Siren Song

"Does it hurt?" Seeing her face fall, Liang Jian Amal paused in wrapping her toes .

"Yeah . . " Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand Chang answered him vaguely .

"Sorry I will try to be more gentle . " Pressing his lips tightly Liang Jian Amal tried to be even more delicate with his actions afraid of hurting her further .

"You already are Jian, this is just more . . " Demonstrating out with her hand, Chang didn"t know where to begin .

"More of what?" Seeing her just bite her full bottom lip and remain silent Liang Jian Amal pressed her . "Chang I won"t understand if you don"t tell me . "

"I guess I just I wish you had been there for me, like now, when I really needed you; like when my mom died . . . Ow!"

"Sorry . " Hearing her words Liang Jian Amal accidently squeezed her foot painfully right in reaction to her words . Relaxing his hand he motioned for her to continue, silently clenching his jaw .

"I know you explained and apologized, but it still doesn"t change what was, that still hurts me . When your father came and forced me and my mother away I waited for you . I waited for you so long and it crushed me every day, there was no word or nothing from you . It cut me deep, you cut me .

Bringing her downcast eyes up to his, Liang JianAmal felt the heavy weight of her gaze sinking on his heart like a rock . Silently he rubbed her already treated foot trying to ease his growing apprehension .

"I faced it alone and the days after, except for a relative who I had never met before . I needed you . I didn"t know what to do without you but I learned . It was really painful but I did .

"I"ve been just trying to move forward in my life because I know there"s no going back, there"s no changing what has happened . Seeing you here again after all this time, is bringing back these old pains and making them fresh again . " Bringing a fist to her heart trying to quell the pain Chang"s eyes wavered from his steadfast ones .

"Do I only cause you pain . I do not wish this, if that is all there is, I will leave now . " Releasing her foot Liang JianAmal spoke in a colder tone, resenting her words but unable to refute them .

Startled by his sudden distance and tone Chang instantly looked up into a panic and tried to clarify herself quickly .

"No, no, no, I have really missed you too . I dream about you often and have always wondered what could have been with us . I wondered what happened to you . I cried so much sometimes waking in the morning to find myself alone without you . I dreamt of having some closure or something, our separation was just too sudden . "

Brightened by her words Liang JianAmal smiled slightly, pleased at her confession .

"I wish I had been wiser then and could have protected you from that pain . You don"t have to bear that burden alone though, you have me Chang . "

"But for how long, how long until something, like your father splits us apart, I also know I can"t handle that roller-coaster anymore . " Holding her hands out Chang heard her voice crack unbidden while speaking .

"I told you . I have solved things, that won"t happen anymore . As long as you want I will be here . " Keeping his tone level Liang JianAmal captured one of her hands, trying to regain her focus .

"How can you promise that?" Giving him a wry half smile Chang tried to conceal her endless doubts that plagued the back of her mind .

"Because I am who I am . Liang Jian Amal . Your husband, I failed you before when trying to do right . I won"t fail again . " Keeping his tone level Liang JianAmal squeezed her hands tight drawing her eyes to his, searching their depths . Like the ocean though her eyes were deep and concealed many layers, only some of which could be seen .

Looking back at him Chang remained silent, unsure of what else to say .