MRS. H. To amuse you. She"ll make an exhibition of you as I"ve made of him; and people will laugh at you. Oh, Pip, can"t you see that? It"s as plain as the noonday sun. You"ll be trotted about and told lies, and made a fool of like the others. _I_ never made a fool of you, did I?
CAPT. G. (_Aside._) What a clever little woman it is!
MRS. H. Well, what have you to say?
CAPT. G. I feel better.
MRS. H. Yes, I suppose so, after I have come down to your level. I couldn"t have done it if I hadn"t cared for you so much. I have spoken the truth.
CAPT. G. It doesn"t alter the situation.
MRS. H. (_Pa.s.sionately._) Then she _has_ said that she cares for you!
Don"t believe her, Pip. It"s a lie--as bad as yours to me!
CAPT. G. Ssssteady! I"ve a notion that a friend of yours is looking at you.
MRS. H. He! I _hate_ him. He introduced you to me.
CAPT. G. (_Aside._) And some people would like women to a.s.sist in making the laws. Introduction to imply condonement. (_Aloud._) Well, you see, if you can remember so far back as that, I couldn"t, in common politeness, refuse the offer.
MRS. H. In common politeness! We have got beyond _that!_
CAPT. G. (_Aside._) Old ground means fresh trouble, (_Aloud._) On my honour--
MRS. H. Your _what?_ Ha, ha!
CAPT. G. Dishonour, then. She"s not what you imagine. I meant to--
MRS. H. Don"t tell me anything about her! She _won"t_ care for you, and when you come back, after having made an exhibition of yourself, you"ll fine me occupied with--
CAPT. G. (_Insolently._) You couldn"t while I am alive. (_Aside._) If that doesn"t bring her pride to her rescue, nothing will.
MRS. H. (_Drawing herself up_). Couldn"t do it? _I?_ (_Softening._) You"re right. I don"t believe I could--though you are what you are--a coward and a liar in grain.
CAPT. G. It doesn"t hurt so much after your little lecture--with demonstrations.
MRS. H. One ma.s.s of vanity! Will nothing _ever_ touch you in this life?
There must be a Hereafter if it"s only for the benefit of---But you will have it all to yourself.
CAPT. G. (_Under his eyebrows._) Are you so certain of that?
MRS. H. I shall have had mine in this life; and it will serve me right.
CAPT. G. But the admiration that you insisted on so strongly a moment ago? (_Aside._) Oh, I _am_ a brute!
MRS. H. (_Fiercely._) Will _that_ console me for knowing that you will go to her with the same words, the same arguments, and the--the same pet names you used to me? And if she cares for you, you two will laugh over my story. Won"t that be punishment heavy enough even for me--even for me?--And it"s all useless. That"s another punishment.
CAPT. G. (_Feebly._) Oh, come! I"m not so low as you think.
MRS. H. Not now, perhaps, but you will be. Oh, Pip, if a woman flatters your vanity, there"s nothing on earth that you would not tell her; and no meanness that you would not do. Have I known you so long without knowing that?
CAPT. G. If you can trust me in nothing else--and I don"t see why I should be trusted--you can count upon my holding my tongue.
MRS. H. If you denied everything you"ve said this evening and declared it was all in fun (_a long pause_), I"d trust you. Not otherwise. All I ask is, don"t tell her my name. _Please_ don"t. A man might forget: a woman never would. (_Looks up table and sees hostess beginning to collect eyes._) So it"s all ended, through no fault of mine--Haven"t I behaved beautifully? I"ve accepted your dismissal, and you managed it as cruelly as you could, and I have made you respect my s.e.x, haven"t I?
(_Arranging gloves and fan._) I only pray that she"ll know you some day as I know you now. I wouldn"t be you then, for I think even your conceit will be hurt. I hope she"ll pay you back the humiliation you"ve brought on me. I hope--No. I don"t. I _can"t_ give you up! I must have something to look forward to or I shall go crazy. When it"s all over, come back to me, come back to me, and you"ll find that you"re my Pip still!
CAPT. G. (_Very clearly._) "False move, and you pay for it. It"s a girl!
MRS. H. (_Rising._) Then it _was_ true! They said--but I wouldn"t insult you by asking. A girl! _I_ was a girl not very long ago. Be good to her, Pip. I daresay she believes in you.
_Goes out with an uncertain smile. He watches her through the door, and settles into a chair as the men redistribute themselves._
CAPT. G. Now, if there is any Power who looks after this world, will He kindly tell me what I have done? (_Reaching out for the claret, and half aloud._) What _have_ I done?
WITH ANY AMAZEMENT
And are not afraid with any amazement.--_Marriage service_.
SCENE.--_A bachelor"s bedroom--toilet-table arranged with unnatural neatness_. CAPTAIN GADSBY _asleep and snoring heavily._ Time, 10.30 A.
M.--_a glorious autumn day at Simla. Enter delicately_ CAPTAIN MAFFLIM of GADSBY"S regiment. Looks at sleeper, and shakes his head murmuring "Poor Gaddy." Performs violent fantasia with hair-brushes on chair-back.
CAPT. M. Wake up, my sleeping beauty! (_Roars_.)
"Uprouse ye, then, my merry merry men!
It is our opening day!
It is our opening da-ay!"
Gaddy, the little d.i.c.ky-birds have been billing and cooing for ever so long; and I"m here!
CAPT. G. (_Sitting up and yawning_.) "Mornin". This is awf"ly good of you, old fellow. Most awf"ly good of you. "Don"t know what I should do without you. On my soul, I don"t. "Haven"t slept a wink all night.
CAPT. M. I didn"t get in till half-past eleven. "Had a look at you then, and you seemed to be sleeping as soundly as a condemned criminal.
CAPT. G. Jack, if you want to make those disgustingly worn-out jokes, you"d better go away. (With _portentous gravity_.) It"s the happiest day in my life.
CAPT. M. (Chuckling grimly.) Not by a very long chalk, my son. You"re going through some of the most refined torture you"ve ever known. But be calm. I am with you. "Shun! _Dress_!
CAPT. G. Eh! Wha-at?
CAPT. M. DO you suppose that you are your own master for the next twelve hours? If you _do_, of course---(_Makes for the door_.)
CAPT. G. No! For Goodness" sake, old man, don"t do that! You"ll see me through, won"t you? I"ve been mugging up that beastly drill, and can"t remember a line of it.
CAPT. M. (_Overhauling_ G"s _uniform_.) Go and tub. Don"t bother me.
I"ll give you ten minutes to dress in.