is done, I shall always be interested to hear the legend of it told movingly when and where you will, but perhaps best of all in October when the full moon lies like a huge apricot upon the chimneys of the town. Farewell, Narcissus. Does she display your graces very clearly?"
"I"m not in love with anybody, if that"s what you mean," said Michael.
"No? But you are on the margin of a strange pool, and soon you will be peeping over the bulrushes to stare at yourself again."
Then Mr. Wilmot, making his pontifical and undulatory adieu, pa.s.sed on.
"Silly a.s.s!" said Michael to himself. "And he always thinks he knows everything."
Michael turned out of the noisy main road into the sylvan urbanity of Holland Walk. A haze of tender diaphanous green clung to the boles of the smirched elms, softening the sooty decay that made their antiquity so grotesque and so dishonourable. Michael sat down for a while on a bench, inhaling the immemorial perfume of a London spring and listening to the loud courtship of the blackbirds in the ragged shrubberies that lined the railings of Holland Park. He was not made any the more content with himself by this effluence of revivified effort that impregnated the air around him. He was out of harmony with every impulse of the season, and felt just as tightly fettered now as long ago he used to feel on waits by this same line of blackened trees with Nurse to quell his lightest step towards freedom. Where was Nurse now? The pungent odour of privet blown along a dying wind of March was quick with old memories of forbidden hiding-places, and he looked up, half expectant of her mummified shape peering after his straying steps round the gnarled and blackened trunk of the nearest elm. Michael rose quickly and went on his way towards Notting Dale. This Holland Walk had always been a haunted spot, not at all a place to hearten one, especially where at the top it converged to a silent pa.s.sage between wooden palings whose twinkling interstices and exudations of green slime had always been queerly sinister. Even now Michael was glad when he could hear again the noise of traffic in the Bayswater Road. As he walked on towards Mr.
Viner"s house he gave rein to fanciful moralizings upon these two great roads on either side of the Park that ran a parallel course, but never met. How foreign it all seemed on this side with unfamiliar green omnibuses instead of red, with never even a well-known beggar or pavement-artist. The very sky had an alien look, seeming vaster somehow than the circ.u.mscribed clouds of Kensington. Perhaps after all the people of this intolerably surprizing city were not so much to be blamed for their behaviour during a period of war. They had nothing to hold them together, to teach them to endure and enjoy, to suffer and rejoice in company. These great main roads sweeping West and East with mult.i.tudinous chimney-pots between were symbolic of the whole muddle of existence.
"But what do I want?" Michael asked himself so loudly that an errand-boy stayed his whistling and stared after him until he turned the corner.
"I don"t know," he muttered in the face of a fussy little woman, who jumped aside to let him pa.s.s.
Soon he was deep in one of Mr. Viner"s arm-chairs and, without waiting even to produce one of the attenuated pipes he still affected, exclaimed with desolating conviction:
"I"m absolutely sick of everything!"
"What, again?" said the priest, smiling.
"It"s this war."
"You"re not thinking of enlisting in the Imperial Yeomanry?"
"Oh, no, but a friend of mine--Alan Merivale"s uncle--has been killed.
It seems all wrong."
"My dear old chap," said Mr. Viner earnestly, "I"m sorry for you."
"Oh, it isn"t me you"ve got to pity," Michael cried. "I"d be glad of his death. It"s the finest death a fellow can have. But there"s nothing fine about it, when one sees these gibbering blockheads shouting and yelling about nothing. I don"t know what"s the matter with England."
"Is England any worse than the rest of the world?" asked Mr. Viner.
"All this wearing of b.u.t.tons and khaki ties!" Michael groaned.
"But that"s the only way the man in the street can show his devotion.
You don"t object to ritualism, do you? You cross yourself and bow down.
The church has colours and lights and incense. Do all these dishonour Our Lord"s death?"
"That"s different," said Michael. "And anyway I don"t know that the comparison is much good to me now. I think I"ve lost my faith. I am sorry to shock you, Mr. Viner."
"You don"t shock me at all, my dear boy."
"Don"t I?" said Michael in slightly disappointed tones.
"You forget that a priest is more difficult to shock than anyone on earth."
"I like the way you take yourself as a typical priest. Very few of them are like you."
"Come, that"s rather a stupid remark, I think," said Mr. Viner coldly.
"Is it? I"m sorry. It doesn"t seem to worry you very much that I"ve lost my faith," Michael went on in an aggrieved voice.
"No, because I don"t think you have. I"ve got a high enough opinion of you to believe that if you really had lost your faith, you wouldn"t plunge comfortably down into one of my arm-chairs and give me the information in the same sort of tone you"d tell me you"d forgotten to bring back a book I"d lent you."
"I know you always find it very difficult to take me seriously," Michael grumbled. "I suppose that"s the right method with people like me."
"I thought you"d come up to talk about the South African War. If I"d known the war was so near home, I shouldn"t have been so frivolous,"
said the priest. His eyes were so merry in the leaping firelight that Michael was compelled against his will to smile.
"Of course, you make me laugh at the time and I forget how serious I meant to be when I arrived, and it"s not until I"m at home again that I realize I"m no nearer to what I wanted to say than when I came up,"
protested Michael.
"I"m not the unsympathetic boor you"d make me out," Mr. Viner said.
"Oh, I perfectly understand that all this heart-searching becomes a nuisance. But honestly, Mr. Viner, I think I"ve done nothing long enough."
"Then you do want to enlist?" said the priest quickly.
"Why must "doing" mean only one thing nowadays? Surely South Africa hasn"t got a monopoly of whatever"s being done," Michael argued. "No, I don"t want to enlist," he went on. "And I don"t want to go into a monastery, and I"m not sure that I really even want to go to church again."