Without sensory input, I went mad.
And it didn"t take long. Or maybe it had. Loss of all senses also meant loss of the concept of time. Although I"d arrived here with my memories and my imagination, they dissolved into the nothingness surrounding me, my mind becoming just as blank and dark.
I screamed only to hear the sound of my own voice because at least it was something, but the sound was swallowed by the void. I dug my fingernails into the flesh of my arms to feel pain because at least it was something, but it dulled quickly and my skin grew numb. My tears tasted like nothing, and then they stopped falling. My whole being seemed to teeter on the brink of nonexistence, but never fell over the edge.
And then the voices started. The screaming in my head. The images that came along, too. Apparently, I hadn"t lost all memories. My soul hung on to the worst ones, the nightmares, the pain and grief others had suffered because of me. I relived every death I"d caused, from the werewolf I"d killed in Hades to those who"d died in the bombs on the fateful night that ended the world. If that wasn"t enough, the voices of h.e.l.l"s burning souls cried out for me, too. They filled every pa.s.sing moment with grief and despair-thousands of needles tattooing their agony onto my heart and coals raking across my soul. I begged and pleaded for the nothingness to return.
"If you wanted mercy, you should have stayed in Heaven," a loud, gravelly voice thundered around me, and the sound made me jump at first, but then it sent chills over my skin and down my spine. The malevolent feeling went all the way to my soul, and I knew instantly this wasn"t an everyday Demon with a sarcastic tongue.
Satan himself had spoken to me.
Chapter 2.
"Please. Call me Lucifer." The voice came as less of a boom this time. A flash of light and color-red or orange maybe, but too quick to be certain-flickered off to my right. My head automatically snapped that way, but it was gone before I could be sure I even saw it. "Satan, Abaddon, Apollyon, Beelzebub, Leviathan, Devil ... The list of names I"ve been known by goes on, some more terrifying than others." Another flash, like an orange spark of fire, this time to my left, and my head whiplashed that way, but only pitch blackness remained. Like the sound of boulders falling but ending with a hiss, his words carried across it. "Lucifer, however, sounds the most civilized and refined, does it not? Less frightening? After all, it was the name my Father gave me."
The blackness separated for a longer moment now, exposing a ma.s.sive, muscular shoulder, arm, and part of a torso with red and orange marbled skin. The body moved just enough for me to catch a glimpse of a head with horns that curved back and out to the sides and eyes that glowed a greenish-yellow. Then solid blackness fell once again.
"Don"t get me wrong," he continued, his voice circling and surrounding me at the same time, making it impossible to know where he was. "Terrorizing souls brings me a great thrill, and the names Satan and the Devil evoke so much fear. Ah, the smell of such dread! Like a ripe, wet p.u.s.s.y. It makes my c.o.c.k so f.u.c.king hard."
Another glimpse-one that made me recoil. A clawed hand with the same dappled skin and curling black nails stroked an enormous red and black p.e.n.i.s directly in front of me. I jerked back as bile launched into my throat, and instinctively shot a bolt of electricity at him. A shudder racked through him as he thrust hard into his palm before disappearing.
"Oh, yessss! You know how I like it," he said with an extra helping of joy, and laughter crackled around me.
I shivered with revulsion. It probably wasn"t even real. He probably only wished he was that big-that he even had a p.e.n.i.s. His laughter died down, followed by heavy breaths. Whether or not it was real, he was certainly getting off on himself as he mind-f.u.c.ked me. Heh. Disgusting. But could I expect any better from Satan, the king of all things sinful, including l.u.s.t and depravity?
"I apologize, Alexis. Sometimes I cannot help myself, especially with an Amadis daughter in my presence. Ahhh. I"ve been waiting for this day and began to wonder if any of them would have the intelligence to see that my way is best. I had nearly given up hope, but then you came along. Fiercely protective of all the wrong things-according to them, anyway. I, however, appreciate your selfishness-" he groaned and grunted "-your pa.s.sion to protect your own interests-" a l.u.s.tful sigh "-and your willingness to kill as long as it serves your needs." A sensual moan turned my stomach. "Yet you hold on to just enough of those repellent qualities of love, empathy, and generosity that the thought of breaking you makes me want to come. Almost there," he groaned. "Yessss. You"re so sssssweet and tantalizing. Deliciousssss."
As though his tongue had actually slid up the side of my face, the serpentine hiss made me shudder, and the gurgling noise of release that followed made my stomach lurch. He fell quiet and dark for so long, I hoped he had left, but his presence was so heavy and commanding, I knew he was still somewhere nearby. Whether he expected me to say anything or not, I remained silent. Besides the fact that I had no desire to encourage him, I was afraid vomit would shoot out of my mouth if I so much as opened it. When he finally spoke again, his voice changed significantly.
"Oh, dear," he said, and now the longer he spoke, the less monstrous and more human he sounded. "I"m afraid I"ve gone and offended you. I am very sorry, Alexis. I"d so wanted to start off on the right foot." A hoof and a leg shaped like an ox"s, but with the same skin tone as the rest of him, appeared briefly before hiding behind the blackness again. Deep laughter ensued. "Pardon my humor. Maybe this is better?"
Before me, a bright light shone, and I had to blink and squint against the sudden brilliance in the thorough blackness. As my eyes adjusted, the full body of a striking man with white-blond hair and cerulean blue eyes, broad shoulders, and wearing a black suit with a thin, red tie came into focus, looking as though a spotlight illuminated him, but from within. Although his coloring was like Lucas"s, Victor"s, and, I a.s.sumed, other descendants of Jordan, their attractiveness paled in comparison. He was breathtakingly beautiful.
But still a far cry from Tristan.
The sound of a deep growl rumbled around me.
"I was the most beautiful of them all," Satan said, his voice a mesmerizing song that I wanted to ignore, but could not possibly. "Still am, in any of my forms, if you ask me."
The beautiful man disappeared, replaced by the horned beast with red and orange skin, glowing eyes, a tail with a barbed end, and huge wings with claws on their tips. Like hot coals, his skin lit up, glowing in the colors of flames, and I lifted my arm to shield my eyes from the glare, so much more intense than before. Darkness instantly surrounded me, but when I lowered my arm, the attractive man stood before me.
"I will hold this form for you." He sounded as though he were doing me a great favor. "I don"t particularly like it. It"s quite uncomfortable, but my comfort matters not. I"m more concerned about yours."
I dropped my arm completely, my hand landing in my lap, and stared at him. My throat felt thick and dry, but I managed to form together a few words, because now he made no sense.
"You just said I"d receive no mercy here, but you"re concerned about my comfort?"
"See there? It"s easier to speak to me when I"m like this, isn"t it? That is all I want. A conversation. And I am happy to make you comfortable enough for that."
I hesitated, knowing that by asking, I"d be entering into exactly what he wanted, and what Satan wanted was probably not a good thing for me to deliver. But bewildered and unable to help myself, I asked nonetheless. "A conversation? What on Earth about?"
"No, not on Earth. In h.e.l.l."
I blinked. Was that supposed to be a joke? He had the oddest sense of humor. "Okay. What in h.e.l.l do you want to talk to me about?"
"About this-your comforts, your needs and desires. I a.s.sume you don"t like my home as it is, do you? The ice and the cold? I always laugh when humans talk about h.e.l.l freezing over. Guess what? It already has!" He let out a deep laugh that sounded more like his beastly self than this gentleman-like version, and then he quieted as he stroked his chin. "You do know I could provide you with every creature comfort of the world you used to know ... and more. Right?"
A maroon, velvet-covered wingback chair suddenly appeared with him sitting in it, his legs crossed and a cigar between his perfectly shaped lips. The tip glowed as he puffed, and with long, elegant fingers, he flicked the ash into an ashtray that sat on a dark, polished wood table next to the chair. He flicked his hand, and a whole sitting room appeared with me propped on a cushy settee, beautiful paintings hanging on the luxuriously covered walls, and a fire crackling in the oversized hearth. A grand piano sat in the corner.
"There"s a suite upstairs with your name on it, Alexis," Satan said with the eyes of a lover. "A soft bed with the highest quality silk linens. A private bathroom with every essential you could need and more, including a hot, scented bubble bath. When was the last time you had a bath? Slept in a bed?"
He puffed on his cigar again, as though waiting for my answer. I remained silent, not wanting to reveal how enticing a bath and bed sounded. I didn"t have to say anything, though. He already knew my selfish desires. A smile danced in his eyes as he exhaled smoke rings.
"And I have so much else to give you beyond a bed and a bath," he promised. "A castle, a claim on any part of that Earth that you want, or down here if you prefer, servants to grant your every wish. All the food you and twenty others could ever need. The freedom to do as you please, with no rules, standards, or expectations tying you down and limiting your potential." He leaned forward, resting his arms on his knee. "You see, I don"t demand sacrifices or require that you deny yourself in any way. I want everyone to be happy, including you, Alexis. Especially you. I offer everything you could possibly want, as well as everything you don"t even know you desire."
"In exchange for what?" I dared to ask, only out of curiosity. Because I knew there had to be something. This was Satan, after all.
He gave a sweltering grin that could easily seduce the panties off the most austere woman ... or man. "Your soul, of course."
And there it was. At least he didn"t beat around the bush. I rolled my eyes. I may have accepted my fate to be here, but I wouldn"t simply hand my soul over to him. "I"d rather rot here in h.e.l.l."
The room disappeared, my b.u.t.t hit the black ice, and I was surrounded once again by complete darkness. Utter nothingness. Except the screaming in my head. The images of those I"d killed played on a loop, their pain carving into my soul with the jagged edge of a dull blade. Then other faces, some I knew and most I didn"t recognize. They were lives I didn"t personally take, but my actions had led to their deaths, such as the children in the train car we"d abandoned in Moscow. Whether they actually died or not didn"t matter. I still felt the guilt. I watched everyone suffer and fall, over and over and over again. Their screams and wails filled my head, pushing out everything else, and I clutched at my skull, screaming along with them as an eternity pa.s.sed.
"Are you sure about that?" Satan asked, and the nightmarish images were gone, my head silent, the beautiful sitting room returned. "Your soul will become mine anyway, but in a way that is unnecessarily torturous for you."
"I deserve it," I muttered, lowering my hands into my lap, my heart still pounding from the onslaught of horrific memories. "Into eternity."
He studied me with a peculiar look in his blue eyes. "I don"t think you realize just how long an eternity can be, child. You thought an eternity had just pa.s.sed, but it had been mere minutes in your terms." He c.o.c.ked his head to the side and steepled his long fingers together, tapping the tips against each other. "You have no idea the gift I am offering and how rarely it is given. You said you don"t belong in Heaven, because deep down, you know you belong here with me. You can be my daughter. Be my princess. We can rule h.e.l.l and Earth, which is ready and waiting for me, together. You can be with your son."
My ears p.r.i.c.ked. I narrowed my eyes.
He lifted his chin, acknowledging my reaction as minute as it was. "You know deep in your heart and soul that he belongs with me, too."
"No, he doesn"t!"
"Of course he does. Why fight it any longer? You can be together now. He can rule, too. Your husband, as well, by your side as always."
"Leave him out of this," I seethed. Tristan"s soul was not a bargaining chip. Neither was my son"s, regardless of what he"d done. I would never stop fighting for him. "Leave them both out of this!"
"Well, maybe you should tell them that. Dorian"s already made the first move, so it"s only a matter of time before his soul becomes mine. Would you like to see?" He waved his hand, and the heavy draperies on the window parted, showing not a landscape outside, but the interior of a dark and dirty apartment. "Oh, yes, I can see into the Earthly realm, just like you can elsewhere in the Otherworld."
Crouched over a trashcan, feeding b.a.l.l.s of newspaper into a fire that blazed in the bin, was a man wearing black pants and a sweater. His long, brown hair was pulled into a low ponytail, and his chiseled face reflected the shadows and light of the flames. Thick, straight brows, one with a scar through it, pulled low over his dark eyes. Noah-Mom"s twin, my uncle, and a Summoned son who was part of the Daemoni. With him, sitting on a stained, bare mattress on the floor with litter scattered around his feet, was a younger looking man, a teenager, with dark blond hair and hazel eyes full of determination. My son.
I gasped and sprang to my feet. "Oh my G.o.d! He"s alive? On Earth?"
Satan hissed at my choice of words.
"For now," he answered, sounding annoyed. But ... he answered. When Mom and Rina never would.
I ran to the window and pressed my hands and forehead against it as I stared at my son, new emotions welling within me. He still had on the same jeans and blue sweater he"d worn the last time I saw him. They appeared to have shrunk three sizes, though, showing how much he"d grown since the day I"d said "see you later" at the gates to the campus and he"d told me, "not if I see you first." I"d thought it a joke then. How had I not known?
"Dorian," I called out to him, but, being on the other side of the veil, he couldn"t hear or see me.
When he spoke to Noah, though, his words came clearly across the veil. "Kali said I was the key to breaking the curse on you and the others."
My jaw slackened, and my fingers curled against the gla.s.s. "What?"
Satan snickered behind me.
Noah looked up from the fire that caused light and shadows to dance on his face. "I"ve heard that, too, and she would know."
"So she was telling the truth that if I offer myself to the Daemoni, my parents and baby sister will be okay?"
Those new feelings-a flicker of hope-turned upside down, and my heart sank. Was this the lie he"d been told? Was this why he"d left us? "No, Dorian. Don"t you do it!"
"My understanding is that you must be offering yourself as a sacrifice." Noah dropped down to sit on the floor. He crossed his long legs at the ankles and rested his forearms on his bent knees. "The rest of us went willingly to the Daemoni. They offered us power, wealth, everything we could possibly want, everything the Amadis could not. Any power went to our sisters. We were wanted by the Daemoni. Not so much by the Amadis. The decision was simple. But that cannot be the decision for you, if you want to break the curse."
Dorian gnawed on his bottom lip. "My mother and father love me. I love them. I don"t want to do this, but I think I have to."
"No, you don"t, Dorian!" I banged on the window, but in vain.
"A sacrifice might break the curse, but there"s no guarantee it will save your family or anyone else."
"If I do break it and you"re freed, though, you will go fight for them?"
Noah nodded. "I will. But I might be the only one."
Dorian"s eyes darkened. "Even after what Kali and my grandfather did to the others?"
Noah didn"t reply at first, his own eyes storming, probably at the memory of what he"d been through when Lucas and the sorcerers controlled him. "I do not know. Some, such as Edmund, have already given their souls over, so it is too late for them."
"But the rest?"
"There"s a possibility they will convert and fight for your mother."
Dorian leaned his elbow on his knee and dropped his chin into his hand as he gazed at the fire. The reflection of the flames danced in his eyes, looking so much like the eyes of his father at one time.
"Then I have to at least try," he said. "I don"t want my baby sister to be a part of this war."
"NO! Dorian, no!" I screamed, banging harder on the window with both fists until the gla.s.s broke and cut through my palms and wrists.
I prepared to dive through, but the scene had disappeared, the window displaying a black wall beyond it. The draperies closed on their own, and I spun around, still shaking my fists. Blood droplets splattered on the thick carpet. How could I even bleed, or hurt in this place, for that matter?
"Oh, I ensure you feel physical pain, just as if your body were here," Satan replied to my silent question. "What fun would it be if you didn"t? Emotional and mental pain is the best, but the physical just adds an extra dimension, so to speak." He held his hand out to the settee I"d been sitting on before he"d opened the view to the Earthly realm. "Sit down, won"t you?"
I refused, standing there with my fists on my hips, blood still dripping on his luxury grade carpet. His finger jumped, and the bleeding stopped and the stains disappeared. I didn"t acknowledge him.
"This is Dorian"s purpose, don"t you know?" Satan asked, and I only responded by glaring at him harder, my chest rising as I heaved for breath. "They would never tell you that, of course, but his purpose has always been to break the curse."
The breath flew out of me as though I"d been sucker-punched. Why had n.o.body ever told me that? Mom, Rina, Ca.s.sandra ... the blasted Angels? They"d kept this critical piece of information to themselves! He was my son, and they couldn"t have told me this?
"Ah." Satan sighed. "I love the hatred and anger burning in you. Delightful."
I pulled back, quickly reigning in my emotions before he whipped his ugly p.e.n.i.s out again.
He frowned, and then swished his wrist in the air. "Yes, that"s what they want him to do. Something about helping you win the war and save your daughter ... blah blah blah. As if you could beat me."
"I lost the baby, though," I said, ignoring the taunts. "There is no sister to save. He"s doing it for nothing!"
"True. My girl Jeana took care of that little nuisance." Satan puffed on his cigar, his blue eyes seemingly thoughtful. "Too bad, isn"t it? No daughters left on Earth means no reason for the Amadis to fight. Look how they"ve already given up."
He flicked his hand in the air again, and the draperies reopened, showing another scene. This one outside with a snowy landscape-the entrance to Hades. Lucas stood in front of a large crowd, all of them on one knee with their heads bowed. I identified Chandra by her shiny black hair and spotted the eccentric hat and clothing Minh always wore. They"d sat on my council. On Rina"s, too! And she"d tried to make me believe there was any hope left? I shook my head with incredulity as I recognized other faces in the crowd. In fact, I knew, all of them were Amadis. Were being the key word. They bowed before Lucas now. My heart shrunk to the size of a pea.
The draperies closed.
Satan tapped his fingers on the arm of his chair. "So, I wonder, if there"s n.o.body left to fight for or with, and there"s no reason for Dorian to sacrifice himself, is he actually breaking the curse? Or is he simply coming to my side like every other brother-because it"s the right side?"
I stared at the thick and heavy blue curtains as I pondered this question that sounded too much like a riddle. But the answer was not a joke or play on words. I dropped onto the settee, emotions coiling and slithering in my stomach like snakes. The draperies parted again, returning to the apartment with Noah and Dorian. My son stood at the door, wearing better fitting clothes now-how much time had pa.s.sed?-and looking over his shoulder at Noah.
"I"ll free you, Uncle Noah, and whoever else wants it. Just please, be there when my mom needs you." Dorian walked out the door, shutting it behind him, and a whimper sounded in my throat.
"Oh, look. I win!" Satan clapped his hands together and gave me an evil grin.
"No." I shook my head violently. "That hasn"t happened yet, right?" The drapes closed again, and my gaze flew to the pretty face. "Right?"
Satan pondered me, taking his time, and I was about to lunge at him when he shrugged. "Does it matter? Accept it for what it is, Alexis. The end. Dorian hasn"t given his soul over yet, but he will. So will you? Where are you going to put your faith? With the winners or the losers? Them, who have done nothing but lie and keep secrets from you, denying you your family? Or me, who offers you everything, including your son? And your husband, too."
My mind had been focused on the word yet-Dorian hadn"t given his soul over yet-and wondering how I could stop him before he did. But the mention of Tristan snapped me out of it.
"I said to keep him out of this," I growled.
"He apparently doesn"t want to be left out." Satan waved his cigar in my direction, but his gaze focused on some point beyond me. "Look who we have here. Welcome home, my son."
I sensed the new presence immediately, and when I looked over my shoulder, my heart rocketed into my throat. The most stunning face I"d ever known-far more attractive than Lucifer"s, who had supposedly been the most beautiful Angel before he"d fallen-strode across the room, his legs clad in fighting leathers, but his shirt gone, leaving his muscular torso bare. His stomach muscles rippled as he moved toward me with a spark in his hazel eyes. Seated in the center of sin, I shouldn"t have been so surprised at how quickly l.u.s.t consumed me.
"Tristan!" I jumped to my feet and rushed to him, not believing he was really here, when I"d thought I"d never see him again. He wrapped me into his powerful arms. My body ached for his touch, but my brain quickly caught up and took over. "No. Oh, no. You can"t be here. What are you doing here?"
"I follow you anywhere, even into the dark," he murmured against my ear. "I go where you go."
"No." I pushed him away. "You fought so hard not to be here."