Chapter 34 – Room for Flexibility
Novel t.i.tle: 一生之计在于春 (Spring is the Plan of Life)
Author：御小凡 (Yu Xiaofan)
Translator: K (@kin0monogatari)
Protagonists: 姚锦夕 (Yao Jinxi -MC), 吴洋 (Wu Yang -ML)
*Please read at knoxt.s.p.a.ce, the original site of translation. TQ*
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The house was different from before. But it exuded an intimate and familiar scent throughout. Yao Jinxi, with complicated emotions, followed Yao Hong step by step into the house.
“Since Jinchen was alone… I’ve changed the bed in your room.” Yao Hong opened the bedroom door. The bunk beds from before had been replaced with a large bed. “You can sleep here tonight.”
Since Yao Jinchen had been away for a while, the bed was covered with a bedspread and had no sheets or pillows. Yao Hong mentioned those words as she moved to fetch some things from the wardrobe. Yao Jinxi hurriedly ran up and said, “Let me do it.”
“Enough! You just had surgery. Go and rest.” Yao Hong removed the thin quilt herself and deftly arranged the bed. “The air conditioning hasn’t been used for a while. After turning it on, keep the window open for a while to let in some fresh air.”
As she spoke, she went to turn on the air conditioning and open the window. Yao Jinxi stood by, unable to help. Yao Hong noticed him standing there, looking lost. She asked, being puzzled, “What’s the matter? Why don’t you go to the living room and watch TV for a while? The computer in this room can’t connect to the internet.”
“Oh…” Yao Jinxi retreated to the side of the door, watching Yao Hong complete everything before going to the living room. Yao Hong naturally followed, tuning in to a cooking show.
The only sound in the room was coming from the TV. The mother and son sat on opposite sides of the sofa, not exchanging a word. After finishing the cooking show, they switched to watching a drama.
They kept watching until ten o’clock. Yao Hong stood up, “You continue watching. I’m going to bed.”
Yao Jinxi subconsciously thought of standing up and his body moved slightly. But then he relaxed back, “Goodnight.”
Yao Hong glanced at him, “You should sleep early too.”
Yao Jinxi nodded, watching Yao Hong go into the bathroom to freshen up. When she came out, she added, “I’ve taken out new towels and a toothbrush for you.”
“Okay. Thank you.”
Yao Jinxi instinctively said ‘thank you’. But as soon as these words were uttered, the atmosphere became a bit awkward again. Yao Hong said expressionlessly, “Goodnight.”
After she entered the bedroom, Yao Jinxi sat on the sofa. He stared at the TV screen. He was filled with a profound sense of disappointment.
He really wanted to call Wu Yang. This impulse lingered for a while but he suppressed it. Yao Jinxi felt that he had embarra.s.sed himself enough and didn’t want to showcase a negative IQ.
Shaking his head, he went to freshen up and returned to his room. However, lying on the bed, he knew it would be another sleepless night. Yao Jinxi sighed as he looked at the goodnight text from Wu Yang.
It said: You have to take this step eventually. It’s not as difficult as you think. Goodnight. Sweet dreams.
Yao Jinxi smiled bitterly, thinking: these were easier said than done.
At two in the morning, unable to sleep, he got up and went to the living room to pour a gla.s.s of water.
The gla.s.s water bottle with cold water was on the coffee table in the living room. Yao Jinxi poured a gla.s.s and drank it, which slightly eased his restless mood.
After placing the gla.s.s down, he noticed a light out of the corner of his eye. Turning his head, he saw light coming from under Yao Hong’s bedroom door.
It seemed that she couldn’t sleep either…
Yao Jinxi clenched his hand tightly by his side and quickly walked to Yao Hong’s bedroom door. He knocked on it twice. “Mom? Can I come in?”
There was a moment of silence before a response came from inside. “Come in.”
Yao Jinxi opened the door and walked in. Yao Hong was sitting on the bed and there were some photos spread out beside her. They are all of the two brothers in the Yao family. There weren’t many because Yao Hong rarely had the opportunity to take her sons out to have fun.
There was only one photo of the three of them together, taken at a photo studio. Yao Hong was holding the less than one-year-old Yao Jinchen, while Yao Jinxi obediently stood to the side. The family looked very happy.
“Back then, you were about 5 years old,” Yao Hong’s fingers traced over the image of Yao Jinxi in the photo. His youthful face wore an innocent smile. “You’ve always been sensible and helped me a lot.”
Yao Jinxi whispered, “It was the least I could do. You were so busy and my little brother was still young.”
“I couldn’t find a reliable father for you both. It was inconvenient in many ways without a man at home. You understood this far better than Jinchen. This was because he had you to look after him. But you still had to take care of him and yourself,” Yao Hong said as she placed the photos down and looked up at Yao Jinxi. “Why are you standing so far away? Come and sit here.”
“Have I missed so much? Hmm? You’ve grown so much,” Yao Hong said. Her hand gently caressing her son’s face as she looked at the young man before her.
Yao Jinxi couldn’t find the words to say. His vision became blurred.
“In fact, when Wu Yang came to find me, I felt a sense of relief. During this time, I kept thinking, why was I so heartless back then? No matter what happens, you’re still my son… Even if you did something wrong, you’re still my son,” Yao Hong’s demeanour softened. Her face seemed to age by ten years in an instant. “But why didn’t you come back? You left on your own and didn’t continue your studies. Where should a mother go to find you?”
“Mom…” Yao Jinxi called out and couldn’t hold back his tears any longer. Yao Hong also cried. The mother and son faced each other, shedding tears. These tears were not solely of sadness but also a release of acc.u.mulated emotional pain and worries.
With emotions bursting forth, Yao Hong held Yao Jinxi with one hand while clutching her chest with the other. “That person, Wu Yang, told me that you had attempted suicide and now you’re seriously ill. My heart aches as if it’s bleeding. If you had really left like that, how could I bear it?”
“Mom, don’t be sad,” Yao Jinxi tried to force a smile, wiping the tears from his face and helping Yao Hong wipe hers. “Look at me. I’m perfectly fine, right?”
“And you,” Yao Hong said, “You’re all grown up now. How come you don’t know how to take care of yourself out there? Huh?” She reached for Yao Jinxi’s clothes as she spoke. “Let me see. How’s your wound?”
Yao Jinxi had no qualms about it in front of his mother. He allowed her to examine the wound. The st.i.tches had been removed not too long ago, leaving a scar. Yao Hong looked at it and couldn’t help but feel heartbroken. She wiped away a tear and said, “I knew your complexion was off. Does the wound still hurt?”
“It is actually for another reason,” Yao Jinxi said awkwardly, putting his clothes down. “I-it doesn’t hurt anymore.”
“… Forget it, let’s just let bygones be bygones. I don’t want to know what exactly happened back then. I don’t want to be separated from either of my sons for so long again,” Yao Hong sighed wearily. “Mom just wants to ask you one question. Do you really like men?”
Yao Jinxi tensed up all over because of this question.
He knew that Yao Hong couldn’t accept it. If she found out her son was gay, he could imagine how she would react. How could she accept it?
Yao Hong continued, “I really can’t understand this. Why would you like men? You’re a man too. Even Jinchen, at least he had a girlfriend at some point, and he even brought her to meet me. That’s when I started to feel relieved.”
“I…” Yao Jinxi shivered in near-desperation. He didn’t want to feel the collapse of the newfound affection again. But he also couldn’t choose to keep it from Yao Hong. Moreover, this matter was something he couldn’t hide forever. Either he’d reach a point where he couldn’t hide it. Or he’d have to marry a woman and live a lifetime of lies. This kind of deception was harmful to both himself and others. So how could he do it?
Though Yao Jinxi didn’t speak, his expression was clear as an answer. Yao Hong held his hand, unsure of what to say. “I don’t know how to put this. I… This can’t be changed, right? Wu Yang told me about it.”
Yao Jinxi was startled, finally understanding the meaning behind Wu Yang’s words: ‘I’ve made arrangements for the pressing issue for you’. He exclaimed awkwardly, “Mom! What else did Wu Yang tell you?”
“He told me a lot about you that he knows of,” Yao Hong frowned. “Jinxi, let me be honest with you. I can’t accept the fact that everyone around us will be talking about our family having a h.o.m.os.e.xual member.”
Feeling as if a bucket of cold water was poured over him, Yao Jinxi’s face turned pale.
“But, I can’t force you anymore…” Yao Hong took a deep breath and lowered her head. She removed the Buddhist prayer beads from Yao Jinxi’s wrist. Seeing the scar there, her tears flowed uncontrollably. “What kind of illness is depression? How can it make someone feel so hopeless?”
Yao Jinxi could only hug Yao Hong’s shoulders. “It’s okay, Mom. It’s all in the past.”
Wiping her tears, Yao Hong leaned on Yao Jinxi’s shoulder. “I don’t understand this. And I can’t talk about your situation with anyone. You’ll have to live your whole life in secrecy.”
For someone like Yao Hong, being able to say these words was the limit of what she could do. She didn’t understand and couldn’t accept it. But if her son couldn’t change and had suffered so much for this, and he might even lose his life because of it, she could only do her utmost to protect him.
Yao Jinxi’s heart felt sore. “Don’t say that… It’s my problem. And I’ve caused you trouble…”
“We’re family. What trouble could there be?” Yao Hong tried to calm her emotions. She sat up and smiled with a sense of sentimentality, “As a mother, isn’t it natural to wish for your son’s happiness? After getting to know Wu Yang, I found him to be an intelligent person who cares a lot about you. It would be good if you two could continue to be together.”
Yao Jinxi: “…”
This statement came too suddenly. He couldn’t process it emotionally.
Yao Hong seemed a bit uncomfortable, struggling with her words. But her character remained firm. She felt she had to say what needed to be said. “Although I can’t quite imagine how two men… I can’t control what happens between you and Wu Yang. But I need to talk to you about your side. Now that you’re back, let’s put the past behind us. Don’t overthink things. Even if it’s… just focus on living your life with dedication and sincerity.”
Yao Jinxi: “…”
How could he even begin to explain this? In his mother’s eyes, did she really see his relationship with Wu Yang that way?
Of course, he couldn’t blame Yao Hong for thinking that way. Given Yao Jinxi’s s.e.xual orientation and the extent of his relationship with Wu Yang, it was hard to deny there was something going on between them even if he wanted to.
Yao Jinxi felt extremely embarra.s.sed. It was one thing for his mother to say it in his presence, but if she said it in front of Wu Yang, where could he hide his face? “Mom, it’s not what you think…”
“How is it then?” Yao Hong looked more serious and her tone was resolute. “Let me make this clear. Regardless of whether it’s a man or a woman, I will never allow you to engage in casual relationships.”
Yao Jinxi: “…”
“Alright, alright. Let’s not talk about this for now,” Yao Jinxi said with a wry smile, eager to change the subject after finally resolving the tension with his mother. There were so many things he wanted to say.
Outside the window, the sky at 4 a.m. was devoid of stars. It was the darkest part of the day.
But dawn was approaching.
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*Author’s Note: Actually… Jinxi’s mom is understanding! -YXF
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*Translator’s Note: I cried translating this. But btw, why do I feel like this is also one of WY’s strategies to get YJX all to himself? -K
Next update: 2023.11.14
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