I stood manfully by Podgers" exact words, adding some slight embellishments, in order to increase O"Rooney"s interest in the animal.
"In that case, there can be no difficulty, Mr Brown. I leave for Ballybawn on Sat.u.r.day--will you kindly name Monday, as I would, in addition to the pleasure of receiving you and your friend, like to witness the performance of this remarkable dog; and I _must_ be in Galway on Wednesday."
Having settled the preliminaries so satisfactorily, I wrote the following note to Podgers:--
"DEAR PODGERS,
"It"s all right. Mr O"Rooney has named Monday. _Be sure to bring the dog, as his dogs are away._ Come and breakfast with me at eight o"clock, as the train starts from the King"s Bridge Terminus at nine o"clock.--Yours,
"BENJAMIN B. BROWN.
"P.S.--_I praised the dog sky high._ O"R. is most anxious to see him in front of the birds."
I received a gushing note in reply, stating that he would breakfast with me, and bring the dog, adding, "It"s some time since he was shot over; but that makes no difference, as he is the finest dog in Leinster."
Knowing Podgers to be a very punctual sort of person, I had ordered breakfast for eight o"clock sharp, and consequently felt somewhat surprised when the timepiece chimed the quarter past.
I consulted his letter--day, date, and time were recapitulated in the most businesslike way. Some accident might have detained him. Perhaps he preferred meeting me at the station. I had arrived at this conclusion, and had just made the first incision into a round of b.u.t.tered toast, when a very loud, jerky, uneven knocking thundered at the hall door, and the bell was tugged with a violence that threatened to drag the handle off.
I rushed to the window, and perceived Podgers clinging frantically to the area railings with one hand, whilst with the other he held a chain, attached to which, at the utmost attainable distance, stood, or stretched, in an att.i.tude as if baying the moon, the fore legs planted out in front, the hind legs almost _clutching_ the granite step, the eyes betraying an inflexible determination not to budge one inch from the spot--a bony animal, of a dingy white colour, with dark patches over the eyes, imparting a mournfully dissipated appearance--the redoubtable dog which was to afford us a treat "in front of the birds."
"Hollo, Podgers!" I cried, "you"re late!"
"This cursed animal," gasped Podgers; "he got away from me in Merrion Square after a cat. The cat climbed up the Prince Consort statue. This brute, somehow or other got up after her. She was on the head, and he was too high for me to reach him, when I got the hook of this umbrella and----"
At this moment the hall-door opened, and the dog being animated with an energetic desire to explore the interior of the house, suddenly relaxed the pull upon the chain, which utterly unexpected movement sent Podgers flying into the hall as though he had been discharged from a catapult.
My maid-of-all-work, an elderly lady with proclivities in the direction of "sperrits," happened to stand right in the centre of the doorway when Podgers commenced his unpremeditated bound. He cannoned against her, causing her to reel and stagger against the wall, and to clutch despairingly at the nearest available object to save herself from falling. That object happened to be the curly hair of my acrobatic friend, to which her five fingers clung as the suckers of the octopus cling to the crab. By the aid of this substantial support she had just righted herself, when the dog, finding himself comparatively free, made one desperate plunge into the hall, entwining his chain round the limbs of the lady in one dexterous whirl which levelled her, with a very heavy thud, on the body of the prostrate Podgers. Now, whether she was animated with the idea that she was in bodily danger from both master and dog, and that it behoved her to defend herself to the uttermost extent of her power, I cannot possibly determine; but she commenced a most vigorous onslaught upon both, bestowing a kick and a cuff alternately with an impartiality that spoke volumes in favour of her ideas upon the principles of even--and indeed I may add, heavy-handed justice.
I arrived upon the scene in time to raise the prostrate form of my friend, and to administer such words of consolation and sympathy as, under the circ.u.mstances, were his due. His left eye betrayed symptoms of incipient inflammation, and his mouth gave evidence of the violence with which Miss Bridget Byrne (the lady in the case) had brought her somewhat heavy knuckle-dusters into contact with it.
"Bringin" wild bastes into a gintleman"s dacent house, as if it was a barn, that"s manners!" she muttered. "Av I can get a clout at that dog, I"ll lave him as bare as a plucked thrush!"
At this instant a violent crash of crockery-ware was heard in the regions of the kitchen.
"Holy Vargin! but the baste is on the dhresser! _I"ll_ dhress the villian!" and seizing upon a very stout ash stick which stood in the hall, she darted rapidly in the direction from whence the dire sounds were proceeding.
"Hold hard, woman!" cried Podgers. "He"s a very valuable animal. I"ll make good any damage. Use your authority, Brown," he added, appealing to me. "She"s a terrible person this; she"d stop at nothing."
Ere I could interpose, a violent skirmishing took place, in which such exclamations as "Take that, ye divvle! Ye"ll brake me chaney, will ye?
There"s chaney for ye!" followed by very audible whacks, which, if they had fulfilled their intended mission, would very speedily have sent the dog to the happy hunting-grounds of his race. One well-directed blow, however, made its mark, and was succeeded by a whoop of triumph from Miss Byrne and a yell of anguish from her vanquished foe.
"Gelang, ye fireside spaniel! Ye live on the neighbours. How dar" ye come in here? Ye"ll sup sorrow. I"ll give a couple more av I can get at ye."
Podgers rushed to the rescue, and, after a very protracted and exciting chase, during which a well-directed blow, intended by Bridget for the sole use and benefit of the dog, had alighted on the head of its master, succeeded in effecting a capture. This, too, was done under embarra.s.sing circ.u.mstances; for the dog had sought sanctuary within the sacred precincts of Miss Byrne"s sleeping apartment, beneath the very couch upon which it was the habit of that lady to repose her virgin form after the labours of the day; and her indignation knew no bounds when Podgers, utterly unmindful of the surroundings, hauled forth the dog.
"There"s no dacency in man nor baste. They"re all wan, sorra a lie in it!"
At this crisis Podgers must have developed his pecuniary resources, for her tone changed with marvellous rapidity, and her anger was melted into a well-feigned contrition for having used her fists so freely.
"Poor baste! shure it"s frightened he is. I wudn"t hurt a fly, let alone an illigant tarrier like that. Thry a bit o" beefsteak in regard o" yer eye, sir. Ye must have hot it agin somethin" hard; it will be as black as a beetle in tin minits."
Podgers uttered full-flavoured language. I looked at my watch and found that we could only "do" the train. Having hailed an outside car, the breakfastless Podgers seated himself upon one side, whilst I took the other, and after a very considerable expenditure of hard labour and skilful strategy, in which we were aided by the carman and Miss Byrne, we succeeded in forcing Albatross (the pointer) into the well in the middle. I am free to confess that I sat with my back to that animal with considerable misgivings. He looked hungry and vicious, and as though a piece of human flesh would prove as agreeable to his capacious maw as any other description of food. It was his habit, too, during our journey, to elevate his head in the air, and to give utterance to a series of the most unearthly howlings, which could only be partially interrupted, not by any means stopped, by Podgers" hat being pressed closely over the mouth, whilst Podgers punched him _a tergo_ with no very light hand.
"That"s the quarest dog I ever seen," observed the driver. "He ought to be shupayrior afther badgers. He has a dhrop in his eye like a widdy"s pig, and it"s as black as a Christian"s afther a ruction."
"He"s a very fine dog, sir," exclaimed Podgers, in a reproving tone.
"He looks as if he"d set a herrin"," said the cab-man jocosely.
"Mind your horse, sir!" said Podgers angrily.
The driver, who was a jovial-tempered fellow, finding that his advances towards "the other side" were rejected, turned towards mine.
"Are you goin" huntin" wid the dog, sir?" he asked.
"We"re going to shoot," I replied, in a dignified way.
"To shoot! Thin, begorra, yez may as well get off the car an" fire away at wanst. There"s an illigant haystack foreninst yez, and--but here we are"--and he jerked up at the entrance to the station.
The jerk sent Albatross flying off the car, and his chain being dexterously fastened to the back rail of the driver"s seat, the luckless animal remained suspended whilst his collar was being unfastened, in order to prevent the not very remote contingency of strangulation. Finding himself at liberty, he bounded joyously away, and, resisting all wiles and blandishments on the part of his master, continued to bound, gambol, frisk, bark, and yowl in a most reckless and idiotic way. It would not be acting fairly towards Podgers were I to chronicle his language during this festive outbreak. If the dog was in a frolicsome mood, Podgers was not, and his feelings got considerably the better of him when the bell rang to announce the departure of the train within three minutes of that warning.
Finding that all hopes of securing the animal in the ordinary way were thin as air, Podgers offered a reward of half-a-crown to any of the grinning bystanders who would bring him the dog dead or alive. This stimulus to exertion sent twenty corduroyed porters and as many amateurs in full pursuit of Albatross, who ducked and dived, and twisted and twined, and eluded detention with the agility of a greased sow; and it was only when one very corpulent railway official fell upon him in a squashing way, and during a masterly struggle to emerge from beneath the overwhelming weight, that he was surrounded and led in triumph, by as many of his pursuers as could obtain a handful of his hair, up to his irate and wrathful master. Each of the captors who were in possession of Albatross claimed a half-crown, refusing to give up the animal unless it was duly ransomed; and it was during a fierce and angry discussion upon this very delicate question that the last bell rang. With one despairing tug, Podgers pulled the dog inside the door of the station, which was then promptly closed, and through the intervention of a friendly guard our _bete noire_ was thrust into the carriage with us.
Having kicked the cause of our chagrin beneath one of the seats, I ventured to remark that in all probability the dog, instead of being a credit to us, was very likely to prove the reverse.
"It"s only his liveliness, and be hanged to him," said Podgers. "He has been shut up for some time, and is as wild as a deer."
He would not admit a diminished faith in the dog; but his tone was irresolute, and he eyed the animal in a very doubting way.
"His liveliness ought to be considerably toned down after the rough handling he received from my servant, and----"
"By the way," Podgers went on, "that infernal woman isn"t safe to have in the house; she"ll be tried for murder some day, and the coroner will be sitting upon _your_ body. Is my eye very black?"
"Not very," I replied. It had reached a disreputable greenish hue, tinged with a tawny red.
At Ballybricken Station we found a very smart trap awaiting us, with a servant in buckskin breeches, and in top-boots polished as brightly as the panels of the trap.
"You"ve a dog, sir?" said the servant.
"Yes, yes," replied Podgers, in a hurried and confused sort of way.
"In the van, sir?"
"No; he is here--under the seat. Come out, Albatross!--come out, good fellow!" And Podgers chirruped and whistled in what was meant to be a seductive and blandishing manner.
Albatross stirred not.
"Hi! hi! Here, good fellow!"