SMITHEREENS OF DEATH

How can this be the medicine man, the powerful babalawo Yewi told you about?

"It is Yewande that tell you this place abi," he says, in English that has deep roots in his native tongue and doesn"t sit well on his mouth.

"Yes," you say, feeling sorry for him, thinking perhaps you should not speak too much English, or you should even switch completely to Yoruba, to make him feel more comfortable. You don"t like it when people judge by your appearance that they have an obligation to communicate with you in English; their attempt usually leaves you feeling guilty, as if their grammatical inadequacy is somehow your fault.

"She is my s.h.i.+ld," he says, with a proud paternal grin.

You know your friend – she would take offence to being

called the child, or anything for that matter, of such a man.

You smile back, and nod in agreement at his "paternity" claim. That is not your business, it is not why you are here.

"I know why you come, before you come," he says, confidently, then adds, in Yoruba, "my mothers have told me."

His "mothers"? You can tell that this is another pseudoparental allusion, because a person cannot have more than one mother, not even a powerful native doctor. The reverential inflection his voice takes on at the mention of these his mothers tells you that they must be very important people. He even had to mention them in Yoruba – "awon iya mi" – as if English would have been too profane to use for them.

He can see the confusion that contorts your brow. He shows

a smile of yellowing teeth. "Awon iya mi t"o l"aiye ni . . ."

"Oh," you say, as if they are your relatives too, distant relatives, and you have suddenly remembered them. You give a smile of fond recognition to match.

"Less go inside," he says.

Inside is his "consulting room". It is black, but for a little light in the corner – a timid tongue of flame dozing lazily on an upturned calabash. His stench fills the small room like an evil spirit; it haunts your nose and possesses your lungs, you almost kill yourself trying to hold your breath.

He sits on the floor, and waits, expecting you to join him. You don"t want to, because you are wary of this floor; you don"t know what is lurking around, lying in ambush, waiting to crawl up your thighs and attack your . . .

"Off your shoe siddon."

He says it like a spell, with authority. You take your shoes off and sit on them.

You cannot believe you"re here, in the middle of the labyrinthine intestines of the most squalid slum in Lagos, swallowed in the darkness of a slouching shack, sitting on the floor before an

incongruously-attired native doctor . . . What would Bioye think? But it is because of him you are here. And the b.i.t.c.h.

"You come because of your husband wife."

"Yes," you answer, not surprised – Yewi must have phoned

ahead, or sent a text.

"Yes, sir," you quickly say, realizing that even though he is not an old man he is in some kind of position of authority, of spiritual power; a position conferred upon him by his "mothers".

You expect him to bring out the cowries, the beaded calabash, the feathered gourds, a piece of red cloth, and all those impressive babalawo paraphernalia.

"Your husband wife –"

"He has not married her yet, legally," you cut him off, "but he is planning to, soon, and that is why I am here."

"What her name?"

You don"t know. Yewi didn"t tell you; she had just said she knew the person and was sure that this person, the b.i.t.c.h, was going to marry your husband. Or your husband was going to marry her.

"The name is not important," Yewi had said, "it is what you should do that is most important right now! And that is getting her out of the way – fiam!" (she had swiped at the air violently with the edge of her hand) " – like a fly in your face! Get rid of the beetch!"

You trust Yewi, the way one would trust a friend they have known forever – since the time you were little girls and didn"t like boys, through to falling in love with them and becoming women who wanted men. . . You had got yours first and Yewi had been elated, almost more than you, even though she did not believe in the idea of marriage as a destination, but she knew that was what you wanted, where you wanted to be, and she was happy you had it. This is why she has taken it upon herself to rid your home of this "fly".

"The person that will do it for you is Baba Arankunise," she had a.s.sured you.

The name had sounded impressive. She said he had helped

her get rid of such flies that had been bothering her relations.h.i.+ps.

Yewi"s relations.h.i.+ps were, had always been, strictly financial, because men are to be f.u.c.ked, fleeced and flung far; not kept, not loved, definitely not married!

This her philosophy is usually amusing to you, the way she

keeps to it devoutly, as if it is a religion. But despite it, she was a sweet person, one men fell in love with easily, which was a sad irony.

"Sir, I don"t know her name o."

The man smiles, sighs, and pauses for a long while during which you imagine he is communicating, in the spirit, with his unseen mothers, trying to inquire from them the fly"s name.

You wait in silence.

"Hmm," he moans. "I know it . . . Come, let me tell . . . Come!"

He wants you to draw closer to him; he wants to whisper the name in your ear, as if there are other people in the room. Perhaps there are.

You lean in towards him, close enough to smell the gutter in

his hair, and the latrine on his breath.

When you first feel the hands at your b.r.e.a.s.t.s, just lying there, a weight, unmoving, the first thought that comes to you is why his mothers are interested in your b.r.e.a.s.t.s. (The touch is too gentle, too feeble, to be a man"s – you do not imagine it is him.)

It is not until you feel his warm breath of pleasure brush your cheek that the realization drops into the pit of your stomach like a brick, heavy; this brick quickly dissolves into nausea and rises up your chest.

Your initial instinct is to hurl your fist in his face, or your foot in his crotch; then you remember that he is in that position of power, and you don"t want to p.i.s.s off the G.o.ds or the mothers or whoever the f.u.c.k is in charge here. So you just move back, withdrawing your b.r.e.a.s.t.s from his touch.

The searing slice of anger that had flashed through you for an instant has trickled into damp disappointment as you rise.

"Where are you going?" he cries, suddenly switching to Yoruba in his alarm.

"Home," you answer, in English, wearily.

"Ah, you will die!"

You stop. Is he threatening you?
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"I am married," you say, like a form of excuse.

"Marry," he chuckles. "Come let me tell you sometin"."

* * *

When he is done telling, you can barely move; you have to sit on the floor again, to stop yourself from crumbling to pieces. Your ears are ringing hot, invaded by demons from h.e.l.l.

The man, taking advantage of your sudden silence and numbness, returns to your b.r.e.a.s.t.s, as if he owns them, roaming, frisking, removing everything in his way – blouse, bra, necklace . . . wrapper.

The man"s words have had an anaesthetic effect on you – you do not feel whatever is happening to your body, whatever it is; it is as if you have been detached from yourself and whatever is happening is happening to someone else, a distant person you do not know.

When he is done on your body, he gives you this black pouch, presses it into your palm; there"s powder in it.

"Put am for him food . . . fiam! – you go see, na like fly she go

fall."

She is the fly.

You really shouldn"t believe it, but you do; you can feel it in your gut, all the way up to your chest, deep in your heart; the solid feeling of belief, of confidence, that what you have heard is true.

On the way back home, in the back of the taxi, you suddenly begin to feel the medicine man"s sharp, shoddy thrusts inside you, thrusts you hadn"t felt while they were being administered; now they hit you hard, causing you to squeeze your eyes shut in pain, so much that the tears gathering at the back of your eyes cannot make it out, and they sting.

But it is the thrusts of the man"s words that are more painful; they are the ones you try to shut out of your head as they penetrate deeper into the thick darkness behind your eyes, pounding your heart to a pulp.

How can she be the fly? Why couldn"t it have been someone else, someone you didn"t know, someone that was just a faceless name.

How could she have sent you to her babalawo to be killed by him?

Why did she want to marry your husband, of all the husbands in the world, why yours? Why did she even want to marry at all! Men were not for marrying, no!

The questions collide in your head, resulting in a cacophonous headache that is a sharp contrast to the serenity inside the cab and the driver"s solemnity which matches the sedate speed at which he is moving.

You cannot believe that her babalawo spared your life; it is almost as if it is not your life anymore, as if yours had been taken by that revelation, and the one you had bought back with your body was someone else"s, and you had to return it . . .

You chuckle.

It did not come from you.

You chuckle again, as if to be sure.

The driver looks at you in the mirror.

The chuckles just keep rolling off, in bits, from nowhere, piece after piece, paced like hiccups. You cannot stop.

You ask the driver to stop. He asks what the problem is.

Nothing.

He looks at you as if your small madness has started. He doesn"t want a part of it, so he asks you for his fare as he parks. You

smile and hand him your handbag, "Take everything."

The air is cold outside. You are on the Third Mainland Bridge and it is that time of the night when the thick stream of traffic has petered out into a trickle of a few cars swis.h.i.+ng past.

The lagoon is black below, like the top of an office desk, or the bottom of a hole.

"Madam, hope no problem?" the driver asks.

In Lagos, n.o.body cares if there"s a problem or not; as long as

it is not theirs, they"re fine.

"I"m fine," you answer, and sit on the floor, on the road. You smile up at the cabbie, sweetly, as if to rea.s.sure him.

"Madam, you no fine," he says, insistent in his probing, like a dedicated lover.

You want to love him, but your heart is no longer in its place; it has folded up, shut down.

"I am fine."

"Okay, make I carry you reach house."

"Your house?"

The thought amuses you.

"No o! Your own house."

"My house is no longer mine. I"m homeless . . . I do not have a house in this world anymore."

The man is growing nervous, the poor man. He hadn"t imagined his day would end like this, on such a sadly dramatic note.

"I am fine, darling. If I am not now, I will be tomorrow. Fine as feathers, honey."

Your cackle unnerves him further, and he begins to retreat towards the taxi. You hear his final sigh of concession.

"Hey!" you call out as he starts his engine. "Tell her I said

Happy Married Life!"

He sighs again, and quickly peels out.

* * *

Lagos, with its notoriety as an overpopulated city, is actually a lonely place at night. Lonely and cold.

The pouch in your bra is warm against your breast, how its owner"s palms had felt before the numbness came. The powder is cold on your lips. Tasteless.

You lie on the cold floor, on your side, curl up into a semicircle and close your eyes.

It is almost hours later when you feel a heavy blanket over you. Perhaps it is the black night sky that has fallen over the earth.

Or death? Death, it would be warm like that, and heavy, and dark.