After crying her eyes out on her mother"s lap and confiding in her, Chang felt rather worn out and hollow inside. After talking some things felt clearer inside, but for some reason it felt like there was a bitter thorn stuck in her heart, thinking about Jian with those other women. She excused herself from her mother"s chambers to go mull by herself. After grabbing some cushions from Amira"s chambers, and stashing the criminal photographs under a bed pillow, she wandered into the beautiful sunlit garden. The weather was always warm here she had noted, while some coastal cooling came from the sea they were right next to, the temperate never dipped below 60°F. She laid the cushions near the large pool of water with the water lotus in it and reclined there with her feet in the water. The bright little gold fish came and nibbled at her toes, causing her to giggle at the ticklish feeling. She laid on her side and hugged a smaller cushion to her chest, trying to crush the painful feeling."Why does it still hurt?"
Chang had never been interested in dating as a teenager, and in fact had avoided the idea like the plague. When it came time for her to go to college, she had been interested, but had felt too awkward and self-conscious around the boys her age. Her friends had dated and fallen in love, but she had fallen in love with her romance novels, and in exploring nature with her dad.
"I wish you were here now Dad."
Her Dad had always known what to say, and how to brighten things up. She took the small picture that her mother had given her out of the pouch on her waist. Chang knew she probably shouldn"t carry it around with her at all times, as it might be lost, but she wanted to keep them near to her. She had had a bad feeling in her heart since her mother had given it to her.
"I wish I was a more patient person like you were Dad. Why do I feel like I"m the only one in the dark about what"s going on!" Chang huffed to herself and talked to the smiling portrait of her father. Chang started to feel silly talking to just a picture and laid back and closed her eyes. She at first dreamed of the last hiking trip she had taken with her Dad, it had been right before her 20th birthday. He had taken her to the coastal redwoods about an hour north of San Francisco. It had been a magical ancient place, filled with trees taller than she could see and wider than she could fit her arms across, with wisps of fog hanging through the trees until the afternoon. The whole place had had a spicy sweet smell to it from all the pine, cedar, and sequoia trees. Her Dad always took her to some of the most beautiful places in nature, one of the things he had believed it was important. He had told her at a young age a quote from a famous artist.
"If you truly love nature, you will find beauty everywhere."
That statement had always stuck with her.
As they had hiked her father had asked her what she wanted to do for the rest of her life. While she had many dreams she honestly hadn"t known what she wanted to do with the rest of her life, and hadn"t settled on a major in college. Her father had then advised her to pick up whatever interested her, she would never know if she would love something until she tried. Chang had always loved reading, bit had never really tried writing before. After their conversation that day she had studied journalism, and her father had pulled a few of his connections to get her the job she had when she met Jian. Now that Chang looked back, she might not ever have met him if not for her dad"s advice.
In her dream she relived the day, one of the last that she had had with him. They had stopped to lunch on a stump, and as she ate her sandwich her dad had peeled and cut an apple. Chang watched her dad as he worked whistling a happy tune, he seemed almost brighter and more vivid than he ever had in life and she took in the details. Trying to etch him into her memories forever, lest she forget.
Her Dad turned and looked at her staring at him and spoke.
"You know sweetie, I am always happy to see you, but I dont think I"m the one you are wanting to see at the moment." His clear deep voice rang out, full of the love he always had for his daughter.