"You don"t even have your first half-century. By Feyre standards that makes you a stripling. "
"I don"t judge myself by Feyre standards, and by my own standards I am a middle-aged man and used to making my own decisions."
The smell of grilled bacon was making my mouth water and my stomach grumble, so I started on the plate in front of me.
"You haven"t noticed then?"
"Noticed what?"
"How much younger you"re looking?"
"Am I?" I looked around for a mirror, then stood up and went to the bar, staring at my reflection in the gla.s.s behind the bottles. She was right. That was what had been nudging at my subconscious in the bathroom, earlier. It still looked like the face I had adopted, but I had lost about five years, overnight.
I walked slowly back to our table, glancing back to make sure it wasn"t an illusion. "What"s happening?" I asked her.
"It"s hard to tell. Your body could be changing because of the magic I awoke within you. On the other hand, you could just be adjusting your glamour to suit your mood. Are we feeling particularly pleased with ourselves this morning, by any chance?" she probed. I grinned, shaking my head. She was impossible. As much as I tried to be offended that she had unilaterally determined the direction of our relationship, I couldn"t stay angry with her. She was moody, fickle, scary, soft, warm.
I pulled myself back to reality and tried to focus on the food. But when I glanced upwards she was watching me, waiting for me to try and deny the truth. "What am I going to do with you?" I shook my head again.
She picked up her coffee cup and looked at me through the vapour. "The same thing as last night, I sincerely hope."
I mistimed my swallow and the piece of sausage I was chewing went down the wrong way, leaving me coughing and spluttering. The landlord helpfully appeared and patted me on the back while she sat and chuckled at me from the other side of the table. "Sorry," I apologised to him.
"Are you all right now?"
I nodded and he replaced the chrome flask of coffee.
"Is there anything else I can get you before I go and do the cellars?"
"No, thanks. We"re fine, really."
"There"s no rush, take your time," he rea.s.sured me and then went about his tasks. I took a slurp of coffee to help the food go down.
"Are we?" she asked me.
"Are we what?"
"Fine?" She put her elbows on the table and rested her chin on her knuckles, waiting for an answer. I put down my knife and fork for a moment. I was willing to let the issue go and see how it went, but she wanted an answer.
"You"d better tell me what the position of concubine to Blackbird of the Fey"ree involves."
"Very well. It"s not marriage, if that"s what you"re thinking; the Feyre don"t marry."
I nodded.
"Well, you get to stay with me and bring me presents every day, pamper me and bring me my meals, and every second Thursday you take me to my bed and then you- " She was grinning at me now. "Enough, enough. I"m serious."
"There are no proscribed tasks, Niall. It"s not supposed to be a duty." She looked thoughtful for a moment, as if she thought perhaps she could introduce some. "You have to understand that the Feyre have been having problems with fertility for centuries. During that time the practice has evolved of letting the females choose the males they believe are most likely to get them with child. "
"You"re not!"
"I might be." She watched an expression of mild panic cross my face. "That"s what it"s for, Niall, don"t be so naive."
"But I already have a daughter, and I am definitely not ready to start another family. What about- "
"Niall, calm down. It"s very unlikely I"d be pregnant this soon."
My thoughts tried to go in fifteen directions at once. "Just stop it. You just have to treat it as one of those things. If it happens, it happens. Fortune will decide." She was philosophical about it.
"But I"m not ready. I mean, I"ve only known you for a couple of days and I didn"t realise what the consequences might be."
"Niall, you know where babies come from. You have one child already."
"No, of course I know where they come from, it"s just that I hadn"t thought it through. I just a.s.sumed- "
"You a.s.sumed I would take precautions to prevent a child."
"Well, yes. This is the modern world, after all."
She leant forwards, her face full of something raw. "Why would I do that, Niall? Why would I prevent something as wonderful as a new life?"
I suddenly understood what I had said and how much I was hurting her. It was not the same for the Feyre, or even the half-Feyre. She was over three hundred years old and it had never crossed my mind that in all that time she"d never had a child, but I could see in her face it was true. I was a father before I was thirty and it had all happened so naturally that I took it for granted, never giving it a second thought.
"I"m sorry, Blackbird. You took me by surprise. I was thinking of how I would manage to provide for such a child; who would look after it, care for it."
"I would care for it." She lifted her chin and dared me to contradict her. In that moment I knew that if anyone tried to harm a child of hers she would tear them limb from limb without a second thought, and I was in no doubt she was capable.
Since the break-up of my marriage I had drifted into occasional relationships, but they always ended bitterly when my erstwhile partner wanted more from me than I was prepared to give. The ties of my daughter and my ex-wife were just too strong, too tangled, to set me free. Blackbird hadn"t asked me for more, but she"d taken what she needed and she was prepared to fight to keep it."I"m sorry," I said. "I wasn"t thinking. "
"I"m not offended," she said. "It"s just that you took me by surprise." She grinned at me again.
"Not like that." She showed no sign of repentance. "I mean, you surprised me by saying that you might be pregnant."
"If I am, then I am. If not, well then there"s nothing to discuss, is there?" She looked defiant again. I met her gaze and there was a challenge there, a challenge to say more, to be more to her. I knew the words, but they wouldn"t come. I looked away. She let me fiddle with my breakfast until I gave in and set my cutlery down. "Have faith, Niall, and all will be well."
I deliberately took her comment in the wider sense. "I can"t help feeling it won"t be that easy. In the dream, Raffmir"s sister was looking for me"
She allowed the change of subject. "What do you remember?"
"It seemed more real then. There was a clearing in a forest of evergreens. It was unnaturally cold, frost on the ground with a crystal sky. She was waiting for me in the clearing, ringed around with thorns. She said something. What was it?" I cupped my face in my hands, trying to recall her words. "She called me Little Brother. That was it. "They told me I had dreamed you." That"s what she said. "
"Did she say any more?"
"She kept asking me where I was, who I was with, who I was talking to."
"Did you tell her?"
"No. I don"t think so. She started fading, dissolving. I thought she was vanishing, but she didn"t. She drifted in towards me and I was so cold."