Walking away the heels from Chang"s boots made a lonely clunking sound against the smooth hardwood. Keeping her head lowered to hide the sight of her face, Chang felt her vision become completely distorted and clouded. Unable to really see, she focused on just taking one step in front of the other.Holding onto her clutch tightly, Chang felt a small lump sitting in it. Stopping, Chang realized what it was.
"Wait, I forgot to give him the ring back. How do I do that now, I can"t turn around though." Holding the small lump in her hand Chang felt herself more and more tempted to keep it and all that it represented. "You know you can"t though, you"ll have to mail it to him or find another way to get it back. To turn back just to give him this would be even crueler."
As she mulled over the heavy weights she carried, Chang felt a force hold onto her from behind, pulling her back to a warm embrace.
"You know, your words aren"t that convincing when you make a face like you were, and when you walk away so dejectedly."
Even after she was so cold, he could still be so warm to her. Turning Chang buried her face into his chest and sobbed, clutching onto him. How was she supposed to move on and let him go?
It was too cruel. But reality, she had come to find out, was crueler and colder than belief.
"Chang. Take the time, truly think about the decision you are making."
"I have thought about it. I can"t go with you, so you have to move on." Speaking against his shoulder, Chang refused to leave the safety of his arms.
"Give me another night to try to change your mind."
"The longer we drag this out, the harder it is going to be.. but I still will give you another night." "I would give you all my nights and days if I could." Feeling him stiffen up Chang could only relent to him, and her heart.
Pulling out her keys Chang leaned against Jian for support as they walked to her car. After a quick decision Chang pulled up to a nearby hotel instead of going back home.
"If I keep making memories there, going back will only be more painful. It will be hard enough to go back to it alone."
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Checking them into a suite, Chang led the man up to the room.
Walking beside her holding onto her upper arms, Liang Jian Amal racked his brain to find a way to change what was happening.
"How do I hold on to you, when you are purposefully trying to slip away from me?"
Once in the suite Chang started to beeline for the bathroom, leaving her clothes in small piles on her way there. Hearing the distinctive sound of water starting Liang Jian Amal gathered some of her fallen articles, and followed after, curious as to what she was up to.
Walking around the corner he watched as she dropped her last piece of clothing and walked into the shower, leaving the curtain open.
Seeing him standing there, Chang silently held a hand out to him in invitation. With her eyes puffy and reddened from her tears and her slight frame, Chang looked to be beyond fragile. She looked as if she would break and crumble down at the slightest provacative aggravation.
Dropping her clothes Liang JianAmal took her hand and pulled her against him.
"Chang, please stop crying." As he held her, Liang JianAmal could feel her shoulders shaking along with the tremors from uneven breathing. Squeezing her tight, he wished he could destroy the insecurities and fears that plagued her.
"I had thought I had ensured a success when I failed her last year, but now it seems as if it was for nothing. I should have just come straight for her. I should not have waited. How do I fix this now?
"How do I tie you to me so that you cannot and will not leave?"
Tilting her head up Chang placed a few light kisses on the edge of his jawline, giving him an idea. Holding her in one arm he began peeling off his soaked clothing with the other. As soon as his shirt was off, Chang"s hands snaked up between the muscles on his upper back, holding herself to him desperately.
"Even though she"s right here she feels so distant right now. I won"t allow for you to run from me forever. Raising her face, Liang JianAmal tenderly kissed her lips until she reciprocated fiercely, opening her mouth to meet his tongue with hers. With her hands clawing into his back, Chang hooked a leg around his hips, causing him to let out a groan.
"You make restraining myself so hard." Pushing her up against the wall Liang JianAmal lifted her slippery form up until both her legs were wrapped around his waist. Planting slow kisses down her chest, Liang JianAmal felt her start to twist and knot her fingers into his hair. Catching her by surprise, Chang gave a huge gasp when he entered her suddenly, but she clutched at him tighter, pulling him further in.
Tightening and crossing her ankles Chang rode with his motions, crying out occasionally. Resting his face against her soft chest, Liang JianAmal caught his breath as she pulled him into a release with her.
Even after though Chang continued to hold onto him, showing no signs of wanting to stop or let go. Turning off the water Liang JianAmal looked at her face to see holding broken pleading expression as water dripped from it.
Sighing Liang JianAmal carried her to the single bed and continued until she gave up in exhaustion and from overwhelming ecstasy. Covered in sweat Liang JianAmal pulled her into his arms and planted a kiss on her brow.
"If you truly want me to leave I will, just know that I would not be able to fulfill the promise of living well. I will not be able to remarry happily and love another the same. If it is not you by my side, I will not be able to. I do not know why, but from the day I met you it has been you, only you.
"If my moving on without you brings you peace though that is enough for me.
"I love you Chang Xie Dumont."
Holding her in his arms Liang Jian Amal lay awake until dawn when he felt her stirring.
As light was just starting to peek into the room Chang awoke with her face snuggled into Jian"s chest with their legs intertwined under the cover. Painfully Chang peeled herself from his side and began to quietly dress herself, except for her shoes, holding them in her hand.
Looking at his naked handsome form laying solo in the twisted covers, Chang felt a solitary tear carve down her cheek and burned the scene into her memory with the pain.
Putting the boots down Chang crawled across the bed and lightly placed a kiss on his beautiful lips.
"I love you Liang Jian Amal, so, so much it hurts. I"m so sorry I never told you that sooner either.
"Thank you so much, you brought me so much joy, more than I thought possible. I have experienced places and events I would never have thought of or imagined myself going through. From having you in it, my life has become richer and more colorful.
"Thank you for everything you did for my mom too, not just anyone could or would do as you did for her. You are a rare and wonderful person.
"Thank you for letting me go too, I know this is not easy. I hope you find a woman who loves you more than I ever could and is able to lavish you with it. You deserve so much love Jian. I wish I was able to give you what you deserve.
"I wish I could rise over my fear and fly with you. I will never love another like you, I don"t think I"d be able to. No matter how far apart we are, you will always be holding my heart. Only you, always you."
Pulling the ring out from her clutch Chang placed a kiss on it before setting it onto the pillow beside his head.
Crawling to the edge, Chang looked back at him; wishing she could just crawl back into his arms and just forget everything. Unfortunately it was not possible.
Planting a kiss to her fingertips, feeling a tear wet them, Chang lightly touched his warm cheek in parting and silently padded out of the room.
Once the kachick of the door was heard the man opened his eyes, the light they once carried within them was severely dimmed. Grabbing the ring she had left behind, Liang Jian Amal sighed.