The night sky was clear. They didn"t switch on the lights inside the sun room instead, they just let the moon light illuminating the entire area. Tsubaki leaned her head against Ren"s chest as both of them sat cozily on the couch. She curled her legs on the seater as she closed her eyes. They sat in silence as Ren was playing with her hair.The tranquility of the night made two feelings conflicted inside Tsubaki. Whenever she started feeling peace, a dreadful thought came to her. And when she was fidgeting by herself, suddenly the calm returned.
"Sweetheart?" Ren softly called out to her, his eyes lowered to her face.
"En?" Tsubaki hummed.
"Nothing." There was a hint of a smile in his voice.
Ren knew his wife was still preparing herself to open up to him. It wasn"t something easy. He couldn"t be in her position where she became doubtful over her origin so he could only be her support, for her to have a place to rely on.
"Hubby?" Tsubaki"s voice sounded serene in the calm of the night. She slowly opened her eyes, looking at the moon outside.
She wondered when could she saw the fireworks from the summer festivals. It would be nice. Looking at them with him by her side.
She smiled at the thought.
"Yes?" Ren ran his fingers through her hair. He patiently waited for her to continue speaking.
"I"ve never talked about my late parents, right?" Tsubaki smiled slightly. There was a trace of longing and sorrow as she began to speak again. "Maybe I did before, before lost my memory of you."
Ren brushed his lips against her temple. His warm breath made Tsubaki shuddered as she turned her body toward him and hugged his waist. It was summer yet she craved for his warmth.
"Dad was an office worker, a great one I believe," Tsubaki began. "He was gone during my early childhood so I didn"t have much recollection of him. But, there were some memories of him bringing me to the toy shop and bought me plush toys as well as him carrying me when we were walking in the park."
A blurred image of a kind looking man appeared in Tsubaki"s mind. Her heart cracked when she thought of how she couldn"t recall the face of someone dear to her correctly. Her fingers unconsciously tightened around her husband"s waist.
"He suddenly gone. Mom just said Dad had to be somewhere else before we could meet him again... It took me a while to understand that I couldn"t see him again no matter how long I waited. I wanted to cry but when I looked at Mom taking care of the young Satsuki, I couldn"t bring myself to. I used to go to the stream behind our home whenever I wanted to cry missing him."
Ren"s fingers froze, the strands of her hair slipped through his fingers. He pursed his lips into a thin line.
It was the first time he heard that. She never mentioned it during the time they were together 5 years ago.
She had just said that the stream was her favorite place to go whenever she was feeling down. He didn"t expect it would begin with the death of her father.
"Mom started working hard," Tsubaki said, her voice almost m.u.f.fled against his shirt. "I"d always take care of Satsuki because Mom would always return late. I learned to cook since a young age because I didn"t want Mom to worry about us. It was rare to see her taking a day off."
Tsubaki"s brows knitted as she recalled something. She laughed bitterly as a memory flashed in her mind. Her laugh turned cynical, a self-mockery.
"I just remembered that one day, one of the children in our neighborhood said I wasn"t Satsuki"s sister. That boy said I was an abandoned child. Not wanted by my real parents." She bit her lips as tears started threatening to fall from her eyes. "Now, I wonder if the boy knew the truth. Looking back, a few people would always say I didn"t look as my parents and Satsuki."
Tsubaki went quiet after speaking her last sentence. Ren pulled her even closer to him, as if he wanted to emerge himself onto her. He could feel hot tears dampening his shirt.
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"What should I do?" When Tsubaki spoke again, her voice became tiny and was filled with fear and uncertainty. "All this while, I thought I knew everything about my family. That... We were supposed to be a normal one and then... I suddenly have to accept that my real parents didn"t want me?"
Her usually gentle voice cracked as words flew out from the small mouth. Her shoulders started to shake as more tears trickling down her face. She clung tightly onto him, as if he would disappear and leave her alone once she loosened her hold on him.
"Sweetheart..."
Ren was at a loss of words. As she cried on his shoulder, a stabbing pain attacked his heart. In the end, he silently kissed the top of her head repeatedly as he let her cried.
"Just cry..." He rubbed her back slowly as another hand wrapped around her pet.i.te frame. "Let it all out. I"m here..."
Tsubaki"s cry became louder and louder as time pa.s.sed. The frustration she kept within her started to flow out without a sign of stopping once she heard his comforting voice beside her.
She forced herself to not break apart but it was eating her alive. The dark thoughts would always creep inside her mind, telling her that she was someone unwanted and if her adopted parents didn"t take her in, her last day on Earth should be earlier than she could imagine.
She wouldn"t even meet him.
Ren didn"t say anything. He just silently comforting her, letting her to cry her heart out after suppressing all her emotions inside.
Tsubaki was strong. He saw that in her. But, even the strongest person needed to let her sorrow and anguish out.
Her cry turned quieter as he embraced her tightly. Once he felt that she had calmed herself even for a bit, Ren gently pinched her chin and pulled her to meet his eyes. Another stab pained his heart when he saw the mess on her face.
Her eyes were puffy. Her lips parted slightly as she looked at him in uncertainty. Her tears had yet to dry when Ren leaned down and kissed her tears away.
Tsubaki quivered under his touch. Her fingers fisted the side of his shirt into b.a.l.l.s as she let him kissed her.
"You"re not unwanted," Ren said against her lips. One of his hands cradled her damp face. "You"re loved by them. And by me."
Tsubaki shut her eyes. In the dark, she felt the tenderness of his lips in between her brows. It made her want to cry again.
She was so in love with him.
If someday, he stopped loving her, what should she do?
He was her life.
How could she live without her life?
"I would never abandon you."
Tsubaki opened her eyes in shock. She looked at Ren"s firm expression. His eyes locked on hers.
Did he read her mind? Or had she unconsciously blurted out the words for him to hear?
Ren looked determinedly into his wife"s eyes. There were insecurities and fear inside them. He needed to let her know, needed to let her understand that he too, if she decided to leave, his soul would leave with her and only his sh.e.l.l would remain.
"You"re my entire world," His deep voice resounded in the room, echoed closely to her heart. "How could I forsake my life when it"s entirely about you? Even if it was true that your real parents left you but I would never do that. In the time we were separated, I have suffered. I won"t allow that to happen again."
Tsubaki bit her lips. Her eyes were still blurry as she raised her hands from his waist to his neck. She pulled him down as she pressed her lips on his. Ren swiftly supported her head with one hand to avoid her from falling hard on the couch.
Whatever came their way, he would destroy them all.
He would never forgive anyone who harmed her.
Even himself.