KING--I came back for my cane, and I"m not going to leave without it.
(_Horn blows again._)
GENTLEMAN--Hang it all, we"ll be dreadfully late.
SELINA--(_In an ecstasy of fear._) No, no, stay here till they go.
(_Leans against screen, which shakes, and almost falls over._)
MISS BROWN--What"s back of that screen? I saw it move!
(_Goes toward screen. Bart and King make a bolt for the door, and Officer stops them._)
MISS BROWN--(_Discovering Selina and Gentleman._) Pipe these two dolls, will ye?
(_Selina draws scarf over face, and hurries toward door._)
OFFICER--(_Detaining her._) Not so fast please, I want to see you first.
GENTLEMAN--We"re all right officer, just waiting here out of the cold, while my car was being--
OFFICER--(_With easy familiarity to Selina._) h.e.l.lo kid, where did you hook the gown?
GENTLEMAN--Officer!
OFFICER--Easy, boy, easy.
SELINA--Let me pa.s.s, you have no right to detain me.
GENTLEMAN--This is an outrage. I"ll report you.
OFFICER--(_To Selina._) Some style to you now, kid. Who you workin"?
Must have money to rig you out like that!
SELINA--Let me pa.s.s, I tell you, let me pa.s.s!
OFFICER--You"re a wonder, Lena. Your own mother wouldn"t know you.
BART--My gosh!
GENTLEMAN--How dare you insult this lady?
OFFICER--Say, what are you b.u.t.tin" in for? Who are you anyway? What"s it matter to you?
GENTLEMAN--Everything. I"ll not let you bulldoze a lady who"s going to be my wife.
OFFICER--She"s not going to be your wife while I"m alive, Clarence.
GENTLEMAN--What do you mean?
OFFICER--I don"t believe in divorce, and--
SELINA--(_In suppressed rage._) Keep quiet, will you!
OFFICER--(_Coolly._) And she happens to be _my_ wife.
(_General consternation._)
GENTLEMAN--Good heavens!
BART--Great fish!
KING--I"ll be darned!
MISS BROWN--They"re all dotty. The whole fool ranch is dotty.
GENTLEMAN--(_Tensely, to Selina._) Is this true, tell me, is this true?
SELINA--(_Shrugging shoulders._) Oh, what"s the use!
OFFICER--Sure, it ain"t any use, Lena, but if you"re havin" a good time, go to it. Gawd knows I don"t want any more of ye.
(_Horn blows again._)
GENTLEMAN--I must be going.
SELINA--Would you mind dropping me at my apartments?
GENTLEMAN--(_Coldly._) Certainly not, if you wish.
(_Exeunt Selina and Gentleman. Bart, King and Officer bow to her with mock courtesy as she pa.s.ses them._)
OFFICER--She"s got her nerve, all right. Knew I picked a pippin" when I married her. She"ll cook up some story to hoodwink him before they get to her apartments. (_Stands in doorway, meditatively._)
KING--Died in her mother"s arms! And I"ve been keeping the fict.i.tious old lady eight years.
BART--I"ll put no flowers on her grave, the siren.
KING--She worked us all very nicely, didn"t she?
BART--(_Suddenly._) King, our hands are bloodless. We have not murdered Selina!
(_King and Bart fall into one another"s arms, overcome with emotion.
Miss Brown watches them a moment in supreme disgust._)
MISS BROWN--(_To Boy._) Put on a fox trot, Jimmie, maybe it"ll bring them to, the poor prunes!
(_Boy puts on record._)
(_CURTAIN_)